Raise Them Strong with Brooks Gibbs, PhD

Brooks Gibbs explains that relationally strong children need a secure bond with their parents, one that can withstand correction, disagreement, disappointment, and growing independence. He identifies five “soul cravings” that strengthen this bond: love, acceptance, validation, affirmation, and approval. Parents can meet these needs by listening without immediately correcting, recognizing character strengths, showing delight in their children, and disciplining from within the relationship without ever threatening the child’s place in their heart.

Brooks Gibbs explains that raising behaviorally strong children requires prevention, intervention, and appropriate consequences. Adults should model respectful behavior, notice positive choices, build personal connections, and redirect children before problems escalate. When consequences are necessary, his MERCY method: Match, Exhort, Replay, Choose, and Yield - helps adults address the cause of misbehavior, preserve the child’s dignity, and turn discipline into an opportunity for growth.

Brooks Gibbs explains that children’s emotions are shaped not only by what happens to them, but by how they interpret it. Parents can build emotional resilience by helping children replace rigid expectations and distorted thinking—such as perfectionism, catastrophizing, and the need for approval—with flexible, realistic beliefs. Questions like “How could this be worse?”, “Why won’t this matter in the future?”, and “How could this work for your good?” help children think clearly, tolerate frustration, and respond more calmly to life’s challenges.

Brooks Gibbs explains how parents can raise socially strong children by coaching them through conflict instead of solving every problem for them. His three-step method asks: “What happened?” “How do you feel?”, and “Why do you think they did that?” Children can then respond appropriately, brushing off provocation, laughing at jokes, or apologizing when they have caused hurt. The goal is to build emotional resilience and teach children to follow the Golden Rule by treating even difficult people with friendliness.