In this episode, Nicolle Hodges shares how she discovered the world of kink, became a lifestyle dominatrix, and realized BDSM can be profoundly therapeutic (the subject of her upcoming book!). She also reflects on her experience in a polyamorous relationship, including navigating a throuple, and explains why she ultimately decided to step away from non-monogamy.

Follow Nicolle on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolledoublel/

Nicolle's Substack Both Sides of The Slash:

https://nicolledoublel.substack.com/

Watch the podcast on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast

Join my Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

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https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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In part two of my conversation with Kayla and Carl, we explore how jealousy can be a powerful source of information, helping us understand what we want more of and how we can grow. We also talk about a major milestone in their non monogamy journey: Carl’s first experience stepping outside his marriage, which was also his first sexual connection with someone other than Kayla.

Resources Mentioned:

⁠Kayla's Essay⁠:

https://medium.com/@kaylamerz/truth-sex-and-non-monogamy-8f1e42c8fde4?postPublishedType=initial

Join my Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

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https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

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https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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Kayla and Carl, a married couple with young kids, share how non monogamy helped them move out of a decline in sexual connection and communication. While Carl was initially not interested in exploring outside the relationship himself, his support of Kayla’s exploration became a major turning point. Kayla, who is seven years older and had often felt more in charge in the relationship, began to see Carl differently: more confident, grounded, and secure. That shift had a powerful impact on their intimacy.

This episode explores how non monogamy can introduce new sexual energy into a relationship and help long-term couples who feel stagnant find their way out of a rut.

Resources Mentioned:

⁠Listen to Part 2 of our conversation on Patreon⁠:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

Watch Parents Mini Series on YouTube (ep.42 - ep. 46)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFX44KoR8S4&list=PLuhHN8kw_43UM2tkDWg8xwIZbOQBE__Ee

Listen to Poly Parents Mini Series:

https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep42

Kayla's Essay:

https://medium.com/@kaylamerz/truth-sex-and-non-monogamy-8f1e42c8fde4?postPublishedType=initial

Join my Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

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https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

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https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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Watch the podcast on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast

In this episode, we explore what it looks like to navigate three Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell relationships in which all partners want escalation, while Skyler is not ready to step onto the relationship escalator with any of them. This tension is especially present for Alex, who is in her mid-thirties and thinking seriously about partnership, stability, and having children.

Skyler shares how he moved from a long-term monogamous marriage into non-hierarchy and unexpectedly found himself in three relationships, while Alex reflects on meeting Skyler shortly before her divorce and falling in love while still grieving.

Together, we unpack when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell dynamics can feel protective versus when they can become harmful and how non-hierarchy can create tension when people’s futures are uncertain.

Join my Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

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Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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Today, Jesse opens up about two challenging breakups that unfolded in the context of non-monogamy, how those endings impacted his reputation within his community, and how they shaped the way he saw himself. He also shares how later, healthier relationships helped him rewrite those old narratives.

We talk about why we’re often drawn to people who aren’t actually a good fit for partnership, why even “bad” relationships can be valuable for the growth they spark, and how those experiences ultimately help us get clearer about what we want and lead us toward more grounded, nourishing connections.

Bonus Patreon Content with Jesse:

Being a Male Unicorn:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-67-male-145030257

Breaking Up for The Right Reasons:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-67-up-145030787

Get my free guide to opening up ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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Watch Polycurious on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast

In this episode, I finally sit on the other side of the mic. I’m interviewed by my friend A (who you might remember from the episode with her husband J).

We talk about my upbringing, what I learned about my sexuality (including discovering masturbation much later in life), my journey with Seth as my primary partner and eventually finding a second partner, what it was like to navigate conflict with two partners, and why I’ve become such a big believer in not future-tripping and instead listening to your intuition in the moment.

Join my Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

Breakup episodes 1 + 2:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

Fer + Seth’s episode 12:

⁠https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep12⁠

Fer + Seth episode 48:

⁠https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep48⁠

John Part 1 (Patreon):

https://www.patreon.com/posts/meet-my-partner-138151166

John Part 2:

⁠https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep61⁠

Get my free guide to opening up ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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In the second part of my conversation with A and J, we talk about how J learned to face and work through his insecurities instead of letting them dictate how A connects with others. We also explore how differently they’ve each approached non-monogamy, with A actively dating while J has taken things more slowly as he continues to unpack his religious upbringing and lifelong monogamous conditioning.

Join our Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

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https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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A and J opened up their relationship after nearly three decades together, when menopause sparked a surge in A’s libido.

In this episode, we talk about their process of untangling enmeshment, how they moved from a rule-heavy dynamic — with J, who was initially hesitant about non-monogamy, setting most of the boundaries — to having no rules at all. We also explore how those early rules revealed insecurities that J eventually chose to face and work through, rather than letting them control how A connects with others.

Join our Patreon ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

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https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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Today, Evita Sawyers ((@Lavitaloca34) shares how she went from letting jealousy and anger take over to becoming more grounded and less reactive. We talk about her experience being in a triad and how opening her marriage revealed gaps in her relationship with her husband, ultimately leading to their breakup.

This episode explores how non-monogamy can uncover powerful truths about yourself, serve as a path for personal growth, and highlight both the strengths and limitations within your relationships.

Resourced mentioned:

Follow Evita on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/lavitaloca34?igsh=a2RqOHU5ZTdoMmRi

Follow Evita on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/share/1Evne8bz9V/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Patreon Bonus Content from This Conversation:

https://www.patreon.com/c/Polycurious

Poly Love Documentary:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B088G1RM9C/ref=atv_sr_fle_c_Tn74RA_1_1_1?sr=1-1&pageTypeIdSource=ASIN&pageTypeId=B088G3DKRG&qid=1759100808642

The Untethered Soul Michael A Singer 

https://untetheredsoul.com/untethered-soul

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh

https://www.parallax.org/product/no-mud-no-lotus/

Loving What Is By Byron Katie 

https://thework.com/loving-what-is-revised-edition/

More Than Two:

https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706

The Ethical Slut:

https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664

Nonviolent Communication:

https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown:

https://brenebrown.com/book/the-gifts-of-imperfection/

Get my free guide to opening up ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:⁠⁠⁠⁠

https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

Join our Whatsapp community⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

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Roshi and Frankie have been navigating a long-distance polyamorous relationship for over three years, where they both have other partners. Today, we talk about:

• How to balance multiple relationships without losing a shared vision

• Their experience building a long distance partnership

• Finding security even when your partner has a nesting partner

• Why non-monogamy is also an inner journey that can help you gain clarity on who you are, your needs and integrate different parts of yourself

Resources mentioned:

Bonus content from this episode on Patreon (on Roshi's search for a nesting partner and Frankie's experience asking for what's important to her):

https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-ep-62-when-139590497

Ep.6 Facing Insecurities Head On with Frankie:

https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep6

Where is Frankie Now? (Patreon):

https://www.patreon.com/posts/120772218/

Ep. 55 Aryn & Josh From Couples Therapy:

https://www.polycurious.com/podcast/ep55

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https://www.polycurious.com/guide-to-opening-up

Book a free exploratory call with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠:

https://calendly.com/fernandafabian/30min

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