Quiet Battles, Loud Grace

Brent Dyer shares a solo episode on emotional regulation, rooted in both clinical psychology and personal honesty. He breaks down why regulation is not the absence of emotion, how dysregulation shows up in the body and brain, and what practical steps help create space between feeling and action. In this episode, Brent also talks candidly about his own struggles as a therapist, parent, and human being, while offering a clear framework for noticing emotions, checking the story, and repairing when things go sideways. He closes with guidance on when self-work is not enough and outside help may be needed.

• Brent defines emotional regulation as feeling an emotion without automatically obeying it
• He contrasts regulation with suppression, using examples like anger, shame, anxiety, and guilt
• He explains the brain and body response to threat, including the amygdala, autonomic nervous system, and prefrontal cortex
• He introduces the window of tolerance and describes hyperarousal and hypoarousal
• He emphasizes the principle of state before story before interpreting what happened
• He outlines a practical regulation sequence:
  • Name the emotion
  • Regulate the body first
  • Delay unnecessary action
  • Check the story
  • Identify the need
  • Repair when needed
• He explains why intensity is not evidence and why a strong feeling does not guarantee a correct interpretation
• He distinguishes healthy boundaries from control and explains that calm does not mean compliant
• He describes co-regulation and the role of safe people in helping the nervous system settle
• He notes when persistent dysregulation may require therapy, medication evaluation, CBT, DBT, or trauma-focused treatment

00:00 - Solo episode setup and the confession about struggling with regulation
02:55 - Regulation versus suppression
05:28 - What happens in the brain and body during activation
07:48 - The window of tolerance, hyperarousal, and shutdown
09:40 - Why emotional regulation is more than positive thinking
11:49 - Intensity is not evidence
12:19 - Naming the emotion instead of becoming it
14:17 - Regulating the body before arguing with the brain
15:15 - State before story and why activated brains create bad narratives
16:10 - Creating a delay between emotion and action
17:37 - Checking the story and challenging assumptions
19:20 - Identifying the

Breaking Free of OCD with Jeff Wells

Jeff Wells joins Brent Dyer for a candid conversation about OCD, overachievement, ministry, and the long road toward healing. Jeff shares how a lifetime of success on the outside coexisted with intrusive thoughts and hidden struggle on the inside, and why openness became a turning point for him and for his church. We discuss Jeff’s journey from competitive runner to pastor, the impact OCD had on marriage and family, and how counseling, medication, and honest community shaped his recovery. This episode also explores why leaders need safe places to be real about mental health.

Key topics

In this episode:

Jeff explains how his path from a Rice University track athlete to a Dallas Seminary student and a Nike-sponsored runner overlapped with the start of his ministry career.

• He shares that his OCD showed up mainly as intrusive thoughts and religious scrupulosity, not the more visible checking or washing behaviors many people associate with OCD. Jeff reflects on how his upbringing may have contributed to an overachieving pattern including feeling alone as a child and trying to gain notice through performance.
• He describes the toll OCD took on his marriage, children, and ministry, especially when he seemed withdrawn or emotionally unavailable.
• Jeff recounts the crisis point in 2011, when he decided to tell his congregation he was struggling badly and needed prayer, instead of hiding it any longer.
• He talks about the role of counseling, medication, his wife Gail, and trusted friends

in helping him heal and stay grounded.

• Brent and Jeff discuss why church leaders should create cultures where people can

seek help without shame and where struggle is not treated as disqualifying.

• Jeff gives advice to pastors and ministry leaders: bring struggles into the light, find trusted support, and don’t isolate.
• He shares the story of discipling a former staff member through a painful transition and later seeing redemption in that person’s ministry path.
• Jeff closes with the hope that God is gentle, patient, and still able to redeem hard things, even when healing is still ongoing.

Timestamps

(0:00) Echo check and pre interview setup
(1:28) Summer update and the reality of balancing work, counseling, and doctoral study

(5:41) Counseling as a long term plan and transition out of worship leadership

(6:23) The ongoing healing process and unresolved relational pain

(8:33) Introducing Jeff Wells and the focus on OCD, ministry, and honest faith

(9:52) From competitive runner to seminary, Nike sponsorship, and pastoral ministry

(11:12) The overachiever pattern behind the success

(12:57) Early signs something was different in college

(14:29) What OCD feels like from the inside

(16:37) How OCD affected marriage, kids, and career

(20:54) Why pastors feel pressure to hide their struggles

(21:36) The 2011 crisis and deciding to tell the church

(24:37) Counseling, medication, family support, and trauma work

(28:46) Advice for pastors and ministry leaders who are struggling

(30:27) Creating a safe culture for staff and teams

(31:49) Discipling a former staff member through a hard exit

(35:15) What gives Jeff hope today

(36:10) Rapid fire questions

(38:06) The loudest grace in Jeff’s life

The Journey of a Writer: Overcoming Adversity and Finding Purpose

In the world of writing, the journey is often filled with trials, triumphs, and lessons learned along the way. For many aspiring authors, the path to becoming published can be daunting, but it is also a journey that can lead to profound personal growth and fulfillment. In this blog post, we will explore the inspiring life and experiences of DiAnn Mills, an award-winning author whose journey is a testament to resilience, creativity, and the power of storytelling.

The Call to Write: A Leap of Faith

DiAnn Mills always dreamed of becoming a writer, but it wasn't until 1996 that she took the leap of faith that would change her life forever. Encouraged by her husband, she quit her job and dedicated a year to pursuing her passion for writing. This decision was not just about writing; it was about embracing her calling and purpose. During that year, DiAnn published an article, completed a devotional, and finished her first novel—all while learning the craft of writing and honing her skills.

DiAnn's journey reflects the importance of commitment and dedication. She viewed writing as a ministry, a calling to entertain and inspire others through her stories. This mindset helped her persevere through the challenges of the writing process, and her first book was published in 1998, marking the beginning of a successful writing career.

Defining Moments: Facing Life’s Challenges

Throughout her life, DiAnn has faced numerous challenges that have shaped her character and her writing. As a child, she struggled with weight issues and faced bullying, which led her to escape into the world of storytelling. Writing became her refuge, a way to process her emotions and experiences.

However, it was the loss of her son in a tragic accident in 2021 and the subsequent passing of her husband to ALS that profoundly influenced her writing. DiAnn turned to journaling to cope with her grief, allowing her to channel her emotions into her work. In her upcoming book, she draws from these experiences, creating characters that resonate with readers through their struggles and triumphs.

The Power of Storytelling: Lessons from Pain

DiAnn believes that every story has the potential to inspire and heal. She emphasizes the importance of portraying characters who face adversity, reflecting her own journey and the lessons learned along the way. Writing, for DiAnn, is not just about crafting narratives; it is about connecting with readers on a deeper level and showing them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Her commitment to authenticity shines through in her work, as she strives to tackle themes of forgiveness, resilience, and the human experience. By sharing her own battles and triumphs, DiAnn aims to uplift her readers and encourage them to find strength in their own journeys.

For those looking to delve deeper into DiAnn's work and philosophy, consider checking out her latest book, which embodies the lessons of faith, perseverance, and the healing power of storytelling.

This episode dives into the personal journey of Mariann Burris as she shares her experiences navigating mental health, trauma, and faith within her family. We explore resilience, hope, and God's grace amidst life's quiet battles.

• Mariann’s background and life in Texas, including her family and career journey
• The impact of mental health struggles and trauma on her family
• The significance of mental health awareness and breaking stigma
• How faith and Jesus' grace provided hope during challenging times
• The ripple effects of trauma on children and family dynamics
• The importance of intentional communication and grace in parenting
• The process of healing and resilience through life's dark seasons
• Practical insights for parents walking through similar struggles
• The concept of “Quiet Battles, Loud Grace” and God's protection and provision
• Reflection on hope and faith as anchors in difficult seasons

• Texas State Technical College
• Dallas Baptist University
• Apartment Life
• Quiet Battles, Loud Grace podcast

If you're facing similar struggles, remember you're not alone. Reach out for help and know that God's grace is louder than any quiet battle. Thank you for listening and for trusting Mariann’s story. Stay hopeful, stay connected.

The Hidden Battles: Overcoming Trauma and Embracing Grace in Ministry

In this heartfelt episode, Krissie Glass shares her powerful story of grief, mental health struggles, and resilience as a pastor's kid, a counselor, and a ministry leader. Her journey highlights the importance of authentic conversations about mental health within faith communities and underscores God's relentless grace amid life's darkest moments.

• Krissie's personal experience with the loss of her first husband and the journey through her grief
• The impact of church culture on mental health stigma and silence
• The misconception that pastors and their families are immune to emotional struggles
• How suffering in silence affects mental health and what the church can do to create a safe environment
• Practical steps pastors and church leaders can take to foster openness and support
• The importance of authentic community, counseling, and God's presence in healing
• How grief can deepen our understanding of God's character and His nearness
• The significance of sharing stories to break the shame and stigma surrounding mental health
• Resources available for pastoral families, including Care for Pastors and other supportive ministries

• 00:00 - Introduction and background of Krissie Glass
• 02:09 - Krissie's current life, family, and ministry work
• 04:32 - Her personal journey through trauma and tragedy
• 08:09 - Church culture and silencing of mental health issues
• 12:55 - The moment of her husband's death and its aftermath
• 17:09 - The church as a refuge for the hurting, not a reward for the flawless
• 20:50 - Doubts and struggles with faith after trauma
• 23:44 - God's faithfulness amid unanswered prayers
• 27:34 - The messy process of healing and grief as worship
• 30:03 - What helpful support looks like from others
• 33:38 - The importance of community and compassionate church culture
• 37:17 - Reasons ministry leaders suffer in silence
• 40:02 - Creating safe spaces for mental health conversations
• 42:53 - Words of encouragement for those suffering in silence
• 45:00 - Life after grief, remarriage, and hope for the future
• 49:27 - Lessons grief has taught about God's character
• 52:35 - The profound truths learned through valley experiences
• 53:45 - The enduring power of God's promises and presence

• Care for Pastors
• Pastors Kids Resources
• The Backstage Project

This episode emphasizes that mental health struggles are universal and that the church should be a safe haven for vulnerability and healing. Krissie's story inspires hope, courage, and the importance of community support and God's unending grace.

Discover the raw truth behind the challenges of church leadership and the profound journey of healing and identity restoration. Bo Coburn shares his candid story of ministry hardships, personal loss, and ultimate renewal in faith and self-worth.

• The realities of church ministry: conflict, manipulation, and politics
• The emotional toll of ministry failures and toxic environments
• How Bo's faith was challenged, deconstructed, and rewritten
• Strategies for healing: counseling, outside perspective, and shifting identity
• The importance of acknowledging quiet battles and embracing grace

• Bo reflects on over 15 years in various church leadership roles and the toll it took
• He candidly discusses the culture of toxicity and betrayal he experienced
• How repeated setbacks led to panic attacks and loss of confidence
• The process of deconstruction — questioning everything, yet holding onto faith
• Practical advice for those in toxic environments: pay attention to the body's signals, seek safe communities, and distinguish faithfulness from endurance in unhealthy settings
• The transformative realization that worth is rooted in being loved for who we are, not what we do
• Moving toward health: how healing unfolds when identity is disentangled from performance

00:00 - Introduction to quiet struggles and relentless grace
02:45 - First experiences in ministry and initial challenges
10:20 - Transition from church service to corporate ministry support
12:20 - The emotional and spiritual toll of toxic church environments
20:29 - The heartbreaking experience of church rejections and office politics
22:24 - The moment of unexpected job loss and aftermath
26:37 - The impact of ministry trauma on mental health and identity
28:40 - Absence of redemptive outreach from church community
30:36 - How family carried the weight of ministry wounds
32:27 - Questioning calling, faith, and understanding deconstruction
36:26 - The differences between church hurt and workplace wounds
38:24 - The beginning of healing and hope for the future
41:24 - The realization of unconditional love and God’s faithfulness
45:10 - Lessons learned about God's love beyond performance
46:23 - Moving forward with hope and new priorities
48:17 - The beauty of God's daily provision and future legacy
51:34 - The loudest grace experienced: discovering worth in God's love

• The Plause as a Terrible Therapist Course
• Ministry Brands (helps churches with management software, not an endorsement but relevant for ministry leaders)
• Bo Coburn on LinkedIn

Remember: You're not alone in your struggles. If you're in a toxic environment or facing quiet battles, seek support, and know that God's grace is louder than the challenges you face. Healing is possible, and your identity is rooted in love, not performance.

In the premiere episode of Quiet Battles, Loud Grace, host Brent Dyer shares the deeply personal story behind the podcast. After spending twenty-five years in ministry, Brent found himself facing an unexpected season of loss, grief, and identity upheaval when the life he thought he would always have suddenly changed. Through honest reflection, clinical insight, and hard-earned wisdom, he explores how grief is often about more than losing people - it can also mean losing dreams, callings, and versions of ourselves.

This episode is an invitation to anyone carrying a quiet battle. Whether you're navigating burnout, disappointment, anxiety, church hurt, loss, or uncertainty, you'll discover that your struggle does not have the final word. Grace is louder. Hope is still possible. And healing often begins when we stop pretending we're okay and start telling the truth.