Primary Attribute

It's time for our yearly Halloween Special! The party has to rush to dispel a terrible transformation curse put on two of their members. They have, like, two or three hours until midnight! Probably plenty of time. Right?

Vons stabs a pumpkin. Jyessi gives a piggy back ride. Wealthy determines which candies are load-bearing. Grickx T-poses.

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The battle for the Arx reaches its thrilling conclusion! The majority of the party scrambles to prevent massive casualties inside the shield. Meanwhile Cool Ranch is trapped outside as he tries to find a way to rescue Lucky and not die in the process.

Just a good, light, funny episode. Clearly.

Grickx embodies heavy metal. Wealdroa pulls a neat trick. Steamboat scores a multikill. Nacho Cheese Vons plays his hit single. Jyessi shows the Corruption these are HER woods. Cool Ranch Vons is a real star of a fox.

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Scheduling note: Our Halloween special will be released on 10/31!

Hey everyone! There's no new episode on 10/14/2026, due to the tight timing of the recording session and Ian's lack of a personal time machine. (They're working on it.) We'll be back on 10/21, but in the meantime if you're hankering for something to listen to, here's some choice productions from our back catalog:

Xeno Attribute (our self-contained, 13 episode sci-fi horror spin off show!): https://primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute/

The focus on Halloween and horror was unintentional, but hey, it's spooky season! Pretend we did it on purpose. See y'all next week. :)

Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com

The shield is finally descending! In mere moments, the Arx will be protected from the Corrupted army outside their city. Unfortunately, they've still got enemies inside and allies outside. Can they make the switch in time?

Wealdroa puts up walls between themselves and others. Steamboat Willie knows even morally ambiguous badasses need help sometimes. Nacho Cheese Vons sticks up for his employees. Jyessi takes a parting shot. Cool Ranch Vons suffers an unlucky fumble. Grickx makes sure no one is left behind.

Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com

The party desperately fights to prevent the door being breached, keep their people from being taken, and take down fuck-off-giant knights. And there's *still* a damn dragon to deal with, even if its mouth is glued shut. Fun times!

Wealdroa rolls the dice. Steamboat gasses his allies. Cool Ranch Vons falls with style. Grickx precisely fires from above. Jyessi is an honorable opponent. Nacho Cheese Vons makes everything sticky. Again.

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A cavalry charge plunges through the Arx defenders, and the party tries to stop it any way they can. They're going to take all the king's horses and all the king's men, and make sure they can never, ever be put back together again.

Hopefully.

Steamboat Willie starts a merger. Nacho Cheese Vons makes his own sound effects. Wealdroa drops acid. Grickx channels Matt LeBlanc. Cool Ranch Vons breaks party tradition. Jyessi rides the wave.

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The Arx tries the fast way down. After all, what's a little terminal velocity between a flying mountain and a hard place? Plus, it probably still counts as a landing if you're in contact with the surface at the finish, even if you're in several thousand far-flung pieces. Really, if you think about it, crashing is just minimum viable product!

Grickx tells his foes to chill out. Cool Ranch Vons grapples with his situation. Wealdroa has THAT ex show up at a party. Nacho Cheese Vons finds a new and exciting use for glue. Steamboat Willie meant to hit that. Jyessi leads by example.

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Okay, phew. That's the first wave (almost) down, and (mostly) everyone's still alive. What else could they have to throw at the Arx?

Oh. Oh my.

Grickx gets notified. Wealthy leaves no footprints in the sand. Cool Ranch Vons has a nice chat. Jyessi reunites with an old friend. Nacho Cheese Vons gets broken glass everywhere. Steamboat Willie shoos away a bird.

Scheduling note! No new episode 9/9. We had an unexpected interruption to our recording schedule and so we have to skip a week. (Also, sorry this episode came out so late!)

Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com

The defense of the Arx continues as it descends slowly towards the ground. It's even doing so in a controlled fashion! So that's nice.

Less nice are the corrupted infantry, tigers, and minotaurs, oh my!

Grickx is ready to fly the Bug Stomper. Nacho Cheese Vons brings the frag to his grenade. Jyessi keeps firm in her stance on the Corruption. Steamboat Willie does the most metal thing imaginable. Cool Ranch Vons leaves behind a nice surprise. Wealdroa gets a new perspective on events.

Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com

Let's land this thing! It's a giant mountain, how hard can it be? The party forms ranks with the rest of the defenders of the Arx and stands ready to take on whatever the Corruption will throw at them. Perhaps literally.

Steamboat Willie works an angle. Jyessi gives Annie Oakley a run for her money. Nacho Cheese Vons calls down the fury of the heavens. Grickx orienteers. Cool Ranch Vons gets the deets. Wealdroa brings the boom.

Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com