Who knew there were so many rabbit holes, so many Alice’s and not so much wonder. 

Just to be clear grandma was not sent to an insane asylum. She was sent to her worse nightmare. One she was promised she would never have to live. In addition, I offered to take care of grandma for nothing. Her family preferred to send her to her death by putting her in a home. I begged Kathy to let me just go to Texas and check her out of that place on the pretense of taking her to dinner and then just never bring her back. She said no, she was afraid for herself, what her family might do to me. Try to put me in jail and then who would take care of her. 

Angela said Kathy had kidney disease. Did they bother to contact me! No! I would have gladly given Kathy one of my kidneys if we were a match. Live with that. And you all know it’s true. I laid my life down to take care of Kathy while her mom  made our lives a living hell. She slapped Kathy  across the face at the hospital. Kathy was in a Halo and a pelvic fixator. Just fucking imagine that. 

Miley Cyrus featuring Ariana Grande “Don’t Dream It’s Over, if you're interested. What I never went on to say in the audio was that I was out shopping and this song came on and the tears just streamed down my face. I was wearing a mask so I don’t don’t think people were aware of my momentary emotional collapse. 

I heard feedback about my Mommasita and her feelings for Robyn as opposed to how much she really loved Kathy. I’m going to address that here and let this be the end of it. To be fair, I knew Kathy and Kathy knew my Mommasita before I ever met Robyn. Kathy had her own very close relationship with my Mommasita.  When Robyn and I first moved to my Mommasita’s I went out and bought my Mommasita a beautiful Italian leather living room set with end tables. The first thing that Robyn did when she saw it was assume I bought it for her. Once she realized I bought it as a gift for my Mommasita she threw a fit. When I say fit I mean all out screaming, stomping her feet fit. She said some pretty harsh words too… all the while, yup you know it. My Mommasita was standing at the top of the stairs  getting more and more disgusted listening to and watching Robyn as she threw her fit. So it was directly because of Robyn her relationship with my Mommasita never had a chance to be better than it ever got. The other very serious infraction was that Robyn tried to hit my mom with a pot. Yes, my Mommasita threw her ass out of her home immediately and it was a year before Robyn was allowed to be on my Mommasita’s property. Several more months before Robyn was allowed inside my Mommasita’s home. So there you have it. There’s more I could say but that paints the picture clear with a strong, vibrant hue of the truth. 

So What • Music & Lyrics
©️Petra Maricela Violetarojo de Cordero
Written For: Rome • Kathleen Renee’ Vass 

After Kathy’s grandpa died Kathy and I grew closer. We had a deeper understanding of who we were individually and together. Even the difficulties between us would not break our bond or our love. Many people came at us again and again to slay the dragon that was the love we shared and failed. Women that were attracted to me that did not want me to be with Kathy and women who were attracted to Kathy that did not want her to be with me. It felt like those women saw us as a challenge more than anything else. Which one of those among us would pull the sword from the rock. As it turned out none of them, our demise that came many, many years later would come from Kathy and her betrayal to our love, my faith and my trust. 

Meeting Kathy’s grandma, grandpa, aunt and mom. 

Oh Kathy my Kathy, if only we had met at a different time in your life. Perhaps after you were through searching for that which you were never meant to find to begin with. Our favorite color was black, our favorite word was ‘money’ not because of its definition but because of how I said it. If ever Kathy was uncertain if it was me on the phone she would always ask me to say, ‘money’. Our favorite film was Wuthering Heights, I’m sure we watched it a thousand times. I’m sure that I will die alone, not lonely but alone longing for one more night with my Kathy, my Rome. It will not ever be for she has finally made her exit from this earth. Was it grand perhaps not in this world but I pray in Gods she was received with a grand parade of welcoming arms filled with love, light and warmth.

Mission To Mars written for and dedicated to my Kathy, my Rome, Kathleen Renee’ Vass. Soundtrack of which a segment is used as the intro and exit music for the Rome podcast. I hope you enjoy it, it is as erratic and beautiful as was my Kathy.

There is no greater act of love than to lay down your own life and dreams for your friend, the love of your life, your soulmate. You, in that moment must chose to allow the person that you know in your heart you have loved like no other cross that line and allow them to walk into the unGodly woods or pull them back against their own will and hope and pray they will not hate you for it. The balance between sanity and madness finds rest on a line between the choice to stay or leave, act or leave, risk everything, even your own life or leave. What say you?

As is with all things good or bad but especially good, the fruits of the garden are tainted with our own sins. Thus they go to the wayside, we don’t even realize it until the dreams and imaginings of things to come are beyond reach.  Suddenly we find ourselves not in Eden but on the edge of the crossing into the unGodly woods uttering those famous words by Talking Heads, ‘How did I get here’ from, Once In A Lifetime. Rome was my one and only beautiful soulmate. I don’t know is possible we spent too much time having too much sex. Nah. That wasn’t it… 

Mourning the loss of my soulmate and my true love. I have never loved anyone like I loved my Kathy, my Rome. But with great hardship and pain and for my own sanity and well being I made the choice to walk away. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She passed away a few days ago and this is how I’ve chosen to deal with it. A raw audio feed of our life on this earth from land to sea and through the universe. A remembrance and tribute along with a lil therapy. I’ve known this day was coming for a few years now. Now that it’s here as painful as it is I have to tell myself not to let the enemy, darkness or evil try to guilt me into devaluing the choice I made in 2009 to walk away. It didn’t mean I stopped loving Kathy, it didn’t change any of the good we shared or all the amazing memories we created with each other. It is simply this, that the madness and chaos Kathy drew to her like a magnet would no longer repeat itself or find it’s rest upon me or us. Kathy was a beautiful, magnificent, kind, extremely talented and loving woman whom I will never forget and I will always cherish her and all that was good in her. RIP my Kathy, my Rome, January 18, 1969 ~ March 7, 2021 God bless  you my dark angel.