Bob picks up some weird vibes from the wait staff, while Miles reluctantly helps his wife with a wildlife incident.

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That’s lovely. Lovely to hear you drinking. So lovely to hear you drinking. I’m going to chew some ice. Yeah, why don’t you chew some ice? Why don’t you suck on a teat? Anybody? anybody’s anybody’s tea yes anybody so the intro. Yeah, oh, it’s not playing the sounds, though. I gotta figure that out. We’re talking over there but you can’t play the sounds, right? Oh. Oh, it’s also backwards, too. Oh, it’s backwards. Wow, how’d you do that? Yeah, well, it wasn’t on purpose oh this is bob Hey, everyone. This is your big friend, Miles. Big friend, yes. That’s for sure. I’m big. I’m bad. I’m big and bad. I’m your friend. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. It’s Miles Title. No, no, no. He’s going to play a song for you.
want to have a good time hey hey hey hey man welcome thanks for tuning in. You know, hopefully you’ll laugh a lot. Hopefully your sphincter will get a workout. And then you’ll listen. uh it’s been, it’s been, uh you know, nonstop weather channel around these parts, you know, so. Right. You are okay. Uh, you had a tornado. I had random, uh, listeners checking on me and I knew it. I knew it. Oh, I knew it. See, I brought this up before we started recording. Maybe we should, uh, uh, check on him, send him a note and say, Bob, are you okay? And yeah, I’m fine. Wasn’t near me. I, you know, I, I handle things like my parents do. I was like, well, if it’s important, he’ll call. You just ignore them? That seems to be what you did with birth control and child rearing. Ignore the problem until someone asks for help, and then it’s a problem. Then you know. You don’t know until you know. You don’t know until you know. Oh, Miles. How am I supposed to know to change your diaper? You didn’t say anything. Yeah.
i guess it’s not at your house quite a bit when i was visiting oh my god i don’t know where this fantasy comes from i do not know these poor kids were looked like they were hauling around santa’s sack of toys with a diaper oh my god i don’t this has never happened i don’t know what this guy’s talking about this is never who’s never happened i’ll swear i don’t know what where well So, yeah, no, we had tornado here in St. Louis. It was big news. Yeah. Everybody’s talking about it. Yeah, I did. I did have people reach out asking if I was fine. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine. And I didn’t. And you did not. Yes. Here I am texting my good friends who live closer to the affected area. They’re…
they’re without power. I’m checking on them, you know, and then all your friends from New Zealand and, you know, right. Exactly. Yeah. All around the world is checking. Bob, are you okay, Bob? I saw, I saw the devastation. Yeah. This is your friend Sven. Exactly. Exactly. Well, Crickets. If it’s important, he’ll call. Yeah, that’s right. I guess if he doesn’t call, if I don’t talk to him on Monday, he’s just dead. Oh, well. I’ll just reveal bits, I guess. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, there we go. The bingo card’s full. Yeah, okay. By the way, I went to Diamond Dave’s over the weekend while you were without power. I toasted to your good health. Yeah, I was like, oh, I hope they got power. I don’t know. Oh, you’re fine. You wouldn’t be the baby. Yeah, but everything’s fine. But yeah, it was quite the show, I guess. I didn’t see it, but I actually went into the city today, and on my way back, I went by. There’s this Amish furniture store off the highway, and this shows you the power.
and the humor of nature. Yeah. So they have all of these Adirondack wooden chairs. They sell like hundreds of these, apparently, because there’s about 500 of them out in front of the store. And all of those still in perfect alignment, yet the roof of the building looks like a crushed aluminum can. English. What happened to English? Yeah, it totally crumpled the top of their building. All their Adirondack chairs were still in rows. Oh, no. Oh, no. I know. Crazy. You should have bought one. Well, I wasn’t at the exit. But yeah, they had big signs that said, yes, we’re still open, even though we don’t have a roof. It’s all crumpled. Yeah. They don’t need a roof. Don’t spend your money, English. Although I’ve been to the Amish Sam’s Club or Costco, whichever you prefer, and they have more technology in that place, I swear, than Sam’s Club and Costco do. Hello. I’m the robot. They did the touch to pay. You don’t have to put the card in or anything or swipe it. You just touch it. Oh, that’s my favorite.
That’s my favorite. Yeah, they had all that there at the Amish store. I love that. They don’t have lights, but they got touch to pay. They got lanterns. Yeah. No, they actually don’t have heating. They actually have a… Geothermal. You know what they use in chicken houses? It’s like a gas thing where you get like an old galvanized… trash can lid, and you have a flame on it, and it deflects it down towards the floor. Oh, that sounds okay. That’s the heating system, but they have touch to pay, so go figure. Have we talked since you got the new Chicago Pope? Right. Yeah, what do you think about that? No, I’m not Catholic, but I’ve been I was really excited about it. Well, we, you know, we have, well, you more than me, but we have a person that I know that, you know, better who is got a sibling who’s in the order. Yes. Right. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Now that you say that, I should ask him about that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he’s like, he’s like just two steps away at this point, you know?
Yeah. I don’t know how all that works, but yeah, I guess, yeah. Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, you talk about six degrees of separation. He’s like two degrees. And if you think about God being the third step, right there. You know, I really didn’t think about it, but now you say that, yeah. Well, I’m glad I’m here to help. Yeah, I didn’t put that much thought into it, I guess. I was like, man, he’s got, you know. I just heard he was a Bears fan. I’m like, all right, man. Yeah, well, and that as well, obviously. I’m so happy. Again, you with being so involved in people’s lives, your good friend from your other college days has got a direct line to the Pope, and you’re like, hey, the Pope’s a Bears fan. You know, if he has something important to say, he’ll call. No, that’s right. You won’t hesitate to reach out. I swear to God. Yeah, yeah.
So I have a couple of quick stories here for you from my last trip. I went to this restaurant that I always go to. It’s a Mexican restaurant I love. And I got seated by an angry-looking Danny Elfman. He looked like if Danny Elfman were a serial killer. Yeah. I was by myself, and so he’s like, table for one. I’m like, yeah. He gave me that kind of… And then the weird thing was, he separates these tables to give me my table for one. They had them lined up where they have usually a big group or something, and so he slings these tables around and gives me the table for one there. And Then this really old couple comes in. This guy is walking like Frankenstein, like he’s got no choice. Yeah. And then they sit down at this newly separated table and proceed to order a giant pitcher of margaritas, although he barely made it into the restaurant. I mean, honestly. Yeah.
Oh, that’s all he needs. Yeah. Yeah. That’s all he needs. I was thinking he’s like, and I’m like, he sits down and he’s like, Hey, I’d like a picture of margaritas. A picture of those margaritas. Cause that’s what they’re famous for. And, uh, but he says, give me a picture of Margs. I mean, he’s, he’s like, right. Give me a picture. Wow. And, uh, so then his wife, I don’t know where I, I guess she dropped him off or something because she didn’t come in like right away. She comes in, you know, like minutes later. And she basically sits to where I can’t get out of my spot. Oh, no. I’m blocked in. So I can’t get up. Do they offer you a Marg? No, no Margs for me. Hey, I’ll have all…
I’ll offer one to this fat chick next to us here. Hey, do you want to… Hey, lady. Ever date a universal monster? You like my geographic tongue? So then they have like this trivia game going on all the TVs, right? And there’s like a sports bar kind of thing going on. Yeah. And his wife is reading all the questions like… Oh, I can hear myself now. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. You had some static there. So she’s reading all the questions like a kindergartner. Oh, what’s the first tallest mountain in the whole world? Yeah, so then… Titicaca. Oh, it’s a lake. Lake Titicaca. am i still static? You are super static, yeah. Oh my god. freaking thing. It sounds like uh star trek 2 where they’re like jamming the frequencies. They’re like, Jim, why are you trying to take Genesis? Why are you? Oh, the genesis device. Yeah. That sounds better now. That sounds better.
And so then I finally finished eating and I want to get out of there. So I squeeze past this woman and I try to get out there. And then as I’m walking out, the psycho Danny Elfman leans into me and he goes, I would have never set those people that close to you. I was like, it’s okay, man. It’s fine. Yeah. He leans into me like whispers. It was creepy. My name’s Dennis. The phone number is 618. So then I had another weird thing happen. Yeah. So the That was when I first arrived in town. And then I was leaving town, and I had to get some lunch. I was starving. It was time for lunch. And now it’s doing that again. Yeah, it’s been doing it. Oh, my gosh. Okay. We’ll just switch over here in a second. Give me one moment, sir. One moment, and I will switch over.
and then we’ll be fine. Now you can hear me okay, right? I can, yes. So I stopped at the Steak and the Shake down there at Lake of the Ozarks. Oh, you love Steak and Shake. Oh my gosh. I did. It’s not been as good as it used to be here lately. They had a lot of problems for a while. But this Steak and Shake is just like the old ones, right? They had this purple lady that sat you down and everything, and so I’m sitting there, and I swear to God, I’m looking, other than the purple, well, maybe the purple herald lady was part of it, too. All of the waitresses look like strippers. Where’s this at? It’s taking shape, kind of like the Ozarks. Oh, no, I’m just planning out my vacation, you know. Yeah, okay. But it’s not like they are dressed like strippers. It just looks like…
if they had, if a stripper was wearing a steak and shake uniform. So you wanted to bang them? No, no, I didn’t. They just look kind of like rough and, you know, uh, you know, I, I, I don’t think of you on the one hand, think of strippers as all amazingly beautiful and everything. I, on the other hand, think they look a little bit rough. Well, that’s all right. So it’s all looking rough. And so this lady finally comes over and, To take my order. And, you know, I know what I want. You know, I’m obviously all special order, but I tell her, you know, what I want. And and and then she’s she’s like smiling at me like weird, like, you know, I mean, like, oh, uh-huh. She’s either giving me the smile like you got money. Or what are those smiles like?
she knows me or something, but I have no idea who she is. And, um, so she’s like, Oh, okay. I’ll get that right for you, buddy. You know, sweetie, honey pie. Give me all this kind of chatter, right? What’s this? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I’m like, okay. You know, I’m not, uh, you, you fall for all that. You’ll be like, Oh, let me up to my wallet, baby. Oh, here’s the $3. I took this into your waistband. Um, Yeah. I do that all the time. Yeah. That’s me. It’d be IOU. It’d be like, yeah. Sorry. Those quarters. Hopefully you got some strong elastic on the bottom side. Cause those quarters are going to fall right in. I got 10 bucks for my birthday for my mom. So there it is. There you go. Here you go. So anyway, she’s like, you know, then she brings me my food and she’s like smiling and give me the, you know, kind of like flow or something. Yeah.
Hey there. Kiss my grits. Kiss my grits. She’s like, you know, giving me the, you know, here you go, hon. Here’s your hamburger, hon. Yeah. She isn’t old. She’s younger than me. I guess she was probably in her like mid to late 30s or something. Yeah. Oh, this is getting good. And, you know, she wasn’t a good looking. I wouldn’t call her a good looking woman. She was, you know, somebody who had been run through the ringer a couple of times or something. And, uh, so that I, you know, I sit there and she checks on me. Hey, how’s it going there you know yeah i’m eating my thing. And then she comes and brings me the check. And I got like the double hamburger meal, but you know, uh, I didn’t get everything because i don’t like everything. So I, you know, tell her what everything was on there but
So I got that with the drink and everything, and she puts the check down, and it’s only for the hamburger. Oh. And she goes, ah, it took me a while to get over to you, so I’ll take care of the drink. Wow. Yeah, and I was like, what? Oh, are you Richard Gere suddenly? What the heck? Hey, mayonnaise. Diane Ladd. Yeah, I don’t know. I was just like, I was dumb. I was just, this is the weirdest. Yeah. I mean, she totally left off the fries and the drink. Yeah. All she charged me for was a hamburger. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was thinking at this point, I was glad it was the afternoon because I thought I was going to lose a kidney or something. Yeah.
Did she write her number down at the bottom? Like, call me. I didn’t even look at it. Thankfully, I had cash, and I just dumped some cash on the table, and I left. It freaked me out. It was all weird. I’m like, people ignore me. You’re probably like, my name is Miles Title. Yeah. Let me write my address down here for you, honey. Yeah. I’ll be heading back to Iowa. Yeah. Um, yeah. Wow. Who are you man you’re like a ryan gosling or something man you’re like a ryan reynolds you know, she’s all like, it was, I, yeah, I don’t think, I can’t remember the last time anybody gave me free stuff at, you know, the steak and shake. So, yeah, but yeah, that was another, uh,
restaurant interaction that was just a little peculiar. Yeah, I like this one. I mean, the total was like, I don’t know, $7 or something. You should have done a selfie. Can I get a selfie with you? I got to go back to the hotel room. I’m kind of lonely. My wife always charges me for my fries and drink at home. Okay. She doesn’t understand a man’s needs for free food. Oh, sweetheart. Come here. Oh, it was weird. I was just like, man, you need like a toothpick. I think I slapped down 11 bucks, which I had in my wallet. And I was like, Oh, wow. Who’s this dude? I’m like, what? That’s weird. That’s weird. Weird. Wow. I was going to be driving home and like,
drive off the road or something. Bob LeBet player extraordinaire, man. Yeah. Well, that’s yeah. Dang. This guy’s like 60 years old. He still has game, man. Damn. He’s like Sean Connery or something. There’s a lot of stretching going on here. Yes. No, but it was, it was the, I’ve that doesn’t happen to me. I was really, it was weird. Isn’t that weird when something happens to you, like an ugly guy like me? What’s going on with this? Was she working you for the tip, you think? I don’t know. I have no idea. I was just like, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. You’re not a particularly attractive person. Thank you, Miles. I really appreciate that. You’re like a train wreck, basically. Oh, come on now. This self…
Self-review here? What? What? Yeah, I don’t know that I had a train wreck. I had a girl wink at me once. So what? Yeah, so what? Okay. Well, I just found it very peculiar. That is a little weird. Very peculiar. Yes, exactly. And I was just like, this is very weird. Yes. Yeah, you don’t usually get that, do you? You’re like, huh, what’s this? No, no, I get ignored. People ignore me. Yeah, I know. I get that all the time. Like, oh, I hate old fat guys. God damn it. Yeah, look at that. Like, I read minds, I know. I’m like, ugh. Anyway, what’s going on with you? Well, I didn’t get no free pie or anything like that. I didn’t get free pies. I got free fries. Yeah, I know. All right, so you’ve been kind of…
with the pie thing yeah so you know, you’ve been kind of, you know uh taking over the whole show with your stupid wildlife stories and oh i got another one, but i’ll save it for next week oh i see i knew it. I knew he had one in the barrel, but he’s like i have a good one today, but i won’t talk about it. I’m trying to yes thank you thank you and so uh i’m jealous of my wildlife stories. I’m like, man, I can’t compete with this guy. He’s got like every kind of animal in the world. I mean, he’s just like… It’s like a freaking zoo outside here. He’s got unicorns. You know what I mean? He’s got everything in his backyard. He’s got green alligators. He doesn’t know Mickey. The Humpty Back Ham. Come on. That’s another… No. Nothing like the unicorn. Da-da.
I had to sing it. All right. So, uh, you know, we have this dog, it’s like year old and she’s a big ass dog and she is constantly in and out, in and out, in and out. Yeah. And dog constantly likes to play with the animal, you know, like stuffed animals and toys and your typical puppy, you know, blah. And, uh, which is fine. And so I let her out the other night and, uh, she starts barking and my wife’s like, all right, all right, whatever. Yeah. Go get her. Go get her. It sounds like he’s laying on a bed with mosquito netting over with tuberculosis or something. Go get her. Change my bedpan. Give me another pack of cigarettes. I’m trying to watch TV and all of a sudden it’s like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, what?
Oh, my God. What? What’s going on in there? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She will not answer. My wife does this constantly. Something will be happening, but she will not answer. Like, oh, my God, what’s going on? Oh, oh. So that’s about the 12th, you know, no answer. I’m like, God damn it. All right, I’m going to have to get up now. I have to get up now. You know. I was trying to watch BBC hour, like Bob, but you know, and, uh, honey, I can’t pause this lesbian wrestling match for Christ’s sake. It’s right. You know? And, uh, I like now I see she’s disappeared outside. It’s dark out. I’m like, okay, flip on the light. And now she starts walking towards me and she has not quite full grown, but a decent size possum by the tail.
Oh my God. Walking with it. He’s wrestled it from the dog. Apparently the dog had, it was like flipping up the air and catching it. Oh, your wife’s got it. I thought the dog still had it. No, the dog had it. No, she wrestled away from the dog. So she’s got this thing that a tail and it’s all curled up. And I go saving possums at your house while you sit on your ass. I, well, no, I was just like, Oh, okay. I go, Uh, you might want to be careful, you know, rabies and stuff. Oh, it’s dead. I’m like, no, I, I don’t think so. That’s the whole thing. Yeah. I was trying to go on the whole thing oh no i think it’s dead. I’m pretty sure. I’m like, I go, we’re gonna fill up the bingo card at the hospital here. If this thing bites you, man. So don’t even don’t think i go please put that down yeah
I know what I’m doing. All right. All right. Okay. I went over to Mr. Miyagi’s yard. We did. Yeah, we did. We all just trashed our yard. It’s horrible. We had like a tote, a plastic tote up by the fence. Uh-huh. Full of shoes. No, it’s empty, actually. But she puts it in there. I’m like, okay, well, all right. So it’s laying there, and it’s not breathing. It’s lifeless. His eyes are just open just a little bit. I’m like, okay. And she goes, well, he’s dead. I’m like, I don’t know. I’m not convinced. So we get the dogs in my wife gets in, you know, I thought I’m going to go back and check on this little bastard. And I swear to the son of a bitch winked at me like wink. Oh, you son of a bitch. And then he like jumps off and like runs into the bushes. Oh, he took off. Oh yes. Yeah. He totally faked out the dog. He faked up my wife. Yeah. Yeah.
He’s probably like a little higher on the tail, please. Thank you. Yeah. I go, you know, for some people around here that it would have been dinner. You know that, don’t you? I mean, we could probably sold that son of a bitch for 20 bucks. Yeah. You’re kidding. Oh my gosh. Cause we did it a long time ago. A kid brought over like some dressed squirrels that they had caught, you know? Oh, great. Which I refuse to eat. It was like a long time ago. I don’t remember that story, but chicken. Yeah. I’m like, no, I’m not eating some rat. F you, man. Yeah, but I know people eat this shit. I’m like, not me, man. I’ve never had a squirrel myself either. I will eat it steak and shake, so I don’t know, man. Yeah, I’d rather have you steak and shake. My wish is the hawk. And so, yeah, so I’m like, you know, this thing came alive, by the way. Oh, it did? Yes. What?
They play possum? For real? I thought she was sleeping. Sorry, honey. I thought she was sleeping. She was playing possum. Yeah, I was dumb. I thought he wasn’t playing possum. A little bastard. I don’t know where he went. Oh, wow. This poor guy’s been maimed and he’s like… running over in Miyagi’s yard around the tiger trap. I should have pitched it over his fence and be like, hey, so much. Deal with this. You get caught back there. Oh. In the tiger trap back in the back. Yeah, I know. I don’t even know what’s back there. Oh, my gosh. The guy’s constantly back. You know he came from over there. I don’t know where this is from, but this is the second time. He’s out of possums or something for all you know.
This is the second time, and I’ve lived in this house like way too long, but this is the second time I’ve seen a possum in the backyard. Huh, well, it’s because you got all those good delicacies back there. Yeah, I’ve had a raccoon back there. I’ve had possum. All those mushrooms you’re growing. Yes, yes, it’s legal. All the mushrooms. Pumpkins and mushrooms and… Actually, I just planted all that. Yeah, I just planted all that, actually. Well, now you know why. Yeah, so I’m like, aha, this week Bob is not going to outdo me with the animal story. I’ve got an animal story. I finally have one. I was hoping it would happen. Oh, shit, I should have went with mine. Damn, oh, well. Don’t worry, I’m blowing socks off with this one, Miles. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it.
Don’t worry about it. My mama deer gave birth right in front of me. It was beautiful. Yeah, I’ll be like, all right, all right. It was beautiful. I held it. I washed its mouth out. I mean, it was great. It whispered to me. Oh, take me a second, Jake, please. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, hey, I’m glad everybody’s… I’m glad she didn’t get bit. I know. Those things are mean. I might have stuck my hand in one of those fuckers in the garage one time. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to get bit by that. You’d take off your finger, I bet. Yeah, they would. I know. When I lived in the city, I had a detached garage and I went out and opened the… And the light switch was on after you had to open the door to get the light switch. I hit the light switch and there was a fucking possum right there hissing at me.
Is that where you had that crazy neighbor? Yes. That had like that weird house thing going on. And then I had to chase, I had to chase, I had to open the garage, I had to reach over by it again to open the garage door and then chase it out with a broom. Get the hell out of here, you son of a bitch. Like, well, we, that was, it had an alley with the dumpsters. There was always something in the dumpster, you know, rackhands and possums. Neighbors. Smile, you son of a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the possums are scary. Yeah, there’s something else. There’s something else. I’m glad you’re okay. Yeah, well, I’m glad my wife’s okay. Jesus. Great. Who knows who would have helped her if she wasn’t? Not me. I would have been glued to the Netflix. I’m going back into Netflix. I’ve got news for you. Yeah, I’ve got…
I found the code for Teddy movies on Netflix. What’s that, honey? What? It’s 8008. I’m a chicken? Whatever. Whatever. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m glad everyone’s okay. Yeah. And you’re not hurt as well.