In this episode, Kinoko updates Masaki on a shocking plot twist regarding her recent breakup: her ex revealed he was actually divorced prior to meeting her and lied about being married for their entire half-year relationship. He claimed he lied to protect himself from being played as a "toy boy," leaving Kinoko baffled by the absurdity of his logic. Masaki and Kinoko dissect this major breach of trust, highlighting how a six-month lie fundamentally violates the consent and transparency required in ethical polyamory.The conversation then broadens into a lively linguistic and philosophical debate about honesty, relationship categories, and boundaries. Masaki shares a funny story about struggling to tell polite lies when a party guest asked for feedback on an unflattering outfit, leading into a breakdown of terms like "demanding" and self-contradictory logic. The hosts also contrast casual "fuck buddies" with "friends with benefits" and recurring partnerships across different social spheres, concluding with Masaki advising Kinoko to approach her upcoming meeting with her ex like an objective interviewer.・The Shocking Divorce Confession: Kinoko reveals her ex dropped a bombshell by claiming he was divorced before they met, having lied about being married for six months out of fear of being treated as a "toy boy."・Ethical Non-Monogamy vs. Unethical Lying: Masaki and Kinoko analyze the self-contradictory nature of her ex's excuse, emphasizing that trust, consent, and honesty are the essential foundations of polyamory.・The Dilemma of White Lies: A humorous discussion on honesty where Masaki shares a party anecdote about refusing to offer fake compliments, leading to a breakdown of terms like "demanding" and "harmless lies."・Fuck Buddies vs. Friends with Benefits: The hosts dissect relationship nuances, contrasting pure physical arrangements with "friends with benefits" and sustainable, recurring connections that require deep mutual trust.・Underground Spaces vs. Out in the World: Kinoko explains that anonymous, low-information encounters work fine in happening bars or sex-positive events, but ongoing relationships out in the world demand openness.・Idiom Spotlight - The Interviewer Mindset: Masaki advises Kinoko to take on the role of an objective interviewer when meeting her ex to hear his story, gathering information without rushing into decisions.Announcements:・Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko’s sharehouse!Links:・Kinoko-san’s X: x.com/kinoko1027・Kinoko-san’s blog: ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/・Her book: amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA・Her interview: news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

In this episode, Kinoko checks in from Fukuoka after receiving a post-breakup text message from her ex-partner asking to "be friends." Kinoko and Masaki discuss the ambiguity of staying friends with an ex, especially when navigating shared community spaces like Burning Japan. From examining the need for face-to-face closure to defining what "bare minimum" boundaries look like, the hosts explore the emotional work required to transition out of romantic partnerships healthily.The conversation then deepens as Kinoko envisions her ideal polyamorous scenario—one built on open family communication rather than secrecy. This prompts a reflection on how children perceive tension within families, leading Kinoko to share a poignant childhood memory of studying hard to cope with her parents' constant fighting. Finally, Masaki and Kinoko break down key English terms and idioms around boundaries, breakup dynamics, and managing attention.・Navigating Post-Breakup Texts: Kinoko shares her confusion after her ex messaged asking to stay friends, leading to a discussion on what "friends" means when transitioning out of a relationship.・Community & Boundaries: Since Kinoko and her ex belong to the same Burning Japan fire performance team, Masaki and Kinoko talk about avoiding awkwardness, setting the "bare minimum" boundary of no sex, and needing face-to-face closure.・Ideal Polyamory vs. Family Secrecy: Kinoko describes her ideal polyamorous dynamic where partners communicate transparently with their spouses and families rather than hiding relationships.・Childhood Coping Mechanisms: Kinoko reflects on growing up with parents who fought daily, sharing how she studied intensely as a child in hopes of stopping their conflict and as a way to cope.・Vocab Spotlight - Bare Minimum & Closure: Masaki and Kinoko break down essential English phrases including "bare minimum" for establishing basic boundaries and "closure" for resolving emotional chapters.・Vocab Spotlight - Distraction vs. Diverting Attention: A linguistic deep dive into the difference between being disturbed by noise, seeking a "distraction," and intentionally "diverting your attention" to cope with stress.Announcements:・Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko’s sharehouse!Links:・Kinoko-san’s X: x.com/kinoko1027・Kinoko-san’s blog: ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/・Her book: amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA・Her interview: news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

In this episode, Masaki and Kinoko wrap up their three-part guest series with sociologist Kasumi (Rero-san) to explore the complex intersection of mental health and queer identity. Kasumi shares her personal journey dealing with adjustment disorder and depression, describing how physical and emotional burnout disrupted her research and daily life. The trio dives into the frustrating realities of seeking psychological care, discussing the harm of encountering uninformed or prejudiced therapists who dismiss non-normative relationship styles or gender identities as immaturity.The conversation then expands to address broader systemic barriers, from overt ableism in dating app bios to accessibility challenges within physical community spaces. Kinoko reflects on the delicate balance between managing her inclusive Tokyo sharehouse and navigating the financial realities of rent, prompting a debate on how classism and ableism intersect in queer event organizing. Finally, the group dismantles the concept of a societal majority, emphasizing that when intersectional struggles are accounted for, creating truly accessible, structured spaces benefits everyone.・Depression and Academic Burnout: Kasumi opens up about her diagnosis of adjustment disorder and depression, detailing the physical toll of severe fatigue on her research and social life.・Microaggressions in Therapy: The hosts critique harmful experiences with psychological care, highlighting how insensitive therapists can inflict microaggressions on closeted or non-normative patients.・Ableism on Dating Platforms: A candid reaction to dating app bios that explicitly exclude people with mental health conditions, calling out the need for greater empathy and better phrasing.・Sharehouses, Classism, and Accessibility: Kinoko discusses the financial realities of running an inclusive sharehouse in Minowa, exploring how rent requirements and physical venue barriers like stairs intersect with ableism.・Structuring Inclusive Spaces: Discussing how extroverts can unintentionally dominate queer social events, emphasizing the importance of structured systems where every participant gets an equal turn to speak.・The Myth of the Majority: Masaki and Kinoko reflect on intersectionality, arguing that once individual hardships are mapped out, the idea of a privileged majority becomes a tiny minority.Announcements:・Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! Kinoko's sharehouse near Minowa Station (just two stops from Ueno) is currently looking for two new residents! If you are seeking an affordable, flexible, and inclusive place to live in Tokyo, check out Kinoko's sharehouse!Kinoko's Links:・X: x.com/kinoko1027・blog: ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/・book: amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA・interview: news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196Kasumi's (Rero-san's) Links:・X: x.com/rero70・Research map: https://researchmap.jp/kasuminakamura

In this episode, Masaki and Kinoko continue their three-part series with sociologist Kasumi (Rero-san) to explore the intersection of being queer and neurodivergent in Japan. The trio opens up about their personal identities and neurodivergent traits, ranging from Masaki's undiagnosed ADHD and Kasumi's gray-area WAIS test results to Kinoko's ASD diagnosis and disability ID card perks. Together, they reflect on how existing outside societal norms of neurotypicality made accepting their queer identities feel like a natural extension rather than a leap.The discussion deepens into the challenges of navigating queer social spaces while neurodivergent. From sensory overload and non-verbal dating cues in loud bars to overthinking conversation dynamics, the hosts highlight how intersecting minority identities can create unique barriers. They also examine community pressures, discussing the difficulty of being an asexual gay man, the monogamy-centric hierarchy in Japanese lesbian spaces, and the empowering slogan that single lesbians remain valid.・Personal Identities & Neurodivergence: Masaki, Kinoko, and Kasumi share their queer orientations alongside their neurodivergent traits, discussing ADHD attention scores, ASD diagnoses, and WAIS testing experiences.・Disruption as a Common Thread: The hosts explore how being neurodivergent naturally disrupts societal expectations of normal, making it easier to resist traditional norms and embrace polyamorous, genderqueer, or non-normative lifestyles.・Navigating Loud Spaces & Non-Verbal Cues: Kasumi and Masaki discuss the difficulty of reading the room or picking up on non-verbal dating signals in loud lesbian clubs and gay bars due to sensory and processing challenges.・Intersectionality & Asexuality in Queer Spaces: Masaki reflects on the challenges of navigating gay spaces when disinterested in sex, while Kasumi critiques the partnership-centric hierarchy within Japanese lesbian spaces.・Single Lesbians & Community Slogans: Kasumi highlights the slogan that single lesbians are still lesbians, challenging the idea that romantic partnership determines a person's standing within queer communities.Announcements:・Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko’s sharehouse!Kinoko's Links:・X: x.com/kinoko1027・blog: ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/・book: amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA・interview: news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196Kasumi's (Rero-san's) Links:・X: x.com/rero70・Research map: https://researchmap.jp/kasuminakamura

In this episode, Masaki and Kinoko welcome their very first podcast guest, Kasumi (also known as Rero-san), a sociologist specializing in culture and gender, and the author of the Quoiromantic Manifesto. Kicking off the first installment of a special structured three-part discussion, the trio dives straight into a fundamental question: what actually makes a relationship romantic? Kinoko and Kasumi break down the definitions of polyamory and quoiromanticism, exploring what it means to feel unsure of or disconnected from traditional romantic attraction.

The conversation then moves into a comparison between alo-romantic experiences and non-hierarchical relationship styles. From analyzing how different people choose partners—whether based on physical traits, verbal communication skills, or shared values—to questioning society's strict relationship hierarchies, the hosts dismantle the idea that romantic partners must automatically rank above friends. Finally, they explore the separation between romantic and sexual attraction, discussing how sexual contact can range from a deep emotional connection to simply a casual shared activity akin to karaoke or bowling.

・Introducing Kasumi & The Quoiromantic Manifesto: Sociologist Kasumi joins as the show's first guest to discuss her work, explaining quoiromanticism as an orientation where traditional concepts of romantic attraction feel confusing or inapplicable.

・Polyamory & Informed Consent: Kinoko revisits the core definition of polyamory as an ethical relationship structure involving multiple partners, emphasizing that full consent, transparency, and communication are what separate polyamory from cheating.

・Criteria for Partnership: Masaki, Kasumi, and Kinoko compare what makes someone a good candidate for a relationship, contrasting Masaki's visual attraction preferences with Kasumi's focus on clear verbal communication over non-verbal cues.

・Dismantling Relationship Hierarchies: Kinoko shares her philosophy on treating friends and romantic partners as equals rather than placing partners at the top, using her famous heart as a sharehouse metaphor to explain having room for multiple people.

・Japanese Dating Culture vs. Going Exclusive: The hosts dissect the linguistic and cultural gaps between the Japanese concept of suki and Western dating norms, exploring how formal relationship confessions function almost like contracts.

・Sex as an Activity vs. Romance: A candid look at the distinction between sexual and romantic attraction, where Kasumi explains viewing sexual contact as simply one of many social activities—like karaoke or bowling—rather than an inherently romantic act.

Annoucements:

・Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko’s sharehouse!

Kinoko's Links:

・X: x.com/kinoko1027

・blog: ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/

・book: amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA

・interview: news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

Kasumi's (Rero-san's) Links:

・X: x.com/rero70

・Research map: https://researchmap.jp/kasuminakamura

Episode Summary

In this episode, Masaki catches up with Kinoko, who has just returned to Fukuoka and is processing a fresh emotional heartbreak. Kinoko opens up about ending things with a married partner after half a year due to his refusal to be honest or transparent about his situation. This leads to a candid discussion about the stark difference between genuine polyamory and simple infidelity, as well as the emotional toll of unfulfilled promises.

The conversation naturally shifts toward the complexities of human attraction, sexual fluidity, and relationship structures. Masaki shares his own personal evolution from demisexuality—where attraction was tied strictly to personality and presentation—to learning how to appreciate physical form. Together, the hosts explore how sexual orientations and desires can shift over time, dissecting everything from open relationship dynamics to the hilarious cultural learning curves of navigating new dating spheres.

• Polyamory vs. Cheating: Kinoko reflects on ending a half-year relationship with a married partner who claimed to be “polyamorous” while actively hiding it from his spouse. Masaki and Kinoko clarify that polyamory requires consent, openness, and sincerity, whereas secrecy is just cheating.

• The Weight of “Insincere” Relationships: Kinoko discusses the frustration of partners who live strictly in the “here and now” without respecting plans or boundaries, emphasizing that going with the flow shouldn’t be an excuse for being insincere.

• Awkward Social Boundaries: Navigating shared community spaces after a breakup. Masaki defines the term “awkward” using a funny karaoke room analogy to explain the subtle discomfort of bumping into exes in tight-knit social circles.

• Demisexuality & Evolving Attraction: Masaki opens up about his journey from demisexuality (attraction based on personality rather than physical bodies) to intentionally training himself to find physical form attractive.

• Fluctuating & Fluid Orientations: A discussion on “zigzag bisexuality” and how sexual and romantic orientations can evolve over time. The hosts agree that while sexuality shouldn’t be forced, allowing oneself to adapt and change naturally is part of life.

• Idiom Spotlight - Learn the Ropes: Masaki introduces the phrase “learn the ropes”—meaning to learn the basics or procedures of a new task or environment—while discussing what it feels like to step into unfamiliar dating territories.

Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko’s sharehouse!

• Kinoko-san’s X: https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Kinoko-san’s blog: https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/

• Her book: https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA

• Her interview: https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

Episode Summary

In this episode, Masaki catches Kinoko off guard right as the camera turns on, leading into a highly relatable chat about memory lapses and chaotic schedules. Masaki is in a rush to catch a train for a mandatory restaurant sanitary management lecture, which sparks a debate on the difference between a "license" and a "qualification."

From there, the hosts exchange stories about their most forgetful moments. Kinoko reveals how she accidentally let her driver’s license expire for over five months after moving from Fukuoka, while Masaki shares his own anxiety-inducing tale of driving on an expired official car insurance policy. They also dive into the nuances of vocabulary for being scatterbrained, the tedious etiquette of Japanese official mail, and whether forgetfulness is an inherent family trait, a cultural difference, or simply a generational reality.

License vs. Qualification: Masaki breaks down the legal vocabulary. A license (like a driver's license) must be renewed periodically, whereas a national qualification (like a food hygiene manager) is typically held forever, even if local governments occasionally require refresher lectures.

The Five-Month Window: Kinoko recounts her close call in Fukuoka, where she realized her driver's license had expired five and a half months prior—dangerously close to Japan's strict six-month limit that requires retaking the entire examination process.

It Runs in the Family: After Masaki admits he accidentally drove with expired mandatory government car insurance until a mechanic friend spotted it, the hosts look at the idiom "runs in the family" to describe shared genetic tendencies.

The Bureaucracy of Japanese Mail: Masaki vents about a bank document envelope sitting on his desk since January. He explains the confusing process of crossing out the polite suffix ike (往/行) to change it to on (御中) on return envelopes, only to realize the prepaid postage window had expired in April.

The Forgotten USJ Souvenirs: Masaki shares a comedy of errors involving Universal Studios Japan souvenirs that sat by his entrance for a month, were almost melted by the summer heat, and were subsequently forgotten in the back of his mother's car.

English Word Corner - Slip My Mind vs. Forgetful: A breakdown of how to express memory slips. The hosts compare describing a person as "forgetful" versus using situational idioms like "it slipped my mind" or analyzing the passive phrase "easy to forget."

Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko's sharehouse!

Kinoko-san’s X: https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Kinoko-san’s blog: https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/

Her book: https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA

Her interview: https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

Episode Summary

In this episode, Masaki and Kinoko catch up after a long, relaxing event from the previous day. Kinoko shares updates on moving into her new sharehouse, prompting Masaki to reflect on his chaotic history of moving 18 times throughout his life.

The conversation shifts to minimalism, book collections, and the transition from physical copies to ebooks. Masaki then opens up about a surprisingly heavy BL (Boys' Love) manga on his shelf set in the Kamikaze air strike era, which sparks a deep dive into the English vocabulary used for storytelling, artistic intent, and human emotions. The hosts break down nuanced verbs like "depict" versus "describe," the aesthetic spectrum of "aesthetic," and useful idioms for giving in to temptations.

The Realities of Moving: Kinoko shares her ongoing DIY bookshelf plans for her entrance and kitchen. Masaki reflects on moving 18 times, noting that no matter how often you do it, you never quite feel fully prepared.

Minimalism vs. Book Hoarding: Kinoko reveals she managed her entire recent move in just two round trips, proving her minimalist credentials. Meanwhile, Masaki admits to owning an overwhelming collection of physical books scattered across multiple locations.

Depict vs. Describe: A detailed breakdown of artistic vocabulary. The hosts explain that "describe" heavily implies using words, while "depict" carries the connotation of illustrating or capturing an atmosphere visually or artistically.

The Nuances of Aesthetic: Understanding "aesthetic" as both a compliment for something visually pleasing and a potential critique ("just aesthetic") when a piece of media lacks deeper narrative substance.

Idiom Spotlight - Got the Best of Me: Masaki shares how his curiosity "got the best of me" when buying a historical manga, prompting a breakdown of how emotions or desires can win out over logic.

Grammar Corner - Turn Out: A deep dive into the mechanics of the phrase "turn out." Masaki and Kinoko discuss how the subject remains the object (e.g., "the book turned out very good"), while the actual transformation happens within the reader's own recognition.

Tokyo Sharehouse Opening! If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko's sharehouse!

Kinoko-san’s X: https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Kinoko-san’s blog: https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/

Her book: https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA

Her interview: https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

Episode Summary

In this episode, Kinoko kicks things off with some unfortunate news—she has lost her wireless earphones yet again! This sparks a deeper conversation about the pros and cons of wired versus wireless gear, leading into a fascinating discussion on audio feedback, speech habits, and language learning.

Masaki opens up about his personal journey of overcoming a strong childhood lisp in Japanese (but oddly, not in English) and explains the different psychological and anatomical reasons behind speech impediments. The hosts also explore English idioms, the evolution of accents, and wrap up with an exciting update on Kinoko’s Tokyo sharehouse project.

Key Topics Covered

• The Earphone Curse: Kinoko shares her frustration after losing her new Beats earphones just months after losing her AirPods in Hanoi.

• Wired vs. Wireless: Why Masaki prefers wired earphones for recording to avoid "speaking into the void" and the importance of real-time audio feedback.

• English Word Corner: Breaking down phrases and definitions, including "lose track," "mumbling," and the pronunciation differences of words like niche, schedule, and Appalachian.

• Overcoming a Lisp: Masaki discusses his past struggle with a Japanese lisp (specifically with the i-dan row, like pronouncing "lemon tea" as "lemonkey") and how speech retuning works.

• Are Accents Just Accumulated Mistakes? A fun, philosophical debate on whether accents and language evolution are just the result of "accumulated mistakes" that eventually became mainstream.

• Platform Update & Sharehouse Crowdfunding: The podcast has officially moved its main hosting to Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Plus, an update on Kinoko’s Tokyo sharehouse crowdfunding campaign, which runs until June 30th.

Mentioned in This Episode

Tokyo Sharehouse Opening!Kinoko's crowdfunding project is active until June 30th. If you or someone you know is looking for an affordable, flexible, short-term housing option in Tokyo without the massive hotel bills or strict apartment lease rules, check out Kinoko's sharehouse!

Links

• Kinoko-san’s X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Kinoko-san’s blog: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Her book: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Her interview: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

Kinoko is one of my ESL students and the author of I Have Two Partners: Living the Polyamorous Life, a ground-breaking book in Japanese about polyamory, as well as the organizer of Poly Lounge, a series of events for polyamorous and questioning people and allies.

We publish archived videos of our lessons as a podcast. Today, our conversation covered the following topics:

• Kinoko's runny nose and the rainy season being her least favorite season – and the strange gap in English: we have "favorite" but no direct antonym like "hated" (we say "least favorite" or "I hate").

• Why the rainy season is discouraging: humidity, rain, feeling lazy to go out – while Masaki actually prefers it over the lethal summer heat (especially in Gunma, one of the hottest areas in Japan, reaching 43°C).

• Gunma's extreme climate: boiling summers, freezing winters, and famously strong winds that can blow you away (Mary Poppins style).

• Kinoko's one year living in rural Gunma after quitting her company job, staying in a friend's house near the mountains, using a wood stove, and living next to a dairy farm.

• Masaki's confession: growing up in the Kanto region, he thought the area west of Gunma was just ocean – because TV weather forecasts only show Kanto with a thick contour, graying out everything else. (He now knows Niigata and the Chugoku region exist.)

• The word "archipelago" (Japanese archipelago has over 6,000 islands) vs. "rettō" (islands in a line).

• Kinoko's dream: organizing Poly Lounge events in all 47 prefectures of Japan – she's already done over 10 locations.

• The dichotomy between city and countryside: big cities aren't always better for queer people; moving somewhere in the vicinity of your hometown can be a good option.

• Vocabulary: least favorite, lethal, fluctuate, rural, vicinity, dichotomy, archipelago, contour, marginalized.

Note: Kinoko is currently working on her crowdfunding campaign for the new sharehouse – still looking for residents and support.

Connect with Kinoko-san

• Kinoko-san’s X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Kinoko-san’s blog: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Her book: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Her interview: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196