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(Would you tease me? I’d tease me. Hard.) 

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We are serving cunt on the Frotcast and we cannot. Even. Stop!

This week we serve up our listeners a cunt named Brian Abrams, a guy who’s seen way more movies than Vince and author of “You Talkin’ to Me?” The Definitive Guide to Iconic Movie Quotes. Brian joins us for the main subject of this week’s episode, Ari Aster’s latest film Eddington. Unfortunately, we drag him into some very stupid topics before we get there. Sorry Brian.

We get down to brass tacks right away- every man has a price, and Matt’s is $20,000. That’s right folks, he’s run plum out of royalty freestyle ideas, so now he has to whore out that sweet, sweet man-ass of his.

Next up, the 46-year-old French guy who got humiliated to death while streaming. That’s right folks, GERARD DEPARDIEU IS DEAD (pause for Kevin Eubanks to stop laughing).

Now throw in Cuomo’s swagless social media, Jordan Peterson’s mold problem, and important news from the President of Space, Kevin Spacey (we beg you, don’t overthink the bits), and you got yourself a B+ of a pod, baby.

Find Brian on his website, Letterboxd, and TikTok.

(-Description by Brendan)

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Comedian Sean Keane from Roundball Rock podcast guests this week! We open this week talking about Matt getting COVID on his Honeymoon or some dumb crap, but quickly segue into New York’s famous Cuomo brothers, and how losing a primary to Zohran Mamdani has apparently broken their brains. Now they’re mashing all the buttons at once, from “why don’t you condemn Hamas” to “what if rich people benefit from universal social programs?” Following up on last week’s Chris Cuomo-getting-fooled-by-an-AOC-deepfake-and-then-doubling-down incident, we talk about Chris’ equally dim-witted brother Andrew, who is very proud of his father Mario and his grandmother (?) Andrea. Someone had to teach the Cuomo boys to be handsy.

After that we go deep into the truly WILD story of the two crypto guys who (with off-duty NYPD cops working as their bodyguards) who allegedly kidnapped an Italian guy and made him serve as their pledge while they played insane cokehead fratboy games and (allegedly) tortured him to reveal his crypto passwords. My favorite part of the article was when they moved into a giant replica of the White House in rural Kentucky where they would type messages to each other on typewriters and then burn them so no one could steal their secrets. Oh the things one can get into with millions of dollars and 24/7 access to cocaine. Here is what an Apocalypse Hellfire looks like, by the way. Subscribe on Patreon for more content!

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Did you know Pedro Pascal gropes women to deal with his anxiety? If you were online at all in the past week or two, you might have noticed this narrative going around, or people making memes about it, or sharing supposedly damning video evidence of such a thing. Maybe involving Vanessa Kirby, or possibly Willem Dafoe’s wife. And yet, when did Pedro Pascal ever actually say anything about anxiety? Who was making the accusations? The narrative didn’t quite pass the smell test from the start, and as it turns out, that’s probably because it seems to have been some kind of strange astroturfing campaign.

Kat Tenbarge wrote all about it in Spitfire News this week, and in this bonus podcast, I (Vince, that is) interview her all about the Pedro Pascal campaign, where it started, why it’s happening, and what it tells us about bots, the slop internet, and why it’s easier to manipulate celebrity news for bespoke political ends. In Pascal’s case, it all seems to trace back to his trans sister and some rabid JK Rowling fans (though possibly also Bella Ramsey and The Last of Us).

Of course, the Pedro Pascal smear campaign is only the latest in a line of these odd, fake-grass-roots social media influence campaigns which seem to have no higher goal than to make you think that, say, Blake Lively is kind of a bitch or whatever. It’s only when you dig a little deeper that you discover what seems to be the true motivation, like a messy legal battle between Lively and her former director. Something I actually got drawn into myself when a post of mine appeared to get artificially boosted, possibly as part of a larger influence campaign. Are these mini-viral moments just a way for reputation management firms to justify their paychecks, or is there actually legitimate damage being done?

And did this particular kind of shady reputation management begin with the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial, or does it go back even further? Even before Depp/Heard, why did writing about particular celebrities (Hugh Jackman, Tom Cruise, Kamala Harris) always seem to summon a flood of uncanny-seeming replies?

All this is Kat Tenbarge’s particular beat, and she hangs around for a wide-ranging discussion of celebrity culture and niche smear campaigns.

This one is free for everyone, but patrons get a good two hours of the hottest #content every week.

PLEASE SIGN UP ON PATREON, EVEN IF IT’S FOR FREE! Posting everything here has become a burden, and if you’re only listening to this feed you probably aren’t getting all of the episodes. Patreon dot com slash frotcast! Sign up at Patreon to listen to this episode. It’s two podcasts (Pod Yourself and the Frotcast) for the price of one! 

Happy Gilmore 2 famously lives at the intersection of sports and movies, and incredibly, so do this week’s guests, David J. Roth and Jeb Lund from It’s Christmastown. They review Hallmark movies on their podcast, but this week they’re taking a break from that to fill in for Matt and Brendan, who are on vacation with their dumb families, to discuss Adam Sandler’s 30-years-later sequel, Happy Gilmore 2–a movie which, as I wrote in my review, feels exactly like a make-a-wish charity special for a terminally-ill 58-year-old. Or as David puts it, feels like a celebrity-packed Super Bowl commercial that just never ends. Those sound like knocks on it, but they kind of aren’t. One of the best things about Happy Gilmore 2 is trying to imagine the strange celebrity encounter Adam Sandler had that produced each cameo.

That takes up most of the latter part of the pod, but before that, we discuss the way tech CEOs have ruined the design of most things, which naturally brings us to Elon Musk’s new Tesla diner, where you can wait two hours in line to order “Epic Bacon” for $12, all while being glared at by the people who live nearby whose lives Elon has ruined. Then we digress into the Trump/Epstein scandal, and how, even if this probably won’t result on Trump’s supporters turning on him, it is weirdly gratifying to watch him be constantly on the defensive and clearly realize that he can’t just riff his way out of this one. Fun times!

Email us at [email protected], leave us a voice message at 415-275-0030.

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This week we welcome comedienne Jessica Sele to the show to discuss bidet usage. But first, we kick things off talking about steamy hot cat sex. We bring up dogs briefly as well, but let’s face it, we know what our audience wants to hear about.

Speaking of which, we all watched Trainwreck: Poop Cruise which kinda felt like it was made for us but unfortunately (predictably, tbh) was a paint-by-numbers streaming doc. Props for minimizing usage of “typing things into a google search bar” shots, though. There’s a number of great stories to be told about it, but they focus on a small number of people and gloss over some major parts, such as, why anyone thought it was a good idea to make drinks free. There is a book’s worth of sociological insights to be gleaned from the poop cruise earning its name because everyone interviewed talks about refusing to poop in a bag, which of course exacerbates the issue and degrades the quality of life for everyone on board, but you aren’t going to hear about it on this podcast. I mean, come on.

Lastly, we dive into the New York Times’ hit piece on Zohran’s college application, which was only uncovered due to a hack of applicant data at Columbia, and provided to them by a “race science academic”. We asked Dave Weigel how exactly the ratfucking of Zohran would occur, but none of us had this on the bingo card. At least we still have Wordle.

You can find Jessica on Instagram and Twitter. Buy her album.

-Description by Brendan.

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This week we are pausing the Mad Men talk and rewinding to back when this was a Sopranos podcast. We have a special episode all about the life of actor James Gandolfini, where we talk to Jason Bailey who just released an amazing biography called Gandolfini: Jim, Tony, and the Life of a Legend.

It’s a joy of an episode. A true throwback. And we will return with more Mad Men next week!

-Matt Lieb (who is now 40)

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White smoke is billowing from the Frotquarter chimney this week (which is encased in a giant rubber butt) to indicate that a new Pope has been crowned. He’s crowning! Yes, it’s an American Pope, from Chicago. But luckily for you, all of the deep dish, Malort, and Superfans jokes were mostly exhausted by the time we started recording. Instead we discuss the phenomenon of all these mid-life Catholic converts in the conservative movement now bitching about the “woke” Pope. Shut up and take it, losers! You’re the ones who willingly submitted to Papal rule!

In addition to that, we’re discussing the latest “ins and outs” of the infamous “Delco Pooper.” Did you know she’s also an OnlyFans feet model? Good for her. Of the car-pooping incident, she famously claimed “it was a clean poop. I didn’t even need to wipe.”

Ma’am. We’ve seen clean poops. We aspire to clean poops. Our phones are filled with pictures of beautiful clean poops. That was not a clean poop and you need to re-wipe yourself right now.

Finally, we round things off with the topic to which we devote the majority of the show, Sinners, Ryan Coogler’s rightfully successful original epic about juke joints, twin gangsters, Delta Blues, Jim Crow, vampires, and cunnilingus. It was fantastic and there should be more movies like it.

PLEASE SIGN UP ON PATREON, EVEN IF IT’S FOR FREE! Posting everything here has become a burden, and if you’re only listening to this feed you probably aren’t getting all of the episodes. Patreon dot com slash frotcast! Sign up at Patreon to listen to this and future episodes.

This week, we welcome Adam Johnson from the Citations Needed podcast and The Column, to discuss all the important news of the week. But first! We have toddler stories we absolutely must tell each other for some reason! After that we dive into Andrew Schulz’s new hot take about how Donald Trump is cool because he “gets pussy,” which leads us to ask important questions about when we think the last time Donald Trump actually had sex was. We also couldn’t not discuss the Pete Hegseth doom cycle, from embarrassing his kids on Easter, to showing up with wildly uneven sideburns, to do act-outs so elaborate they would embarrass an off-brand Youtuber.

Finally we round things off with a trip to Australia, to discuss the week’s weirdest news clip and our own belated discovery of “The Twinnies.” Luckily we were already well familiar with another strange Australian, Bob Katter, who we knew thought gay marriage was a distraction from crocodile attacks, but this week also learned that he once egged the Beatles.

After that, Adam has to leave and so Matt and Vince take the opportunity to try to discuss the latest Kanye revelation, that he “sucked off” his cousin until he was 14 and wrote a whole song about it. It’s a rich tapestry.

Joey Devine from Roundball rock joins the Frot to discuss Captain America: Brave New World, one of the weirdest movies either of us have ever seen. It’s hard to get Brendan and Matt to watch movies anymore, but that’s why I have friends who don’t have kids!

Anyway, Marvel movies. They suck now. We haven’t liked one in a long time. And yet we still see them. God knows why. Might as well, at this point! This one was a movie in which character are always discussing other, better, more-well-known characters who clearly had better things to do than be in this one. Why bring them up then! It makes no sense!

Joey and I try to make sense of what this movie was supposed to be like before the four reshoots, which scenes they clearly filmed before they actually knew what it was going to about, what characters would’ve made sense if we’d seen the Winter Soldier TV show, and the complicated geopolitics of it all. Why are the four countries battling for control of the adamantium the US, India, France, and Japan? How did Bucky Barnes end up running for Senate? Didn’t he kill Iron Man’s parents? And how exactly did World War II end in this universe? Also why is one of the characters an Israeli little person?

If you have answers to any of these questions please slide into the comments, we’re genuinely curious.

PLEASE SIGN UP ON PATREON, EVEN IF IT’S FOR FREE! Posting everything here has become a burden, and if you’re only listening to this feed you probably aren’t getting all of the episodes. Patreon dot com slash frotcast! Sign up at Patreon to listen to this episode.

This week, comedian/haberdasher Jason Webb joins the Frotboiz to discuss natural disasters, Trump, and why he doesn’t trust his crawl space. Matt shares the riveting tale of a periwinkle blue corduroy hat he wore this one time.

Next up, Elon Musk is ruining all the potential whimsy of a second Trump administration. If there’s one thing the public has been clamoring for, it’s to let the senile mummies in charge of our country cook!

We also listen to a clip of Trump finally realizing his true calling of becoming a catty Broadway producer via a hostile government takeover of the Kennedy Center. BOFFO BARRON BLOWS UP BOND MARKET!

Finally, we wrap up with a discussion of this week’s shocking Jew-on-Jew crime in Florida. This antisemitism stuff has gone too far!!! At least we can take solace in the fact that neither perpetrator nor victim will learn a single fucking thing from all this.

See more of Jason’s work on Instagram @uhhhjasonwebb