What really drives elite performance — discipline, self-criticism, or something deeper? In this episode, I explore psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and high performance with Olympian Toby Jenkins.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Toby Jenkins — Olympian, entrepreneur, speaker, and coach — to explore leadership, high performance, and the inner world that shapes both.

Toby is also my cousin, so this was a really special conversation for me. He shares a deeply personal and powerful account of his Olympic journey, describing the yin–yang of high performance — the highs and lows, pride and disappointment, confidence and doubt, and even moments of shame.

We talk openly about self-criticism — how it can drive performance, but also how it can become harsh and unhelpful. Toby reflects on the intense pressure of elite sport, and how that inner voice shaped his experience along the way.

One of the most powerful moments in the conversation is a story from his early days at the Australian Institute of Sport, where a simple act of kindness — a teammate offering him an old team t-shirt — had a profound and lasting impact. It’s a beautiful example of compassion in action.

Toby also shares how discovering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and the science of psychological flexibility transformed his understanding of mindset. Rather than trying to eliminate stress or control emotions, he now focuses on opening up to discomfort, being present, and taking values-based action.

In our conversation, we explore:

- The double-edged nature of self-criticism in high performance

- Why confidence can be unreliable — and competence is built through reps

- How athletes and leaders can respond differently to pressure, fear, and doubt

- The role of compassion and self-compassion in resilience and growth

- How psychological flexibility applies across sport, business, and everyday life

This is a really rich, practical, and deeply human conversation about what it means to perform, lead, and live well — even when things are tough.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome And Guest Intro

01:46 Cousins Reunite On Air

02:39 Olympic Highs And Lows

07:20 AIS Grind And Self Doubt

09:00 Humiliated At Selection Camp

12:25 The T Shirt Kindness Moment

14:55 Pay It Forward Lessons

19:12 Compassion Defined In Practice

21:52 Reframing Coach With Compassion

27:30 Inner Critic And Pain As Fuel

30:02 When Self Criticism Helps Or Hurts

32:12 Constructive vs Shame Critic

33:22 Owning Pressure Out Loud

35:46 Acceptance Price of Entry

37:27 Finding ACT in Crisis

38:49 Work Identity Wake Up

44:23 Mindset Shift in Leaders

47:08 Confidence vs Competence Reps

53:58 Compassion Validation and Choice

59:17 Wholeness Yin Yang Wrap

01:00:36 Closing Thanks and Farewell

Links:

Toby Jenkin’s website:

https://www.tobyajenkins.com/

Toby’s LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobyjenkins/

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/

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Hashtags:

compassion, selfcompassion, psychologicalflexibility, highperformance, leadership, mentalhealth