Rainier Valley Church - Seattle

Growing Old Together - Song of Solomon 8:5-14

Love Songs: A Study in the Song of Solomon

Sunday, March 12th

Transformative Love (8:5)

The community was amazed by how much the woman has been transformed in her relationship to her beloved. Love is meant to be transformative. How have the relationships in your life transformed you? What ways have you grown and changed because of those who are closest to you? The challenges we face in our marriages and friendship aren’t flaws but features to transform, challenge, grow, and shape us. How can we maximize the transformative impact of the relationships in our life? 

Covenantal Love (8:6-8)

This beautiful section of scripture highlights the Personal, Permanent, Passionate, Perseverant, and Priceless nature of love. How is covenantal love different from contractual love? 

What important aspect of love highlighted in this poetic section resonates with you and why?  

Honoring Love (8:9-10)

In this section of the scriptures, The brothers of the young woman are planning on how they can protect and care for their sister as she comes of age. How can we as a community help protect and care for the singles in our church family? In what ways does guarding our sexual purity give us peace (Shalom) in marriage?

Celebratory Love (8:11-14)

The Song of Solomon ends with the couple moving towards sexual intimacy. As we conclude this unique and challenging book in the Old Testament, what were some of the most impactful insights and highlights for you personally? What ways can we apply the truths we have learned throughout this series?

Deepening Faithfulness (SOS 7:1-8:4)

Everything changes over time, some things get better and some things get worse. What are some examples of things that can get better with time and what are some examples of things that get worse with time? 

What are examples you have seen in your life of marriages or even friendships that have deepened over time and what makes them different than marriages and friendships that have fallen apart? What are some of the key relational elements that you’ve seen help marriages and friendships to deepen over the years? 

Delight in One Another (7:1-10)

In this section of scripture, the husband praises his wife’s body with new observations as well as classic lines that he used on their honeymoon. How can we cultivate the ability to bless, praise, and thank others for the 

• For Singles - How does growing to know someone over decades help us to appreciate them in a deeper and more profound way? What do you appreciate about your friends and how can you encourage them this week?  

• For Married Couples - What physical characteristics or personality traits in your spouse have you grown to appreciate over time? What ways do you delight in your spouse? How are they a gift from God to you?   

Invest in One Another  (7:11-13)

In this section of scripture, the wife has planned a romantic getaway for the couple to enjoy one another. What relationships in your life do you need to prioritize even if that means changing a busy schedule?  

• For Singles - How can you cultivate deeper and more meaningful friendships with others in your life? What opportunities do you have to gather friends together, to go do or host different activities that might deepen friendships with others? 

• For Married Couples - What might need to shift and your schedule or priorities to deepen your marriage by getting away for a romantic evening or weekend? What are some “Old” and “New” ways that you can bless and serve one another? 

Enjoy One Another (8:1-4)  

In this section of scripture the wife yearns for husband and wishes that she could show public displays of affection to him like she could show to her own family in her ancient middle eastern context. What are some culturally/biblically appropriate ways that we can publicly express affection for our family, our spouse, our friends and our brothers and sister Christ? 

• For Singles -This section of scripture ends with the repeated statement about not awakening love before it’s time. Why is the statement repeated throughout the Song of Solomon? Why is it so important to only awaken love at the right/appointed time? 

• For Married Couples - How can you cultivate healthy public displays of affection for one another. What ways can you show honor to one another in public? What ways can you show affection to one another in public? What ways can you show love to one another in public? What barriers might prevent you from this healthy yearning for one another?  

End with a challenge to take action. Lead your group to help each person identify their next steps in obedience to Christ this week.

• What relationships do you need to prioritize and cultivate this week? 

• What is one practical take away that you will seek to apply this week?  

• How can we pray for one another this week? 

Opening Discussion Questions

Since tonight we are going to talk about conflict let’s start thinking about this topic with what is the dumbest thing you’ve ever fought over? Share a time when an unmet expectation made you a lot angrier than it should have. How does self-centeredness play into the things you fight about? Share examples and talk about how it could have been handled in a more others-focused way. How aware of your own self-centeredness do you think you are? How could you get a more objective view of it? What’s the difference between reacting and acting? Give some examples of times when this was handled well.

Fighting Fair - Conflict and Growth Overview of Song of Solomon 5:2-6:13

Conflict: The Fight! (5:2-3)

Don’t Retaliate (5:4-5)

Seek Reconciliation (5:6-6:3)

Recall What You Respect (6:4-13)

For Singles

• How much of a problem would your friends and family say anger is for you? How do you see anger affecting your relationships?

• Which of your relationships has the most conflict?

• Describe someone who is really good at reconciling differences. What can you do to be better at it?

For Married Couples

• Kids, money, schedule, work, household chores, or maybe holidays with in-laws? Which issue most easily turns into a fight for you?

• List some good things about your spouse. How difficult is it for you to focus on these things during a fight?

• What’s your impulse in a fight — to talk or walk? How does this fit in to your natural personality? What can you do to make this work better in your marriage?

End with a challenge to take action. Lead your group to help each person identify their next steps.

• What will you do this week to restore a relationship damaged by fighting?

• What can you do to build your fighting skills this week? What would improve your relationships in this area?

https://rainiervalleychurch.com/latest-sermons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTuaQ8hfVG4

• Hedonistic view: Everything is about sex. Sex is the ultimate and greatest pleasure
• Contemporary view: Just a biological function so what’s the big deal?
• Religious view: Dirty and/or weird and save it for the one you love!
• Avoidance view = Just don’t even talk about it. To be avoided at all cost.

Love Songs: A Study of the Song of Solomon
“The Art of Pursuit”
Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5
Sunday, February 12th

Discussion Questions
This section of Song of Solomon talks about Spring. Which season of the year is your favorite (like the actual weather)?
This week's message in the Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5 was about the art of pursuit. What do you need to pursue or protect in our season of life?
Did you have any examples of a good, godly marriage when you were growing up? How have those early impressions shaped your outlook on marriage?

For Singles
• What reflections have you had over the past week about last week’s qualities to develop and look for? (Godly character,  growing trust, higher standards, consistent encouragement)
• What are your thoughts about marriage in general? What about for yourself specifically?
• What truths and principles from the Song of Solomon are easy for you to embrace in your current season of life and which ones are more difficult for you in this season?
• What standards have you set (or will you set) to help protect the purity of your relationships during the season of pursuit before marriage?

For Married Couples
• What’s one thing your spouse does in pursuing your heart that makes you feel close?
• What actions and words would take your marriage beyond just sharing space and stuff? What would bring you closer to true intimacy together?
• How have you protected the purity of your relationship? What are some ways you could improve that together in the future?
• What does it feel like to know you belong to your spouse? What’s nice about that? What’s hard about that for you?
• What little foxes threaten the vineyard of your relationship and what does it look like to stop them from coming into your vineyard together?

Love Songs: A Study of the Song of Solomon
“The Art of Attraction”
Song of Solomon 1:1-2:7
Sunday, February 5th

Discussion Questions
• What are some funny and misleading descriptions you’ve heard of from online dating profiles or blind date set-ups?
• What qualities does our culture say attraction is built upon? What issues might be caused by people using those worldly qualities as a basis for a relationship?
• What one area will you work on developing in yourself to be someone who helps those you love feel special and secure?
• Which quality is the most important for you in a relationship —including friends and family? Why is that so important to you?
• Share a time when someone made you feel special and secure. What did they do to make you feel that way?

For Singles
• How are you working on developing the qualities you’d like to see in someone else in your own life?
• Talk about whether you think it's more important to work on these qualities so you'll attract a spouse or so you'll attract others to Christ working in and through you?
• Do you spend more time looking for these qualities or developing them? What changes could help you become the kind of person the person you’re looking for is looking for?
• Does the idea of marriage appeal to you? Why or why not?For

Married Couples
• How are you cultivating and improving attraction between you and your spouse?
• What are some past insecurities your spouse has loved away?
• Choose one quality you can work on as a couple. What could you do to develop that in your relationship?
• Share an example of a marriage you admire. What have you observed that couple doing that works?
• You can’t change someone else. You can only change you. What will you do this week to develop these four qualities?
• How can our group support each other’s closest relationships?

Community - Live as family in 2023

Formation - Become like Jesus in 2023

Mission - Serve Our City in 2023

• Community - Live as family in 2023

• Formation - Become like Jesus in 2023

• Mission - Serve Our City in 2023

1. Community on Sunday, January 8
2. Formation on Sunday, January 15
3. Mission on Sunday, January 22

• What are 5 ways you could develop the relationships you need in your life this week?
• Who are your mission-minded, like-minded friends?
• Who are the people who make you love God more?
• Who can you safely share your soul with?
• Who are wise mentors you could pursue?

• What kinds of memorials do you need to make as you remember God's faithfulness in your life in 2022? How has God been faithful in 2022? How has God provided in 2022? How has God surprised you in 2022? How can you memorialize these events, celebrate what God has done and pass on these stories to others in 2023?
• How has God been with you in difficult circumstances in 2022? What difficult circumstances might we be tempted to pick up stones of anger, bitterness, and unbelief as we move from 2022 to 2023?
• What is one thing that worries you about this coming year? How can we cultivate our faith to trust God in the midst of the uncertainties of the future of 2023?
• What are some ways to remind yourself personally of God’s faithfulness? What are some ways of sharing God's faithfulness to others in 2023?
• How can we pray for each other in the new year?