If you don’t want to use diapers at night, want your child potty trained at night, but keep having accidents (or, in elimination communication lingo, “misses”)...look no further. The “dream pee” might just solve your nighttime woes.

Across my own 6 babies, I found that a strategically placed dream pee helped them stay dry at night, and sleep better, during certain times of their baby and toddler years.

The definition of a dream pee, the way I see it, is:

A middle of the night pee initiated by the parent (not the child) that is done without speaking or turning on the lights, with the intention of helping a child stay dry all night.

Some parents worry that they’ll fully wake their child if they do the dream pee incorrectly. Others don’t want to disturb your baby’s sleep, at any cost. Still others might benefit from a dream pee.

But first, at what age do dream pees help babies and toddlers? Well, a dream pee can be done (and can be very helpful) with any age baby or toddler. If it helps your family get better sleep and/or stay close to your infant hygiene values, do it!

Typically, however, a dream pee is a useful tool when your child is having daytime success, is walking, and also is moving into a toddler bed. (I don’t recommend waking up a small baby, 0-12 months old, if you can help it!) When babies hit the age of sleeping more soundly through the night, the dream pee is effective. I usually start dream pees at around 15-18 months, and keep doing them as necessary until 24-36 months.

There’s a difference between nighttime EC and dream pees though! Nighttime EC is baby-led - so when baby or toddler wakes up, you take them to the potty and then get them back to sleep. This is usually done from birth to 12, 14, 16, 18 months or so. It really just depends.

But when you’re doing just dream pees, you are actually consciously moving from baby-led pottying all night to a “let’s help baby keep dry and not have to wake to pee, by taking him at night in a sleepy state” kind of a thing.

You, the parent, initiate a dream pee, so that’s the main difference.

Of course, there is often a transitional piece in between, and a bunch of overlap.

You can do nighttime EC (responding to baby’s needs to pee at night every time they wake) in combination with dream pees...they can happen simultaneously and eventually, hopefully, the child will stop waking to pee altogether, switching gears to only dream pees (which can prevent night waking because of needing to pee!), followed at some point by the dream pee being completely unnecessary - yes it does happen eventually!

Again, beginning dream pees can help the baby not wake to pee, and sleep more soundly through the night. Hope all that makes sense!

Okay...so now for some...

Okay, so if any of these are “you,” let’s learn how to do a dream pee.

--Set up the night potty station (this is ours, below) - for a young toddler, this would be a small rug, a mini potty, a lamp with dimmer or a dim nightlight, wipes or toilet paper if they typically poop at night; for a baby who is still ECed in-arms, you’d either potty them in-arms, in the room if possible, over a top hat potty, a mini potty, or at the sink or toilet.

--Double-make the bed by layering in this order: mattress, mattress protector, fitted sheet, mattress protector, fitted sheet, top sheet, blanket or comforter. If you have a miss in the night, remove any wet bedding, remove the top fitted sheet and top mattress protector, and there will be a dry sheet below it!

--Have a fleece blanket nearby in case you don’t want to change sheets in the middle of the night if there’s been an accident - in this case just throw the fleece blanket on top of the wet area and your child can sleep on the fleece without it soaking through.

--Use a baby monitor so you can see and hear if baby is tossing and turning from either being wet or needing to pee

--Install a dimmer or nightlight in their room that is not so bright that it disturbs sleep, but that will enable you to see to potty baby at night (if their room is really dark).

--Use white noise - this gives them a sound to focus on and creates consistency in the sleep space (almost like a hypnotic state that can’t be broken even with a dream pee!).

--Choose your back-up - do you want to dress baby in a diaper at night or undies only, undies and pants, or pants only? Or do you want them to feel the opposite of a diaper and sleep naked from the waist down? Choose whichever back-up most inspires your child to stay dry, enables her to sleep longer and deeper, or is the easiest to remove at night. There literally is no wrong answer here!

An example from yours truly: I’d much rather re-use the same disposable diaper night after night than clean wet sheets every day - and often I’ve observed that my babies keep a diaper dry but without it, they don’t. My 5th baby started doing great without a diaper at 17 months, so we have ended night diapers earlier with her. But the other 4? They did best with a diaper back-up until about 26 months of age, and it was usually dry (unless I didn’t use one - then they’d wet the bed!).

Tip: read your child my Night Potty Board Book before bed so they can see the night potty station in action before they experience it!

If the middle of the night pottytunity is not working for your baby or toddler, here are some ideas of how to make the dream pee work:

No, you won’t have to do the dream pee forever! If your baby stops going when you offer at night, or majorly refuses, just stop and see what happens. Use the backup that works best for you both, double-make the bed if necessary, and only potty at night if it makes baby or toddler more comfortable...especially if YOU are the one initiating it!

If dream pees DO work for you, you can choose to gradually offer later and later in the night or later and later in the early morning until the dream pee is no longer necessary - the habit to stay dry will stick and your child will also outgrow this phase.

If they don’t outgrow it, and your child is wetting the bed at 5 or 6 years old, please see your pediatrician to rule out the possibility of medical bedwetting.

If you need help with sleep training that does not include cry-it-out (CIO), please visit my friends at The Baby Sleep Site and get a customized sleep plan, or pore over their comprehensive blog. We got a custom sleep plan with two of ours and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! Your baby deserves sleep and so do you...and some babies are trickier than others. Trust me, everyone wins when baby deeply sleeps at the appropriate ages!!!

And that’s it. The dream pee - the parent-initiated, help-baby-stay-dry-at-night, middle-of-the-night pottytunity (or opportunity to go potty)...in a nutshell.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 6/9/20

The post Dream pee appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Translations of this post: Italian

Early potty independence can cause better toddler behavior, freeing up the brain to learn. It’s called “normalization” in the Montessori school of thought, and something I feel compelled to share with you about today!

A few years ago I received an email from our Certified Coach, Elizabeth, in Colorado. She is an AMI certified teacher - a Montessori educator who specialized in the 12-18 month class at the time we spoke.

The children in her class wore cotton underpants with no outer pants right when they entered the 12-18 month old classroom, regardless of whether the parents were engaged in any sort of potty training at home. The core Montessori philosophy is to take care of potty capabilities during the 12-18 month stage of “sensitivity” to that task, as I’ve covered previously in this podcast.

That is the core task that the entire class takes on through rhythms, increasing sensitivity by wearing cotton pants, and “group training” in a matter of fact way - this is what we do here. The environment is set up for success with small toilets and things all arranged in a child-accessible, simple manner.

After the children are all confident in their pottying abilities, they are able to move on to their next “work” with a clear mind and self-efficacy under their belt.

I asked Elizabeth about this - because it is so impressive to train an entire group of 1 year olds to do anything! - and she replied that early potty learning at this absorbent age actually normalizes children’s behavior and frees them up to learn the next thing with a calm demeanor. It reduces tantrums and causes peace in the soul of the young toddler. A contentedness that is unshakable. An efficacy and self-knowledge that strengthens the child and reduces the need for tantrums and wild, disruptive behavior.

As she told me this, I realized that, yes!, this must be why I’m constantly told at restaurants and on outings that my children are SO well-behaved. They have had full mastery over their bodies, ownership, control, from very early ages, which honors them as people and allows their dignity to remain intact. They are GOOD kids, well-behaved, and have a sense of calm inner peace to them (mostly! When at home alone with mom, that’s another story LOL.).

Elizabeth shared this email with me to explain:

The fact that the toddlers act differently when toilet trained is what Montessori calls the process of normalization. Toilet learning is one major factor in aiding the child's sense of order. The purpose of dressing young toddlers in cotton underwear is not necessarily to have dry pants. It is to develop the child's will. This is one thing the child has full control over, and once given the opportunity the child is delighted to show that he or she can control it.

Many research studies have been done in relation to the process of normalization.  One good book about these research studies is The Science Behind the Genius, by Angeline Stoll Lillard. 

So I, being the inquisitive little Virgo that I am, grabbed a copy of Lillard’s book and began flipping through its encyclopedia-like chapters.

What I found is a LOT of evidence that supporting a child’s developing will, in complete rhythm and harmony with their natural development, absolutely frees them up to learn things and move more securely and calmly through the world.

Toddlers find a sense of order and right action once this self-mastery has taken place.

Makes sense!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a child who looks so anxious, so wild, so completely ungrounded - one whom I just want to hold and rock and tell “it’s okay, it’s okay” - one who just runs out into the parking lot and cares not what mom or dad says...a child without a sense of calm or groundedness. And every single time I see a child ridden with anxiety like this, I see a very full diaper with probably 6 hours of pee in it, sagging down toward their knees like a sad puppy begging for food (or to be changed). Every. Single. Time.

I assumed the two were connected...maybe the child is trying to run away from that literal baggage and trying to find his sense of dignity somewhere else far, far away. Maybe she is crying out for literal help...needing released from this embarrassing shackle but not knowing how exactly to ask for its removal (because no one thinks she’s mature enough to handle going to the bathroom, herself...being potty trained).

And when they need to poop? Running and hiding to do it in private, then throwing an absolute fit when needing to be changed. I mean the confusion! The chaos! The child’s mind versus his instincts...and I feel so sad for that chaos that truly has not existed until the 1960s when disposables hit the market. It was then that we started using them longer and longer and longer, without regard to our children’s natural development and needs...guided by a pediatrician who said we’d damage our children if we didn’t wait for them to say “I’m ready.”

Whew! It boils my blood that we’ve been so misled...for a giant industry to make a buck off of us. Terrible. And yes, I’ve made a podcast on that one, as well.

So back to the Montessori way of normalizing this behavior through early mastery of self-toileting.

Lillard writes, “training in attention appears to reduce aggressive behavior.” She details this idea in Chapter 4 of her book.

She quotes Montessori here: “When we speak of the freedom of a small child, we do not mean to countenance the external disorderly actions which children left to themselves engage in as a relief from their aimless activity, but we understand by this the freeing of his life from the obstacles which can impede normal development….This goal leads to the creation of a suitable environment where a child can pursue a series of interesting objectives and thus channel his random energies into orderly and well-executed actions.” Montessori, 1967b, p. 62, p. 99 in this book.

She also mentions on page 112, “people are happy when their attention is engaged in what they are presently doing, and this happiness can lead to better social functioning” which she supports with various studies. I think what she means here is that focused attention on a task results in happiness, and I see this with my own children. Doing the whole potty routine takes focus, as does paying attention to one’s own need to go pee or poo. So I can deduce that EC can lead to better social functioning and a happier baby, and I’m sure you ECers out there can attest to that!

Lastly, I’d just like to share one more thing from Lillard’s book on page 116:

“Dr. Montessori believed that her method of education returns children to their true nature, or their normal state, free of perturbations. She described the normal state of a child as “precociously intelligent, one who has learned to overcome himself and to live in peace, and who prefers a disciplined task to futile idleness” (1966, p. 148). In Montessori theory, normalization of the personality occurs naturally when children are able to make their own choices in a prepared environment; in such a situation, they begin to concentrate their attention.”

And that’s why Elizabeth told me that training the class of 12-18 month olds is the teachers’ primary task. From there on out the children’s behavior is normalized and further learning can take place.

Doing EC and wrapping it up during months 12-18 is the same bag...and I highly recommend it if you, too, want to have a child who is calmer, more self-assured, and less prone to tantrum...one who has full control over their bodily functions and does not have to feel shame by peeing and pooping into a diaper in front of others in a social setting at this age...one who is self-confident and truly holds the keys to their castle.

What a gift we can give by doing EC and early potty training. A less anxious, more confident, grounded child. Yes!

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 6/2/20

The post Normalization appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Today we’re going to talk about the lessons I’ve learned from one of my favorite books, Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, and how his advice can create a slower, more meaningful foundation to your elimination communication practice with that sweet lil baby.

When I had my first child, Kim’s book had just been published. I ate it right up! The book shared all the things I needed to hear at that time to create the family rhythms, calm space, and focused connection that I knew in my heart I wanted, but didn’t quite know how to build. It also helped me keep the brand new, newly released iPhone out of my hands and my focus on my newborn baby. It helped me push back against the “toy creep” that has threatened our family for almost 10 years. Man, I owe Kim a giant thank you for writing this book.

And I was thinking about it the other day, how this book informed my journey as a new mama, and wanted to share those secrets with you today...especially how they relate to infant pottying.

The subtitle of this book is “using the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids.” If that’s what you want, let’s dive in!

Let’s talk about the core reason we parents should simplify our lives. The thing is, yeah, it makes sense...simplify!...let’s do it...but in reality, we need to look at the underlying reasons, square in the face, to really implement what’s in his book.

Basically, we aren’t doing a great job of working with the pace of childhood. We become parents and continue as we did before babies, leading our day-to-day lives in a, to quote Payne, “media-rich, multi-tasking, complex, information-overloaded, time-pressured” way. We are out of alignment, and if you are also feeling swept away by the pace of a very rapidly-moving life, it may have detrimental effects on your EC practice, too.

If you’re rushing through life, it makes sense that EC will feel rushed, too. We’ll talk more about how this affects EC in a sec, but let that sink in.

Kim argues that we can protect our children’s childhoods in many basic ways which I’m going to overview today. But the main basis is this: we need to protect their childhoods from adult life and concerns, make space for free play, and make space for their natural development rhythms to truly prosper.

We are all for an unrushed childhood over here in my house! And at the same time all of my 6 kids have gotten out of diapers at walking. Many may say this doesn’t add up, but it does. If you missed my episode on the Natural Laws of Development, definitely check it out...it will tell you very clearly that the 12-18 month range is the actual natural period for wrapping up the potty independence task, and that doing so in this time window actually enhances a child’s development. It isn’t rushing! It’s honoring the natural flow of things, which Payne’s book is all about.

Okay so next thing I found valuable is the actionable nature of this book. Kim says we can simplify on four levels:

Addressing these four areas creates a CALM environment, and Kim says “behavioral tendencies can be soothed or relaxed by creating calm” - so if you want your baby to be relaxed and therefore easier to EC...create calm!!

I wrote my own notes in pencil in the margins of each chapter, so I’ll share them with you here and maybe they’ll help you see how to take action.

Every one of these things will make EC easier for you because a calmer, more focused, less hyper, less helicopter-y environment will serve as a solid foundation for everything you’re accomplishing together. Each of them truly limit stress in the environment and make every single part of parenting EASIER.

In chapter 3 of Simplicity Parenting I took the following notes:

As for elimination communication, setting up your potty space with all the things your baby needs, and nothing more, simple/limited items, chemical-free, clutter-free, child-height and child-friendly will help your child feel safe and happy in their potty space and more willing to cooperate.

The second sphere Payne talks about is establishing rhythms.

“Rhythms establish a foundation of cooperation and connection.”

“Rhythm calms and secures children, grounding them in the earth of family so they can branch out and grow.”

“Parental authority is strengthened by rhythms; an ‘authority’ is established that is gentle and understandable. ‘This is what we do’ also says, ‘There is order here, and safety.’”

If you’ve known me long, you’ll know that I often suggest doing EC with a matter-of-fact tone to everything, if you even talk much about it at all. “This is what we do” is a great way to normalize that potty time is now just part of everyday life.

Additionally, if we are using the 4 Easy Catches in doing EC with our babies, we are typically inserting potty time during transitions throughout the day. This makes things predictable and, as Payne says, safe.

Parents also benefit from having a rhythm. I often joke to first-time parents to “pretend” like they have 5 children like me so they are forced to create a rhythm to their day, and often that makes potty time a lot more sensible at certain transitions, and truly helps at-home EC move from a disaster to a major success.

“Rhythm carves the necessary channels for discipline, making it more intrinsic than imposed. Where well-established rhythms exist, there is much less parental verbiage, less effort, and fewer problems around transitions.”

This is key, y’all! When you use the 4 Easy Catches and those transition times to ground your EC practice, you are actually making your job easier.

As your baby turns into a young toddler, when you pick a nap time, a bed time, snack and lunch times, you are actually helping your child feel calm and safe, making it easier to understand when they need to go potty, and making it less likely they’ll resist because this is simply “what we do.”

“The rhythms of family life provide consistency; the best ones also offer connection.”

100% of people who’ve done EC in our Go Diaper Free community, with or without my book, tell me that EC has offered a deeper connection with their babies. 100%!

EC is totally connective because it is based on rhythms, and if you focus on creating rhythms to your days and weeks (even - and especially with - a newborn baby), you will see how nicely every other thing (including EC) falls into place.

Rhythms are the opposite of forced, unnatural scheduling. They are creating a framework for your days and weeks within which to live, breathe, improvise, and raise babies.

I’ll move on here - this gets me so pumped, y’all!!

I know we’re dealing with mostly babies here, but I’ve got to say it - you need to be prepared for what’s next! Take it from me with 5 kiddos in an 8 year span...you need to be prepared for what’s coming. Shoot, it may have already begun in your child’s life.

“Too many scheduled activities may limit a child’s ability to motivate and direct themselves.”

That’s it in a nutshell.

“This time - this afternoon, this childhood, this child - could be enriched! That’s it! Enrichment. As parents, we’ve discovered fertilizer. And we’re applying it by the ton to childhood.”

Payne explains that “rest nurtures creativity, which nurtures activity. Activity nurtures rest, which sustains creativity.” It’s a beautiful feedback loop.

Here are my notes on this chapter of his book:

What does this have to do with EC? If you’re struggling to make catches, have tons of misses, are encountering a lot of misses at home or out, try simplifying your life. Simplify your schedule. Start basic at-home rhythms to your day. Have restful quiet time mixed with creative time, and put on the breaks. This combined with decluttering your child’s stuff and what we’re about to address regarding screens will make things much easier to grasp.

This part is all about putting in filters so our babies don’t get overwhelmed with adult information, concerns, and pressures.

First and foremost we do that by limiting screens. This includes television, computers, video games, handheld devices, ipads, smart phones.

If you’re gasping that I suggested limiting the smart phone or ipad, I highly recommend listening to or reading the book “How to Break Up With Your Phone” or the one called “Digital Minimalism.”

With babies, we are already modeling how it is to be in the world. If you’re glued to your phone, they soon will be too, and then that precious childhood we’re trying to protect...has vanished into thin air.

Screens also impact concentration. They interfere with children conjuring their own imaginary worlds.

But not to get all anti-tech here, I’d like to say that any tool can be helpful when age-appropriate, and this baby and toddler phase is NOT that time.

Okay that said...let’s move on to how we can stop being bad parents...and prevent potty pauses!!!! :)

There are 4 types of parents that Payne considers of the “helicoptering” kind...Overinvolved Parents. Yes they totally love their kids but they’re also smothering their children’s independence.

With EC, we are supporting our children’s early independence in the realm of pottying (which extends to so many other areas). Being an overinvolved parent is counterproductive to what we’re doing with practicing elimination communication.

I am also sharing this part because you may know that 95% of potty pauses are caused by over-offering. This may shed some light on who you are as a parent and how you can shift to give more space to your child without stopping EC altogether. It’s like a rebalancing of things that many of us need (myself included).

An antidote to this type of parenting - especially if this is you, which is totally fine! - is to stop talking so darn much!!

When we say less, we notice more. “The more you say, the less you are listening.”

If EC is about tuning in and listening for signs, signals, and information, then we should definitely talk less.

“When we talk over and under and around a child - when we talk too much - there’s less space for their thoughts, for what they have to say.”

So true!

Can you take in the fact that your child just went on the potty successfully and really experience it without saying a word?

“To be a parent is to have one’s attention split several ways in any given situation, and we often try to bridge our fractured focus with words.”

“In a noisy world, quiet attentiveness speaks louder than words…”

When ECing my babies, I have often said absolutely nothing as we go on with our day to day lives. I act matter-of-factly, with as much confidence as relaxed attitude, and I simply don’t say anything unless I’m introducing something for the first time, and with that, I only say it once. If I’m reinforcing something or teaching the words for something (like a signal they can use), I say it only when doing the activity.

This is essential you guys!

It is your calm and consistent manner more than your words that speak to your children (I’ve edited Payne’s words here...so beautiful).

“Just as it’s hard to cherish a toy lost in the middle of a mountain of playthings, when we say less, our words mean more.”

The other thing is feelings...emotional monitoring. Kim suggests “don’t talk too much to kids nine or younger about their feelings.”

When a child feels something, they don’t have the desire to discuss it...they want to DO something that will resolve that feeling. Get a hug, find the cat, grab the fork themselves, etc.

Us trying to teach “emotional intelligence” at an age where it does not jive with natural development is rushing things.

Alright so if this little dip into the world of Simplicity Parenting has piqued your curiosity, please order a copy and listen or read it today.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 5/26/20

The post Simplicity appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

My husband told me I should be careful googling 'tiny undies.'

“You might not get what you're expecting,” he joked.

But I'd already tried Target, Wal-Mart, Amazon, and Etsy. You see, neither of us are what anyone would consider tall. Add to it that our triplet daughters were born a month early and that they were about 20 months old at the time. Nothing about our circumstances or our gene pool leaned in the direction of large children. And no underwear I could find came remotely close to fitting them.

But one of our daughters was showing interest in the toilet, and I didn't want to lose a golden opportunity to make peer pressure work in my favor.

You may think this goes without saying, but the trickiest thing about triplets is that there are ALWAYS more of them than there are of you. I have never had enough arms or laps or boobs. My babies still only have two parents. No matter how you slice it, we are always outnumbered.

So, at scarcely over a year and a half into motherhood, I had learned a lot about inertia. Convincing one toddler to do anything can be tough, but convincing three toddlers definitely adds a multiplier to the difficulty factor. And then, there's the element of 'monkey see, monkey do.' If one of them throws a fit, the others will shortly join in.

For these reasons, I knew I needed to use the curiosity of my “middle child” to my advantage. One day, I dumped the poop out of her reusable diaper and into a toilet at swim lessons. As she watched me do it, everything about her expression changed. Because all of her previous poops had been into disposable diapers, this was different, and I could see her connecting little dots in her head. She had few words at 18 months old, but that day, we didn't need any.

At the time, I knew of no one potty training at 18 months old, but I had also learned as a mother of triplets, that it wasn't worth comparing my life to others. Most people weren't doing what I was doing. So I took her motivation, and I made it my own. If I could potty train her, those sisters of hers would soon apply the 'monkey see, monkey do' motto they all seemed to live by.

I went to the store, bought a little potty, and the smallest undies I could find. But when I got home and tried them on her, there was daylight all the way around the leg holes. I was stumped.

Which leads us back to the Google search my husband didn't recommend. He gets a lot of things right, but this time, I found exactly what I was looking for … and then some.

The very first hit when you google 'tiny undies' happens to be a company called Tiny Undies, which sells—as you might guess—miniature-sized underwear for miniature-sized people. This underwear is unisex, comes in a variety of colors, and covers childrens' bottoms. For someone, like me, who's turned off by the pink everything and skimpy cut of most retail underwear for little girls, this was a HUGE plus.

I was delighted by what Andrea Olson, owner of Tiny Undies, had to offer. I spent far too long belaboring over what 3 colors to pick for my girls. When I finally made it to checkout, a pop-up asked me if I wanted to buy a book on potty training.

I had gotten this far on mostly enthusiasm, but I was fully aware that the rubber would soon meet the road. I was not looking forward to the negotiations, head-butting, and bribes that I assumed came with potty training.

Before my babies were even born, I had dreaded this stage. I had watched other parents tote around Cheerios, food dye, candy, and all sorts of tricks to get their kids to ditch diapers. I knew I didn't want any part of that. Much less, times three. I didn't hesitate long before I agreed that yes, I did want a book on “non-coercive potty training,” especially when it described success “without rewards, gimmicks, or M&Ms.” Sign me up for that.

At this point, my girls were 21 months old, and we were traveling to see friends over a 3-day weekend. I read the Tiny Potty Training Book in the car while my husband drove. It described several things that gave me confidence.

First, it pointed out how drastically the age at which we potty train has increased since the invention of disposable diapers (from about 18 months to 3 years over a 50-year span). Second, it described the difference between the average age of potty training in Westernized countries (around 3 years old) versus the average age in non-Westernized countries (around 12 months old). And lastly, it teaches potty training as a life skill and a new independence to foster in your child rather than a behavior you need to bribe them to perform.

This last point is a big deal to me for reasons I've already mentioned. But also, because I'm a physical therapist in my life outside of 'triplet mama.' This means I've had the privilege of watching a lot of people both succeed and fail at learning new physical skills. To be honest, the biggest difference in most of these situations, is determination. People ask me sometimes how I motivate my patients. As much as I'd like to be able to do this for them, I really don't think I do. The kind of motivation that has staying power comes from within. The goal is to help every individual find that.

And Andrea's book gave me this feeling with respect to potty training. It gave me a certain calm before I even began. Rather than starting a negotiation with my children, we were embarking on a new phase of our lives where we could learn something together. Although still daunting, it no longer sounded like such a power struggle.

When we got home from our trip, I made a big deal about having a special time for my middle child and about her learning something new and “big.” I promised the others that they would also have a turn, but that we needed to learn one girl at a time.

Although the advice in Andrea's book was to call for back-up and bring in your mother or friends to help you potty train multiples all at the same time, this really wasn't an option for me. We had survived an international move 6 months prior, and no such people were anywhere nearby. Instead, I fell back on the advice that had worked when my babies were waking us 11 and 12 times a night. One girl at a time, I taught them that 10-month-olds don't need milk in the middle of the night, and once one girl started sleeping through, I moved on to the next one.

So, I let my daughter pick the color of her underwear, and even though—per the book's instruction—she didn't wear it that first day, she proudly carried them all over the house. We met our first goal that she understand where her waste should go, and we moved on the next day to the idea of leaving the house with clothes on.

If you've never had the pleasure of going anywhere with three children under 2, let's just say it's time consuming. Add on top of that, that we lived in a rural area where even the grocery store was 15 minutes away. There was NOWHERE I was confident going with her tiny bladder and her newly acquired skill of “holding it.” So, we went for a walk. She peed before we left. We went outside for 10-15 minutes. We came back in, and she peed again. Score! Another success and another notch in our growing confidence.

The following day, we braved the grocery store. She peed before we left. She peed when we got to the store. She peed when we came out of the store, and she peed when we got home. If she didn't pee every single time, she was at least presented with the opportunity. And that was it. That was the first child I ever potty trained.

Whew! Time to move on to number 2.

I selected my oldest daughter as the next contestant because she was battling a stubborn diaper rash. She may not have been the next most motivated. But they hadn't had much diaper rash, and this one just wouldn't quit. I went through the exact same process with her, and again, it went off without a hitch.

By the time it was my youngest daughter's turn, she was chomping at the bit. We had an outing planned with friends that meant she only had one day to learn before leaving the house. Because she was so eager and had already watched her sisters, I rolled the dice and skipped her naked day. She already had the concept of where pee and poop should go.

On her first day of potty training, she put on her undies. Everyone peed before we left the house, and she made it on a short walk like a champ. The following day, we went to a strawberry patch with all three girls in undies. They peed before we left the house and peed when we got there. I knew the intervals they could hold it, so I kept a careful eye on the clock. We were back in the car in 45 minutes, and they all peed again. Three girls out of diapers in 8 days. At 21 months old. I was blown away.

Although those initial 8 days were absolutely incredible, I don't want you to believe that potty training was really that simple for us. We definitely had some hiccups in the process, but they all came later. Here are some tips I learned along the way.

These were probably the hardest for us. Since they were born, my life has revolved around my children's sleep. Triplets have a way of exhausting their mother, and if I'm too tired, it gets bad for everyone. Even though daytime potty training was an amazing experience for us, I was nervous about disrupting their sleep patterns.

But at almost exactly 2, they started taking their own diapers off at nap. Sometimes, they'd call us in their room and offer us the poop they were holding in their little hands. Sometimes, they'd take the diapers off and fall asleep, only to wake, having wet everything. I decided it was time to get rid of naptime diapers.

It took a lot of discussions, a lot of failed attempts and double-sheeted beds, but in about a month, they found a new rhythm. They peed before nap and then generally slept for about 2 hours. On occasion, they would call me before nap was over, but usually, if they peed before they laid down, they were fine.

As for nighttime, one of them was dry all night at about 2.5 years old. I tried to take her out of diapers for nighttime, but she wanted to wear them because her sisters were. Monkey see, monkey do. Around the same time, her sisters started holding it at night but then letting it all go at once in their sleep. This meant overflowing every diaper we tried.

My solution was to decrease fluids for the hour or two before bed and then to take everyone for a dream pee around 10-11 PM. This worked well. They totally ditched all diapers by 33 months old, but after waking every night to take them pee for almost a year, it was really taking a toll on me. At this point, they were pushing 3.5 and were completely independent with daytime toileting, other than wiping poop. So, I set their most stable potty up in their bedroom on top of the tray to a dog crate. Sometimes, they still call me. But mostly, they just take care of it when they have to go.

I have to say that this experience far exceeded my expectations. People say I'm so lucky I have three easy kids, but I'm always quick to credit the method. Sure, maybe some of it is their personalities or mine, but for us, it was never a negotiation. It was learning together to do this new, super cool, super big-kid thing. The magic wasn't magic. It was intrinsic motivation.

It's a new set of logistics, sure, but now that we have it, it's easier than diapers ever were. And far cheaper. And lastly, I think potty training before 2 was a big part of their success. At that age, they greeted new things with such excitement and exuberance. By 2 and 3 years old, we have a lot more struggles over independence and who gets to make decisions. I'm so thankful to have tiny children with tiny bottoms that led me to find Andrea and her book.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 5/19/20

The post Potty Training Triplets appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Today I debunk a common myth about wet pants and share what wet pants actually teach us, how to respond (and stay calm!), and when wet pants may not be okay.

This is part 3 of our 3-part series sharing stories from a few groups of indigenous peoples around the world who still potty their babies and do not use diapers.

Today we are going to cover some of the indigenous peoples of Arctica and the Americas.

I get asked this question all the time: do people do “elimination communication” in indigenous communities, or is it altogether something different?

I’ve answered this over in part 1 of this series here.

Okay so let’s get on with today’s stories! I’ve hand-picked my faves from Laurie Boucke’s encyclopedic book, Infant Potty Training: a gentle and primeval method adapted to modern living. If you haven’t read it - do it this week!

Today we will share about infant potty training habits in Arctica and the Americas - we did Africa the first time and Asia in our second in this 3-part series.

I comment along with and read directly from Laurie’s book, specifically Part 4, Cross-cultural Studies - definitely get a copy of her book if you want to read the longer stories and even more from this trailblazing EC expert. She also has a shorter ebook available on Kindle - Infant Potty Basics.

Here we go! Please enjoy listening as you do the dishes or fold some laundry. :)

Observations in Babies Celebrated note that the Inuit use a deep and warm hood as a baby bag. When the mother "feels that her baby has to urinate, she takes the child out of the hood, often with the help of another woman." On long trips, "she slips lichen or rabbit skin into her anorak to serve as a diaper. There is not one specific material that is always used - mothers take what they find, according to the season. In spite of the restrictions of the region, each woman is inventive enough to improvise solutions, which are then repeated if they work well. However, the baby is not always put into the mother's hood - in some areas in the East Asian Arctic, when the weather is nice and the women sit outside to sew or just talk, they slip their babies into their large waders. With only his or her head sticking out of these seven-league boots, the little one begins to discover the world."

"The toilet training that is considered such a critical experience in the life of a kapluna [Caucasian] child does not appear to be a crisis for the Utku child, who from the time he is born is held over a can at appropriate moments: when he wakes, after (and sometimes while) he eats, before he goes to sleep, and in general whenever he shows signs of discharging. I did not observe the transition from this stage to the next, in which the child learns to call attention to his need for the can. Allaq told me that children learn a verbal signal by themselves, by imitating slightly older children."

If a mother hears her infant fart or feels that he is about to defecate on her, she holds him away from her body so as not to be soiled, but about the only punishment that an infant is subjected to by defecating on her is that of being set aside for a while until she cleans up the mess. Children who are able to walk, however, soon learn by imitation, and with assistance of their parents, not to defecate near the hammock. When they are old enough to indicate their needs, the mother gradually leads them further and further away from the hammock to urinate and defecate.

Contact with urine is not regarded as harmful, and I frequently observed mothers who did not even move when babies on their laps urinated. Since no clothes are worn by either the mother or the child, the urine soon dries or can readily be washed off.

The information I'm providing on infant toilet training applies mainly to the Matis in Brazil and somewhat to the Chácobos in Bolivia. My impression is that the Amerindian method of toilet training is very casual, mainly a matter of handling the situation until a child can walk and take care of business on his own. Mothers are relaxed about elimination. "If a baby 'goes' inside the house, the mother simply cleans up after the child. As far as I know, women are the only ones who clean up after children. I have never seen fathers help in this regard. I do not recall seeing a mother get angry at a baby about elimination. Also consider that in the tropics, people tend to get diarrhea, so even adults often have little choice as to where they will go. Diarrhea is so prevalent that the Matis sing magic chants to prevent children from getting it. They chant special verses while slapping a child's buttocks with a grub. A typical chant invokes the child in question by name followed by, 'Show me your back so I can beat your rear end so you won't have diarrhea.'

Outdoors with the climate, bugs, etc., waste material all disappears in a matter of hours so there is no outdoor mess to worry about. Dogs also help clean up the excrement. This is reminiscent of Haudricourt's theory that dogs were domesticated because of their usefulness as scavengers and house-cleaners.

Children are visually exposed to excretion at an early age in forest-dwelling societies. One point to consider is that toddlers have more opportunities of seeing their mothers in action than in societies such as ours where people lock themselves in the bathroom and don;t take their babies along. Of course, women will sometimes hand their baby to someone in order to have privacy, but this is not always possible.

The Amazonian peoples I have lived with are very casual when it comes to mentioning excretion. No euphemisms are used such as petit coin in French. They just say something like, 'Wait a second, I'm going to shit.' If you meet someone on a trail and (s)he asks where you are going, you can answer, 'I'm going for a shit.'

The Matis live in long-houses while the Chácobo live in individual ones. The floors are either dirt or palm wood (which is full of holes). It does not matter at all if a baby eliminates in a dwelling. The Matis, like most (if not all) Amazonian peoples, bathe several times a day, perhaps another reason for not being uptight about elimination.

Supernatural beliefs play a role in toilet behavior. The most striking aspect of Amazonian toilet behavior has to do with the contrast between the extreme caution when it comes to adults and the very relaxed attitude in the case of babies. Grownups are very careful not to leave their feces lying around because it could be used against them by witches. (Some people such as the Machiguenga in Peru go as far as burying their feces). They are also very careful not to urinate on trails (even trails which are rarely ever used or miles from any house) because someone else might step on it and be harmed (their feet might itch). These considerations are important regarding adult defecation but barely come into play in the case of children.

Another ethnographic detail of interest is that during major rituals, i.e., tatooing ceremonies, the initiates are separated by gender, boys on one side and girls on the other, but each group must stick together as a unit for a while and only go out at night. One of the things they do collectively is going out for their daily defecation.

"The Cashinahua , living along the border of Brazil and Peru (mainly Peru), consider urine and feces as two of the five spirits of an individual. The other three are the eye spirit, body spirit and dream spirit. The urine and feces spirits are volatile, meaning they don't last long and certainly disappear after death."

"When it was old enough to talk, the mother or father would take the child out of the house and down to the beach to defecate. Somewhat earlier, it was taught to urinate in the chamber vessel, and this is said to have been readily accomplished without punishment. The child was taught the verb 'to urinate' and learned first to tell his mother his want and then go by himself. Children were not punished for wetting the bed; this, it was thought, would have had no effect since children do not know what they are doing in their sleep. They were, however, repeatedly asked to wake up in the night if they wanted to use the chamber vessel."

"Defecation, urination and breaking wind rather cause hilarity among the adults and older children, not with the object of ridiculing the baby, but rather because these acts are regarded as improprieties, which in the case of a baby who 'does not yet know,' are not of great importance. If the baby is outside the pouch and naked, frequently the mother gently massages his genital region. It is very common for babies to defecate or urinate while nursing. In this case, the mother nearly always gets up quickly and holds the baby at some distance in the air so that his secretions will not dirty her clothing. Also on such occasions, she looks for an old rag, either to wipe herself off or to put on her thighs to seat the baby on. In any case, the act of elimination at these moments is almost always followed by hasty movements by the mother, the breast being taken away, and frequently the definitive interruption of the nursing. The babies react with shrieks, but at the age of 3 or 4 months these accidents no longer occur, and they evidently begin the secretions." The mother teaches with words and gestures that it is bad to go in the house or in the presence of others. Punishment (exclamations of displeasure, slaps with the pouch or aggressive gestures) is used for accidents after 6 months. Full control is gained around 18-20 months.

Jean Liedloff provides a brief but colorful glimpse into the toilet training attitudes of the Yequana in her 1977 book The Continuum Concept. Yequana do not wear diapers. Elimination by a baby is almost nonevent, except for the gleeful laughter that follows on occasional soaking. "When he wets or defecates, [his mother] may laugh, and as she is seldom alone, so do her companions, and holds the infant away from her as quickly as she can until he finishes. It is sort of game to see how fast she gets the worst of it. Water sinks into the  dirt floor in moments and excrement is cleared away immediately with leaves. Later, when house training takes place, the toddler is chased outside if he sullies the hut floor."

I hope you enjoyed listening to these stories as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. A big thank you to Laurie Boucke - please get a copy of her book and enjoy reading and seeing all the photos of these lovely historic accounts of indigenous pottying habits, as well as a history of the evolution of Western potty training habits.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

All quotes and images in this post are (c) Laurie Boucke, Infant Potty Training

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 5/12/20

The post Infant Potty Training in Indigenous Arctica + America appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Today we’re gonna discuss baby constipation: what it is, why it happens, and how to solve it.

First of all, I just want to start this episode off by saying that this mostly applies to children and babies who have already started solids. Whether you started solids at four months, six months, or nine months (typically we don't have constipation issues with babies who are exclusively breastfed - they will poop anywhere from 10 times a day to once every seven days and that’s normal).

Consult with your pediatrician for anything I've said today, I am not a doctor. I do not give medical advice, these are all just my opinion and other people's opinions that I've collected over the internet and over all of our experiences with our own babies. So, consult with your doctor if you have any questions and before doing any kind of medical treatment with your baby. 

Now that the disclaimer is done, I want to define constipation. But before that, I just want to say that babies who are ECed from whatever age usually suffer far less constipation, and a definite majority of them (99%) avoid any kind of medical constipation whatsoever. Medical constipation is very common if you toilet train after two or three years old.

With EC they're in a deep squat, which shortens the length of the colon and it definitely makes poops easier to pass. When they start to sit on their own and sit on their toilet seat reducer, they have more control over things in general and in life (like a young toddler, 12 to 18 months).

Sometimes we ECers can come across constipation because one hard poop, one experiment of “How long can I hold this?” or “Let me see how my bowels work?” can ruin everything. It causes the poop to become harder and dryer and then hurt when it comes out - even bleed - and that can ruin it all. That can start a battle with constipation as well as (with any kind of illness) possibly a potty pause.

Let's quickly define constipation because it's important to know what it is and what it isn't. Constipation in children is a condition in which your child may have fewer than two bowel movements a week and some, say three. Stools that are hard, dry, or lumpy like little balls or little nuggets, and stools that are difficult or painful to pass. That’s all from The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK). Also, constipation can occur with stools that are wide and abnormally large - like adult or teen size - and you've got a baby pushing one of those out. Not good.

There are reasons that constipation happens. 

Some of the reasons include diet - changes in diet like starting solids, for example, a change in the mom's diet (if we're doing breastfeeding), or if we've introduced new foods to the child's diet. 

Any kind of illness can definitely cause constipation and this is usually related to the medication, if anything, that the child is taking. 

Refusal - if you're going through a potty pause, please check out my potty pause resolution mini course. It's very short, very digestible (no pun intended), and we can very much get you out of a potty pause if you've had a refusal for more than one or two weeks out of nowhere.

Refusal can cause constipation because of the way your body works - I've learned this from working with my pelvic floor therapist after having my fifth baby (which if you haven't done that, please do, you learn so much). So if you wait too long because you've got a crying baby or you need to nurse or whatever, and if when you get that first urge to poop, you don't go right then and you just wait and you hold it, your body sucks it back in (for lack of prettier terms) and it's still there near the end, near the opening, and so it dries out and accumulates.

You've got this dryer, larger poop that's accumulated at the exit and then when you're really ready to poop it out, you've got to strain extra hard to get it out. It's really wide and difficult (especially if you have pelvic floor issues or you've never worked on it after having a baby) - you can have really painful poops that will cause you to have little capillaries pop and get a little bit of blood.

For a baby, the same thing happens if they wait too long. That accumulates, gets hard, gets dry, and it's very hard to pass. So, when they finally do stop refusing long enough to pass it, it hurts. Again, one hard and hurtful poop can ruin it all.

Not enough fluids can also cause constipation, obviously, and a good sign is to check your baby's fontanelle for dehydration (that’s the little soft thing on the top of their head and the back of their head that closes up as they get older). My pediatrician told us that you can tell if a baby is dehydrated when it's depressed and it's not plump and full. Not enough fluids can obviously cause constipation and that can happen after a child's been sick. If they're dehydrated and they're not getting fluids and absorbing them, they can get constipated. 

Too many constipating foods - if you don't get a chance to Google it, I'm going to do it for you. “Alcohol, (no worries with that kids), gluten containing foods, processed grains, milk, and dairy products can constipate.” If you introduced milk or dairy to your child's diet, it could constipate. They also say that red meat, fried or fast foods, and persimmons also constipate. (Persimmons! Who knew that?)

Foods that can ease constipation, which we’ll cover when we talk about solutions here in a sec, include water, yogurt and kefir. So, something that is dairy that is fermented, clear soups, prunes, wheat bran, broccoli, apples, and pears can ease constipation.

Bananas are also known to constipate, and what do they start eating when they start eating solids? Babies love bananas, of course. We want to make sure that if we're having constipation, we limit those. 

Another cause of constipation is to have that hard poop once and then just wanting to avoid pooping because you don't want to recreate that same situation for yourself.

We have poop refusal, which can cause more constipation. It's a vicious cycle and that in turn makes it dry, large, hard, and often harder to pass as well.

So, those are just a few causes of constipation for babies.

Let’s now discuss the side effects of constipation - they are fairly interesting.

Oftentimes people will come to me with their EC issues in my Q&A's or my book owners group and say, "Hey, we've got lots of small pees happening over a short period of time - why?" And my first instinct is to say, “because your baby might be constipated.”

Even if a baby is pooping every single day, they still might be constipated. They might not be letting all that go, they might have some poop that's just lodged in there and just won't come out. It's being stubborn because there is a big lump of it and that pushes against the bladder and causes less urine to come out in little spurts over a short period of time. Constipation can be something to rule out.

Resistance can be caused by constipation because I don't want to put myself through that again so I'm not going to potty willingly.

Constipation can cause children to get up and not stay seated on the mini potty or try to get off the toilet reducer. If your child has a sitting problem, maybe it's just because they really don't feel comfortable pooping since they started solids or had a diet change.

Another thing that constipation can cause is for your child to poop just a little and then 10 minutes later poop another little bit and poop another little bit. They're trying to let it out a little bit at a time to exercise control, maybe, but probably because there's some underlying constipation.

In that case, we want to soften the stools and make them happen daily, if possible, and help your baby relax so they can pass them easily. I do have some solutions for that, we'll get to those. 

Sometimes constipation can cause your child to have blood in their stools or on the toilet paper, which might shock you and surprise you. The first time I saw that with my newborn, I was like, “Oh my gosh, what is this?” (It is normal, I was told, to have a speck here and there.)

However, when you've got a young toddler, a young baby, and there's a little bit of blood on the toilet paper stool after they've gone, it can often indicate that you have a constipated child. It's just tearing at those capillaries at the sides and popping them. 

A hard stomach can be caused by constipation. If you push on their stomach and it's just rock hard, an infant massage can often resolve part of that. That's usually something caused by constipation - they’ve got a hard belly. 

Constipation, believe it or not, can cause severe irritation in a baby. They could just not be themselves, just be irritable, and sometimes they won't sleep, etcetera.

On the same note, constipation can cause disruption in naps and sleep.

It can also cause toilet refusal - baby straight up won't use the toilet - and cause clinginess.

This is my daughter's last four months. She's 17 months now and she's been battling constipation for four months now because she had one hard poop that ruined it all, which is part of the reason why I'm doing this episode today. (But also, everybody's asking for all the options!)

She gets super clingy when she needs to poop and doesn't want to. There's a need here that's conflicting with another need.

I want to stay comfortable and safe in my body and I also don't feel safe, so I need you and I really need to poop but I don't want to. 

Constipation can also, if it's serious, cause fever and changes in energy levels in your baby.

If you get a fever along with constipation, you should see a doctor or your pediatrician. Also, for any other thing that you feel iffy about, call them. Again, I'm not a medical doctor, this is just all my opinion.

Now for the solutions.

We can change their diet, we can add in those foods that can ease constipation. You can Google it, but I've got a few up here like water, yogurt, prunes and stuff like that.

We always add prune packs - the Just Prunes by Plum Organics is a really good one. Sometimes they outgrow those and they won't eat them, so you can mix that with yogurt.

Prunes (like the actual dried fruit) can be fed to your baby, the same way you do with raisins. Just chop them up and they often like those.

You can feed prune juice, which again, after a couple of times, they'll get smart - they'll be like, this doesn't taste good.

You can do apple juice or pear juice as my pediatrician recommended.

You can add more liquids to their diet and make sure they're absorbing the liquids if they've been sick recently. You may want to do something like Pedialyte.

Infant massage can often help. When you're looking at your baby, you go on the left side up to the right, down, and then over to the middle. You can look that up - I'm not a certified massage therapist so don't take my word for it. Do your own research. 

Part of helping your baby relax is for you (mom, dad or caregiver) to chill out and relax yourself. There is typically no toilet fear or poop fear or any of that crazy stuff that three years of diapering would cause, if you’re ECing a 0-18 month baby. They haven't developed that same kind of, “I'm comfortable pooping in my diaper and now you're making me poop in a potty and I'm scared and I'm not going to do it.” This is different. This is withholding that is usually much more physical and much more related to the environment. So, you need to relax and they will relax.

Toddler suppositories - so, with our then-13 month old, I was told by the pharmacist that I could use these, and that I should just break it in half because they're made for ages two and up. Again, do your own research, make your own decision. I'm not responsible for you. We're all responsible for ourselves. Right? But this works for us, you guys. 

We tried a baby enema first. I've had an enema and I personally thought it was the most terrifying thing I've ever done. My husband was like, I know she'll be fine. Our baby was miserable during the enema! So I wouldn't even try those. You break toddler suppositories in half, put the pointy part of it in, pop!, and then you wait about five minutes, then you get a poop. I just carry them around naked while that thing is in their butt and then when they start to get really squirmy, about five minutes later, I pop them on the potty and it produces a poop.

Oftentimes I'll also put them on the toilet seat reducer and I will walk away and once I give privacy. That's another cause of constipation, not giving your child privacy. Babies tend to want bathroom privacy starting at 6-8 months. That's why young toddlers hide behind a couch and do it in private. Babies are born really sensitive about this - it is not socially appropriate to poop in front of other people. So, when you're doing a solution like this - you have done the suppository, you've waited five minutes, they start to kick around and they need to go - set them on the potty, the toilet seat reducer as long as you feel safe doing that (they're not going to jump off), and say, “Oh, I just forgot something” and go grab your drink from the other room and come back. When you are gone, listen around the corner and you'll usually hear them start bearing down and pooping because they have privacy and they feel safe. After all, we are mammals.

That's what worked for us. That and the prune, apple, pear juice, actual prunes, and prune packs with yogurt. That all worked for us. When Twyla skips a day and then she's miserable again the next day and won't go poop, we are right on that suppository once again. Over the last few weeks (our pediatrician told us to use them for two weeks straight), after two weeks of doing that, we got her on a regular daily pooping pattern. We didn't need to use them again for another month, and then she was like, I'm going to wait again. Another day passed and on the third day there was no rising, and there was a suppository given. :)

Another solution: you can Google poop candy. If you mix coconut oil with peanut butter or chocolate and then freeze or refrigerate it, that coconut oil can really help a bowel movement to happen. I like to make homemade coconut cream ice cream with frozen bananas and frozen strawberries. You can Google that too, but that coconut oil is really good for lubing things up and combating constipation.

Magnesium powder - I've heard this from another mom. I haven't tried it but I did take Calm, a brand of magnesium powder, while I was pregnant for restless leg syndrome, to help me sleep, help me relax, and also to loosen my bowels. She's used it on her infant, but again, do your own research and see if you can do that.

Magnesium oil on the surface of the skin and on the belly is what another mom suggested on Instagram the other day, and a child sized dose of laxative. Consult with your pediatrician, but little doses of laxative could help as well, if you're facing this.

(Honestly, I usually don't just revert to my pediatrician for everything because I'm a pretty natural mama and I can handle stuff - I've had five kids. However, with Twyla I decided to ask her opinion, and the suppositories and the juices and everything were her first choice. Her second choice, if this doesn't work, was that we were going to give a child size dose of adult laxative.)

The other thing I really want you to do if you're working on a solution is keep a log (no pun intended). Write down on your calendar or on your phone: pooped, pooped, pooped - on which day they pooped, because you will lose track of what days that happened and you want to get on a regular rhythm.

Again, if you have a fever with this or changes in energy level and your child is not normal, you need to probably see a doctor right away.

But, that's everything I have about constipation. 

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 5/5/20

The post Constipation woes appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Translations of this post: Italian | Spanish

This post was originally posted on July 23, 2018, and has been fully updated on November 11, 2025 to include some basic updates. Enjoy! xx Andrea

If you want to watch me record today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

New parents in the western world are constantly wondering: when can I begin potty training?

(Some don’t even realize that, with the right information, they can even begin potty training their baby.)

In this article I will share what ages are best to begin potty training your child.

We’ll look at options for the first year of life (yes! you heard me right), the 12-18 month range, and 18 months and beyond.

There is a lot of crap out there on the internet about potty training, pun absolutely intended. It can boggle the mind.

And there are a lot of marketing-fueled lies circulating (with the primary aim of selling more diapers).

So. Because the current society is so convinced of certain mistruths, we need to push those aside right now.

Before we dive into which potty training method works best for each age range (super-detailed info below), let’s first get something crystal- clear:

There is no scientific study that actually proves that early potty training will harm your child (contrary to Dr Hodges’ marketing influence, which is based on a study that doesn’t say early potty training will damage them, but that incomplete emptying of the bladder will. Read more about this misinformation here.)

(Read this article that compares and cites all the science that proves this, inarguably.)

The point:

• If your child is already over 18 months old, get educated and begin potty training this week.

• If your child is less than 18 months old, it can only BENEFIT your child to begin TODAY, in some way, big or small.

The science supports it.

Again, I will break the ages down further, below, so keep on reading.

Early, early, early. As early as birth.

(As early as wherever YOU are when you read this post.)

Establishing healthy potty use and attitudes from an early age is beneficial to your child, on so many levels.

(Read more about this choice here.)

Full permission granted to choose what works for you (and a little bit of learning might be necessary so you can feel confident executing this decision!).

Okay, now that this myth is completely disproven, we can confidently move in to answer the question: “At what age can I potty train my child?”

There are 3 different age ranges where you can comfortably begin toilet training your child. It just so happens that the ranges begin right at birth, so the decision really just comes down to:

(1) educating yourself about the options,

(2) deciding what you and your family value as far as infant hygiene and healthy toileting habits go, as part of the big picture of raising a baby,

(3) considering your level of motivation to give your baby the best start possible on all levels: feeding, sleep, pottying, and engagement with people and nature, and

(4) considering your mental and physical wellbeing, level of support, and positive encouragement from others.

Let's take a look at these 4 aspects now.

I think that the biggest block people have about starting potty training is not knowing where to begin, which is #1 above: education.

Below I'm going to break up the different toileting start ages, define each for you, and then direct you to the top resources on each topic. From there, you can make the decision of what is right for you.

(If you're motivated to begin right away with one of the below methods, you can leave this blog post through one of the below links...and never come back!)

After this, we'll cover #2, family values about toileting and hygiene.

Before we type-it-out, here is a nice image that shows you quickly which method works for which age:

The method you would use for starting potty learning with babies 0-12 months is called "elimination communication." It is a way of tending to your child's natural instincts for cleanliness by learning and responding to the signals, rhythms, and preferences of your baby.

It is not hard to do, and you can do it part-time! And the earlier you start, the sooner you integrate this into your life and it becomes your "normal"...no potty training usually necessary.

Learn more about elimination communication on my EC 101 page here.

Or dive in with my popular book here.

To start potty training with 11-16 month (likely) walking babies, which is actually considered by Montessori school of thought to be the "sensitive period" (the BEST time!) to begin toilet learning, you would use either pure EC or a hybrid of EC/potty training.

This is a time period where you can both begin and wrap up toilet learning all within one developmental stage!

Learn more about why starting at 12-18 months is great with this post and video here.

Or, grab my book which comes with the hybrid EC/potty training plan as a bonus download. In it, you can learn about starting and using "pure EC" (which is what I've always done with my babies to practice and wrap up EC) and you can also learn the hybrid plan, which is great for more "advanced" babies or parents who have to get the kiddo into daycare asap.

To start toilet training a 15-20 month toddler, you've already mostly passed the EC window (although you can give it a whirl if you've got a super laid-back, not-yet-walking baby!)...and you're now sitting at what's called early start potty training. But, don't you dare feel bad! You will now spend less time potty training/doing EC and more time teaching the final pieces of independence. Like ripping off a Band-aid, potty training at 18-24 months is a much more rapid process than EC (and it should be! Toddlers crave mastery at this stage, and being lax or hands-off about toilet training at any toddler age is a disservice to your wonderful toddler!!).

Learn about early potty training on my Potty Training 101 page here.

Or, if you're ready to learn the best way to train, today, and be out of diapers within days or weeks (not months), then grab my potty training book here.

For this, you'd also do the same as the previous age range, but it's not going to be called early potty training...just your regular ole run-of-the-mill potty training (but pls don't use a boot camp or gradual plan!). Again, do not feel badly! The earlier you begin, the sooner you'll be done, and you do NOT have to wait for readiness signs or fear that you'll harm your child by doing the training too early. That is all BS funded by the diaper companies.

You can learn more about potty training here on my Potty Training 101 page.

Or you can (and should, if you don't mind me saying so!) potty train with my popular book and get this thing done already. Full permission granted.

Alright. Now that we've covered #1, let's quickly cover #2-4 of the decision-making process for when to start toilet learning, birth thru 24+ months.

Have a chat with your spouse, partner, or BFF.

Do diapers make sense, or is toileting (even part-time) going to be more in alignment with your baby-raising goals of health and happiness for your little guy or gal?

Do you understand the benefits of early toileting, and how it can positively influence your baby for his/her entire lifetime?

Have you looked at the science supporting early toilet training?

Consider what your family values in this department, which you may never have discussed until today, and then make a commitment to doing something about it starting right this moment (even a paradigm shift in your mind will be a big step!).

Integrating this decision into your family values is a sure-fire way to make sure it doesn't slip thru the cracks.

(I mean, do you let feeding your baby fall thru the cracks? Nope. Because you value it and understand it.)

Okay, so we just looked at our family values and had a talk with our significant people about what rank toileting has in our overall baby-raising plan.

Now, consider your motivation levels.

Are you completely sold that this is gonna be in everyone's best interest?

Do you want to save money? Time? Messy cleanup effort? The environment?

You are motivated to feed your child, provide adequate sleep, and help her/him engage with people and nature.

What is your level of motivation to help your child go to the bathroom in the proper receptacle? Give it a good honest look.

Do you have post-partum depression? Well, I've been thru that multiple times and can tell you that EC actually helped me get thru the baby blues and helped me connect with my baby during those dark times.

Are you recovering from a C-section birth? You can totally start observing and cueing along with your baby, even if you can't yet support her/his weight on your own.

Could EC or early toilet learning make you feel better, more connected, more useful at this point? Yes!

Take an honest look at where you're at, and then surround yourself with education and support.

You can begin potty training at any age so long as you have these things in place.

(Btw, my books both come with private support groups - full of positive encouragement! - run by my Certified Coaches to help you thru any hiccups in the process...we've got you covered in case nobody in your town gives a flip about early toilet training!)

So, now that we've looked at how to decide when to begin potty training your child, let's next look over a few dangling facts and then an exact starting point.

Which is the best time to potty train your child? Whatever age your child currently is. That is the best time to start the learning...now!

What is the current average age of potty training completion in the US? 36-38 months average.

What is the current age of toileting independence in the rest of the world? 12 months average.

What was the toilet training age in 1957 in the US? 92% of children were toilet trained by 18 months of age.

What would happen if we reduced the toilet training age by 1 year (from 3 to 2 years old)? The diaper companies would lose approximately $8 billion/year in revenues.

Ok! We’re on the same page now. Next up...

Scroll back up to where I cover the different start ages, above, for the details on free and paid resources you should begin with, or you can start with my free guides:

EC Easy Start Guide

or

3-day Potty Training Primer

Lastly, I'm a practical gal, and I love sharing the tools that I've found to be the BEST of the best for easy pottying, including clothing, potties, and "back-ups" (diapers and alternatives) for EC and early potty training.

Grab my Supply List here for free and get geared up for your journey.

And, remember, I'm here for you, and so are our network of coaches!

You can begin potty training at any age, starting as early as birth. It just looks a little different at each stage. Go Diaper Free is here to educate you, no matter where you are on that spectrum.

And, no shame mama/daddy! You are where you are right now, given what you've learned so far. Now you know some more stuff about what age is best to begin potty training, so get educated and get started today. We're rooting for you!

Getting EC Back on Track: a minicourse that walks you through observation, logging, and getting back on the EC wagon

Potty Time Mastery: a minicourse that helps you get extremely good at detecting the 4 ways to know the baby has to pee

Go Diaper Free: my popular EC book that simplifies EC, beginning to end

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

The post At what age can I potty train my child? appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Translations of this post: Italian

This is part 2 of sharing stories from a few groups of indigenous peoples around the world who still potty their babies and do not use diapers.

Today we are going to cover some of the indigenous peoples of Asia.

I get asked this question all the time: do people do “elimination communication” in indigenous communities, or is it altogether something different?

I’ve answered this over in part 1 of this series here.

Okay so let’s get on with today’s stories! I’ve hand-picked my faves from Laurie Boucke’s encyclopedic book, Infant Potty Training: a gentle and primeval method adapted to modern living, and also an article by Continuum Concept author Jean Leidloff (OMG if you haven’t read either of these books, please do so immediately!).

Today we will share about infant potty training habits in Asia - we did Africa last time, and we’ll pick up with Antarctica and the Americas in the final story-sharing episode of this series in a few weeks.

Most of these, except the Balinese which was written by Jean, I will read directly from Laurie’s book, specifically Part 4, Cross-cultural Studies, pages 317-328 - definitely get a copy of her book if you want to read the longer stories and even more from this trailblazing EC expert. She also has a shorter ebook available on Kindle - Infant Potty Basics.

Here we go! Please enjoy listening as you get things done around the house or in the yard. :)

The undiapered baby is held away from the caregiver when the caregiver thinks he will urinate. All routine caregiving activities are performed while the baby faces outward....The 12- to 18-month old...begins to understand to go outside to urinate and defecate.

The teaching of sphincter control is meant to start at the age of three months when the children are taken out on the balcony at regular intervals; they should learn to cry when they want to be taken out and by the time they can crawl should be able to crawl themselves.

Sikh mothers generally begin toilet training in infancy. They quickly learn to sense when their babies need to go through observation of, or advice from, more experienced women. They use timing, intuition and cues from baby. A mother will either squat and hold her baby in position in her arms or else sit on the floor or ground and use her feet to form a toilet seat for the baby.

In traditional Sikh society, babies do not wear diapers. From birth, they are taught modesty and wear special Sikh underwear.

The whole family sleeps in one room. Sturdy cots the size of a single bed are the norm. The baby usually sleeps on the mother's chest or right next to her, without diapers. A mother is so attuned to her baby that she automatically wakes up during the night when it is time for her baby to go.

Most claim their babies are toilet trained around the age of 6 to 9 months. This takes into account the fact that a child still needs some help getting to the bathroom, undressed and into position.

Infant toilet training is the standard method used throughout the country (by Hindus, Muslims, etc., as well as the Sikhs). In addition, this same method is used throughout heavily populated neighboring countries such as Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka.

"When the infant is anywhere from 22 days to 10 months old, the mothers start trying to anticipate urination before the baby wets his diapers. Each mother trains herself to the child's particular cues, squirming, peculiar facial expressions, and so on, or keeps a kind of mental time check. Holding the infant in a semi-sitting position out over the edge of the porch, and supporting him under his knees with her hands and at his back with her chest, she coaxes gently, repeating 'shi-shi' until he urinates onto the ground outside. If the mother is successful in her efforts, she hugs, kisses, and praises the infant. On the other hand, if she does not reach him in time and he is already wet, she will hold the child over the wet diaper and say 'shi-shi'. This is to ensure he has fully eliminated, or if the interval between diaper checks has been long, to make certain he does not urinate again before putting on a fresh change."

"Then he gave signs of wanting to pee. He wasn't wearing diapers. The parents told him to go to the edge of the floor (there was no wall on that side) to go — and the child went by himself, relieved himself over the edge and came back. There was no sharpness. It was just, "This is where you go." It wasn't angry or punishing and it wasn't permissive. It was the third way — to give the child the information about what to do, because that is what social beings want to know."

Mothers are very sensitive to their children's elimination schedule. "Time and again the mother will put the child off the mat just before it urinates. One mother stated that she knew her child would urinate right after it awakened, and after it ate. The mother, seated on the floor, stretches her legs out in front of her and places the child with its head on her knees and its body lying along her legs towards the ankles. The child urinates in this position. After it is placed in this manner, the mother makes a sound with lips moving which sounds like 'pspspsps.' There is a special Trukese word for this sound, and it is always used when the child urinates at the direction of its mother. Supposedly it represents the sound of flowing urine, and should give the child the idea that it is now time to urinate. This direction is not always obeyed by the child, and accidents do occur on the mat. In this case, the mother wipes up the urine with a towel or rag and does not express concern over it....

After he is one year old the child may begin to show some concern over pleasing his elders in this respect, and it is during this time that he is told what is desired of him although never in severe terms.

"Mothers will take small babies out of the house when they awake or at other times when they may be expected to urinate, and will carry them out also if they begin to defecate, if this is convenient; but if it's not, the feces are simply cleaned up off the mat or the mother's legs or wherever they may be with no apparent concern. The child's buttocks are usually cleaned with the mother's finger and rinsed with water. Later, when the child can walk, he will be gently directed outside when he eliminates, but a lapse is not punished."

The mother makes no attempt at toilet training while the child is still an infant; she simply learns to anticipate his bowel and bladder movements, quickly lifting him from her lap and holding him over the earth floor. The feces are then wiped up with a lead. Sometimes the mother does not lift the child quickly enough and he urinates on her leg. In such cases the lead is again used, and the child is not held accountable for the mistake.

"Cleanliness training begins at approximately the same age as weaning. The mother is comparatively gentle in teaching her child toilet habits. She tells him that adults can go outside near the garbage heap to urinate. and that he is big enough to do likewise. Similarly, she points out that adults do not defecate in the house but in the household latrine. She takes the child with her to the latrine and holds him while he relieves himself until he has learned to do this without assistance. When I asked an informant whether a mother punishes her child if he persistently defecates in the house, he answered: 'No, of course not. He is her own child, isn't he? Why should she punish him? It is her duty to clean up after him if he defecates in the house.' Although this may express the theoretical position of the Kwoma native, in actual practice the infant is more recalcitrant, and the mother less patient than the statement would indicate."

"Cleanliness habits are usually already established by the time a boy or girl reaches childhood. Informants stated that if a slip occurs it is the child's own business except that he is forced to clean up after himself."

"Swaddling is common in the winter. The baby is wrapped in a large piece of cloth that covers all of his body, except for the head and buttocks. Training the infant to control his bowel movements begins as early as between four and six months of age (bladder control is considered of less importance) and thus the buttocks must be left uncovered."

Clothing consists of a short shirt or dress. No diapers or underwear are worn. "The infant is covered loosely, if at all, below the waist. We noticed that in almost all instances of the child's wetting the mother, her response was to merely shift the child to a dry part of the lap and shift the wet portion of the skirt so that it would dry. There was no verbal or facial recognition of  the incident….Precautions are taken, however, against the mother's clothes being soiled by feces. A folded cloth is kept under the buttocks of infants, and after defecation, the cloth is replaced....At 6 months or so, training is begun by moving the child to a corner of the kitchen porch over the waste-puddle for both urination and defecation."

"Toilet training is intensified some time before weaning, usually at about 1 1/2 years when the child is able to understand simple verbal instruction and express his need to urinate or defecate...bowel, like bladder control, is attained with no apparent resistance."

"Carrying her child on her back, the mother soon becomes sensitized to motions or cries indicating that the child is about to urinate or defecate and she removes it from her back and holds it over the ground or ditch to relieve itself. Toilet training thus begins at a very early age, for when a child urinates the mother makes a whistling sound. Soon, she begins holding the child and making the whistling sound to encourage it to urinate."

More serious toilet training begins around the end of the first year. Once children can walk, they have no problem, continuing on their own, in part because they wear open pants. All they have to do to stay clean and dry is squat.

By the time the child is six-or-seven-months-old, his diaper is replaced by training pants - pants split open at the crotch.

"Toilet training is not something that arouses much concern or interest among Taiwanese mothers. The intimate contact between mother and child during the first few months allows the mother to 'know' her baby very well. Mothers claim to be able to identify the restless movements the child makes before she urinates and to use this signal to spread the child's legs and hold her away from their own body. The mother accompanies this act with a whistling noise so that in time the child associates the sound with the activity and empties her bladder on command. Diapers are used only at night, and many mothers claim even these can be dispensed with after six weeks. Mothers say they can keep a dry bed by holding the baby over the edge several times each night (the advantage of earth or concrete floors) and whistling. Bowel control is equally undramatic. When a child can walk she is encouraged to go to a garbage heap or drainage ditch. Accidents are not punished, unless one counts the looks of disgust by an older sister who has to clean it up. Undoubtedly the great number of acceptable toilet areas takes the emotional pressure off both mother and child."

In their 1977 book The Tibetan Art of Parenting Ann Maiden and Edie Farwell include a general description of Tibetan toilet training. "Toilet training often begins with association by sound. The mother makes a specific sound and then the child slowly identifies that sound with the need to use the toilet pot. Soon the child learns to make these sounds, and in response the mother points to a place for the child to go, or bring the pot herself. By one-and-a-half or two years old, the child does this independently.

Diapers are not used, "the child being put to sleep in his cradle bundled up with a type of soil that soaks up the urine." The wet soil is dried in the sun and used again in the same way. "Occasionally a kind of wooden apparatus is fitted to the child's genital area, the urine passing through a pipe to a receiving cup on the floor." Children wear dresses without underwear so as to make it easy to eliminate. Defecation is a private function which is performed out of sight while urination is performed casually in public. As soon as they can walk, toddlers are taken by older children to specified defecation locations. "Appropriate toilet behavior is regulated by shaming, and the children seem to learn quickly and sensitively about what is required of them."

I hope you enjoyed listening to these stories as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. A big thank you to Laurie Boucke - please get a copy of her book and enjoy reading and seeing all the photos of these lovely historic accounts of indigenous pottying habits, as well as a history of the evolution of Western potty training habits. Also a big thank you to Jean Liedloff - she passed away earlier this century yet her book The Continuum Concept leaves us a valuable glimpse into what life was like in Stone Age South America...something that has likely already disappeared from existence. With so much gratitude, Jean.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

All images (c) Laurie Boucke, Infant Potty Training

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 4/14/20

The post Infant Potty Training in Indigenous Asia appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Translations of this post: Spanish | Italian | Hungarian

Recently I got on the phone with around 40 parents who follow Go Diaper Free on Instagram or Facebook and asked them a billion questions.

I was surprised at how many people had been following me, downloading my free guides, even purchasing my books and potties...but hadn’t even begun EC yet.

If you’re sitting on all this information but haven’t gotten up the gusto to start elimination communication with your baby, and you maybe don’t even know what’s stopping you, this episode is for you!

By the end of it, I hope you will feel empowered to JUST START.

Let’s start by discussing what could be stopping you from starting EC with your baby. (Because if we don’t know what we’re dealing with, we can not overcome it!)

Information Overload

If you’re like my mother, you will read up on something and gather all the gear until you can’t read up or gather any longer...and the sheer mass of information you’ve learned will have frozen you in your tracks.

Stop learning about it. Stop dreaming about it. Stop everything and put this down and take that diaper off. Take your baby at the very next wake-up. You have enough knowledge - stop ingesting information and collecting inspiration and START TAKING ACTION.

(Then come back and geek out some more once you actually get your feet wet.)

The Desire for Perfection

A lot of the parents I interviewed, especially the mamas, said that they were so worried about effing it up that they haven’t started EC yet for fear of failure. The thing is, you can’t be perfect at EC...it’s not built that way. It is a learning process, and most of our learning, unfortunately, happens through trip-ups and missteps.

Guess what? If your baby misses (ie: has an accident), you LEARN! If you misguess, you LEARN! It is ALL learning. EC is a longer game than potty training, so trying to be perfect at it is a recipe for disaster...esp if that desire for “don’t try it unless you can be perfect” keeps you from ever even beginning EC. Sounds crazy, but a lot of us have this exact block creeping around in our subconscious minds.

Safety on the Sidelines (hello: reality TV! hello: social media!)

I’ll use my mom as an example again (don’t worry, she owns this). She lives vicariously through other people (and constantly calls me to tell me how such-and-such is doing, even though she’s never met the person...er...bachelorette). It is sooo much easier to cheer from the sidelines, and coach or critique from the sidelines, than to be IN THE GAME.

Social media allows us to be voyeurs and never leave our safety zones. So does reality TV. I remember when reality TV became a thing in the 90s...MTV, anyone?...and people became so vicariously fed through others’ drama, mishaps, loves, and follies. It was crazy, and still is. Instagram influencers have us all worried about the fact that our own homes aren’t bathed in natural light with white and tan furniture that our babies NEVER mess up...and that they’ve clearly had a shower and we haven’t in days...when this simply isn’t the case in real life.

So, back to elimination communication - watching from the sidelines is safe - it is reality TV. Getting in the game is harder and less predictable - it is, however, real life...which is way more rewarding.

This Baby is So Fragile! (And small! How do I handle a newborn?)

Geez I feel like what I’m about to share is so controversial that it deserves a disclaimer: I am not responsible for how you handle your baby. Do so with care, calm, gently, and with respect to baby and his/her safety. Thank you.

Now, I will tell you a quick story. I was in Ghana, West Africa, in a remote village, back in 2000. I was 19 years old. Brand new newborns were strapped snugly to mamas’ backs with a 3 yard piece of fabric - the moms danced so briskly and energetically that the babies’ heads were bobbing all over the place (and I felt very worried about them!). These same mamas’ babies and toddlers were also very mobile very early, very happy, and healthy as a whip. I came away from that experience feeling that maybe newborns aren’t as fragile as we think.

(You can probably criticize my unscientific findings...that is fine. With my own babies I was taught early on to not be afraid to “handle” them, and for me it’s worked out just fine...they were all mobile early, healthy as whips, and very well-cared for.)

Even if you don’t buy my story, no worries. Most every baby over 99.99999% of human history was pottied from babyhood, didn’t soil the den or cave or hut, and didn’t wear a diaper as a toilet. Babies over human history have been pottied from birth...yours can be, too.

But more importantly - be courageous. I’m encouraging you to be courageous. Hold your baby gently*, securely, and take a deep breath...relax...make the sound of shushing water or grunting, bearing down...and know that billions have gone before you.

Once you try it, you’ll probably chuckle at how natural it felt to give your baby this wonderful bit of dignity and respect. Respectful Parenting...welcome to it.

*This is a picture of how to hold your newborn gently and securely - loosely hold their thighs without holding them open, but moreso supporting their weight, and lean their back and wobbly little head against the front of your torso. This is the Classic EC position - point and shoot. You can even cradle them in the nook of your elbow and then hold the thighs and aim - the Cradled Classic position, below that.

I’m an Overplanner (I mean, the stakes are high!)

If you are the type of parent who read 13 books while pregnant and still google every single little thing that veers from normal, and you’ve got developmental toys stashed away for ages 0-4, this is for you honey.

You can’t plan for everything...the stakes aren’t that high...and EC will teach you the beautiful art of letting go and going with the flow!

Overwhelmed...why add one more thing?

“I feel so completely overwhelmed with ALL the things I’m supposed to be doing - I am afraid adding one more thing will break me.”

If this is you, you are soooo not alone. But the newsflash is: EC takes the overwhelm OUT of being a brand new parent. It helps you know your baby on this other level that actually informs everything else. It provides a rhythm to your day, another piece of the mysterious puzzle (um, where is the handbook for this new baby?!), a point of deep connection, a great conversation starter (with baby), and it really helps you focus on the very few things that matter most - is my baby eating, pooping, peeing, and sleeping enough? EC is like half of that.

I’ve heard so many moms say they felt way less overwhelmed with ALL of being a new mama once they started doing even very-part-time EC.

Part Time, With Diapers

I don’t even know if I have to say it after saying it SO many times in the past...but you can do EC part-time, with diapers as a backup. You can use the clothes and diapers you currently have and do EC successfully. You can do it so part time that it might feel like nothing, and that could make getting out of diapers by 18 months a piece of cake. You can just do the poops. Or the wake-ups. Or the before- and after- daycare parts of the day.

It all works out in the end. If thinking elimination communication has to be all-in, no-holds-barred, 100% full time, no diapers...any of those things...you have been misinformed. Do it your way, anyway.

And OMG, what will people say?

Please do EC in private if this is what’s keeping you from starting EC. Be what I like to call a “closet ECer.” Then, when your child is completely done with diapers, or when you’re completely over this fear, tell the world, yell it from the mountaintops...and enjoy being the bearer of good news to people who need it.

Okay, now that we’ve discussed what could get in your way, if you didn’t already know, let’s talk about the easiest way to begin EC today.

(Because once we rid your subconscious of all this shadowy blockage stuff - all of the above - you can truly begin EC without so many unknown barricades.)

Take off the diaper. There, you’ve started.

This may sound funny, but it’s what one mama I interviewed told me she was told when she posted about her apprehension on an EC Facebook group. Truly the very best advice I’ve ever heard. Take off the diaper. There, you’ve started.

Open it up, see what you can see.

This is what that advice-giver meant...once the diaper is off, and you’ve started, you can bravely look at what’s been hidden from your view since your baby was born. You can begin to look for signals, feel less worried about having the diaper off for more than a moment while you change it, start to get the hang of your child’s natural potty timing. Stuff like that.

Get into the mindset - the diaper paradigm shift.

What is this diaper for? Well, when you start EC, it quickly becomes a back-up, whether 24/7 or for whenever you’re not actively doing EC...for when you miss each other...for when you are making dinner and can’t possibly look out for signals or signs while cooking...for when you’re in the car or baby’s sleeping...for those times when baby is whipping through developmental milestones like it’s no thang, and that is allll they’re focused on. Times like that.

When you start EC, the diaper is no longer a full-time wearable toilet (OMG, who EVER thought THAT was a good idea????)...it is now a back-up for when you miss each other.

The reality is that all babies over all of human history were pottied - so get over your fears and just do it!

Seriously. All babies for all of human history. Whether you know where to begin or not, know that billions have gone before you.

Name it.

This is a little something I learned in grad school at Pacifica Graduate Institute. By naming something that has been tripping you up, you bring that something into the conscious mind. It’s like shining a light on the shadow, on the darkness. When you name whatever stumbling block you’ve had or you currently have, it brings it to the conscious mind where it can no longer control you and wreak havoc on your best-laid plans.

So, take a moment and name which one of the blocks I’ve named is yours (or one that I may have missed) to diffuse its power over you and allow you to take that diaper off. There, you’ve begun.

More specifically, here are some specific ways to begin EC after you’ve bravely taken off the diaper and begun.

Decode your baby.

What does it mean when your baby cries? Potty time is part of that. The need to go and the desire to not have to do it on themselves...this is so primal and important for us parents to tune into.

Look up Dunstan Baby Language on YouTube and you’ll see the cry for “discomfort” - that is the closest to a potty signal that I’ve ever heard.

Also, observation logging can only help. Download my observation log below and learn how to use it over here on this episode (#83.5a). Learn your baby’s signals and natural timing, which will inform you about when to take him or her potty.

Worst case, start with one of the 4 easy catches and go from there.

If you don’t want to do observation time, or if observation time has yielded nothing, take a look at the 4 easy catches:

Pick one of them and do it every day for a week. Then add another if you wish. See how it goes. This is probably the easiest way to build confidence and habits around when to potty your baby.

Get really good at EC.

You could also do well to learn the big picture and all the necessary details of starting and doing EC, day-to-day, with my popular book on EC: Go Diaper Free. If you want to skip the learning curve, this is your best bet.

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 4/7/20

The post Just START appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Translations of this post: Italian | Spanish

I don’t know about you, but I am all about some good storytelling!

Today I’m going to begin sharing some stories about how a few groups of indigenous peoples around the world, in today’s world to be specific, potty their babies and do not use diapers.

Today we are going to start with some of the indigenous peoples of Africa.

I get asked this question all the time: do people do “elimination communication” in indigenous communities, or is it altogether something different?

I think it’s the same in the big picture...but different in so many small ways!

I mean, it’s definitely different to do EC in the Western world because...

To be honest, most other cultures don’t even have a name for this! That’s another difference for sure - we Westerners have named something in order to understand it and reintegrate it into our day-to-day lives.

Okay so let’s get on with the stories! I’ve hand-picked my faves from Laurie Boucke’s encyclopedic book, Infant Potty Training: a gentle and primeval method adapted to modern living...with the author's permission. She also has one of her books available on Kindle - Infant Potty Basics.

We will begin today with infant potty training habits in Africa, and pick up with other regions over a series of several podcasts over the next few months.

Most of these are from Laurie’s book, specifically Part 4, Cross-cultural Studies, pages 299-316 - definitely get a copy of her book if you want to read the longer stories and even more from this trailblazing EC expert.

Here we go! Please enjoy listening as you wash the dishes or do the laundry. ;)

“Elimination has no social consequences for Zhun/twa infants (though it does for problem ‘bedwetters’ in later childhood). Before he can crawl easily the infant routinely urinates and defecates in someone’s lap. Usually he is not even moved until it is finished, and it is cleaned up with no comment whatever. Gradually, as he acquires control and mobility, he is told to leave the house and, after he is walking well, to leave the village. In many observed episodes, no infant or child has ever been in the least upset in connection with elimination (except infants in the first two or three months upset by the change in position required for cleaning), nor, for that matter, has any adult… Since infants are unclothed and soiling attended to immediately, wetness is never a cause of crying.”

Joseph Chilton Pearce presents a slightly different rendition. “Konner, in his studies of the Zhun/Twasi, an African hunting-gathering culture, found the infants carried in the Ugandan fashion. These mothers always knew when the infant was going to urinate or defecate and removed the child to the bushes ahead of time. The mother sensed the general state of the infant and anticipated the infant’s every need.”

Melvin Konner has confirmed that both of these descriptions agree with his observations. “I would say the mother’s response might be either to anticipate and hold the baby away from her; or if she missed the cue, to hold the baby away from her after the baby begins urinating or defecating.” If she misses the chance completely, she cleans up afterwards. “In any case, the nonchalance is what impressed me, coming from a culture where we are anything but nonchalant!”

“Babies are naked and, since there are no floors but the desert sand, not much is made of their urinating wherever they are. When they defecate, they are wiped with grass and the fecal matter is cleaned up at once by some older child or adult and carried off. As soon as children can walk fairly well, they are led by the hand and encouraged to go out of the werf for their toilet needs, at first for the sake of cleanliness and, as they grow older, for the sake of modesty as well.”

They started bowel and bladder training at 2 to 3 weeks of age and had succeeded with all aspects reasonably well by the age of 4 to 6 months.

“The mother takes a teaching role and assumes all responsibility in the initial phase of the training process. She places the infant in a special training position outside the house, at first at times when she senses that the infant needs to eliminate (after feeding, when waking from naps, etc.), with the idea that he will soon learn to let her know more independently.... For voiding. This is done many times during the day and night.”

"Toilet training is permissive and gradual; in Tiriki huts, which mostly have floors of pounded earth smeared with dung, accidental soiling by a baby does not pose much of a cleanup problem. Babies are not diapered, and the adult or child nurse is quick to hold the infant away from her body at the first sign of evacuation. Babies astride the nurses' hips are conditioned to go outdoors to a secluded spot, such as a banana patch, to defecate even before they can walk, and after they are walking they soon learn to head for the out-of-doors on their own through being verbally reminded or, if necessary, picked up and carried to the door. When they are a bit older children learn through the example and admonitions of their elders."

"A child is carried on his mother's back for approximately the first 3 years of life. Around the age of 6 months, the mother sits her baby between her legs and encourages him to defecate either on the ground or into a little pot. Some mothers make little noises to encourage the elimination. These vocalizations are more systematic among the Bambara, who comprise the ethnic majority of Mali. Dogon mothers never scold their babies about elimination. A mother sometimes receives assistance from her older daughter(s), sisters and aunts but generally not from her brothers or other men."

"I believe Dogon babies finish toilet training around 18 months, depending on their position in the sibling hierarchy and also on the mother's desires. Dogon women have very heavy workloads, and the time they have to dedicate to their babies depends on the degree of maternal fatigue and also on how much time they have available after work. Their available free time can also vary with the seasons and the time of day in question."

"Very young children are carried most of the time on the backs of their mothers or, in rare instances, of nurses. Unless prevented by special circumstances, a mother takes her baby with her wherever she goes, and women may be seen selling in the market, carrying burdens on the road, working in the fields, or dancing in ceremonial dances with their infants straddling their backs. A child is trained by the mother who, as she carries it about, senses when it is restless, so that every time it must perform its excretory functions, the mother puts it on the ground. Thus in time, usually two years, the training process is completed. If a child does not respond to this training, and manifests enuresis at the age of four or five, soiling the mat on which he sleeps, then, at first, it is beaten. If this does not correct the habit, ashes are put in water and the mixture is poured over the head of the offending boy or girl who is driven into the street where all the other children clap their hands and run after the child singing, Adida go ya ya ya ("Urine everywhere.")

"In Whydah, the child is taken to the lagoon and washed, this being repeated a second time if necessary. If the habit is then not stopped, a live frog is attached to the child's waist, which so frightens the offender that a cure is usually effected in. In Abomey, however, beating is the customary punishment.

Toilet training for the new infant is minimal. "The mother tries to learn when the child is likely to urinate. At first the child is merely wiped clean by the mother but as soon as it can sit up, it is placed astride her ankles with its back resting on her upturned feet. A little whole is dug on the sandy soil between the ankles and the infant then has a simple and comforting toilet ready made for it by the mother. Afterwards, its loins are washed and the hole covered up with sand."

"Toilet training is geared to the acquisition of walking skills. As soon as the child is able to toddle on its feet, the adult woman in whose hut it lives starts enforcing the rule that the child should go outside the hut, stoop on the ground and use only the left hand for any function having to do with toilet activities. Failure to learn these skills is met with more insistent pressure as time goes on. A young child only recently weaned who cannot accomplish facile toilet functions may not even be scolded, However, with increasing frequency; the child is told that it is dirty, bad, and that it must not do such things as urinate on the hut floor."

"When a mother senses that her infant needs to defecate, she sits on the ground, holds him in position and has him eliminate next to her. No force used." "Stools are immediately thrown outside the encampment or village, When he's able to stand, move about and later walk, a child learns to defecate behind the huts or outside the encampment. If he goes in the wrong place, the mother or sister grabs a machete or large knife for scooping up the stools and soiled dirt, places it on a bed of dried leaves, then wraps it up in the leaves and throws it as far as possible into the vegetation outside the encampment or village. The rules are more strict in permanent encampments and shelters. The emphasis on toilet training is not as great among the Aka Pygmies as it is among the peoples of West Africa."

"In some other societies, a regular daily enema is given (via the mother's mouth or a device) for hygienic, therapeutic and preventive purposes. Once the cleansing liquid has been injected, the mother sits on a stool and seats the baby on her thighs above a receptacle."

"As in all societies, African mothers express their satisfaction with their babies. This is sometimes done in a different fashion than elsewhere, in that it is not always apparent to outsiders. In public, the mother is very reserved and adopts a mask of impassivity which conceals her satisfaction. This is done out of fear that too much praise of her baby will attract the attention of malicious and other jealous evil spirits. In contrast, the entourage of siblings and female neighbors never misses a chance to loudly acknowledge each new "performance" of the baby. Praise and approval are thus always present, though not necessarily displayed by the mother. "Mommies," "aunties," grandmothers or the entourage (especially women and children) play a preponderant role in teaching everyday social conventions. In this respect too, traditional roles fluctuate, delegating roles of authority to some and roles of tenderness to others.

"As for the role of the father, situations vary greatly, depending largely on his personality and on the status of the baby (first born, last born, boy, girl). There are societies where a father takes no part in the daily care of his babies and others, such as Pygmies or the Bassari of Senegal or in Asia, where the presence of men in their babies' lives is ubiquitous."

"In Africa, toilet training is completed at as young an age as possible. When ascertaining the age of completion, it is necessary to distinguish between bowel and bladder training, as well as between normal bowel movements and diarrhea (unfortunately fairly frequent in these regions)."

"In general, whether it be toilet training or its corollaries (for example, many cultures restrict wiping to use of the left hand), African cultures are very precious in this regard, with remarkable results. The early accomplishment of sphincter control corresponds to the rapid psychomotor development of babies up to 12-18 months and has been emphasized by experts in infancy. It is my opinion that this precocity is related to the incessant social stimulation to which infants are subjected, not only by their mothers until weaning/separation but also by the many other people involved."

Jacqueline Rabain told me that starting at the age of 2 months, a mother sits her infant on her ankles. She holds her ankles spread apart to make a place for the child to urinate or defecate. A baby can hold its head up straight at 2 months. The mother supports him in position on her ankles by holding his arms steady. She encourages the child to eliminate by making a whistling "sssss" noise. A mother does not compliment her baby when he has eliminated for her. She often passes the time chatting with other women during the potty process. This behavior is observed in 1965-66.

A child is not expected to be toilet trained before he can walk. Rabain states that she never saw children under 3 years of age being scolded for urinating on the ground. There is a lot of emphasis for the child to learn to defecate "in the bush" behind the home, This is learned mainly by imitating adults and older children; the baby is trained by their example.

"I made a field trip to the same villages and the same families in January-February 1994 and December 1998-January 1999. At that time, I observed that small plastic potties had been introduced and were available from the local street markets. They are fairly common now. I do not know if the pot is used as early sitting on the mother's ankles but saw it used by children from 18 months to 2 years of age."

"The control of urination and defecation forms part of the child's learning. That it be done successfully is a constant concern of the mother. Indeed, the marriage ceremonies foreshadow this." Men are discouraged from making disparaging comments about a mother's duty of toilet training her young and are taught to be patient with their wives should they find their clothes soiled by a child.

"A timed habit, absent in the case of feeding, one would expect  to be inculcated only by women who have come under European influence. Some of these began to train their children one or two months after birth to defecate at a fixed time every morning. In the majority of cases, however, regularity is not insisted upon. The child lies on a piece of leather. Any excreta have to be wiped away with dry grass as soon as possible to prevent the rotting of the hide and a bad smell. As long as the child is carried about, the mother closely observes it and develops an almost uncanny knack of guessing its needs, Whenever it wakens, becomes restless, or, in the case of a boy, has an erection of the penis, it is held out....As the child grows up and learns to walk, it is taught to retire into the [banana] grove.

"Enuresis calls for a variety of measures. The steps taken with smaller children are magical. When a baby is about nine months old. Its mother collects drops of rain in the hoof of a goat or the involutions of a colocasia leaf. This she gives to the child as a medicine, saying, "Take and drink this drug. It will keep you from wetting the bed." A bigger child is shown the puddle and scolded....Some children never learn to control urination, though they are scorned for their deficiency and told that this will be an obstacle to their marriage. (Enuresis is a ground for divorce). In such cases a boy prefers to sleep with the hens in a corner of the hut, where he can pass water with impunity."

As in many other societies, Chaga boys have a sense of humor where urine is concerned. "It serves as an ever-ready lubricant when boys make models out of clay, and occasionally they will urinate on each other for fun."

In Africa, it is rare to see a woman soiled by her baby. Africans "seem able to detect the slightest signals of their children's toilet needs. At the most subtle movement or change of breath, they understand the message and take them off their backs and put them onto their ankles in an instant. If an accident happens, the mother is ashamed and embarrassed.

"Some ethnologists qualify the commonly held belief that in Africa babies' bowel movements do not provoke revulsion. Nadine Wanono points out that long deodorant necklaces of cloves are worn by the mothers of young children, and Suzanne Lallemand reminds us that in many traditional rural societies men complain about these smells. In central Togo, there is even a song with the refrain, To smell as bad as a woman who has a baby."

"The method of training consists in holding the baby down in a squatting position, his feet on the ground, with the mother's arm passing across the baby's back, supporting it, and holding him under the arm farthest away from her. The mother's other hand usually was in the baby's body also, but it was not clear to my eye whether it was used to provide support or pressure. The baby is 'held down' immediately after he wakes from sleep and immediately after feeding. Indeed, as one of our old informants told us, the mother might interrupt feeding, if she sensed that he was about to have a bowel movement, and thus avoiding soiling."

The Luganda word for holding the child in this position is okusimba, a synonym for the verb "to plant." An alternative position observed by Dr. Hebe Welbourn and described as "holding out" refers to holding the baby under the armpits in a standing position, with his feet touching the ground.

The child eventually builds up an association between being held down (or out) and elimination. "Most mothers implied quite clearly that the practice of 'holding down' was designed to catch the child at an opportune time when he was ready to excrete but had not yet done so. They all placed stress on the need for vigilance of the child was to be caught. They attached importance to the convenience of avoiding soiled or wet beds by undertaking this practice, but at the same time they believe it to be a method of training."

The mothers displayed much patience throughout the period of training. Babies were never scolded or punished for accidents; instead, lapses of control were treated in a matter-of-fact manner without fuss.

Before he can actually signal his needs the mother gears her practices to what she has observed of the child 's rhythms, and holds him down at times when he is most likely to defecate or urinate. Soon he is able to signal his needs with special sounds that she recognizes even before he can verbalize. The extent to which control is something accepted by the child rather than imposed upon him is shown by his tendency to take the initiative himself in finding the appropriate place to excrete waste when he is old enough to get there under his own steam. All of this is contingent upon the mother's (or some other adult's or responsible child's) omnipresence and responsiveness which ensure that the baby's signals will not go unheeded."

Ainsworth theorizes that "it may well be the task of learning first of all that the bed is a place not to be wet or soiled is an easier one than learning that elimination can take place only in one place - on a potty or toilet. Having grasped this notion it is perhaps easier to take the next step of delaying until the proper place is reached than it would be to learn that all at once without intermediate objectives."

The Ugandan mother "never misreads the needs of her infant, whether he wants to suckle, urinate, defecate. In a quick and tender movement, she rolls him from her back onto her hip, then holds him against her chest with her wide hand; or she slides him to her side and holds him out by his arm so he doesn't get her wet; or else she takes him out of the cloth sling and holds him seated between her two hands so he doesn't soil himself and doesn't soil her."

A Ugandan mother is so intimately connected with her infant that she senses and responds to "the slightest movement, the tiniest whimper and the most subtle gesture" which communicate the child's needs. The same is true on occasions where she is not carrying him but has, in accordance with tradition and duty, offered him as a sign of welcome to a visitor to hold.

When the babies were old enough to walk, Geber observed them going outdoors, without prompting, to relieve themselves. She reported that Ugandan children completed toilet training between 15 and 24 months.

In his book Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce writes "Jean MacKellar told me of her years in Uganda, where her husband practices medicine. Local mothers brought their infants to see the doctor, often standing patiently in line for hours. The women carried the tiny infants in a sling, next to their bare breasts. Older infants were carried in the back, papoose style. The infants were never swaddled, nor were diapers used. Yet none of them were soiled when finally examined by the doctor. Puzzled by this, Jean finally asked some of the women how they managed to keep their babies so clean without diapers and such. 'Oh,' the women answered, 'we just go to the bushes,' Well, Jean countered, how did they know when the infant needed to go to the bushes? The women were astonished  at their question. How do you know when you have to go?' they exclaimed."

I hope you enjoyed listening to these stories as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. A big thank you to Laurie Boucke - please get a copy of her book and enjoy reading and seeing all the photos of these lovely historic accounts of indigenous pottying habits, as well as a history of the evolution of Western potty training habits.

xx Andrea

PS - here’s the video version of this episode in case you prefer to YouTube it. ;)

All images (c) Laurie Boucke, Infant Potty Training

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 3/31/20

The post Infant Potty Training in Indigenous Africa appeared first on Go Diaper Free.