radiobombast

As I say during the broadcast, I was having a hard time deciding whether I wanted to play ambient music or disco. So I played both. I have trouble with decisiveness, with finality.

To force a segue here, I am confident that someone like Morrissey would have hated this program, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. This was the night after the day we Found Out (I guess?) about Morrissey through that horrible softball interview on his own website. Finally freed from wilful misinterpretation and journalistic malfeasance, he reveals that he...is Douglas Pearce, basically? Truly uncanny. Being an aesthete, I used to think Death in June was ripping off the Smiths' visuals; I didn't realize it was an exchange.

Hero worship will enable and force you to do some mental gymnastics, and to cling to mere possibilities. Saying that reggae is vile might have been a reference to its patriarchy and homophobia. It's possible that the chorus of "Panic" wasn't about lynching black people. There's a chance that "We'll Let You Know" and "National Front Disco" are not endorsements. [In my defense, this is more of a probability. But there I go. Or do I? I can't tell anymore.] And so on. But that's my problem all along. Post-1976 we are not supposed to have heroes, I guess, but I do. I've never "gotten it."

I could write a paragraph about when I got "woke," because part of me had to know, but who cares? I've been wrong.

Was he ever anything but "devious, truculent, and unreliable?" I would like to think that the person who wrote "Well I Wonder" and "I Know It's Over" was a great chronicler of loneliness. Even fascists get lonely! It didn't occur to me at the time that perhaps he was lonely because he'd preemptively ruled out the possibility of companionship with most of humanity. I'm still struggling with this reckoning. Those Smiths songs must have been the work of a different person. Right?! Sigh.

I would have been better off seeing Morrissey from the start as many of my friends did, as a Ridiculous Person. [And I did, sort of, but I just loved him anyway.] Or just being on Team Robert Smith, though I never quite understood that beef. But things didn't happen that way. As I've written elsewhere, the Smiths came along when I needed something to come along.

What to do now? I wonder if, after a few more similar interviews, Smiths records will become like Death in June records, a kind of eBay contraband. [I'm thinking also of Spotify's new policies regarding hateful speech and hateful behavior.] Probably not, I guess. But they are a kind of emotional contraband. Will I jettison mine? I told you I have trouble with decisiveness and finality.

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 April 18, 2100-2300:

1. "White Worms Intro" | Weirdest Dream | White Worms | Dopeness Galore

Here is another fine program, perhaps even finer than the last. [Feeling like perhaps I should open every salvo with this sentiment, whether it is true or not.] I actually had that very long Ulrich Schnauss piece going during my workout. And it did not kill the vibe, whatever my workout vibe may be. So I heartily endorse this one.

Wonder of wonders, I even sound up for it on this outing. It must be my performer training kicking in, on some level. Though I have been "checking in" with myself and can assure you that I am still having fun, I am very tired in the moment, which comes from my being old and its being late and my inability to get proper sleep. I have also been battling the most wicked depression this winter [yes, it was still winter at this time], from what cause I do not even really know. So there's a lot going on, shallow affect notwithstanding. Does it get better? I think it must.

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 April 11, 2100-2300:

1. "Nervous Mary" | The Breeders | All Nerve | 4AD

organic frequencies

We got close to the Platonic Ideal of a Bombast on this night. Here is a program that has a bit of everything: a bit of shoegaze, a bit of 4AD delicacy, a bit of Creation, some African music, some electro, and some of whatever my current aesthetic is. (I don't know how to classify it and don't care.) Why "close to," then? Because I didn't feel at the time, and don't feel on repeated listening, that this was "great." But don't pay attention to me. According to one listener, mediated through Felix, our GM, I was "killin' it" on this night. So there you have it, maybe.

Two things I have never mastered in this life are "aligning my perceptions and tastes with those of other people" and "absorbing affirmation." I am good at taking it in and decent at acknowledging it but I can't seem to let it flow through me and touch every part of my being, as I need it to. I'm thinking of the time in Hamlet when Rosencrantz says, "take you me for a sponge, my lord?" and I'm, like, "THAT IS MY HIGHEST ASPIRATION."

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 April 4, 2100-2300:

1. "Woa" | Zazou / Bikaye / CY1 | Noir Et Blanc | Crammed Discs

"Self-expressive radio," to which I allude at one point in this 400th Bombast transmission, refers to WRFI's mission statement, at least as it was originally rendered. "Self-expression" was one of the values according to which we'd develop and produce content on the radio. I try to live by that every week. I hope that others enjoy what I do. I think that is the case, sometimes, and it's cool and great when it is. Ultimately, though, my program is about and for me and my tastes. Sorry.

I must also point out that I am finished indulging the idea that it might be about anything else, like, say, fulfilling requests. One such gesture, which I made out of pity more than anything else, marred this milestone program. There's a lady who calls in--to many shows, apparently, asking for the same thing over and over--and is quite specific and persuasive. I hear that she's a shut-in, though apparently she is not sufficiently "shut in" as to be unaware of the latest dope, profanity-laced beats produced by the likes of Karol G. There is a new podcast called "Mass for Shut-Ins." Maybe she can listen to that. I can't humor her anymore.

Perhaps I'm being mean, and perhaps I'm marring the occasion more with this rant. But this is me, it's my life, this happened on my special night and I'm going to discuss it.

Here is the thing about requests: I owe it to my listeners only to play things that I think are good. Who am I to decide what's good? Someone in whom the radio station has entrusted a two-hour block of airtime each week, that's who. Why not let the audience decide? They already do, but removing individual decision making leads to something like having a computer spit out random tracks in all styles, all the time. There must be radio stations like that. If that's what you want, go support one. Meanwhile I am going to keep doing this show about me, and refusing trash requests.

Long story short: I hurt my program by trying to be nice. I will spend the next 400 (or so) programs trying to find other, better ways of being nice.

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 March 28, 2100-2300:

1. "Concert Man" | Phil Pratt | Star Wars Dub | Burning Sounds

We are at the mercy of various record companies' apparent suicide missions. A number of rarities (and deservedly so) will see the light of day once again, soon, and in our perverse attempt to keep up with the times for our half-dozen devoted listeners we'll be trotting our copies out as Physical Evidence while they still "count." Which brings us to this broadcast's feature, a terrific record by Trisomie 21 that has been in my life for 30 years. I don't find myself listening to it often, and am just blown away by how good it is. Happy times! In college, I had a balding English teaching assistant / discussion leader who was likewise into Trisomie 21. I thought he was just trying to be cool in a "how do you do, fellow kids" kind of way. But of course, now I am him. These things always come back to you.

More happy feelings--there were no computer mishaps on this night, so all mistakes were my own. If I recall correctly there weren't that many, though there are awful segues into and out of Felt. But, really, we are all just one bad Felt segue from personal ruin. Aren't we?

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 March 21, 2100-2300:

1. "DanceGwaan(EazeUp!)" | Seekers International | Presents the RaggaPreservation Society EP | Diskotopia

It was a Medway night, so naturally the segues were terrible. We need to get past that now. Additionally, it was a night of technical difficulties, not just conceptual ones. The computer in the studio went rogue and I was afraid I'd be stuck there all night. It's been a long time since I had that feeling. I didn't miss it.

Have I ever explained my multitasking during the program? Or: maybe I have and you are new here. I don't know. Anyway, we air a lot of pre-recorded public affairs programming, and every night somebody has to program this stuff to play automatically, on time, the next day. This is a thing I used to do every night--for, like, two straight years--but I'm down to once a week. Wednesday is my night because I would rather not have to "dial in" while someone else is in the control room.

So that's why this program might sound worse than usual, but only a little bit worse. The more you know!

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 March 14, 2100-2300:

1. "Confused" | Tee Mango | Losing Control EP | Clone Royal