St. Bernard of Clairvaux on Sorrow, Longing, and Remaining Open to God with Kris McGregor
About This Episode
In this episode of The Spiritual Journey for the Discerning Heart, Kris McGregor reflects with Saint Bernard of Clairvaux on Our Lady of Sorrows and the deeper spiritual meaning of sorrow.
Sorrow reaches far beyond bereavement. It can arise when a relationship is wounded, health or independence changes, someone we love takes a painful path, a long-held hope is lost, or life unfolds very differently from what we expected. Sorrow enters wherever love encounters something precious that has been changed, wounded, separated from us, or placed beyond our reach.
Saint Bernard draws attention to one striking word in describing the Blessed Mother at Calvary: she grieved “intensely.” Mary knew the promises of God and trusted him completely, yet that faith did not remove the pain of watching her Son suffer. Her sorrow flowed from the depth of her love.
In this sense, sorrow can become “love realized.” The ache reveals that something or someone truly matters. The heart continues to love and therefore continues to long for communion when that communion has been interrupted.
Saint Augustine’s words that the human heart remains restless until it rests in God help illuminate this experience. Our deepest longing is for communion with the Lord, and every authentic human love participates in that desire. Our Lady of Sorrows teaches us to bring our longing to God rather than allowing loss to close the heart in despair or bitterness.
Mary also offers practical spiritual direction for circumstances we cannot control. There are times when love calls us to seek healing, reconciliation, protection, or change. There are other losses we cannot simply undo. At the Cross, the Blessed Mother cannot remove Jesus’ suffering. Her fidelity consists in remaining near him and staying receptive to God within something she cannot change.
For the discerning heart, this invites honest prayer. What has been lost? What has changed? What is the heart longing for? Rather than denying those desires, we can bring them to Christ and ask Our Lady to help us carry sorrow in a way that remains open to grace.
Even at Calvary, Jesus entrusts John to Mary. John does not replace Jesus, and the Blessed Virgin is not asked to forget what has been lost. Yet her vocation to love continues. In the same way, sorrow can profoundly change a life without placing that life outside God’s providence.
Our Lady of Sorrows teaches us to honor what has been lost while remaining attentive to what God is giving now.
Discerning Hearts Reflection Question
What does the word sorrow mean in your life right now? Is there a relationship, hope, ability, circumstance, or person whose loss or change has left an ache in your heart?Saint Bernard emphasizes that Our Lady sorrowed “intensely” while continuing to trust God. Have you ever assumed that deep sorrow meant something was wrong with your faith? What does the Blessed Mother teach you about that?If sorrow is love encountering loss, what does your sorrow reveal about what you love and what your heart is longing for? Can you bring that longing honestly before the Lord?Is your sorrow allowing you to remain open to God, or are discouragement, bitterness, or despair beginning to close your heart? What grace might you ask Our Lady of Sorrows to help you receive today?From the Office of Readings
From a sermon of St Bernard of Clairvaux
Our Lady of Sorrows
The martyrdom of the Virgin is set forth both in the prophecy of Simeon and in the actual story of our Lord’s passion. The holy old man said of the infant Jesus: He has been established as a sign which will be contradicted. He went on to say to Mary: And your own heart will be pierced by a sword.
Truly, O blessed Mother, a sword has pierced your heart. For only by passing through your heart could the sword enter the flesh of your Son. Indeed, after your Jesus – who belongs to everyone, but is especially yours – gave up his life, the cruel spear, which was not withheld from his lifeless body, tore open his side. Clearly it did not touch his soul and could not harm him, but it did pierce your heart. For surely his soul was no longer there, but yours could not be torn away. Thus the violence of sorrow has cut through your heart, and we rightly call you more than martyr, since the effect of compassion in you has gone beyond the endurance of physical suffering.
Or were those words, Woman, behold your son, not more than a word to you, truly piercing your heart, cutting through to the division between soul and spirit? What an exchange! John is given to you in place of Jesus, the servant in place of the Lord, the disciple in place of the master; the son of Zebedee replaces the Son of God, a mere man replaces God himself. How could these words not pierce your most loving heart, when the mere remembrance of them breaks ours, hearts of iron and stone though they are!
Do not be surprised, brothers, that Mary is said to be a martyr in spirit. Let him be surprised who does not remember the words of Paul, that one of the greatest crimes of the Gentiles was that they were without love. That was far from the heart of Mary; let it be far from her servants.
Perhaps someone will say: “Had she not known before that he would not die?” Undoubtedly. “Did she not expect him to rise again at once?” Surely. “And still she grieved over her crucified Son?” Intensely. Who are you and what is the source of your wisdom that you are more surprised at the compassion of Mary than at the passion of Mary’s Son? For if he could die in body, could she not die with him in spirit? He died in body through a love greater than anyone had known. She died in spirit through a love unlike any other since his.
Excerpts from the English translation of The Liturgy of the Hours (Four Volumes) © 1974, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation. All rights reserved.
Scripture and Quotes for Reflection
“And a sword will pierce through your own soul also.”
“Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother.”
“Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!”
“And still she grieved over her crucified Son? Intensely.”
“Truly, O blessed Mother, a sword has pierced your heart.”
“She died in spirit through a love unlike any other since his.”
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
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