We Gotta Thing - Exploring Non-Monogamy

Over the years, we've received countless questions and podcast topic suggestions from listeners, but not every question lends itself to an entire episode. That's one reason we started hosting our weekly Ask Us Anything Friday livestreams in the We Gotta Thing community. Now we're bringing that same open, honest, and sometimes unpredictable conversation to the podcast! In this episode, we tackle some of your most frequently asked questions.

We explore Mrs. Jones's attraction to women, whether we've ever broken a hard-and-fast lifestyle rule and regretted it, and how we approach conversations when meeting new couples. We also discuss navigating unexpected anxiety during play and the delicate question of whether to share our non-monogamous lifestyle with close friends who are curious about the secret to our sexual happiness. We talk about whether a previously declared "pants-on" friendship can evolve back into a sexual connection, what might prompt that change, and how to navigate it together. We also share our favorite ways to gracefully escape a conversation, whether we prefer planning a play date around a specific fantasy or letting things unfold organically, and how our perspectives on aging and attraction have evolved since we first explored the subject back in 2019.

As always, our goal isn't to provide a one-size-fits-all answer, but to share what we've learned along our journey and encourage you to think about what works best in your own relationship. And who knows? If you enjoy this format, Ask Us Anything might just become a regular part of the podcast!

In this episode with Catherine from Expansive Connection Coaching we talk about how Menopause has a way of touching just about everything—and your relationship definitely doesn't get a pass. As estrogen declines, the instinct to take care of everyone, smooth the edges, keep the peace, and put other people's needs ahead of our own can start to change. Sometimes dramatically. Suddenly there's a desire for more space, clearer boundaries, less caretaking, and maybe even a little "I've got no more fucks to give." That can be confusing and scary for both partners, especially when it feels like the rules of the relationship are changing without anyone agreeing to change them. But maybe menopause isn't breaking anything. Maybe it's shining a very bright light on the places where we've compromised ourselves, become too dependent on one another, or stopped showing up authentically.

And if that sounds familiar to those of us practicing ENM, it should. Non-monogamy has a funny way of exposing the fault lines in a relationship, and menopause can do exactly the same thing. The question becomes what we do once we see them. Instead of asking, "How do I get my wife—or my old relationship—back?" maybe we get curious about what this transition is trying to teach us. It's an opportunity for both partners to listen differently, own their stuff, create some intentional space, renegotiate expectations, and figure out who they want to be together in this next chapter. The good news is that those of us who've navigated an ENM journey may already have some of the tools. Because the goal isn't to survive menopause and somehow get everything back to the way it was. It's to build the relationship we didn't know was possible.

Expansive Connection Coaching

Wise Power by Pope and Wurlitzer- Discover the Liberating Power of Menopause to Awaken Authority, Purpose and Belonging

I'm Hot (Ode to Menopause)

Wild and Wise Women's Retreat

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Non-monogamy can be about much more than sex with other people. For us, it has enriched our relationship, created meaningful friendships, and changed the way we move through everyday life. In this episode, we explore how the lessons we've learned through ethical non-monogamy show up in our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and even when meeting strangers.

We discuss the important distinction between being honest about who you are as a couple and oversharing the private details of your sex life. We've learned how to define our relationship on our own terms rather than allowing family, friends, religion, age, or societal expectations to define it for us.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

Emotions are having a moment—and they're affecting everything from our broader culture to our most intimate relationships. In this episode, Kel from Expansive Connection joins us to explore how fear of uncomfortable feelings, emotional manipulation, codependency, and unregulated emotional expression can influence our decisions and cause harm. These challenges can become even more intense in ethical non-monogamy, where jealousy, insecurity, vulnerability, and uncertainty often bring powerful emotions to the surface. Navigating these adult relationships successfully requires an equally mature ability to understand and manage what we feel.

In this episode we'll examine how emotions are created in the brain, why they are essential, and how "affective realism" can cause us to mistake what we feel for what is objectively true. Kel also shares practical ways to strengthen emotional intelligence and emotional fitness—including noticing and naming feelings, pausing before reacting, separating feelings from facts, and communicating more effectively. Uncomfortable emotions are inevitable, but avoiding them means missing valuable opportunities for growth, deeper self-awareness, and stronger relationships.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Feelings Wheel

How We Feel

Expansive Connection Coaching

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Sexuality is complex. Sexuality is diverse. Sexuality is More Than Monogamy.

More Than Monogamy is a feature-length documentary film about non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, swinging, kink, and ethical non-monogamy. The film explores the many relationship structures that exist beyond traditional monogamy, often referred to collectively as "The Lifestyle."

Combining real-life experiences with expert insight, this sexuality and relationships documentary is designed to be both educational and entertaining, offering clear explanations of modern relationship dynamics. The film examines why non-monogamous relationships can be deeply fulfilling for some individuals and couples—while also acknowledging why they may not be the right fit for everyone.

More Than Monogamy features in-depth interviews with leading experts in human sexuality, relationship psychology, sex education, and intimacy, including:

• Dr. Justin Lehmiller – sex researcher and author

• Dr. Liz Powell – licensed psychologist and relationship expert

• Kevin A. Patterson – writer and educator on race, sexuality, and polyamory

• Kitty Chambliss – author, certified coach, and relationship expert

• Billy Procida – podcast host and sexuality commentator

• Kenneth Play – intimacy coach and sex-positive educator

• Dirty Lola – sex educator and media personality

Through honest conversations and accessible storytelling, the film breaks down common myths surrounding polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, kink, and open relationships, while encouraging viewers to think critically about love, commitment, communication, and consent.

Whether you are curious about non-monogamy, already part of the lifestyle, or simply interested in learning more about modern relationships and sexuality, More Than Monogamy serves as an informative, respectful, and judgment-free introduction.

The Film https://www.morethanmonogamy.com/ Our Social media can be found on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @morethanmonogamyfilm Dillon's work can be found here https://www.allthebirdsllc.com/ and his socials are @all.the.birds.film Spark Erotic Work can be found here https://sparkerotic.com https://urvashiseye.com

Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!

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Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

Kink is often misunderstood, wrapped in myths, stereotypes, and cultural taboos that obscure what it's really about. In this episode, we unpack what kink is—and just as importantly, what it isn't. From broad definitions of BDSM and the idea that kink is simply "whatever is taboo for you," we explore why modern media often gets it wrong by focusing on shock value while overlooking the foundations of communication, consent, negotiation, safety, and aftercare. We'll also challenge common misconceptions that kink is abusive, anti-feminist, or only about pain.

Theresa from Expansive Connection will help us break down the different elements of BDSM and explain how many forms of play overlap, emphasizing that the labels matter far less than the connection and experience they create. Whether you're simply curious or already exploring, understanding the diversity of kink opens the door to seeing it through a much more informed and compassionate lens.

Most importantly, we'll discuss why so many couples and consensually non-monogamous relationships find value in exploring kink. Join us as we explore how embracing curiosity and authenticity can deepen intimacy, strengthen connection, and remind us that desire isn't something to fear—it's an opportunity to grow together.

Below are resources that referenced during this podcast:

- The Erotic Blueprints, Miss Jaiya: https://missjaiya.com/ - Midori: www.planetmidori.com - NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom): https://ncsfreedom.org/ - NOW (National Organization for Women): https://now.org/ - Journal of Sexual Medicine 2008 study "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in BDSM": https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x - Journal of Homosexuality 2006 study "Understanding Sadomasochism: An Empirical Examination of Four Perspectives": https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_07

The phrase "taking one for the team" is often treated as a hard boundary in ethical non-monogamy, but we think the reality is far more nuanced. For us, attraction is rarely determined by physical appearance alone. Decisions about whether to pursue a connection are influenced by a combination of factors including chemistry, personality, intelligence, behavior, relationship dynamics, safety, sobriety, and sometimes that unexplainable "ick" factor.

We also discuss whether there are times when "taking one for the team" can actually be a positive experience. When you feel emotionally and physically safe, genuinely enjoy someone's company, and trust a couple you've come to know, a lack of immediate physical attraction or chemistry doesn't necessarily have to end the conversation. By keeping an open mind, couples may discover rewarding experiences and relationships they otherwise would have overlooked.

Ultimately, deciding whether to play should always be a mutual decision made without pressure, guilt, or obligation—and any "no" should be accepted graciously and without lingering consequences. We believe there is a spectrum between holding out for the elusive perfect four-way connection and feeling obligated to "take one for the team."

Mentioned in this episode:

Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!

Strictly Anonymous podcast with Mr Jones cancer story

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Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

More Than Monogamy documentary

What if the key to greater pleasure, connection, and fulfillment is understanding your unique erotic wiring? In this episode, we explore the Erotic Blueprints™, a framework developed by somatic sexologist Jaiya that helps explain the different ways people experience desire, arousal, and intimacy. We unpack the five Erotic Blueprints—Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter—and explore how each type experiences pleasure differently.

We also share how this framework has become a valuable tool for relationships and individuals. Time and again, we've watched people experience powerful "aha" moments as they discover why certain experiences excite them, why others don't, and where misunderstandings with partners may be coming from. Understanding your blueprint can remove shame, increase self-awareness, and provide a new language for discussing desire, boundaries, and pleasure. We also share our own blueprint profiles and discuss how different types can learn to better understand and connect with one another.

Finally, we explore how Erotic Blueprints can enrich experiences within ethical non-monogamy and the lifestyle. The goal isn't to put yourself in a box, but to better understand your erotic "home" while remaining curious about other ways of experiencing pleasure. By learning each other's unique wiring, couples can expand their erotic vocabulary, deepen connection, and create more meaningful experiences together.

Mentioned in this episode:

Expansive Connection Coaching Events

The Erotic Blueprint with Miss Jaiya

Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!

Book your Desire Resorts trip here

Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC

Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing

In this episode, Dr Mitch from Expansive Connection joins us as we explore the powerful idea of "Opening the Circle" — the human need to feel welcomed, included, and connected. We talk about how the first question most people ask when entering any new environment isn't "What's going on here?" but "Do I belong here?" From friendships to community to ethical non-monogamy, creating spaces where people feel seen and valued can change lives.

We also share personal stories from our own journey in the lifestyle and the people who intentionally "opened the circle" for us through kindness, mentorship, hospitality, and connection. Along the way, we reflect on some of the challenges that can prevent true inclusion — competitiveness, scarcity mentality, ageism, and prioritizing physical connection over relational connection.

Finally, we discuss practical ways to "open the circle" in everyday life: noticing those on the margins, creating emotional safety, welcoming newcomers, and embracing people who are different from us. Whether in friendships, relationships, or community spaces, meaningful connection starts when someone chooses to make room for "one more person." We hope this conversation inspires you to think about who in your world may simply need an invitation, a kind word, or a reminder that they belong!

Mentioned in this episode:

Expansive Connection Coaching

Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!

Book your Desire Resorts trip here

Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC

Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

In this episode we are reframing the traditional concept of "swinging" by moving away from labels that feel intimidating or misleading and instead embracing the broader concept of ethical non-monogamy. While the term "swinger" often implies casual sex with others and the word "lifestyle" is vague and overused, ethical non-monogamy better captures what you actually explore: intentional relationships with open boundaries that prioritize your primary partnership while allowing varying levels of intimacy with others.

This shift reflects how modern relationships are evolving and becoming more open and mainstream. By reframing the conversation, this episode aims to make the space more welcoming, less stigmatized, and easier for people to explore, helping you expand your boundaries and realize you're not alone. Ultimately, the message is that this approach creates room for people to discover and define their own version of connection—"their thing."

Mentioned in this episode:

Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!

Book your Desire Resorts trip here

Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC