From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! Deadpool.

Miri: Nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack! Zack: EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O’Donell, but if somebody said “I got a tape of Rosie O’Donell getting fucked stupid” I’d be like “Why the fuck aren’t we watching that right now?”

My path has been unstable, but my conviction is born to damn the fuckers who doubted me. To lessen the assholes who tested me. To right what is wrong, to restore faith that has long been lost, and to rise to great heights even beyond my own legend as a Great Cocksmith, Master Pintsman, and stunningly handsome Prince of Light

Always the same, and now all this. No more stones. No more spears. No more slings. No more swords. No more weapons! No more systems! No more! No more superpowers… So much faith in their tools, in their machines. You can fire your arrows from the Tower of Babel, but you can never strike god!

You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body… Extended Cut (64 minutes): https://www.patreon.com/posts/extended-cut-ep-6925916

Hey there, feller. This here’s Pappy, and it must be your lucky day ’cause I have some words of wisdom just for you. Listen up, now, you hear? A closed mouth gathers no foot! Yep, yep. That’s right. It’s a whole lot better to say just a little bit than to say too much and wish you hadn’t. You know

Did… you… see… the body? I ASSUMED he was DEAD! Assumption is the MOTHER of all fuck ups!

We’re gonna draw a little bit of everybody’s blood… ’cause we’re gonna find out who’s The Thing.

Picture a girl who took a nosedive from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Bad date? Don’t worry about lassies pal, you’ve got Stoo and Andy! This week we get lost in the dazzling eyes and features of Harrison Ford!