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In this episode, we explore what it looks like to navigate three Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell relationships in which all partners want escalation, while Skyler is not ready to step onto the relationship escalator with any of them. This tension is especially present for Alex, who is in her mid-thirties and thinking seriously about partnership, stability, and having children.
Skyler shares how he moved from a long-term monogamous marriage into non-hierarchy and unexpectedly found himself in three relationships, while Alex reflects on meeting Skyler shortly before her divorce and falling in love while still grieving.
Together, we unpack when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell dynamics can feel protective versus when they can become harmful and how non-hierarchy can create tension when people’s futures are uncertain.
Join my Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
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https://www.polycurious.com/community
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Today, Jesse opens up about two challenging breakups that unfolded in the context of non-monogamy, how those endings impacted his reputation within his community, and how they shaped the way he saw himself. He also shares how later, healthier relationships helped him rewrite those old narratives.
We talk about why we’re often drawn to people who aren’t actually a good fit for partnership, why even “bad” relationships can be valuable for the growth they spark, and how those experiences ultimately help us get clearer about what we want and lead us toward more grounded, nourishing connections.
Bonus Patreon Content with Jesse:
Being a Male Unicorn:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-67-male-145030257
Breaking Up for The Right Reasons:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-67-up-145030787
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join my Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Join our Whatsapp community here:
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Follow Polycurious on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious
Watch Polycurious on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast
In this episode, I finally sit on the other side of the mic. I’m interviewed by my friend A (who you might remember from the episode with her husband J).
We talk about my upbringing, what I learned about my sexuality (including discovering masturbation much later in life), my journey with Seth as my primary partner and eventually finding a second partner, what it was like to navigate conflict with two partners, and why I’ve become such a big believer in not future-tripping and instead listening to your intuition in the moment.
Join my Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Breakup episodes 1 + 2:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Fer + Seth’s episode 12:
https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep12
Fer + Seth episode 48:
https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep48
John Part 1 (Patreon):
https://www.patreon.com/posts/meet-my-partner-138151166
John Part 2:
https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep61
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here:
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Follow Polycurious on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious
Watch the podcast on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast
In the second part of my conversation with A and J, we talk about how J learned to face and work through his insecurities instead of letting them dictate how A connects with others. We also explore how differently they’ve each approached non-monogamy, with A actively dating while J has taken things more slowly as he continues to unpack his religious upbringing and lifelong monogamous conditioning.
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here:
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Follow Polycurious on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious
Watch the podcast on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast
A and J opened up their relationship after nearly three decades together, when menopause sparked a surge in A’s libido.
In this episode, we talk about their process of untangling enmeshment, how they moved from a rule-heavy dynamic — with J, who was initially hesitant about non-monogamy, setting most of the boundaries — to having no rules at all. We also explore how those early rules revealed insecurities that J eventually chose to face and work through, rather than letting them control how A connects with others.
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here:
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Follow Polycurious on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious
Watch the podcast on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast
Today, Evita Sawyers ((@Lavitaloca34) shares how she went from letting jealousy and anger take over to becoming more grounded and less reactive. We talk about her experience being in a triad and how opening her marriage revealed gaps in her relationship with her husband, ultimately leading to their breakup.
This episode explores how non-monogamy can uncover powerful truths about yourself, serve as a path for personal growth, and highlight both the strengths and limitations within your relationships.
Resourced mentioned:
Patreon Bonus Content: Evita Sawyers on Leaving Religion, Dating Out of Jealousy and Finding Commitment in Non-Monogamy
Follow Evita on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/lavitaloca34?igsh=a2RqOHU5ZTdoMmRi
Follow Evita on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/share/1Evne8bz9V/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Patreon Bonus Content from This Conversation:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Poly Love Documentary:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B088G1RM9C/ref=atv_sr_fle_c_Tn74RA_1_1_1?sr=1-1&pageTypeIdSource=ASIN&pageTypeId=B088G3DKRG&qid=1759100808642
The Untethered Soul Michael A Singer
https://untetheredsoul.com/untethered-soul
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319
No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh
https://www.parallax.org/product/no-mud-no-lotus/
Loving What Is By Byron Katie
https://thework.com/loving-what-is-revised-edition/
More Than Two:
https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706
The Ethical Slut:
https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664
Nonviolent Communication:
https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown:
https://brenebrown.com/book/the-gifts-of-imperfection/
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here:
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Follow Polycurious on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious
Watch the podcast on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast
Roshi and Frankie have been navigating a long-distance polyamorous relationship for over three years, where they both have other partners. Today, we talk about:
Resources mentioned:
Bonus content from this episode on Patreon (on Roshi's search for a nesting partner and Frankie's experience asking for what's important to her):
https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-62-when-139590497
Ep.6 Facing Insecurities Head On with Frankie:
https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep6
Where is Frankie Now? (Patreon):
https://www.patreon.com/posts/120772218/
Ep. 55 Aryn & Josh From Couples Therapy:
https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep55
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Follow Polycurious on
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Tik Tok
YouTube
Facebook
Threads
In my conversation with John, my secondary partner, we get into how our relationship grew from friends-with-benefits into partnership. We revisit an early incident that brought up his fear of disappointing partners and my own struggles with trust and safety, and how that shaped our early days. I share what it’s been like to face my fears around partnership and learn to find safety within myself, while John opens up about practicing vulnerability, accountability, and breaking old patterns of people-pleasing.
Listen to part 1 on my Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/138151166/
Listen to How I Went From Polycurious to Poly Part 1 here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/127305023/
Listen to How I Went From Polycurious to Poly Part 2 here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/127307117/
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Follow Polycurious on
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Facebook
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Catherine and Brian went on Feeld looking for a threesome but things took a turn when Catherine fell for a woman who’s also married with a daughter. Now the two couples (and their kids) have formed a loving polycule built on honesty and care.
In today’s episode, we talk about how Brian stays sensually connected to the dynamic by being submissive, even though he’s not sexually involved with Catherine’s girlfriend. We get into how they’ve navigated Catherine having threesomes with her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s husband. We also explore the importance of staying open to evolving dynamics, and why asking thoughtful questions can go further than quick reassurance when your partner is struggling in non-monogamy.
Resources mentioned:
Bonus content: Accepting myself as a submissive man with Brian:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-60-as-154020880?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link
Bonus content: Raising a child in a polycule:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/133008939/
Ep.46 More Than A Mother with Molly Roden Winter
More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (book)
Sex with Emily podcast
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Join our Patreon here:
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Adam is the author of Seek the Risk, the only memoir I know of by a man about non-monogamy. In this episode, he shares how being with a female partner who was more sexually active than he was challenged his sense of masculinity. He talks about how he overcame those feelings using techniques from his extreme sports background, including recognizing harmful inner narratives and reframing fear.
Patreon Bonus Content: What Other People Think vs. What You Know About Yourself
Get Adam's Book "Seek the Risk"
seektherisk.net
Write to Adam: [email protected]
Read Adam's Substack:
seektherisk.substack.com
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Get my free guide to opening up here:
https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up
Book a free exploratory call with me here:
https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min
Join our Whatsapp community here
https://www.polycurious.com/community
Join our Patreon here:
https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious
Follow Polycurious on
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