I'm spending some time in my favorite Park. And my brain is definitely in the past feels like lower levels of consciousness. It feels like a life review while alive. But more subtle, it's one thing after another, and then it's dropped. I find when I don't add a layer of judgment on it, and I'm with it, then it doesn't add up. It's not additive. It's there one thing after another, but they're not piling on top of each other, and creating a sense of a me that can do something about it. If I were to judge it, then that brings in the me doing something with it, which is judging it as challenging, and I find that my brain in the background is trying to figure out what to do with it, seeing that it can't do anything with it. But that it's still there, influencing every single thing my brain sees. So in that way, the brain is doing something with it and about it. And when there are these challenging things, the brain wonders if it will be able to handle it or go through this or what or if it'll give up. And there's all these paradoxes and loops, and there's no way to figure it out. Maybe part of figuring it out is figuring out what the causes. And I had the sense while I was folding up my Laura bar wrapper that if I was to think the cause of it, getting crumpled up was my hands. crumpling it up. I'd have to go back and figure out when did I put it in my purse? And then how did I get that box of Laura bars? I got it at Costco or Did someone else pick it up for me? And what else? So the causes there's no cause it's, everything's happening. So the brain is quite boggled. For some reason I was thinking of creating 12 steps to undo karma, which in a way is trauma, but realizing that one has participated with a lot of these things. And wondering why and wondering, will it avoid it in the future? And is that enough? Or is there something to going back into the past? And I did buy the tiger trauma book and the Bernie brown wilderness book and then this Tiger trauma book. I ordered through Amazon, a paper copy because it has a CD with it. 

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