You’re listening to WWRVN, Radio Ravenclaw
Good Morning, Ravenclaw, you’re tuned to The Fresh Pot of Coffee!
It’s Thursday, so get the recycling ready to go out tonight and meanwhile enjoy the Horoscope. Your Horoscope this week is brought to you by Haumea, the dwarf planet which is visually right near Arcturus at the moment. Arcturus is visible in the morning in this season, just follow the arc of the Big Dipper backward to the Really Bright Star. That’s Arcturus. Wave toward it and you’ll be greeting one of the Solar System’s favorite Trans Neptunian Objects. We used Haumeamancy to generate our predictions this week, so hold on for a stellar-fast ride!
Octopodes 10+: “Dwarf planet, one-third the mass of Pluto”. this seems to indicate that you’re headed for a growth spurt. Alert your parents to fire up the crock pot and get yourself out there hiking, running, chopping wood, and carrying water. A growth spurt after about age 13 is all about putting down layers of muscle, so go do the things that your body is perfectly designed for! Get Strong, Stay Strong!
Neon Tetras 20+: “Claims of discovery have been disputed and no discovery date or team is official.” My word. This week, Tetras, reinvent yourself! You’re not nailed down, you can rock the identity change. Here’s the thing. you discover yourself, decide what your major themes and minor motifs are then be yourself as hard as you can. thank you, Sir Terry Pratchett.
Lions 25+: “Designated a dwarf planet and named after the Hawai’ian goddess of childbirth.” I don’t think it’s your height that could be growing. So, remembering that images of gestation and birth are about all kinds of creativity, it’s time to choose your next creative venture if you haven’t already, to block other creative ventures from happening if you take my meaning, to dedicate yourself to doing it the best you know how. That means swatch for your OWL, commit to writing 5K words/day then editing out 3K of them, or decide on some 25-year-plan goals.
Fancy Goldfish 30+: “Its shape has not been directly observed, calculations from its light curve suggest it is an ellipsoid, with its major axis twice as long as its minor”. Well, I think this is clear - no one else can quite focus on you, use that air of mystery to your advantage, be a shapeshifter. Also, sort your Tasks into major and minor then give twice as much heart and love to the Things which are major.
Narwals 40+: “Rapid rotation, high density, and high albedo.” OK, it’s going to be a heck of a week, Narwhals, full of high density and rapid rotation, but you will do really well at it and you’re gonna shine!
Capybaras 50+: “Its gravity is sufficient for it to have relaxed into hydrostatic equilibrium.” Yeah. I’m with you, Sister Capybaras, a little extra gravity and a relaxed waistband are just about the price we’ve paid for the hydrostatic equilibrium. Would you care for a vodka martini while we wait for the children to grow up?
Cougars 55+: “A surface of crystalline water ice”. Incoming diamond jewelry. Act surprised, but cool.
Peacocks 60+: “the result of a giant collision, which left Haumea the largest member of a collisional family that includes several large TNOs and Neptune’s two known moons.” First, brace for family drama, and second if we are to be a bit less metaphorical, for the love of all that’s holy, buckle up. We care.
Dragons 80+: Your mediation is requested, Ma’am. The Planetary Geologic Society is suing the International Astronomical Union for making decisions on sticking their noses into rock business instead of keeping with the burning gasses.
I need some of that Frozen North action -
and you’re listening to Radio Ravenclaw on the Wizarding Wireless Network!
SECURITY ALERT! SECURITY ALERT! LEVEL ONE! ALL AGENTS!
Printers have been identified as a level one threat! They sleep most of the time, but when they break dormancy the best way to subdue them is to swat quickly and repeatedly at any paper that comes out. Printers become loud and angry and begin eating paper. The paper is changed after the printer has eaten it, and can not be trusted. It is not known whether or not the paper itself is a threat, so jump on it! Then, immediately lay on the paper until you know it is safe. There seems to be a great deal of printer unrest this morning, so be very aware, and protect your humans from the dangers of printers!
Good Morning, Common Room, you’re listening to The Fresh Pot of Coffee!
It’s the Friday Fondoo Review!
Here’s our Fondoo Recipe of the day - today a Very Savory Fondoo!
If your household has fondoo tonight, remember We Want Pictures here in the Common Room because this is Extremely Magical Radio. With pictures.
Tonight, we’re going old school: get out your Uno decks!
This weekend, the Advanced Studies Team will be on alert to help you with those last-minute thoughts!
• It is snowing where I am. That is all.
The Weather Report is brought to us weekly by Wimbledon’s WeatherWorks, guaranteeing excellent weather for your venue since 1877.
And now back to the music. Any music. I am rolling my dice… Woo-Hoo! A magical choice indeed!
She’s the White Welsh Witch herself, Stevie Nicks!
and you’re listening to Radio Ravenclaw on the Wizarding Wireless Network.
In the great bronze Tower
There was a group of ‘Claws
and skychairs to be inhabited soon
a dragon jumping over the moon
And there were three little narwhals decorating the walls
And many many OWLs and BROOMs
And a young Trickster God
And of course a great many octopodes
Goodnight dragon jumping over the moon
Goodnight to the OWLs and the BROOMs
Thank you, Handdrawnviolist
Good Morning! You’ve tuned in to The Fresh Pot of Coffee!
It’s Wednesday, April 29th, except in Oceania where it is possibly 2017 by now.
Just a few news highlights today -
It’s raining in Devonshire
it is not yet time to plant out your tomato seedlings, the Muggles will be confused when they thrive.
Benjamin Bagby concert in Chicago Friday night!
It has come to the attention of the Ministry that an Anistasis spell was illegally released in 2010 over many portions of the Wizarding World. If you have acquired a pet or familiar since then, watch carefully for signs that this creature could be an Animagus trapped in her or his animal form! Signs include, but are not limited to: vivid dreaming (evidenced by sleep-woofing); hypervigilance; constructing sandwiches out of human food.
The Fresh Pot of Coffee is sponsored on Wednesdays by Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes - whether your wakenings are wailsome or wacky, our winsome wares will work out the wants of your workshop. We whizz the werewolf’s whiskers and wow the wildest widgeons! So wax their waffles, wobble their woolies, work up a list of wishes and wants, witches and wizards, and wander to Weaselys’ Wizarding Wheezes. Wednesday is WibblyWobbly Day - 10% discount to all patrons wearing a fez!
Oh, dear sweet quaffle, it’s Wednesday, let’s get straight to the music. Taking it classic today, our nerves can’t handle much else -
and you’re listening to Radio Ravenclaw on the Wizarding Wireless Network.
Tower, we have another letter from ChrisFixedKitty in Lindisfarne. Chris?
Hallo, everyone! My apologies for the delay in writing, but the regular postal owl convoy only comes to Lindisfarne once a week. Just as all the books about the history of medieval calligraphy say, this is a back-end-of-nowhere place, easier to reach by sea than by land, which is almost hard to tell from the sea much of the time, it’s so marshy. Yes, I said ‘postal owl convoy’, because lone owls are pretty much flying playtoys in the view of the younger dragons. No wonder poor Skrim was so raggedy when he brought me the directions here.
The young ones do seem to understand that brooms sometimes bite back, so to speak, so flying in and out is pretty safe. Although there are a few dragons here that like to sniff all incoming visitors, in-flight, and say ‘hi’ at length. They really need to add a warning about that in the directions. Imagine a flying great Dane the size of a city bus jumping all round you and barking enthusiastic “hihihi!”as you enter a friend’s house. It’s like that, only include in your mental picture that said ginormous beastie has just barged straight up out of the treecover and nearly inhaled you and your broom and the airstream of its leap has flipped your broom over into barrel rolls. Yeah. I don’t care if Walter is “a graaaate beeg softie, he couldnae love people more, here, have a towel for tha’ slobber. No, he rrrreallllly likes ya!” A warning would have been nice. I have no regrets about having thrown up on him during said barrel rolls. Walter, I mean. I do feel bad about hurling on Mr. C.
Be assured that we arrived perfectly safely, although 2 days later than we were expected. So we were met some distance out from camp by one of the search parties, and it probably saved me another day of trying to pinpoint the camp itself. Preep has made several new friends among the drakelings and the preserve workers, but she-- yes, Preep has been confirmed as a she-- is still insistently huddling around the humans’ ankles every night after dinner. What –do- you do with a dragonlet who is afraid of being away from people in the dark? It turns out the usual answer is giving them a week to get over it and putting some magical nightlights around the camp. We’re on day 5. No change yet, fingers crossed.
During the day, she seems happy enough here, scampering off after breakfast to play with the other dragons, and I’ve been playing Muggle tourguide around the Lindisfarne ruins and museum. One of the regular tourguides has been taken ill with dragonpox, and I’m already pretty familiar with the history of the place and Muggle vacationing expectations, so I’m going to be filling in for a bit. There’s a lot around here that they really shouldn’t be noticing, so there’s always one behind-the-scene illusionist and one up-front tourguide for every group. It works out pretty well. Some of the illustrations in the museum are like magical portraits, and a few of the monks have senses of humor about the tourists that are positively not helpful to maintaining wizardly secrecy!
I expect to return with Skrim guiding me back a few days before the start of term. I should arrive the day before classes start. See everyone again real soon! -CFK
Thank you, ChrisFixedKitty.
Good Morning, RAVENCLAW!!
Welcome to the Common Room for The Fresh Pot of Coffee!
It’s Thursday and that means Horoscopes - Find your age, learn your Animal, and let the voices speak.
10+ Octopodes:They still do not expect Duct Tape! Use this to your advantage. We’re not quite sure how, but you still have the element of surprise going for you.
20+ Neon Tetras: The world is waiting for your leadership. This week, show them all how it’s done: hand knit socks and sandals. From strappy pumps to Birkenstocks, we count on you to answer the timeless question of “now I have these great socks, but no one will ever see them.”
25+ Lions:You have not swatched yet!!! Dear Sweet Quaffle go swatch for your OWL!!!
30+ Fancy Goldfish: Run, run, I tell you to the Prefects’ Challenge thread. We’re Crafting to the International Space Station! This is your term to knock back at least two miles of yarn. Yes it is.
40+ Narwhals: Project bags? check. Frozen meals? check. May and June schedule made out and on the wall/Google calendar for the family? check. Teacher gifts queue’d? check. You’re ready.
50+ Capybaras: Oh, dear one. It’s April. Almost May. Get another cup of coffee , you’re in for a bit of a bumpy ride. The stars say you’ll be close to caught up in about 10 days, but don’t aim for 100%.
55+ Cougars: There will be excellent … art… on Saturday morning on the green in town. You should go appreciate it.
60+ Peacocks: Today at 3:17 PM local time. They are going to mess up big time. Be there. Catch them in the act. Say nothing and let them blather on. Walk away silently.
80+ Dragons: We hope this met with your approval, Ma’am!
Friends and Ravenclaws, the Fresh Pot of Coffee will be taking a term hiatus while we work on our Not-A-NEWT here in the station. This will be our last broadcast until August. We want you to know how much fun it is to serve you here on the airwaves. Keep the music rolling - we’ll leave you with some Serious Wizarding Power:
They’re the Wyrd Sisters,
And you’re listening to Radio Ravenclaw on the Wizarding Wireless Network!
This is station manager TindraTieren. I would like to let you know that despite the hiatus that the Fresh Pot of Coffee is taking, Radio Ravenclaw will continue broadcasting. We are constantly seeking fresh content, so if you have suggestions, ideas, or just want to drop us a line, please, let me know.
