Podcast Archives - Be Better Tomorrow

In my latest podcast episode on Be Better Tomorrow, I delved into a subject close to my heart and integral to both personal and professional growth—effective communication. As someone who has dedicated years to coaching, writing, and helping others embark on a journey of self-improvement, communicating ideas clearly and compellingly has always been central to achieving any form of success.

Reflecting on the episode, it’s evident how much we, as communicators, can sometimes underestimate the complexity of our messages and their reception by different audiences. My exploration of the pitfalls of “overstuffing” messages with information served as a reminder of the importance of simplicity and clarity. It’s easy to assume that because we’re familiar with a topic, our audience will naturally follow our thoughts and insights without us making an effort to streamline our presentations for their understanding.

One of the key takeaways from the conversation—be it in a one-on-one setting, speaking to a large group, or even podcasting—is the significance of being mindful about our audience’s capacity to digest and retain information. The “curse of knowledge” is a real barrier to effective communication. Assuming our audience has the same level of understanding or enthusiasm about a topic as we do can lead to miscommunication and disinterest.

In the same vein, the strategy of “verbal sorting” presents a fantastic approach to structuring conversations and presentations in a manner that enhances comprehension. The technique of making a distinction between thinking out loud, presenting a point, and transitioning between topics can significantly reduce the cognitive load on our listeners, enabling them to follow along with ease.

As a podcaster, my goal is to not only share my insights but to do so in a manner that resonates, inspires, and, ultimately, helps people to be better tomorrow. This episode was about opening up a dialogue on how we can all improve in delivering our messages, whether it’s in a boardroom, a classroom, or even within our personal relationships.

The feedback from listeners—ranging from echoes of their experiences with communication challenges to affirmations of the need for fostering better understanding—highlighted the universality of this topic. It’s been rewarding to hear stories of how adopting some of these strategies has made a tangible difference in people’s professional and personal lives.

Looking ahead, Be Better Tomorrow will continue to explore wide-ranging topics that touch on personal development and growth. I invite you to join this journey, share your stories, and, most importantly, find value in the conversations that unfold on each episode. Remember, effective communication is not just about talking; it’s about connecting, understanding, and being understood. Together, let’s strive to perfect this art and, in doing so, be better tomorrow.

The post Verbal Sorting: Making Your Message Clear appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

In the ever-evolving journey of personal and professional growth, it becomes imperative to continuously seek actionable strategies that propel us towards our best selves. Jason Fisher, the dedicated coach behind the “Be Better Tomorrow” podcast, unfurls monumental advice in his latest episode that not only encourages growth but fosters meaningful communication and introduces the concept of habit stacking for transformative life changes.

Jason Fisher tackles a universal challenge in his episode titled “Fighting Words”: how to navigate arguments and miscommunications with grace and understanding. With insights that resonate on both personal and professional fronts, Fisher enlightens his audience on the art of avoiding conflict through careful communication. His personal revelation about being argumentative not out of conflict but as a method of processing information lays the groundwork for a discourse on transforming potentially divisive conversations into avenues for growth and understanding.

Fisher brings to light the importance of reframing the way we engage in dialogue, illustrating how small changes in our choice of words can significantly alter the tone and outcome of a conversation. The episode elegantly discusses the renowned phases of communication: intention, expression, reception, and inference. It emphasizes how acknowledging these stages helps us navigate and rectify miscommunications without attributing blame.

Drawing from personal experiences, Fisher shares anecdotes that underline the impact of language in communication. Terms like “you misunderstood me” serve as examples of how not to escalate discussions into arguments. Instead, Fisher champions the use of phrases that foster understanding without assigning fault, such as “help me understand” or reframing queries to avoid defensiveness.

The discussion transcends conventional advice, touching on the concept of “steel manning” – building the strongest version of an opponent’s argument to foster a culture of empathy and strong rebuttal. This approach, as opposed to “straw manning,” encourages listeners to stay curious and humble, striving for understanding rather than victory in discussions.

An equally compelling portion of the podcast dives into the practice of habit stacking, a method aimed at embedding new routines seamlessly into one’s lifestyle. Through a listener’s letter, Fisher addresses the challenge of integrating multiple habits without feeling overwhelmed. His advice is practical and grounded in realism; start with one habit, establish it, and then gradually introduce additional practices.

This section stands as a testament to Fisher’s deep understanding of human nature and the complexities of inducing change. By advocating for a gradual approach, he acknowledges the intrinsic difficulties in altering behaviors and offers a compassionate blueprint towards building a fulfilling routine that encourages personal growth.

Jason Fisher’s “Be Better Tomorrow” podcast not only serves as a guiding light for those seeking improvement but also as a beacon of empathy in a world often fraught with misunderstanding. His latest episode exemplifies the perfect blend of personal anecdotes and actionable strategies, making it a must-listen for anyone eager to refine their communication skills and embrace the transformative power of habit stacking.

Listeners are encouraged to embark on this journey with Fisher by subscribing to the “Be Better Tomorrow” podcast on platforms like Spotify or visiting BeBetterTomorrow.com. Here’s to being better, one conversation and one habit at a time.

Check out our other shows:
The 4 Phases of Communication
3 Building Habit Helpers

The post Fighting Words: Strategies for Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

In the ever-evolving quest for personal and professional development, it’s crucial to find resources that not only motivate but offer real, actionable advice. The Be Better Tomorrow podcast, hosted by the insightful Jason Fisher, serves as a beacon for those aspiring to elevate their lives. Fisher masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes with practical strategies, making the journey towards improvement both relatable and attainable.

The latest episode delves into three pivotal concepts: habit stacking, environment control, and the PREMAC principle. Each of these strategies is thoughtfully designed to help listeners build a more productive, enriched life. Let’s explore how these principles can be integrated into our daily routines, fostering a cycle of continuous growth.

Habit stacking is not a novel concept, but its implementation can revolutionize the way we approach personal development. By attaching new habits to existing ones, we create a linked chain of actions that naturally flow into each other. Fisher’s transition from enjoying morning coffee to incorporating reading and gym sessions is a testament to habit stacking’s effectiveness. This method not only simplifies the adoption of new habits but also ensures they become a seamless part of our routine.

For practical application, consider the habits you’ve firmly established in your daily life. Integrate a desired new habit into this routine, ensuring it complements your existing flow. For instance, if you listen to music during your commute, contemplate replacing or alternating this with educational podcasts or audiobooks to enrich your mind while on the move.

The spaces we inhabit significantly impact our behavior and decision-making processes. Fisher highlights the importance of creating environments that encourage rather than hinder our growth goals. Removing temptations and strategically placing tools for success within our reach can dramatically increase our chances of achieving desired outcomes.

To apply this strategy, audit your environment for distractions or hindrances to your goals. If fitness is your target, keep your workout gear visible and readily accessible. For dietary goals, remove unhealthy options from your pantry, making healthier choices the easier (or only) pick.

Finally, Fisher introduces the PREMAC principle, which emphasizes completing challenging tasks first and rewarding yourself after. This approach not only ensures the completion of less favorable tasks but also provides a motivational reward system that encourages persistence and consistency.

In practice, identify the tasks you typically avoid or procrastinate on. Commit to tackling these tasks first before indulging in more enjoyable activities. This could mean completing a workout before watching your favorite TV show or finishing a work assignment before meeting friends for coffee.

The Be Better Tomorrow podcast provides more than just motivational rhetoric; it offers a blueprint for tangible change through habit stacking, environment control, and the PREMAC principle. Jason Fisher’s relatable storytelling and practical advice remind us that personal growth is an ongoing journey, paved with small, deliberate actions. By integrating these strategies into our daily lives, we not only aim to be better tomorrow but also set the foundation for a lifetime of continuous improvement.

Remember, personal development is a personal journey. Tailor these strategies to fit your unique goals and circumstances, and embrace the journey towards a better version of yourself—one day, one habit, and one action at a time.

Check out these shows for more topics like this:
The 4 Phases of Communication
Busy Procrastination: The Sneaky Distraction – S2E3

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In the contemporary landscape of personal development, podcasts have emerged as a guiding light for those seeking to enhance their personal and professional lives. A standout in this arena is the Be Better Tomorrow podcast, hosted by the insightful Jason Fisher. The podcast’s latest episode, focusing on the nuances of communication and its significant impact on our interactions, is a testament to the show’s commitment to facilitating growth and understanding. This article aims to delve deeper into the episode’s themes, offering additional context and tips for applying these insights to everyday life.

Jason Fisher, in his latest episode, brings to light the intricate process of communication, categorized into four distinct phases: intent, articulation, reception, and interpretation. This framework isn’t just theoretical; it’s highly practical, particularly in professional settings where miscommunication can lead to project setbacks or strained coworker relationships. By understanding and appreciating these phases, we can significantly minimize misunderstandings and foster a collaborative work environment.

Miscommunication is inevitable, but its impact can be mitigated by adopting a mindset of curiosity and humility. Fisher advocates for active listening and the willingness to explore the root cause of disagreements without defaulting to defensive responses. In a professional context, this might involve pausing to understand a colleague’s perspective fully before responding, thereby nurturing a culture of respect and open dialogue.

Fisher’s emphasis on self-reflection as a tool for growth resonates deeply in both personal and professional development. Regularly taking stock of one’s communication style and its effectiveness can lead to profound insights and improvements. Engaging in workshops, seeking feedback from peers, and dedicating time to practice communication skills can further enhance one’s ability to convey and receive messages effectively.

The latest episode of the Be Better Tomorrow podcast serves as a compelling reminder of the transformative power of effective communication. By dissecting the process into manageable phases, Fisher provides listeners with a roadmap to improving not only their professional interactions but their personal relationships as well. As we continue to navigate the complexities of human communication, let us embrace the principles shared in this episode, committing to personal and professional growth. Through introspection, practice, and persistence, we can all aspire to be better tomorrow.

Listeners and readers alike are encouraged to connect with the Be Better Tomorrow community online and to share experiences and insights on applying the episode’s lessons. The journey towards improvement is a collective one, and by supporting one another, we can all reach new heights of understanding and achievement.

The post The 4 Phases of Communication appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

Welcome to another post inspired by a recent episode of the Be Better Tomorrow podcast, where host Jason Fisher delves into the transformative potential of feedback. In this exploration, we confront the all-too-common experience of facing criticism and the instinctual defenses it triggers. However, as Jason wisely navigates us through his thoughts and personal anecdotes, we’re invited to see criticism not as an attack but as an incredibly valuable opportunity for personal and professional growth.

Feedback, especially of the critical variety, often feels like a gut punch. It’s hard not to take it personally or defensively. Yet, as Jason points out, criticism can be a gift—a catalyst for self-improvement and development. It reminds us of an essential truth: growth often comes not from comfort and affirmation but from confronting and overcoming challenges.

Jason’s reflections reveal an important nuance: feedback is most beneficial when approached with the right mindset. Even criticisms stemming from negative intentions can offer insights, provided we’re prepared to sift through the hurtful delivery to uncover any pearls of wisdom about our behaviors, decisions, or performance. The key lies in transitioning from seeing critics as adversaries to viewing them as unintentional coaches.

Jason cites the example of Billy Graham, who famously listened to and learned from his detractors, illustrating the power and humility required to turn criticism into constructive growth. Following this example, albeit admitting to not always managing it perfectly, Jason shares candidly about his struggles and learning moments—making this discussion relatable and deeply human.

This approach brings to light not only the universality of getting defensive in the face of criticism but also the commonality in the struggle to initially process feedback constructively. It’s a reminder that our first reactions aren’t always our best and that growth often requires a step back, a deep breath, and a willingness to see from another perspective.

One of the most compelling aspects of Jason’s discussion is the emphasis on a growth mindset. Recognizing what we can and cannot control allows us to focus on how we can improve or adjust our actions, behaviors, or perceptions. Jason’s personal anecdotes provide a practical framework for engaging with feedback: thank viewers for their critique, seek to understand their perspective without immediately reacting, and use this understanding as a springboard for self-reflection and growth.

Moreover, Jason underscores the importance of being open to feedback—even when it’s unsolicited or hard to swallow. He emphasizes the value of introspection and the willingness to consider whether there’s a kernel of truth in the criticism we receive. This openness isn’t just about adjusting to every piece of feedback but about being discerning and recognizing patterns that might indicate areas ripe for improvement.

One of the practical tips Jason offers is the proactive seeking of feedback, as exemplified by his own practices. By inviting critique and showing openness to it, we signal our commitment to growth and improvement. More importantly, acting on feedback and sharing the outcomes with those who offered it closes a feedback loop that reinforces trust, respect, and mutual growth.

The post Turning Critics into Coaches appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

Harnessing Insights for Personal Growth: A Reflection on “Be Better Tomorrow”

In the latest episode of “Be Better Tomorrow,” Jason Fisher invites us on a reflective journey aimed not just at personal development but forging a path that aligns with our most profound ambitions. Jason, a seasoned coach and mentor, delves into the essence of setting ambitious goals and the trials that often lead us astray. His narrative isn’t just a monologue; it’s a beacon for anyone feeling adrift in their professional and personal lives, seeking to anchor their endeavors in purposeful action.

The Quandary of Lesser Goals

One of the episode’s core themes revolves around the seduction of lesser goals—a concept Jason illuminates with both professional insight and personal anecdotes. He argues that the most significant deterrent to achieving our primary goals isn’t the obstacles we encounter but the temptation of easier, less fulfilling objectives. Jason’s exploration of this idea isn’t abstract; it’s grounded in his experiences and those of his listeners, making the discussion relatable and impactful.

This notion resonates deeply in today’s fast-paced world, where distractions abound, and the allure of quick wins often overshadows the pursuit of meaningful achievements. Jason doesn’t just identify the problem; he offers a lens through which we can examine our paths, urging us to question whether we’re truly committed to our paramount goals or inadvertently drifting toward less challenging pursuits.

The Delicate Balance Between Persistence and Adaptation

Another intriguing aspect of the episode is Jason’s engagement with the concept of quitting—when it’s a strategic retreat and when it’s a surrender. Drawing from Annie Duke’s “Quit,” Jason broadens our understanding of decision-making, challenging the stigma associated with quitting and urging us to differentiate between stubbornness and perseverance. It’s a refreshing take that encourages listeners to critically assess their commitments, asking whether they serve our ultimate objectives or tether us to unproductive endeavors.

Jason’s reflections extend beyond personal development, touching on organizational dynamics and the efficiency of efforts. By invoking the Pareto principle, he prompts a deeper consideration of where we channel our energy, both as individuals and within collectives, advocating for a more intentional and value-driven approach to our actions.

Practical Wisdom and Personal Connection

What sets “Be Better Tomorrow” apart is Jason’s genuine engagement with his audience. His open invitation for listeners to connect, share their stories, and seek coaching underscores the podcast’s ethos—to create a community of growth and mutual support. Jason’s willingness to address listener queries and feedback in upcoming episodes fosters a sense of belonging and shared pursuit among his audience.

Conclusion

Jason Fisher’s “Be Better Tomorrow” transcends the traditional boundaries of a self-help podcast. It’s a platform for introspection, learning, and community-building. By dissecting the intricate dance between pursuing ambitious goals and the risk of settling for less, Jason illuminates a path toward meaningful self-improvement. As we navigate the complexities of our aspirations, “Be Better Tomorrow” emerges not just as a source of inspiration but as a guide for those eager to delve deeper into the essence of personal and professional fulfillment.

Listeners, new and old, are encouraged to join the conversation—a journey of self-discovery and collective growth awaits.

The post Grit or Quit: Choosing Ambitious Goals over an Easier Path appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

Transitioning from technology to human connection, the episode addressed the pervasive issue of loneliness, exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic and the shift towards remote work and digital interaction. Jason shed light on the diminishing engagement in community and civic organizations, raising concerns about the declining quality and quantity of in-person social interactions.

With a mix of personal anecdotes and broader societal observations, he explored the vital role of shared experiences and regular social engagement in building meaningful relationships. Jason’s formula for friendship – time plus shared experience equals relationships – underscored the essence of intentional social interaction and the inherent value of belonging to a community.

He discussed practical ways for individuals to combat loneliness, such as joining interest-based groups or volunteering, to foster connections and establish a sense of belonging. By advocating for the creation of “Liminal Spaces” where people can gather without financial barriers, Jason envisioned a more inclusive community that encourages social cohesion and mutual support.

The post The Loneliness Epidemic appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

Discover the transformative power of AI in our lives as I, Jason Fisher, guide you through the world of artificial intelligence on the Be Better Tomorrow podcast. Embark on a journey with me as we unravel the mysteries of ChatGPT, Microsoft’s Co-Pilot, and Google’s Gemini, and learn how these tools can elevate your day-to-day efficiency and personal growth. From sharing the innovative ‘six phase prompt’ method that has revamped my AI interactions to crafting a standout self-improvement presentation, this episode is brimming with insights that promise to reshape your approach to technology and self-development.

Tune in as we navigate the expanding role of AI across various spheres, such as personal tasks, professional platforms like LinkedIn, and even the nuances of social interactions. I’ll tackle a listener’s poignant question about transforming awkward moments into opportunities for growth, reinforcing the value of authenticity in our relationships. This episode isn’t just about the mechanics of AI, it’s a heartfelt exploration of how embracing these advancements can teach us to be more mindful, adaptable, and ultimately, better human beings in an ever-evolving digital era.

List of AI tools

ChatGPT System Instructions article

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Be Better Tomorrow podcast. I’m your host, Jason Fisher. I’m so honored that you’ve decided to spend a little bit of your time with us today, whether that is when you’re driving to work, as a lot of people are returning to the office, or while you’re doing the dishes, or whatever other chores you find around the house. I hope that this show will give you an opportunity to find something that will help you be better tomorrow. That’s the name of the show. That’s the goal. We want to find bite-sized pieces of improvement that we can do, that we can take a hold of, and apply to our everyday lives so that we are better tomorrow than we are today.

I will apologize if you’ve been listening to the show for some time. The last couple of episodes had a weird sound in them. I was trying a new AI mastering tool that didn’t quite work as I expected it to. Hopefully, this sounds a little bit better. If not, I’m going to play with it afterwards in post to make sure that I get you some good quality. I know there’s nothing worse for me than listening to a podcast with bad audio quality. Hopefully, I’ve built up enough grace with you that if it was bad, you’ll trust that it’s not always that way. If those were your first episodes, I apologize and hope this one is better. That’s all I can do.

That did lead me to an interesting topic because the mastering tool that I was working, as I said, was AI. AI is an interesting topic. A lot of people are talking about it. I’m the first one to admit, I’m not an expert in how AI works, what goes on behind the scenes, but I think I’m becoming a bit of an expert on how to use it in your day-to-day life and how to find ways to improve your life with it. Now, if you’re brand new to AI, I’ll just cover a little bit of that. If you’ve been around AI for a while, maybe I’ll talk about some tips and tools that I’ve used that can help you get better and figure things out.

Now, I’ve heard a lot of people say, that’s just not something I want to deal with, not something I want to use. I’m going to suggest that there’s kind of a gold rush right now, or an Oklahoma land rush, if you prefer, of people diving into AI, trying to understand how we can use it as human beings to improve our lives. And there are a lot of false starts. There are a lot of people that think they’ve struck gold and all they found was iron pyrite. Yes, that’s the fancy name for fool’s gold. Because I know that because I’m a nerd and I watched too many episodes of Little House on the Prairie where they thought they found gold. Beside the point, there’s a lot of people diving in thinking they found the solution to their problems only to discover new problems behind the scenes. But there are ways that AI can really help you accomplish some things.

So if you’re not familiar with any kind of AI, the big players in the game right now are ChatGPT, which most people have heard of in some way, shape, or form. Microsoft has Copilot. And then Gemini is the new name for Google’s AI, it used to be called BARD. So these are all large language model generative pre-trained transformers. That’s what GPT stands for in case you didn’t know. But these are all tools that have taken in millions and millions and millions of words. That’s why they call it a large language model. They’ve scraped the internet, and some of those companies are getting in trouble for having scraped things like the New York Times and other copyrighted information that they’re being sued for using. We’ll see how that all works out in the courts. But these are making predictions just like Google does when you’re typing into a search bar, predicts what the next word is you’re going to search. These are making predictions about what the next probable word is in a sentence that they’re creating. That’s the best I can explain the technical details. There are way smarter people out there if you’re going to nerd out and get into those kinds of details.

Let me tell you about some of the first times I used GPT really effectively. Well, actually, I’ll tell you about the times I failed first. So when I first opened up ChatGPT, when I first heard about this, and that’s chat.openait.com, you should go check it out. You can play with it for free, the oldest for the older version. If you want to play with the newer version, you have to pay $20 a month. So far, I think it’s really worth it. But I tried to treat it like Google, I was asking Google-like questions. And it wasn’t until I learned about the six-phase prompt this I’ve come to know and love it, where I really started to understand the power behind these kinds of programs.

All right, these have become pretty famous. But let me give an example. You start by telling the GPT chat, or Gemini or whoever, what kind of role you want them to take on to give them some context. So the first time I really started to play with it, I said, “Hey, you’re a self-improvement guru. And you want to help somebody learn how to have a better interaction interpersonally, write an outline for a presentation that would give people that information, make it informal.” And I gave it some information that it should include. I told what tone I wanted it to be, informal and have a lot of fun. I hit enter. It created an outline. Well, that’s fun. I took it over to Microsoft’s Copilot. And I put it into PowerPoint and said, “Create a slide deck based on this outline.” And it did, very simple deck, and included notes for the speech. So I had this basic presentation that I could do for how to have an interaction, how to have good communication. And I took that to my Toastmasters group.

For those of you who’ve listened for any length of time, you know, I’m a big Toastmasters fan, not only for the people that are involved but just for the idea of getting up in front of people in person, not just here behind a microphone, and being able to talk. It’s one of the things I love to do. So I presented this thing as if it was my traditional speech that I had written and then got to the end of the speech and basically said, “Hey, I’m sorry, I have a confession to make.” And I laid out what I’d done and basically did my speech about how to use AI.

Well, if you use these six-phase prompts, so you give it a task, some context, examples of what you’re looking for, a persona, you know, that’s what I said, I want you to be a self-improvement guru, a format, you want a message, join an email, doing an outline, and then the tone you wanted to use, it will create some decent starting-point content. Now, I wouldn’t turn this term paper in, but it might give you a great idea of how to start. I even had some fun with it where I gave it input of a story that I wrote for my girls when they were three and five. And it was a story about some fairies that had, you know, these particular characteristics and they went on adventures with my girls kind of thing. And I asked it to write a sequel. It did an okay job, but I had to remember, I had to realize this is where you have the conversation with it, it remembers everything in that chat, and knows the context of it. So when I said, “Well, the character Rose is a little more tomboyish and athletic, and I’m thinking of a certain character in my head,” and I gave it that context, it rewrote the story with that in mind. And for some reason, it didn’t know at first that my daughters were sisters because it didn’t say that in the story, I suppose. And so I had to say, “Well, these two characters are sisters,” and then it rewrote the story. And so as I gave it more context and helped to clarify what I was looking for, it really, really helped to improve the output that I got.

You know, there’s an old saying in development programming, garbage in, garbage out. Well, this was really that. I gave it garbage upfront, but then I started to refine it and figure out what’s going on. If you’re not trying to write a story, if you’re not trying to learn how to be a developer, although I’ll be honest, it taught me how to write Python. I knew enough to be dangerous. But as I was doing the things that I was doing, it was telling me how to do it, why I should do it and put comments in the code to explain the code that it was doing. It was a really powerful tool. Now, I think coding jobs might be some of the first to go as AI starts to learn how to code itself. So that’s not a place I’m looking to go necessarily. But I have taken opportunities at work where I had to write a document, and I really wasn’t sure how to get started with it. Sometimes that’s the hardest part for me. I’m good with knowing how to react to things and respond and adjust, but I’m not sure how to get started. If you give me an open field, I’m kind of a struggle, but a box canyon, I’m good that analogy will hold up.

So what I’ve often done is that, “Hey, I’m a…” and I give my role of what I do at work. With Microsoft’s Copilot, I’m actually able to reference documents in our system and say,” Use this document as background information and write user stories that we’ll need to accomplish.” And then we’ll write a couple of them. And then I can take those and “Oh, well, that’s not quite right.” And I can tweak it. But it gives me that place to start. ChatGPT or any GPT really is good at being the soundboard that I need when I’m thinking through things. I’ve actually said, “Hey, take on the role of…” and I laid out the political point that I wanted it to argue with. And then I took the other side because I wanted to understand it and I learn and process things. Sometimes I’m playing devil’s advocate and arguing and debating things. Now, it’s really annoying to my coworkers until I explained to him what I’m doing and really annoying to my family, even when I explain it. But I know who I am and I know how I think and how I learn and some of my friends are just like me and we get we get along splendidly. But ChatGPT doesn’t judge me. And so I was able to sit and have a debate with it. And now that you can even talk to it, if you have it on your phone, or you have it, you know, voice-to-text kind of feature. So I literally could sit and argue with the GPT in a non-judgmental fashion, but it helped me organize my thoughts, it pointed out flaws in my logic. Now, of course, it will make up some facts once in a while, just like everybody does. So it was really, really human in that sense. And there was a point where I got emotionally engaged in a way that felt uncomfortable. And so I had to stop. So I will put that warning on it. It’s sometimes because we’re in the world of the internet, where you’re thinking, “Hey, I’m just arguing with somebody online,” you might actually start to think of it as a person, and then struggle because you’re, you know, getting angry at this robot for taking on a different point of view than you. Maybe it’s just me, hopefully, hopefully, it’s just me.

So listen, by now, if you haven’t started playing with any kind of AI, I highly recommend it. There are a million prompt suggestions out there that will get you started to help you understand how to move from treating it like Google to treating it like a trusted advisor or a friend, or just getting the most out of it. And you may think there’s no way I can use this. I’m telling you, you can find a way to do the grunt work of your life, no matter what it is. I have put in ingredients that I had and asked for recipes. I have asked it to start building documents. As I said, I have used some of the, some of the images generated on my website. If you actually go to the website, instead of just listening on a podcast catcher or on Spotify, or even in Spotify, you’ll see the artwork that’s GPT generated. I gave it my transcript and create some art based on this context and see what it does. And other than the fact that it has trouble spelling tomorrow, for some reason, the pictures have been pretty good. Often I have to go back and say, “Take the words off,” and then I’m fine. But even if you don’t use this professionally, things to do around the house, I use an AI coach right now to help keep me accountable. I think I’ve mentioned in the past, there’s ones for picking helping you pick out a wardrobe, you upload a picture and it gives you an idea of what kind of fashion would look good on you. I don’t know how accurate they are, but again, if you pay for Open AI’s, ChatGPT, $20 a month, there are like a hundred separate machines on the backend that you can use things for writing your resume for deciding whether or not you fit a job. I know LinkedIn now has AI built in. If you pay for their premium subscription that says, “Oh, you’d be a perfect role for this job.” Or you can ask it what I fit this job. It looks at your resume says, “Well, you’ve got this and this, but you’re missing this experience that they’re looking for. So maybe you wouldn’t be quite the fit or maybe you need to show them where you have this experience.”

And now, of course, all of our resumes are being looked at by AI first to determine what’s going on. My fear is that what it’ll end up being is ChatGPT writing to a GPT that’s reading the internet and human beings just won’t even be communicating anymore. It’ll just be the robots talking. I don’t know where all this is going, if I’m honest, but I do know right now there’s an opportunity to learn some great things to take some of the burden off of you to understand how to make your life simpler. I cannot begin to think up all the ways that this can be used. I’m sure if you guys want to write in at [email protected] with some great ideas, I’d share a few of them on the show. And if you just Google “ChatGPT-4,” and then your job, whether it’s homemaker or nurse, teacher, whatever, you’re going to find a bunch of stuff. Because as I said, it’s a gold rush right now. And people are trying to get their books out and get their websites out on how to use this as quickly as they can. I’m not into writing that at the moment, but maybe I’ll have ChatGPT write it for me.

Anyway, let’s go to our listener letter of the week.

All right, this week’s letter is from Brianne. She had questions about the growth mindset we talked about previously, wanting to know especially, especially how they can deal with awkward situations and negative experiences socially. If you think you’re just naturally awkward or there are specific techniques to practice or recommend building confidence.

Listen, Brianne, as I said, there are certain things I remember from years ago that I wish I wouldn’t have done. And I dwell on those things, but the reality is I can’t fix it. I think a good way to look at anything when your past is that that was a different person. When you think about previous self, current self, and future self as three different people, you can’t fix what that person did in the past. All you can affect is what you do now. And hopefully, that sets up the person you are in the future for success. There are stupid things that we’ve all done in our past and we wish we wouldn’t have done. If not, you’re probably just a narcissist and you need to seek help because you think too highly of yourself, but for the rest of us, there’s something going on. But here’s the thing. Odds are they don’t remember it. And if you were to ask them about it, say, “Hey, this one time I said this thing, do you remember that?” And if they say, “Yeah, I do, it really hurt my feelings.” And you go, “Oh my gosh, I’ve been thinking about it for years and I am so sorry.” And that’ll clear the air. And being open and transparent with a friend about something like that will open up the relationship so much more. We love that authentic transparency in relationships. It opens up the door for people to really care. I mean, that’s what Brene Brown is all about. Being transparent, open with the people around you, and bringing them into your circle of trust. And if they don’t remember it, well, then you can wipe that off your, you know, off your guilt, off your conscience. It’s not something you need to worry about because they don’t remember it. You can remember it as a learning opportunity, but that’s it. It’s a learning opportunity. You can’t change the past. You can only change in regard to the past. You can change how you look at it. It wasn’t a terribly embarrassing moment. It was an opportunity for you to learn how not to behave or how to keep your mouth shut or how, whatever the situation is, the opposite. It was an opportunity for you to learn something in that situation. And when you reframe your past in that way, you start to think differently about your past. You know, you can really ruin an event if you start to think about all the negative things and ruminate on all the negative things that happened in that event. I try to tell my kids this all the time. They come home from something and all they want to do is complain about it and they’ll find the nitpicky things and I get it. I was elected like biggest complainer in high school or third biggest. I can’t remember now. I’m complaining about the fact that I didn’t get the biggest complainer. That’s ironic.

That was actually embarrassing for me because I didn’t realize people perceived me that way. But once I did, I was able to start making changes. So that was actually a great opportunity to go, “Oh wow, I do complain too much.” Now, I was trying to be funny. I was trying to make jokes. I was trying to bring light to things, and I watched a lot of stand-up comedy when I was too young to be watching it. So I didn’t understand the framework that needed to be established before you’re really making jokes. But it was an opportunity for me to learn when I heard that. And all of these awkward experiences we’ve had in the past are opportunities

The post Navigating the AI Revolution in Personal and Social Realms – S2E8 appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

In the realm of personal development, understanding the dynamics between an internal and external locus of control can be a game-changer. Initially introduced by psychologist Dr. Julian Rotter in the 1950s, the concept revolves around our perception of control over our lives. Do we see our achievements and failures as a result of our actions (internal locus of control), or do we attribute them to external circumstances or fate (external locus of control)? This differentiation is not just academic; it has profound implications for how we approach life, challenges, and personal growth.

Understanding Locus of Control

To put it simply, if you align more with an internal locus of control, you believe that your efforts, decisions, and actions shape your life’s outcomes. Conversely, with an external locus of control, you might feel at the mercy of external forces, whether it’s luck, destiny, or the decisions of others.

Let’s visualize this concept through a practical scenario: consider two individuals vying for a promotion. One believes that their hard work, contributions, and self-improvement efforts will earn them the promotion. This person operates from an internal locus of control, viewing their success as directly influenced by their actions. The other, however, might think the outcome hinges on factors like office politics or luck – a perspective rooted in an external locus of control.

Why Embracing an Internal Locus of Control Matters

Embracing an internal locus of control empowers you. It encourages accountability, resilience, and a proactive stance towards life’s challenges. It instigates a belief in your ability to influence outcomes, fostering a growth mindset that’s invaluable for personal development. Conversely, an overemphasis on external locus of control can trap you in victimhood, promoting passivity and a sense of powerlessness that stymies growth.

Transitioning towards an Internal Locus of Control

The journey from an external to an internal locus of control begins with self-awareness. Recognize instances where you might be deflecting responsibility or attributing outcomes solely to external factors. This recognition is the first step towards recalibrating your mindset.

Language Matters: Language profoundly impacts our beliefs. Reframing statements from “I can’t” to “I choose not to” or shifting from “I don’t have time” to “I will make time” can reinforce a sense of control. This linguistic shift prompts a more intentional approach to choices and challenges, underscoring that we have more control over our circumstances than we might initially believe.

Embracing Accountability: Integral to an internal locus of control is the willingness to own your actions and their outcomes. This doesn’t mean discounting the influence of external factors; rather, it’s about focusing on what you can control. It entails a commitment to learning from failures rather than being defined by them.

Goal Setting and Active Pursuit: Setting clear, actionable goals and actively working towards them reinforces the internal locus of control. It demonstrates a belief in one’s agency and the direct impact of one’s actions on achieving desired outcomes.

Seeking Feedback and Support: Sometimes, shifting towards an internal locus of control requires external support. Engaging mentors, coaches, or supportive communities who can provide honest feedback and encouragement can be instrumental. They can help you recognize blind spots in your approach and reinforce the capacity for change and growth within you.

The Role of Resilience: Embracing an internal locus of control is inherently tied to resilience. It’s about bouncing back from setbacks with the conviction that persistence and effort can ultimately lead to success. This resilience is pivotal, not just for personal growth, but for navigating life’s inherent unpredictability with grace and determination.

In Conclusion

The distinction between an internal and external locus of control offers valuable insights for anyone on a personal development journey. While it’s crucial to acknowledge the role of external factors, embracing an internal locus of control empowers us to take charge of our lives. It fosters accountability, resilience, and a proactive approach to challenges, laying the foundation for meaningful growth and fulfillment. In essence, shifting towards an internal locus of control is about recognizing our capacity to shape our destiny through the choices we make and the actions we take. Cultivating this mindset can significantly enhance our quality of life, promoting a sense of empowerment and achievement in the pursuit of personal excellence.

In today’s fast-paced world, personal development and growth have taken center stage in many people’s lives, seeking ways to improve themselves and enhance their quality of life. One critical concept that holds significant sway in the realm of personal growth is the understanding of locus of control—specifically, the distinction between having an internal versus an external locus of control. This notion isn’t just a fancy psychological term; it’s the cornerstone of how we perceive and interact with our surroundings, challenges, and opportunities.

The theory of locus of control was introduced in the 1950s by psychologist Dr. Julian Rotter. It explores the degree to which individuals believe they have control over the outcomes of events in their lives. Those with an external locus of control see their lives as being primarily influenced by external forces such as fate, luck, or the actions of others. On the flip side, individuals with an internal locus of control believe that they are the architects of their own destiny, and that their actions directly influence the outcomes they experience.

Understanding where you stand on this spectrum is not just academic; it’s a fundamental aspect of enhancing personal accountability, resilience, and ultimately, success. Individuals with a predominantly internal locus of control are more likely to take proactive steps towards their goals, face challenges head-on, and persevere in the face of adversity. They embody the belief that through hard work, dedication, and a bit of self-reflection, it’s possible to achieve their aspirations.

Consider the workplace scenario of two employees vying for a promotion: one attributes their potential success or failure to their effort and contributions, while the other sees the outcome as a result of external factors like favoritism or luck. The former, operating from an internal locus of control, is more likely to engage in behaviors that increase their chances of success, such as seeking feedback, improving their skills, and taking on challenging projects. The latter, with an external locus of control, may resign themselves to the belief that their actions have little impact on the result, potentially leading to decreased motivation and effort.

Shifting from an external to an internal locus of control isn’t about denying the role of external factors in our lives. Indeed, unforeseeable events and circumstances can and do influence outcomes. However, adopting a more internal locus allows us to focus on the elements we can control—our reactions, our efforts, and our strategies—and to take ownership of our part in navigating life’s complexities.

So, how can one foster a stronger internal locus of control? Start with self-awareness. Reflect on situations where you’ve felt at the mercy of external forces, and consider how reframing your perspective to focus on your own role and choices could have altered the outcome. Language plays a crucial role in this shift; instead of saying, “I can’t do this because…”, try, “I can overcome this if I…”. This subtle change in dialogue reinforces the belief in personal agency and responsibility.

Goal setting is another powerful tool. By setting specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound (SMART) goals, you’re outlining a roadmap for success that is within your control. Each small victory along the way builds confidence in your ability to influence outcomes, further reinforcing an internal locus of control.

Seek feedback and be open to learning. Part of believing in your ability to impact your life is accepting that there is always room for growth. Constructive feedback from trusted peers, mentors, or coaches can provide invaluable insights into how you can improve and adapt—a key trait of those with an internal locus of control.

Finally, surround yourself with individuals who embody the qualities associated with an internal locus of control. Positivity, resilience, and a proactive attitude are infectious. Being around people who take ownership of their lives and face challenges with determination can inspire you to do the same.

Embracing an internal locus of control isn’t about becoming impervious to life’s uncertainties or denying the influence of external factors. It’s about recognizing your power to shape your journey, learning from both successes and setbacks, and taking proactive steps towards the life you aspire to lead. In doing so, you’re not only setting the stage for personal achievement and fulfillment but also cultivating a mindset that will, indeed, help you be better tomorrow.
The Concept of Locus of Control: Shaping Your Destiny Through Belief and Action

In the realm of personal development, one theory stands out for its profound implications on how we perceive our ability to shape our destinies: the locus of control concept. Originally developed in the 1950s by psychologist Dr. Julian Rotter, this concept explores the degree to which individuals believe that they have power over the events in their lives. Understanding whether you have an internal or external locus of control can significantly impact your personal growth journey. By delving into this concept, we can discover effective strategies to navigate life’s challenges and embrace a more empowered and proactive approach to achieving our goals.

The essence of locus of control lies in whether you attribute the outcomes of your life to your own efforts and actions (internal locus of control) or to external factors such as fate, luck, or the actions of others (external locus of control). This perception influences how we approach challenges, set goals, and respond to setbacks. Individuals with an internal locus of control tend to believe they can influence the events in their lives through their actions, leading to a more proactive and self-determined approach to life. Conversely, those with an external locus of control often feel at the mercy of external circumstances, which can lead to feelings of powerlessness and resignation.

Understanding our locus of control is not merely an academic exercise; it has practical implications for daily life. For instance, in professional settings, two employees up for a promotion might view their chances differently. One might believe their promotion is a direct result of their hard work and contributions (internal locus of control), while the other might attribute the outcome to office politics or favoritism (external locus of control). These beliefs significantly influence their motivation, job satisfaction, and future career aspirations.

Similarly, in personal health and finance, individuals with an internal locus of control might take proactive steps to improve their circumstances, such as adopting healthier eating habits or creating a budget. On the other hand, those with an external locus of control might resign themselves to what they perceive as their fate, blaming genetics for health issues or economic conditions for financial struggles.

Fortunately, our locus of control is not set in stone. By consciously shifting our mindset from external to internal, we can take greater control of our lives and pursue our goals with confidence and persistence. Here are a few strategies to cultivate an internal locus of control:

By embracing an internal locus of control, we acknowledge our role in creating our destinies. This doesn’t mean ignoring the impact of external factors; rather, it involves focusing on our capacity to respond to these factors effectively. As we cultivate this mindset, we enhance our resilience, achieve our goals more consistently, and lead more fulfilling lives. Remember, the journey of personal growth is ongoing. Each day presents a new opportunity to reinforce our belief in our ability to shape our destinies through conscious choice, effort, and action.

Hi everybody, welcome back to the Be Better Tomorrow podcast. I’m Jason Fisher, your host, looking to guide you through a personal growth process to help you find something today that will help you be better tomorrow. In getting back to some of the basics of personal development and growth, we’re going to talk today about internal versus external locus of control. Fancy words, what do they mean? Well, it’s just a matter of whether you believe things that happen to you are a result of circumstance, fate, kismet, whatever you may call it, or if the things that happen to you are a result of the work that you do to accomplish them. In the personal growth world, it’s really important to have some feeling of control. But I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself. This theory was originally developed back in the 1950s by Dr. Julian Rotter. It was part of a larger scale of self-evaluations that were used. We’re just really going to focus on the locus of control aspect for today.

So let’s think about a couple of examples to help you understand what I’m talking about. Think of work. You might have two people up for promotion at work, and one of them thinks that the work that they’ve done is what’s going to determine whether or not they get promoted. The kind of work they’ve done in the past, the impacts they’ve had on projects, previous reviews that they’ve gotten, whereas the other person may think it’s all nepotism. They really don’t have any control over it. It’s their boss’s whim or the relationship their boss has with somebody else that’s going to make them not get the promotion. And usually it’s associated with negative cases. You don’t really find people with the external locus of control looking things at a positive light as if fate is on their side. It usually seems like it’s a place to put the blame.

I was like this in school, I’ll be honest. I blamed my teachers a lot. They didn’t like me, so they didn’t give me the good grades. I was a smart kid, but school bored the tar out of me, and so it was really hard for me to study things I didn’t care about. And I didn’t recognize, at least I didn’t want to recognize, that if I did study hard or put any level of effort into it, I’d have gotten great grades. But it was just that way I shifted blame outside of myself that made me feel better about myself.

You may also know these kind of people in the health or finance space, where it’s a little more objective. If you’re overweight and you’re not healthy, you might blame it on genetics, you might blame it on being big-boned, as we used to say, but if you’re eating processed crap all day long and never getting out of your chair from watching Netflix, that’s on you. But we like to have that external locus to blame the rest of the world so we can feel like we’re the victim. It makes us not feel so responsible for our actions.

Now in reality, this isn’t a binary. It’s not that we all think 100% internally or 100% externally. It’s a bit of a spectrum. We tend to shift blame in one direction or another based on how competent we feel we are. So that gets into the self-efficacy theory, I don’t know why I stumble over that word so much, but I always do, self-efficacy, basically how competent you think you are, how capable you are of accomplishing a particular goal. You may know that you can do exercises and gain muscle mass, but not feel that you’re competent to come up with the exercise plan to actually make it happen or to be able to follow through with it if you do come up with the plan.

In the area of personal development, you may notice when you’re on one side of the spectrum or the other by how much you think your efforts will improve your outcomes. If you feel connected to perseverance, resilience, and personal accountability, you’re operating in an internal locus of control. It’s internal to yourself. The outcome is based on what you do. If you’re thinking about fate or luck or feeling challenges of powerlessness or not being motivated towards your personal goals because why, why should you bother, you’re not going to ever accomplish those things, then you’re probably dealing with something external.

If you really want to improve, if you really want to take control of your life and do something differently and be better tomorrow, then you’re going to have to work on moving towards the internal locus of control side of the equation. Simply sitting back and hoping that things work out for you is never going to be a good path to success.

Now I will grant, of course, there are things outside of your control. Things will happen in life that you cannot get around. Bad things will come, circumstances will change, you will fail at something through no fault of your own. The difference is you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater and give up in that circumstance. You move on. Again, we’re talking about growth mindset in the previous weeks. You understand that failure happens, you learn from it, and you step up and you do it again knowing that by trying hard and persevering, success will come because it’s not simply outside of your control. There’s no karma that’s going to keep beating you down because of what you did in a previous life. You can change that with the actions you take today.

Well, that leads to the question then, what can you do in order to change from an external to an internal locus of control? You can watch your language for the first thing. There’s a lot of connection when you look at neuro-linguistic programming and other concepts that what you say impacts the way you think. When you use phrases like, “There’s nothing I can do,” “I have no choice,” “It’s out of my hands,” you’re enforcing that external control mindset. “There’s nothing I can do.” You will begin to actually believe that, whereas if you take control of what you say, like we don’t say in our house we don’t have the money for that, we will say we’re choosing to spend our money somewhere else, or “I don’t have time,” “I don’t make time for that.” By changing the dialogue that you use, you’re reminding yourself that you do have control over the situation, and it will actually make you more intentional to make the choices that would lead to the outcomes you want to have.

If you’ve got goals in mind you’re trying to accomplish, but you spend six hours a night watching Netflix, well, obviously you’re going to say, “Well, I just don’t have time for that.” You know it’s just not true when you step back and look. Start by saying, “I just don’t make time for that.” Well, if that’s something you really want to make time for, by using that language you’ll start to want to change your actions, because you don’t want that thing to be true. Then when you start to change your action, give up the nonsense that you’re doing to really focus on the important things, you’ll start to realize, “Oh, I do have time for that, and I’m taking control back of my life.”

This all comes back to being accountable. If you have a strong internal locus of control, you’re more inclined to take responsibility, because you know how much control you have in a situation. If you’re external, you’re going to have to maybe get some help with that. Get somebody who can hold you accountable by asking the tough questions of, “Did you do everything you could have done in that situation? Where did you fail yourself? What was inside of your control that you didn’t take advantage of?” That’ll help you to start to realize that, yeah, I probably didn’t do everything I could have done. I need to take responsibility for that. Own it and move forward.

At the end of the day, if you don’t want to change anything, you’re happy with where you are in a victim mentality. I don’t know why you’re listening to this show, but if you are the kind of person who wants to change things, wants to take control of your life, understanding this dimension of your personality is really important. Thinking about whether or not you blame other people, blame other things, or whether you take responsibility for where you can and own it and then change it to move forward, that really determines whether or not you’ve got an opportunity to be better tomorrow.

All right, we’ve got our listener question of the week. This one doesn’t have a name on it, just an email, and I’m not giving you guys their email, so here you go. After listening to your insights on handling disagreement, particularly focusing on understanding differing facts and priorities, I’m intrigued by the concept of fighting for relationships over winning arguments. In a world quick to divide, this approach seems vital. How do you recommend initiating these conversations, especially in emotionally charged environments, to ensure they lead to growth rather than conflict?

That is a wonderful question, and I wish I had a short answer. I developed this theory, I got the quote from somebody else, but developed the theory with my wife over, so far, 21 years. Unfortunately, early on in our marriage, there’s a lot more heat and passion and arguing when you’re young and just figuring things out, and I think what we would do, and hopefully this works, is have the meta-conversation, the conversation about the conversation, as it were. “Hey, I’m not trying to cause a fight. I’m really trying to understand. Could you hear me out on this and give me some room to process out loud?” Things like that, prefaced on the conversation with honesty, this works well with people you know and trust. It doesn’t work so well, necessarily, with a stranger on the internet. I’ve just never had any success with it, honestly. I try to disengage from those conversations as quickly as I can. Even if it’s a friend of a friend, it’s not the format.

Let’s assume it’s in person at work, somebody you’ve got a relationship with, or at least you can trust is operating in good faith. You can start by having some of those, “Okay, I’m not trying to catch you when I got you. I’m asking to clarify your point so I can really understand it,” or “What I’m hearing you say is,” some of those active listening techniques really help the person understand or feel like they’re being heard. I really like, “Let me say this back to you in my own words to make sure that I understand it.” That way it puts any misunderstanding on you and doesn’t put them on the defensive because when you say, “Well, did you just say,” and now they’re defensive, but “Okay, so let me say this back to you in my own words to make sure I understand it.” Now it’s on me to make sure that the conversation is going smoothly, so if I misunderstand, they can blame me, and I’m not blaming them, and I’m already in a position to stay humble, and it helps to work that out.

Sometimes if the conversation is already at that emotional point, you just have to walk away for a few minutes. Agree to walk away, calm down, and come back where you can come at it with fresh eyes. You know, if it’s a work situation, sometimes you might have to bring in a mediator, somebody else to say, “Hey, help us work this out because we’re just not coming to the same page.” When I worked as a consultant, oftentimes this was just my job. It’s not that the companies we were brought into were incompetent in any way. They’re great, competent people, but sometimes you just need a third party to tell you what the right thing to do was, break disagreements, or get an objective outsider’s perspective. I’m not saying you need to do that in every relationship you have. Operating in good faith, I think having the meta-conversation, and just trying to be transparent with your approach. Oftentimes when emotions are high, people suspect a trap, like you’re trying to get them backed into a corner so you can say, “I got you now,” and that’s not what you’re trying to do, I hope, and if you are, you’re totally in the wrong mode.

As an unknown listener, I hope that gives you a good answer, things to try out. You can, obviously, use active listening, have the meta-conversation, set the tone for the conversation, and hopefully that gives you what you need.

That’s all the time we have for today, folks. If you would like to find out more about Be Better Tomorrow, you can head over to BeBetterTomorrow.com where you can find all of our social media links, links to the store, information about me, previous podcasts and articles that have been written, and here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. Please, please, please, share the show. Share the show with somebody you love, share the show with somebody you hate and you think could stand to learn how to disagree better. That’s fine with me, I don’t care, as long as people listen. Working really hard to make this show successful, to make it something that will help everybody who listens. I’ll talk to you next week. Until next time, I hope you found something here today that will help you be better tomorrow.

Be Better Tomorrow is released under a Creative Commons 3.0 share-alike attribution license, which means you can use this show or clips of it for anything you like as long as you give us credit and you aren’t doing it for commercial purposes. The music you’re hearing now is by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech, also released under a Creative Commons share-alike license. All the information about this show and others can be found at BeBetterTomorrow.com and I hope, as always, you’ll find something to help you be better tomorrow.

The post Mastering Your Fate: Moving from External to Internal Locus of Control for Personal Growth – S2E7 appeared first on Be Better Tomorrow.

Ever found yourself tongue-tied at a party or fumbling for the right words during a meeting? You’re not alone; I’ve been there too. But what if I told you that with a simple shift in mindset, you could start turning those awkward moments into stepping stones for building rock-solid social skills? Welcome to a transformative journey on the Be Better Tomorrow podcast, where we tackle Sam’s burning question about using a growth mindset to dance through the minefield of social anxiety. Together, we’ll unpack the tools and strategies to not just survive, but thrive in our social lives. 

This episode peels back the curtain on the power of self-reflection and the practical steps to navigate social scenarios with finesse. From the art of conversation to the strength found in vulnerability, we address it all. Plus, I’ll reveal why feedback isn’t something to fear but to embrace, sharing how it’s been a game-changer for icons like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. And here’s the kicker: I’m offering you a free coaching assessment to catalyze your own growth. So plug in, get ready to shed those limiting beliefs, and let’s set the stage for a more socially savvy you.

Previous Show on Growth Midset

Hi everybody, welcome back to the Be Better Tomorrow podcast. I’m your host, Jason Fisher. This show is about personal and professional development, helping you find little things that you can do today to help you be better tomorrow.

We’re going to start out with a letter from a listener, because it was a really challenging question, one I hadn’t really thought of before. This is from a listener named Sam. I’m not sure if it’s Samantha or Samuel or just Sam, don’t know, don’t really care. I do appreciate the letter, Sam, though, so I’m going to go ahead and read. First off, they expressed appreciation, I’m not going to reread that just to pat myself on the back, but they did especially like the story about mountain biking and the growth mindset, which leads to the question. Given the growth mindset can be applied to nearly all facets of personal development, I’m curious about its application in overcoming social anxiety or improving social skills. Many of us struggle with this to varying degrees, and the idea of fostering a growth mindset to enhance our social interactions is both intriguing and potentially transformative. Can you share your thoughts on how adopting a growth mindset could specifically help someone become more socially adept? Perhaps examples or strategies that align with this approach.

Sam, what a question. This hits really close to home for me. I am a geek, and my kids are geeks. There’s a lot of social awkwardness in geek culture. They say the difference between a geek and a nerd is their social aptitude. If you can pass for normal in a given situation, you’re a geek, but not a nerd. I don’t know. Funny joke, it’s what they said.

This is really good. Let’s think about this. I talked a lot about achieving goals with a growth mindset, but if your goal is to be more socially adept or to be less awkward, how does that apply? I think it applies the same way. You’ve got to recognize that you’re going to make mistakes. I’ll be honest, I’m one of those people who if I think I put my foot in my mouth seven years ago, I’ve never forgotten it. I can still tell you the first night I met one of my good friend’s wives. She had come up from out of town. I can tell you the building we were in. I drive past it all the time with my daughter. We were all at this karaoke bar having a good time. For some reason, I said something, and I’m not going to get into what it was, but afterward, I just felt bad for years that I had made this horrible first impression with this woman who I was going to spend a good deal of time with. When I asked her about it, oh, I don’t know, five or six years ago, she has no idea what I’m talking about, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel awkward about it.

If you’re going to adopt a growth mindset, though, you’re going to have to recognize that mistakes are going to be made, that you’re going to say something stupid every once in a while. You’re going to make a joke that falls flat. You’re going to offend somebody if you take risks or if you try humor like me, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Just being able to say in the middle of the situation, “Oh, well, I just made it awkward. Sorry about that,” and create a humorous situation out of it could go a long way.

You can always take a step back and examine what you did and what you could have done differently as long as you don’t get into beating yourself up, like I do, seven years later, 10 years later, thinking about that thing that you did that you wish you wouldn’t have done.

Let’s talk about a particular pet peeve of mine in conversations, those people who hog the ball, the conversational ball, as it were. We’ve all been around those people who talk as if they’re talking to an audience and not to a person, and they don’t really give an opportunity for interplay. If you’re that kind of person and you recognize it and you want to change, then you learn and you make intentional actions or take intentional actions towards that new goal that you have, knowing again, I do this all the time myself because I’m one of those people. I occasionally have to stop myself and go, “I’ve really been hogging the ball. Let me ask this person about them,” and not just so they can give me a new topic of conversation for me to talk about, but so that I can learn something about them and show that I care about them as an individual. And I’ll be honest, sometimes my wife has to put her hand on my leg, and that’s the signal. You’ve been talking too much. You need to pass the ball now. We’ve talked about it. I’ve given her permission to do that. I’m not offended. Maybe you need somebody in your life to hold you accountable for that.

But knowing that it is possible to change, that these personality traits are things we picked up. We weren’t born that way. Something in our lives, it worked at one point maybe, or it’s just a nervous reaction that we have to react to a situation. Knowing that you can change those things that you don’t like about yourself, though, is taking on that growth mindset. And once you recognize what you need to change, know that you need to change, and take actions toward changing, that will help you be better tomorrow.

All right, ladies and gentlemen. Last time we talked about the growth mindset, what it means, a little bit about its history. And I thought I was going to talk a little bit about the scientific research on it. Quite frankly, I’m not qualified or interested to some degree. I don’t know if you’ll be interested, but if you want to look up Carol Dweck and her TED Talk, she goes into some of the research that they did to prove things out, and some of the successes they’ve had with it. But really what I want to talk to you about, because I think this is what’s most important, is how do you make the change? How do you find out where you have a fixed mindset, and how do you make that change to a growth mindset?

Here’s the miracle. It’s super simple. It’s three letters. It’s the word yet, Y-E-T, not yet, or I don’t know how to do that yet. You see, when Dweck and her co-workers, her associates started to work with children particularly, and they stopped praising children based on their immutable characteristics like, “Oh, you’re so smart, you’re so clever,” and started praising them on their process, they actually built a math app called BrainPoints, if you want to look it up, where it didn’t just reward the children for having the right answer. It rewarded them for the process that they went through in order to get to the right answer, or to get close to the right answer, kind of like when your teacher would give you extra credit because you didn’t carry the one, but you did the rest of the math right, that’d give you some credit because you were on the right track, you just made a little mistake. That’s actually more helpful than an all or nothing pass/fail where you think that you’re just dumb. If you come into a situation and you think you’re dumb, or you think you can’t do it, or you’re not good at that particular thing, you’re more likely to fail in your endeavors.

What they did was start training these children that their success was not based on these immutable characteristics, but it was based on their effort and their determination, and the work that they put in to accomplish their goals. In fact, there was one school, I believe it was in Chicago, where if you didn’t get enough credits to pass or to graduate, then your grade didn’t come back fail, your grade came back not yet. That changed the way people thought about the work that they were doing. It makes you think, yeah right, not now, not yet, but soon. Someday I will be able to get there. Someday I can accomplish what I’m trying to accomplish.

Now how do we deal with this? Well, one of the ways you can discover where you have a fixed mindset is in your vocabulary. I think I talked a little bit about this in the last episode. People will often say things like, “I’m just no good with names. I’m just no good or not good at,” that’s a great indicator for where you have a fixed mindset. I’m no good at that. I don’t do math. I can’t remember names. I can’t lose weight. I’m just fat. I don’t like vegetables. These are things that you have a fixed mindset about.

The first thing you need to do is become aware of the situation. If you’re looking to make a change in your life, then you need to know where this change needs to happen and what’s holding you back. The easiest thing to do is to add yet to any of those sentences. I’m no good with names yet. I’m getting better. I’m learning how to remember names. I’m no good at math yet. I don’t know how to do that yet. I don’t understand that yet. There’s no reason that you cannot accomplish it, understand it, move forward with it, except that you won’t put the effort in. That’s the only thing that can hold you back. Barring some sort of severe trauma or injury or actual brain issues, for the average person, there’s no reason you can’t accomplish these things, except that you’ve set your mind to give yourself an excuse because you’re lazy. A lot of people do that. They don’t want to put in the effort.

I always use remembering names as an example because I think a lot of people cop out on this and it’s just laziness. Unless you have an actual brain traumatic injury, a memory issue, something along those lines, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the people who just don’t actually bother. Maybe you’re a little narcissistic and you don’t care about who other people are. Don’t let that be your excuse. Don’t say, “I can’t remember names.” You just say, well, I don’t care enough to remember names. Be honest with yourself. If you’re actually looking to make a change, that honesty that you have with yourself will help you to recognize what you’re looking at. It’ll help you to understand where your deficiencies are and then help you make the change to move forward. I’m no good at remembering names yet. I’m working on remembering names.

Well, now you’ve actually acknowledged that. You’ve created an identity as somebody who is going to remember names and you’re going to make an effort. If you actually say to yourself or to somebody else, “I’m working on remembering names,” you’re going to not want to be a liar. You’ll actually remember names. Again, my trick is write them down. You got a phone, pull up your note app, write down the names of the people and then associate them while you’re sitting there in whatever meeting or group you’re in, put something down about them. No, that’s the redheaded person. This person who’s married to so-and-so. They’ve got three kids. They’re the ones who went to Mexico. Whatever you remember next time you might see them and then simply check that information next time you’re walking into the situation where you might see that person.

For example, I go to church regularly. I meet a new person at church. I’m going to write their name down because I might see them again, especially if I know they’re a regular. Well, I’m going to write their name down, write down whatever I remember about them so that when I come back into the situation, I’m being intentional.

You might say, “Jason, that sounds fake. You’re just pretending. You’re faking. You’re not really good with names.” Well, how do you think you get good with names? How do you think you get good with people? No, I don’t naturally remember these things. I’ve only got room for so many, but I’m showing the care for the person by actually making the effort to remember those things. I fake it until I make it. I’m sure they appreciate it regardless of how I came to the position.

Listen, I have to write down reminders for myself to do nice things for my wife if I’m honest. I will get so heads down in what I’m doing that I’ll forget. I’ll be like, “I just bought her flowers. It was six months ago, but I think it was last week.” So I will put reminders on my calendar to do nice things for my wife. Does she care that I have to write things down? I don’t think she does because that is the sweet part. It’s the I’m making the effort. I’m making sure that she’s cared about. I’m making sure she knows that she’s cared about. These people don’t care that you had to look up their name ahead of time. They’ll care that you made the effort and then you remembered their name. Someday I’m going to do a show about this. Today’s not today, but intentionality feels fake until it’s not fake anymore. You just have to remember that.

So with the growth in fixed mindset, let me come back to this topic. With the growth in fixed mindset, you recognize where you have a fixed mindset and then you reframe things in such a way that it changes the way you think about it and changing the language to such a degree that you recognize that you can improve. You can move forward.

Now here’s the thing. I’m going to give you the warning now. You’re going to fail. You’re going to fall on your face on something. You’re going to misremember somebody’s name, for example. It’s okay. Apologize. Move on. At least you’re making the effort. Failure is not the end. It doesn’t show that you’ve maxed out your mental capacity and now you’ve reached your level of stupid. That’s not what it means. It simply means that you made a mistake and now you have an opportunity to learn.

And if you make a fun deal about it, “Oh, I’m sorry, I have a friend named such and such. I forgot your name. I apologize. Let me get it right.” And then say it a few times. A little trick: When you’re remembering somebody’s name, use it in conversation. Maybe you heard that before. Don’t just hear their name once. Use it back to them. Say their name back to them. Say it until you remember it. If you make a fun joke about it, you’ll remember it next time. It just works out that way.

But you view failure as a learning opportunity. That’s one of the things about growth and fixed mindsets that’s a difference. Failure is not the end. It’s the beginning. “Oh, now I know I’m in my learning mode. Yeah, I failed.” If you’ve ever been a developer, you probably understand this. Well, maybe you don’t because you probably don’t develop like I do. I’m not a developer, but I try to write code in such a way that I write it and then I run it and it doesn’t work and I fix it and I run it and it doesn’t work. And I fix it and I run it and it doesn’t work and I fix it and I run it and it finally works. And I understand why because I went through all the process.

But if I looked at that first failure as, “Oh, well, I just can’t do this,” I would have never accomplished anything. There’s a tinkering that some people are really good at naturally. It’s a sign of a growth mindset. But if you, for the first time, sit down and, I don’t know, try to do a thing once and it doesn’t work out, then you’re going to lock yourself out of that whole line of learning forever. That’s not what we’re going to do. We’re going to have a growth mindset to know that we can learn from our mistakes and move on.

There’s a great exercise, I’m just doing this one off the cuff and I can’t remember, but the gentleman went out to hear no on purpose. He would ask people questions just so that he could hear them say no because he hated being rejected. But he would go out and hear a hundred no’s a day, just walking up to strangers on the street until it was no longer an issue because he’d done it a thousand times. That’s a really simple way to put yourself in the area of growth when you’re hitting the edge of your comfort zone. If you’re completely comfortable with everything you’re doing, you’re not growing. You have to be a little bit uncomfortable to grow. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable in order to grow. Find small ways that you can do that.

A really good way to do that is to seek feedback from others. One of the reasons I love Toastmasters, you guys will hear me talk about it a lot, it’s one of my touch grass opportunities as it were. It’s where I get to be around real people. One of the reasons I love it is because when you give a prepared speech at Toastmasters, you are assigned an evaluator. Their job, that meeting, is to listen to your speech, write down all the things you did well and things you did not do well or where you have opportunities to grow, and then they give a three minute report on what you did. Direct feedback from you. This is part of the system. If you’re uncomfortable with hearing feedback, it’s really difficult to grow. You can only grow then with what you can see in yourself, and we have so many blinders on with viewing ourselves that it makes it really difficult.

This is why even Michael Jordan had a coach. This is why Tiger Woods has a coach. Whoever’s at the top of their game, the greatest you can imagine, the number one in the world of what they do, they have a coach because that person is able to look at them objectively from the outside and help them accomplish the thing they want to accomplish.

That’s what I can be here for, ladies and gentlemen. I’m a coach. I love to help people accomplish their goals. That may be keeping you accountable on things you’re trying to learn. That may be just processing with you to help you understand how to learn things. If you’re interested in getting a free coaching assessment, reach out to me at Jason at BeBetterTomorrow.com. Be glad to have an initial conversation for free. Find out if we can work together. If I can be of help to you, if it’s something you’re interested in, we move forward. If not, no hesitation.

All right, everyone. That’s all the time I have for today. Going to cut you loose with, like I said, short bites to help you improve. I hope this is something that has been helpful to you. I hope you can figure out how to develop a growth mindset so it can set you free to learn whatever it is you’re trying to improve in the rest of your life. I hope you’ve heard something today that will help you be better tomorrow.

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