For many years I chased love in all the wrong places, through relationships, substance abuse, partying and trying to fit in with the world. The thing is every path I took that I felt would give me those things, every pursuit I had, every relationship I had, never satisfied me and always led to the same negative outcome which was a feeling of emptiness, dissatisfaction, and a lot of pain and suffering, until one day that all changed.
But first, let me take you back. For much of my life, a lot of things that I felt was good, loving, and would bring me happiness I know now, was in fact not love, but a deep conditioning that began in childhood, from what my family and society taught me to believe was love. It all started with my mother, if I did anything that would go against what she wanted for me, she would punish me with violence, and worse she would withdraw her love and give me the silent treatment.
This taught me that in order for mum to love me, I’ve got to do what she wants, even if it means sacrificing my unique personality to fit hers, even if it meant, sacrificing my own desires for hers. There are many more stories like this in my childhood, that told me I’m not loveable, unless I do what others want me to do, even down to being sexually abused from the age of 5. So, by the time I became a teenager, I had no clue who I was or why I was here.
The pain of my family relationships became unbearable and I made an oath to myself to never open my heart to anyone again. I found solace in substances, they became my friends, they would make me feel good; make me feel good about myself, give me courage, give me a sense of worth and belonging in this world. They made me laugh, forget about my problems, they made me confident and it felt like I had a million friends when the substances came for a weekend visit.
I felt loved, I felt a warmth that I could never have in my interactions with people. I felt like I could love the world in a way that I couldn’t when I was sober. Of course none of that would turn out to be true, just a fantasy world and façade I created to avoid the deep emptiness I felt inside.
But eventually substances became my enemy and after running myself into the ground with a string of failed relationships, I found myself quite an angry person, quite dark in my soul, full of hatred, resentment and violence. My heart was hard, I was quite self centred and just wanted other people to love me and make me feel good about myself because I hated myself so much. I had just had enough of creating so many problems for myself so in my early 30's I decided I wanted more for my life.
Eventually in 2012 after getting sober, I came to realise that I really had no experience of actually feeling true love from anyone and I really had no idea what true love really was and that I had no idea how to love others either. So that became a desire of mine. I wanted to have an experience of feeling true real love, I wanted to know what true love looked and felt like.
So I started to desire that, I would desire it in my heart, and I would say things to the universe like ‘I want to know what true love feels like’. I would sometimes have this desire when I was exercising in my room, or doing my passions and I would find myself randomly bursting into tears whenever I had this desire. It was overwhelming, I never questioned it, or knew what it was and it wasn't until 2014, I came across some information that was life changing - Divine Truth. The very basis of divine truth teachings was about developing a personal relationship with God and experiencing the Greatest Love of all – God’s Love.
For anyone looking to experience true love in life, I hope this video opens your heart to the greatest gift that's on offer right now to humanity - God's Love. I encourage you to give this video a chance, this information could change your life as it has done for mine.
