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This week we welcome comedienne Jessica Sele to the show to discuss bidet usage. But first, we kick things off talking about steamy hot cat sex. We bring up dogs briefly as well, but let’s face it, we know what our audience wants to hear about.

Speaking of which, we all watched Trainwreck: Poop Cruise which kinda felt like it was made for us but unfortunately (predictably, tbh) was a paint-by-numbers streaming doc. Props for minimizing usage of “typing things into a google search bar” shots, though. There’s a number of great stories to be told about it, but they focus on a small number of people and gloss over some major parts, such as, why anyone thought it was a good idea to make drinks free. There is a book’s worth of sociological insights to be gleaned from the poop cruise earning its name because everyone interviewed talks about refusing to poop in a bag, which of course exacerbates the issue and degrades the quality of life for everyone on board, but you aren’t going to hear about it on this podcast. I mean, come on.

Lastly, we dive into the New York Times’ hit piece on Zohran’s college application, which was only uncovered due to a hack of applicant data at Columbia, and provided to them by a “race science academic”. We asked Dave Weigel how exactly the ratfucking of Zohran would occur, but none of us had this on the bingo card. At least we still have Wordle.

You can find Jessica on Instagram and Twitter. Buy her album.

-Description by Brendan.

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This week we are pausing the Mad Men talk and rewinding to back when this was a Sopranos podcast. We have a special episode all about the life of actor James Gandolfini, where we talk to Jason Bailey who just released an amazing biography called Gandolfini: Jim, Tony, and the Life of a Legend.

It’s a joy of an episode. A true throwback. And we will return with more Mad Men next week!

-Matt Lieb (who is now 40)

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White smoke is billowing from the Frotquarter chimney this week (which is encased in a giant rubber butt) to indicate that a new Pope has been crowned. He’s crowning! Yes, it’s an American Pope, from Chicago. But luckily for you, all of the deep dish, Malort, and Superfans jokes were mostly exhausted by the time we started recording. Instead we discuss the phenomenon of all these mid-life Catholic converts in the conservative movement now bitching about the “woke” Pope. Shut up and take it, losers! You’re the ones who willingly submitted to Papal rule!

In addition to that, we’re discussing the latest “ins and outs” of the infamous “Delco Pooper.” Did you know she’s also an OnlyFans feet model? Good for her. Of the car-pooping incident, she famously claimed “it was a clean poop. I didn’t even need to wipe.”

Ma’am. We’ve seen clean poops. We aspire to clean poops. Our phones are filled with pictures of beautiful clean poops. That was not a clean poop and you need to re-wipe yourself right now.

Finally, we round things off with the topic to which we devote the majority of the show, Sinners, Ryan Coogler’s rightfully successful original epic about juke joints, twin gangsters, Delta Blues, Jim Crow, vampires, and cunnilingus. It was fantastic and there should be more movies like it.

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This week, we welcome Adam Johnson from the Citations Needed podcast and The Column, to discuss all the important news of the week. But first! We have toddler stories we absolutely must tell each other for some reason! After that we dive into Andrew Schulz’s new hot take about how Donald Trump is cool because he “gets pussy,” which leads us to ask important questions about when we think the last time Donald Trump actually had sex was. We also couldn’t not discuss the Pete Hegseth doom cycle, from embarrassing his kids on Easter, to showing up with wildly uneven sideburns, to do act-outs so elaborate they would embarrass an off-brand Youtuber.

Finally we round things off with a trip to Australia, to discuss the week’s weirdest news clip and our own belated discovery of “The Twinnies.” Luckily we were already well familiar with another strange Australian, Bob Katter, who we knew thought gay marriage was a distraction from crocodile attacks, but this week also learned that he once egged the Beatles.

After that, Adam has to leave and so Matt and Vince take the opportunity to try to discuss the latest Kanye revelation, that he “sucked off” his cousin until he was 14 and wrote a whole song about it. It’s a rich tapestry.

Joey Devine from Roundball rock joins the Frot to discuss Captain America: Brave New World, one of the weirdest movies either of us have ever seen. It’s hard to get Brendan and Matt to watch movies anymore, but that’s why I have friends who don’t have kids!

Anyway, Marvel movies. They suck now. We haven’t liked one in a long time. And yet we still see them. God knows why. Might as well, at this point! This one was a movie in which character are always discussing other, better, more-well-known characters who clearly had better things to do than be in this one. Why bring them up then! It makes no sense!

Joey and I try to make sense of what this movie was supposed to be like before the four reshoots, which scenes they clearly filmed before they actually knew what it was going to about, what characters would’ve made sense if we’d seen the Winter Soldier TV show, and the complicated geopolitics of it all. Why are the four countries battling for control of the adamantium the US, India, France, and Japan? How did Bucky Barnes end up running for Senate? Didn’t he kill Iron Man’s parents? And how exactly did World War II end in this universe? Also why is one of the characters an Israeli little person?

If you have answers to any of these questions please slide into the comments, we’re genuinely curious.

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This week, comedian/haberdasher Jason Webb joins the Frotboiz to discuss natural disasters, Trump, and why he doesn’t trust his crawl space. Matt shares the riveting tale of a periwinkle blue corduroy hat he wore this one time.

Next up, Elon Musk is ruining all the potential whimsy of a second Trump administration. If there’s one thing the public has been clamoring for, it’s to let the senile mummies in charge of our country cook!

We also listen to a clip of Trump finally realizing his true calling of becoming a catty Broadway producer via a hostile government takeover of the Kennedy Center. BOFFO BARRON BLOWS UP BOND MARKET!

Finally, we wrap up with a discussion of this week’s shocking Jew-on-Jew crime in Florida. This antisemitism stuff has gone too far!!! At least we can take solace in the fact that neither perpetrator nor victim will learn a single fucking thing from all this.

See more of Jason’s work on Instagram @uhhhjasonwebb

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I did a big write up for Defector recently about California water, wildfires, The Resnicks, Yasha Levine’s ‘Pistachio Wars,’ and the Central Valley, where I grew up and live. I had a great long chat with Levine for the piece, and only a handful of quotes actually made it into the article. Luckily, through the magic of recording equipment, I actually saved the whole thing so that I could share it with you here. We talk about water rights, the Resnicks and how they got started (owners of The Wonderful Company; mostly pistachios and pomegranate juice), California’s “terra forming” system, how the Iranian Revolution impacted the American pistachio market, and much, much more.

Make sure to listen to this and see ‘Pistachio Wars‘ so that you can tell DemocRAT Gavin NewSCUM to stop hoarding all of Central California’s beautiful water, and release it so we can all grow more delicious pistachios, which definitely taste better when good old fashioned Americans grow them instead of those evil Iranians.

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Fresh from the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, we welcome PR professional, tech shitposter, computer lover, and British Guy Ed Zitron. Ed brings us up to speed on what he saw there. We talk about the stagnation of the tech industry and why everything has to have AI in it, whether we want it or not. Spoiler alert: they’re probably out of ideas.

Double spoiler alert, you can’t fuck the robots. Yet.

Ed also touches specifically on OpenAI, which is currently losing billions of dollars a year by making its lake-boiling plagiarism aggregator generate pics of bimbofied Squidward for bored thirteen year olds. Software is eating the world, indeed.

We also pour out some Mountain Dew Game Fuel for the only good website, Google Reader. RIP to a real one.

We round things out by talking about Elon’s Nazi ahem ROMAN salute. Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Thanks. Look, we all know what we saw. Feel free to disregard anyone else who tries to tell you otherwise. Personally, I’m going to ignore him because this is just teen edgelord shit, and the only thing teen edgelords enjoy more than a Nazi salute is watching people get upset about a Nazi salute. Sell your Tesla though for real.

Bye!

-Description by Brendan

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Hey Frotfans, (spins chair around backwards) before we get started on today’s episode, please consider donating to Matt’s sister’s GoFundMe, as she and her family unfortunately lost everything in the recent LA wildfires.

Our guest this week is Chris Thompson from Defector, who joins us to talk about his piece investigating a mysterious Chinese concrete company-turned-metaverse provider called Color Star. This one’s got everything, folks; intrigue, alleged fraud, Spanish soccer legend David Villa, press releases, former NBA point guard Mo Evans, shady middlemen, the Philadelphia 76ers, and to top it all off, Ohio. And don’t forget the documents. Oh, so many documents.

His investigation tries to answer the question: what if a company was a concrete manufacturer that also launched a metaverse product but was also, also a concrete manufacturer. Does he succeed? We’re not really sure. Just be careful of people who amass photos of themselves with celebrities, ok?

Matt also cleans out his closet, both metaphorically a la Eminem, and literally a la Matt.

Find Chris at Defector.com and nowhere else online, for the love of God. As always, thanks for listening, like, subscribe, comment, contribute to the GoFundMe and Frot on!

PLEASE SIGN UP ON PATREON, EVEN IF IT’S FOR FREE! Posting everything here has become a burden, and if you’re only listening to this feed you probably aren’t getting all of the episodes. Patreon dot com slash frotcast! This episode is free, but Patreon subscribers saw it earlier. 

We welcome longtime MMA writer Ben Fowlkes (Uncrowned, the Co-Main Event Podcast) onto the show to discuss the bouquet of assaults, both sexual and conventional, that Conor McGregor has committed recently. It appears as if he went method for his role as a coked-up maniac in Road House and then just got stuck like that or something.

Next up, we talk about the United Health CEO getting murked on a sidewalk in Manhattan. Murder is very bad, but also so is letting people die to keep your company’s stock price high? Idk. However you feel about it is valid and don’t be smarmed into thinking otherwise.

Other topics include:

Check out Ben Fowlkes’ work on X THE EVERYTHING APP @benfowlkesMMA and on Yahoo Sports. Frot on!