I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I questioned myself before posting it. But man it’s been tugging at my heartstrings and I need to let it out.

How do y’all navigate relationships or lack thereof with your present-absent dads? Do you ever think about what grief would look like for you when they’re gone, even though they’ve never really been involved as a parent in your life? I find myself thinking about this a lot lately, and the sense of abandonment I feel because of it. I can no longer blame my dad anymore because I’m a grown up. I have to make my own decisions now and I only hope that it’s ones I can live with later in life.

I may have regrets about sharing something so personal about my dad but I know it will liberate me from the grief I carry, even though he’s still alive. I don’t hope for amends really - I think we may be long past that. This time, it’s my decision too and I hope when the time comes for my reckoning, I will be able to live with my choices.