When it comes to dating, choosing the right person to give a try, or not, can be so tricky. You need to have a set of standards, boundaries and a list of qualities and traits you use when deciding who to date. You’ve heard it before and it’s worth repeating again, “selection matters.” The question is how do you begin to make a list of those qualities, beliefs and values and prioritize them. Many of you may agree that starting with standards and boundaries is a great move, but how much weight does that list of qualities hold? Tom and Lisa discuss how much they each hit the mark (or not) on each other’s list of predetermined desired traits. It comes down to knowing your personal values, knowing what qualities you’re looking for, and it’s more important to be open to unexpected new things, and discovering who someone is.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Preconceived Notions | Why relying on your instincts over a premade checklist is better [1:32] Fundamentals | Lisa shares why fundamentals are more important than characteristics [5:23] Be Open | discovery and open to unexpected [8:39]   QUOTES:   “With online dating you're really making a decision on paper before you make a decision in real life.” Tom Bilyeu [2:45]   “If I had made sure you had to hit these marks before going on that first date, I don't know if we ever would have gotten that first date, and then within that I found all these small intriguing things I never realized existed” Lisa Bilyeu [7:49]
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Qualities to Look for When You Date Someone | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu

Join power couple Tom and Lisa Bilyeu as they answer your relationship questions and share how they've created a successful marriage for nearly 20 years. No holds barred. No B.S.

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What are the things you wish someone told you about being in a long term relationship that absolutely killed your last relationship? Maybe you’re in a new relationship now, and you want to know how to set your relationship up for success to make it last for years and years to come. Although we can agree humans are naturally social creatures, it is damn hard being in a relationship for years with the same person. Personalities change, arguments fester longer than they should, and your partner’s quirky ways that were once cute are suddenly making the hair on your neck stand.Intimacy is hard. Communication gets even harder (probably because most of us suck at it), and yet, there are successful relationships and marriages that inspire us and restore our faith in the possibility of a shared life experience that can be beautiful.Tom and Lisa’s relationship is far from perfection and yet so close relative to who they have grown into as individuals and as life partners. In this episode, get out your notepad or open up your note taking app. The lessons and thoughts they share about their successes and failures through 20 years together are worth holding onto.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:0:00 | Introduction to Finding the Perfect Relationship0:59 | 3 Surprises of a Long Term Relationship 20:26 | Choose Your Partner Wisely33:02 | Solution to Mismatched Sex Drive1:03:20 | Get the Right Amount of Texting1:14:47 | Don’t Let Fights Go Unresolved1:37:40 | Address Your Own Insecurities1:46:20 | Value a Growth Mindset TogetherQUOTES:“It is 100% important to be selfish, in the sense of taking care of yourself, what makes you happy, so that you can show up to be happy in that relationship.” Lisa Bilyeu [3:49]“When you're arguing you're almost never arguing about the thing you're arguing about, you're actually arguing about something else.” Tom Bilyeu [8:37]“Let go of all expectations and have a couple of really strong ones that you never let go of.” Lisa Bilyeu [16:42]“From the beginning, I think you have to establish communication with your partner, even when you have to say the hard things..” Lisa Bilyeu [29:07]“If you're in a committed loving relationship and you're not thinking about what your partner wants, that is, that is a horsemen of the apocalypse…” Tom Bilyeu [40:06]“I'm never going to feel bad asking for sex, and you should never ever feel bad for saying no, and as long as you never make me feel guilty for asking, I'm certainly not going to make you feel guilty for saying no.” Tom Bilyeu [59:05]“You're never going to deal with something in a calm, rational, compassionate, loving way, and be like, I really wish that I just fucking freaked out.” Tom Bilyeu [1:19:26]“There's a really beautiful surprise that can happen when your goal is sincerely to open the channel of communication.” Tom Bilyeu [1:48:10]
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WATCH THIS To Build Sexual Desire & Find The PERFECT RELATIONSHIP! | Tom & Lisa Bilyeu

At the beginning of the relationship, it’s so effortless to be in each other’s presence. Thanks to nature and biology, the hormones that flood our systems makes being in love the most magical experience in the world. There’s never enough time together and you can’t keep your hands off each other. Keeping that level of focus and attention on each other and the relationship as you progress through stages and settle together takes a lot of effort and skill (to do it well). Tom and Lisa are dedicated to one another and super excited to help other couples build a beautiful relationship. Today, that means getting strategic and intentional about the time you’re giving to your relationship. Forget about how busy your days are, and forget about all the valid reasons you have to work later, focus on the kids, and help your family. Building a beautiful relationship means prioritizing time for intimacy, time for each other and time for connection. Consistently!Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Time for Intimacy | Couples can be as busy and Tom & Lisa and still prioritize intimacy [0:25]Keep the Sex Game Strong | Lisa highlights what you wear and the language you use [1:19]Schedule What’s Important | Don’t wait for impromptu moments, schedule time together [5:39]Be Focused on Each Other | Tom shares how he separates & values time for connection [7:28]Feeling Disconnected | How Lisa navigates feeling disconnected and reconnecting [10:17]QUOTES:“The more [time] you spend not connecting, the harder it is to come back.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:06]“This is work, and this is husband and wife. I don't try to mix the two or do a little bit of both at the same time.” Tom Bilyeu [8:16]“I work an obscene amount of hours, but I don't let that bleed into our time.” Tom Bilyeu [10:11]
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The SECRET to AMAZING SEX You NEED to Hear | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu

Dealing with your partner’s insecurities in the relationship gets very challenging. Because they are often triggered by something internal the work needs to come mainly from your partner. When you are committed and down for the long-term relationship, you realize that dealing with your own insecurities is more effective in creating and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Tom and Lisa share how Tom was able to recognize and address one of his own insecurities early in the relationship. It may be a surprise but at the root of your insecurity and your partner’s insecurity is a challenge to your identity and personal values.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Free Your Insecurities | Tom shares how he handled his insecurities at the beginning [2:01]Identity Change | What you tie identity to in the relationship matters for your insecurities [7:11]QUOTES:“What set me free to deal with my insecurities was recognizing that I could get better.” To Bilyeu [2:12]“The real goal is to be desirous of a partner who is equally as powerful as you are.” Tom Bilyeu [6:40]
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How to Handle Feelings of Insecurity and Inadequacy with Your Partner | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu

Have you experienced relationships centered around physical attraction?  Relationships can fall apart for dozens of reasons, and physical attraction and sex appeal are definitely one of the major reasons. The truth is, we are all having a biological experience as Tom puts it, and in order to have a long lasting relationship,you have to understand human nature. Luckily, there is no pressure or obligation to agree or disagree with it, but as human beings there are natural tendencies we are biologically wired for. Tom and Lisa have a raw conversation about the nature of men and women’s attraction to one another and what we can learn to value to overcome our biological impulses.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Nature of Attraction | Tom shares how important beauty is in a relationship [0:45]What to Value | Lisa and Tom on insecurities and choosing what to value in yourself [7:59]Losing Attraction | Tom breaks down the pain for men being viewed as harmless [10:31]QUOTES:“In life, you go through phases, enjoy every phase for what it has to offer.” Tom Bilyeu [5:29]“I recognize the danger in valuing my beauty or my physique or how I look [...] I'm not attached to that and I'm not feeling insecure about it.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:50]
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The TRUTH About Sexual Market Value & The IMPORTANCE of Aesthetics In A Relationship

Sexual pleasure between you and your partner is a must for a healthy relationship to thrive. When it comes to pleasing each other are you 100% sure you know how to satisfy your partner and are you giving each other the opportunity to explore (or at least discuss) your most intimate kinky little twists. How comfortable are you telling your partner about your sexual fantasies? Is fear of being judged or dismissed holding you back from sharing? If you were to share and your partner expressed excitement in helping you fulfill that fantasy would it be worth sharing? Talking about sex is rarely a casual or comfortable topic, but Tom and Lisa take away the shame and mystery and share reasons why you may want to have a talk with your significant other before the lights go out tonight.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Tell Him What You Want | Tom shares why men are eager to hear women’s sexual wants [0:49]Embarrassed & Insecure | Lisa’s experience being too embarrassed to talk about sex [5:41]Testing the Waters | How to build trust and experiment to see if you feel safe for more [8:19]Just Ask Her | Tom and Lisa reveal how to approach asking questions without judgement [12:30]QUOTES:“It didn't even dawn on me, I could have equal pleasure [...] that is one of the most vulnerable things. It's actually more vulnerable than just having sex.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:14]“How much can I trust you as my partner with things about myself? And so I actually wouldn't start with sex, I would start with other little things about me.” Lisa Bilyeu [8:24]“If you don't make me feel bad about asking, I won't make you feel bad about saying no…” Tom Bilyeu [13:56]
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Qualities to Look for When You Date Someone | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu

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