How do you handle moving, job loss, death, and other relationship changes?

00:30 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• We’re heading to Croatia for a vacation!

2:12 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

The gap between people’s stated positions and what they actually vote for.

5:28 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

5:51 Interview: Dan and dawn on poly change management

Dan and dawn have been a lifestyle couple since 2001 and have presented at over 100 events around North America. Not only do they enjoy teaching workshops and classes, they also share via books, specialized events, and fun consent negotiation playing cards! They were last on Poly Weekly in 2014 on episode 400: Poly for introverts.

They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening Podcast, an educational show that explores “all things erotic” since 2011; co-founders of the Columbus Space, an alternative community center; 2016 MAsT International Member’s Choice Presenter of the Year Award winner; Great Lakes region title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media.

Poly change management

• Embrace the power of “I don’t know”
• Balance appreciating what you have with mourning the loss of a partner or lifestyle
• Understand that emotions happen
• Change is a type of loss. Don’t avoid that grief; lean in to it.
• Update your partner before your Facebook status

Find Dan and Dawn at Erotic Awakening, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Find their polyamory toolkit here.

26:30 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

27:15 Listener question

A listener writes in asking for advice on continuing a romantic relationship. She was poly but agreed to marry her now-husband P with the idea that they would open up the marriage later. She has a friend of seven years, J, with whom she recently connected and wants to pursue a romantic relationship. She is anxious every time J goes on a date with someone else, fearing he’ll dump her for someone who will be monogamous with him. How does she avoid getting hurt by love?

• You don’t. To love is to risk vulnerability. You minimize risk by minimizing joy and intimacy.
• Take the Buddhist approach: embrace love, accept the pain that comes with it.
• If you really want to minimize pain, have some difficult conversations. Where is P in all this? Does he support you? Talk through best and worst case scenarios with P and J.

35:25 Feedback

Herbalwise recommends the 2014 movie The One I Love as semi-poly-friendly.

36:25 Thank you!

Welcome NS to the Poly Weekly playmates!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Leanne is a bisexual, autistic, Asian poly polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK.

00:30 Introduction and host chat

If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com

00:40 Poly in the news

Leanne was on the British version of Fox News talking about polyamory, and she ran circles around the host!

3:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

A white cis man’s view on abortion. Our big mistake is loading abortion with value and framing it as a women’s issue. It’s an issue of civil rights and bodily autonomy for all of us.

08:40 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

09:30 Interview: Leanne, PolyPhilia

Leanne is a polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK. She created the #PolyamoryTipoftheDay series, and has narrated several polyamory audiobooks. Her polyamory advocacy is influenced by her experiences as a bisexual, autistic, Chinese woman.

• Her poly origin story
• Why she started the PolyPhilia blog
• How to meme (Minx asks for a tutorial!)
• On being Asian and poly
• On being autistic and poly (her own experience only)
• How the hell do I use TikTok?

She offers peer support to non-monogamous individuals and couples worldwide, polyamory merch, Ko-Fi (like Patreon) with exclusive content for supporters, and narrates audiobooks about polyamory. All her links in one place.

Her blog is here, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok channels.  

41:45 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

42:10 Feedback

Thanks to David for writing in with such nice compliments, including “Your show has been nothing but truly enlightening to me.”

43:30 Happy poly moment

Lusty Guy shares his own happy poly moment!

Thank you!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

 

 

 

Emily Blake and Gabriel Figueroa share their goal with their new animated sex ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville. Support their Kickstarter here!

00:30 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• The empathy gap and why it’s hard to predict your behavior in a hot state when you’re in a cold state. Related to our idea of “experience shock.” Hidden Brain podcast The Empathy Gap
• A group at Harvard Law School, PLAC (Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, which is an initialism), is working on legal protections for poly folks. The Harvard Law article.

08:16 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: is it legal to require vaccines?

This issue was settled definitely by the Supreme Court in 1905 with Jacobson V Massachusetts.

13:19 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

14:15 Topic: Welcome to Kinkyville

We interview Gabriel Figueroa and Emily Blake about their new animated sex-ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville.

Emily and is a polyamorous switch and screenwriter who over the last three years has been developing Welcome To Kinkyville. She has been on more than one list of writers with great potential who almost sold a screenplay.  She's a script supervisor, an obsessive Dungeons and Dragons player, and a geek fashion designer. But mostly, she's on a crusade to rid the world of sexual shame and abuse brought on by years of oppressive societal conditioning. She is on Twitter a LOT.

Gabriel is was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He now lives in Hollywood where he is a professional trailer editor who's created commercials for Hollywood studios, streaming platforms and independent productions. He uses Twitter to raise awareness about polyamory and kink. Above all, he is known for his serious collection of hats and BDSM accoutrements.

Back their Kickstarter campaign, check out the Kinkyville Facebook page, their Kinkyville’s Twitter, the Kinkyville’s Instagram, their YouTube, and Emily’s Twitter account.

30:10 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

30:20 Feedback

The guy from episode 432 writes in with an update!

31:12 Happy poly moment

S shares an NRE happy poly moment.

32:20 Thank you!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener falls in love with a relapsed, suicidal alcoholic and asks how to move forward when her husband hates this new relationship that makes her so happy.

0:45 Introduction and host chat

If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: look at your party’s track record

The next time you’re wondering about what side of any given political debate to adopt, consider the track record of the folk advocating for each given side. If they are among those who think the 2020 election was stolen, say, you can reasonably assume they have a long track record of being wrong. And, as we all know, past behavior is the best predictor of future performance.

6:20 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

6:30 Topic: My husband doesn’t like that I’m dating a relapsed, suicidal alcoholic

A married listener is dating a relapsed alcoholic. When her husband asked her to stop seeing him, she tried, but he was too drunk to understand and then threatened suicide. A while later she took up with him again and tried to get him into a facility, and then she started not telling her husband when she was seeing him. How do you go forward when your husband hates the new relationship that makes you happy?

• Loving an addict is hard
• What does N’s wife have to say about his behavior?
• Forming feelings before meeting someone face to face is a warning sign
• This is why addicts lose everyone before they bottom out
• Put yourself and your safety (not your feelings) first

Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

18:05 Feedback

In response to episode 485, Kate says that aromantic folks call that emotion “squish”

18:50 Happy poly moment

A happy v in Montana!

Thank you!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener in a hierarchical relationship with her nesting partner asks how to start the conversation about moving to a more egalitarian one.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• In episode 189 of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, the guest Brea said they used Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up!

2:50 Poly in the news

Folks are getting serious about creating a new poly flag

5:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: A note to my fellow white people

White people don’t always know what racism is, and saying “I don’t see color” or confuse intentions with outcomes are signs that you don’t understand. Whites should listen to the Black voices around you and read How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi to start understanding.

9:35 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

10:00 Topic: Shifting from hierarchy to equality

A listener has a nesting partner, and when they started, they agreed to a hierarchy. Now she has a boyfriend, and she feels forced to make her boyfriend feel like a secondary partner. How does she open up a conversation with her nesting partner about moving to a more egalitarian model?

• Be brave and bring it up! Ask for what you want. Hear your partner’s needs without taking them personally.
• Maybe a theoretical And then what? exercise and start doing regular check-ins, if you’re not already.
• Equal or egalitarian? Equality or fairness? Equal respect, not equal outcomes.
• Define “hierarchy.” Get specific about new desired behaviors.

21:00 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

21:05 Feedback

• Politics corner should be its own podcast, redux
• Feedback on the Israeli-Palestine conflict from episode 599

21:50 Happy poly moment

Elbereth shares a happy poly moment from Europe.

Thank you!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other people of color.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Livin’ it up in Hawaii!

3:15 Interview: Michelle Hy

We ask Michelle her poly origin story, how her poly and Asian identities intersect, why she started Polyamorous While Asian, the pitfalls she warns against, and dating during the pandemic. We talk about how allies must consider Asian inclusion from the beginning rather than tacking it on.

“All relationships are political, whether or not they feel political. Because politics is just us deciding how we relate to one another, and how we feel that power should be distributed.”

Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other POC. She offers non-monogamy peer support sessions and also touches on topics related to body confidence, sex positivity, and more. Follow her on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian and learn more via her website at polyamorouswhileasian.com

Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

23:41 Feedback

• Friggin’ Limey likes our use of “relationship orientation”
• Politics corner should be its own podcast
• Jen thanks us for episode 598; it was frighteningly similar to what ended her relationship

27:14 Happy poly moment

G shares a camping happy poly moment!

28:18 Thank you!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Next episode will be from Hawaii

1:35 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

On the Palestine-Israeli conflict—it’s OK to admit you don’t know enough. Recommended reading, anyone?

3:40 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

4:20 Topic: When do I call it quits on my marriage?

Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. The past year (2019), her husband H and she moved to a new city and have been dating a lot. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.

• If you’re not sure who you are or what you want, focus on your most important relationship: the one you have with yourself. Take time to understand yourself, your needs, and your shame through counseling, journaling, meditation, or whatever method works for you.
• Uncharted territory can be seen as an opportunity.
• If you’re close to your mom, it’s likely that she will even accept your queerness and poly, in time.

14:10 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

14:35 Feedback

Yubi wrote in to object to our “date your species” advice and our reluctance to date poly newbies.

20:45 Happy poly moment

We hear from our old friend Greedy Paul about discovering a poly rideshare driver!

22:40 Thank you!

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Samuel!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Mathias' husband vetoed Mathias' feelings for and non-threesome sex with his new partner. Should Mathias end his 13-year relationship or stay but resent his husbands' veto?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy are doing Navigating Consent classes

4:30 Poly in the news

Romper published a 4,000-word feature with the arresting title The Nonmonoga-Moms Next Door

7:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

Lusty Guy defines fascism and comments on its consolidation within today’s Republican party.  

• Fascism
• Liz Cheney ousted from leadership role for refusing to support the false claim that the election wasn’t legitimate
• Republican efforts to suppress voting following the 2020 election

13:30 Contact us

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].

14:00 Topic: My husband vetoed my partner

Mathias and his partner have been together 13 years, married just over three. They’ve had threesomes. Then Mathias met Markus, dated him independently, and fell for him pretty hard. He did bring Markus home for a reportedly amazing threesome followed by breakfast! Mathias kept dating Markus independently, came home later than expected (by 30 min) one night, and the hubbie vetoed both feelings for and independent sex with Markus. They have continued to date and enjoy a romantic friendship, but Mathias wants more, so he proposed polyamory.

• This is a permission model of relationship, which is putting you in a parent-child dynamic
• Think of this as a mutual renegotiation of the rules of engagement to provide security for him and honesty for Mathias
• Those who force the choice lose the choice
• And then what exercise to deal with insecurity
• If this does spell the end of your marriage, resist the urge to think of it as a failure; it’s a successful relationship that came to a conclusion.

26:55 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

27:15 Feedback

Chloe from episode 359 Being out, poly, pregnant, and judged gives us an update.

32:05 Happy poly moment

From Instagram

32:45 Thank you!

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Brian!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

SAF's first poly experience outside her marriage was the best sex she's ever had. How does she address the ho-hum sex with her husband?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com

00:45 Poly in the news

Poly community builders Christopher Smith, Robyn Trask, Marina Reiko, Ruby Bouie Johnson and others did an impressive job for more than an hour on Areva Martin's influential online talk show The Special Report

2:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

Today’s politics corner is the argument for D.C. statehood. The over 700,000 inhabitants of Washington, D.C. pay their taxes and have no voting representation in Congress. The arguments against: it’s unconstitutional (it’s not); you could shrink the size of D.C. to encompass just the White House and government buildings. Others have pointed out the inherent racism, since D.C. has a large percentage of Black people, and there is the partisanship, as D.C. is likely to vote Democratic. When Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-N.Y.) pointed that out, his words stating the racism of the opposing view were against the rules of the house and had to be removed from the record. Please support D.C. statehood!

11:00 Feedback

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].

11:30 Topic: I had the best sex of my life with another guy. Help!

After eight years of marriage, Stressed as Fuck and her husband opened up their marriage. Stressed quickly had sex with another guy. She says, “the problem is, when I had sex with this other guy it was fucking incredible. Most amazing sex I’ve ever had. It made me realize I haven’t enjoyed sex with my husband. I should also add that he doesn’t want anyone else for sex. But I’m feeling a lot of pressure and just am not feeling like being sexual with him. I feel a lot of guilt. Am I horrible? Is this normal?! Help!”

• You can’t respect boundaries that aren’t yet defined, so keep that discussion ongoing.
• It’s not unusual or surprising that the second person you’ve ever had sex with is good sex. It’s good because it’s different, so don’t assume it’s love. And if sex with your husband was mediocre, explore your emotional connection and sexual desires with your husband. And yes, it’s normal to feel guilty.
• Poly doesn’t fix or destroy relationships, but it does shine a spotlight on issues. You can see as an opportunity to explore ways to improve your sex life. Tons of books will help you explore role play, BDSM, porn, public sex, or other fantasies that could help.
• For the guilt, try the And then what exercise.

20:00 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

20:45 Feedback

Cory, another fan of LustyGuy’s politics corner, writes in.

22:30 Happy poly moment

Kristen writes in to share a happy poly moment of the first weekend she, her husband, and metamour spent together.

25:45 Thank you!

Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Ben ($1.99)!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Two topics this week! What does post-pandemic poly look like, and how do you keep your boyfriend from surprising you with new partners when you've asked him not to?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• We’re in top 20 podcasts about polyamory! https://blog.feedspot.com/polyamory_podcasts/
• Minx is fully vaccinated, pending 10 more day’s wait. A massage and travel are on the horizon!

3:15 Poly in the news

• 3500-word BBC article quoting Dossie Easton and great to show to relatives who think it’s just you: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/major-bbc-article-rise-of-multi-partner.html
• COVD and poly https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/at-one-year-mark-polyamorys-many-sided.html

5:15 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner

Most white U.S. citizen don’t know about the MOVE bombing, in which when the Philadelphia Police Department bombed a residential home occupied by the militant black anarcho-primitivist group MOVE, and the Philadelphia Fire Department let the fire burn out of control. Five children and six adults were killed. More links:

• The Guardian’s article on reconciliation
• NPR’s recent coverage of losing the children’s bones
• Our take on the Chauvin verdict

14:15 Feedback

If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected]. If you want to pitch yourself as a guest for the podcast, please read this first.

15:00 Topic 1: How does poly in person look?

K started her poly journey during the pandemic and has only had socially distanced dates with her new partner. How do you act when you all get together in person so it’s not awkward?

20:45 Topic 2: My partner only tells me about new girlfriends after their dates

W is in a relationship with her husband and has a boyfriend, who is also married. He has repeatedly casually dropped that he was going to have an overnight with someone else on her last-minute. She has asked him for advance notice to process, but he continues to bring up his dates last-minute. She wants to know what her “recourse” is, and if she’s overreacting.

28:00 Join the conversation

Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly  or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.

28:20 Feedback

Matt from 593 shares an update! Emma ghosted him shortly after he sent it, but says, “While I didn't hear your advice now back then, I did essentially come to terms with a lot of what you said. I think you both were accurate with how you looked at things (as usual!) and with hindsight being (not gonna say it), it was tough for a while but I definitely got through it and am feeling good about a lot of things, minus the pandemic that happened since then and still continues. You are not however going lose a follower! You two are absolute gems and I appreciate so much the work that you both do as educators to so many different people. I love learning from you and I hope I continue to take a great appreciation for the awesome work you do. I hope that all is well and continues to be well for you.”

30:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Andrew ($69) and Gabriel ($96) for your donations!

Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.