Episode overview
In this episode, we explore a sneaky belief many of us absorbed young: that the loudest person in the room is the strongest one - and that being quieter, reflective or sensitive somehow makes you weaker.

We talk about loudness as a shield, teenage friendship dynamics, being labelled “weak” for not being the loud one, and how that seeps into adult life - careers, friendships, parenting and the way we judge women who live differently. 

Quiet strength, we’ve realised, often doesn’t get the spotlight… but it might be the most powerful kind.

Key discussion points

• Jamie Kern Lima’s story: building IT Cosmetics, selling to L’Oréal, and still feeling unworthy inside.
• The crucial difference between self-confidence (what you can do) and self-worth (who you believe you are).
• The teenage playground dynamic: loud, attention-grabbing girls seen as “strong” and quieter ones labelled “weak”.
• How these teen patterns spill into adulthood: friendship politics, social dominance, and how others read our strength.
• “You fall to what you believe you’re worthy of”: how low worth can lead to unhealthy relationships and choices.
• Why quieter personalities often have higher emotional intelligence, empathy and self-awareness - and why that is strength.
  
  

Listener takeaways

• Quiet doesn’t equal weak. Loud doesn’t automatically equal strong. 
• Self-confidence and self-worth are different. You can be brilliant, capable and “together” on the outside and still feel not enough inside. 
• If your identity rises and falls with achievements, income, roles or how “busy” you are, it might be a sign your self-worth is asking for attention.
• Gentleness can be powerful. You don’t have to shout to be heard. Presence, consistency, kindness and reflection are all forms of quiet strength
• As parents and caregivers, we’re modelling what strength looks like. Showing boundaries, self-respect and calm courage gives our kids a very different map than “loudest wins”.
• The small, unseen choices - saying no, changing direction, choosing rest, ending a draining friendship - are often the truest expressions of self-worth.
  
  

Join the conversation

If you can relate to this, share your story with us - leave a voice note or send us a message on Instagram at @youkeepmesane.pod. If this episode resonated, please pass it on to someone who might need the reminder that quiet isn’t weak and loud isn’t always strong.

And if you’d like extra support, reflections and mini deep-dives each week, join us over on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - all for about the price of a coffee a month. 

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.