Ryan grew up the "designated driver" — the holier-than-thou kid who swore he'd never touch drugs or alcohol. Then a snowboarding accident shattered three vertebrae, a doctor friend sat him down at a Ruth's Chris lunch, and a Purdue Pharma rep promised the new painkiller was "non-addictive." Four years later Ryan was hurling two fresh bottles of pills into Lake Powell, praying to die as he detoxed alone on a houseboat full of family.
That was only the beginning. Ryan tells Jonathan and Brent about the sake he drank in a liquor-store parking lot at 32, the years of day-drinking behind a white-picket-fence facade, the cocaine he used just to sober up enough to drive home, and the "Superman" ego that survived a heart attack in Central Park and a .38 DUI. The turn comes from a neighbor he'd written off — John Redd — and four words that cracked the whole thing open: "Okay, cool. Me too."
The heart of it is a spiritual turn most people never talk about out loud. By the time he got to treatment, Ryan had gone agnostic — sure that if there was a God, He'd doomed him to this. So he fired that God. He wrote a firing letter to the higher power that had cast him into hell, and a hiring letter for a new one built from the qualities he most wanted as a dad. From there — writing his fourth step twice, working a fifth step, and the moment the cravings simply lifted and "the sky got bluer" — Ryan walks through the surrender that gave him back his marriage (26 years to Sarah), his business, and a calling. Today, five and a half years sober, he and Sarah run Reprieve, a women's recovery center they never planned to build — and Ryan is careful to draw the line between working in recovery and working his recovery.
Plus: the screwdriver he was handed to build a house, the wisdom that we're all the same distance from grace, and why the suffering was worth it. And stick around for the behind-the-scenes — a very heated debate about whether soccer is the dumbest sport ever invented.
If you or someone you love is struggling, this one's a reminder: if Ryan can do it, you can too. Reach out. You're not alone.
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