Raising Good Parents

Recently, a mom on Instagram messaged me about phones. She was afraid that her phone usage was getting out of hand, and felt bad for being frequently distracted in front of her children. I know I’ve been there, and I’m guessing you have too. It can be a struggle to find a balance between being present for your family and still using your phone when you need to.

As parents, we spend a lot of time putting our kids to bed. This is a time when you can bond with your kids, but they’re at their most tired, so it’s often tough and stressful. I often hear from parents that they feel guilty or stressed about their kids’ bedtime routine. This is such an important topic that I decided to bring in a special guest to chat about it!

Lauren Eberspacher of From Blacktop to Dirt Road is an amazing woman with a powerful message: parenthood is messy, and that’s okay! There can be joy and blessings in the mess. Instead of comparing yourself to the Instagram version of parenthood, she encourages you to look at a more realistic picture of marriage and parenthood.

As you’ll learn today, Lauren sets a very strict bedtime because her kids work up at the same time no matter when they go to sleep. She describes their routine and why prayer plays such an important part in it. After prayers, Lauren and her husband tuck the kids in, and sing to them to help them sleep.

We’ll also dig into regret, shame, and guilt. Lauren points out the difference between regret and conviction, explaining that regret leads to mothering in shame and guilt. Conviction, on the other hand, acknowledges what you’ve done wrong but allows for mercy and forgiveness. Finally, we’ll chat about Lauren’s forthcoming book, Midnight Lullabies, and its incredibly powerful message for moms.

In This Episode:

[00:58] - Dr. B welcomes listeners back to the show, and introduces the topics of today’s conversation and its guest.

[03:31] - We hear a bit about Lauren, her family, and From Blacktop to Dirt Road.

[07:07] - Lauren talks about when her kids wake up, as well as when they go to bed and their bedtime routine.

[12:18] - Dr. B responds to Lauren’s point about kids needing time to sleep, and shares a bit more about his own bedtime routine with his kids.

[14:43] - We hear Lauren’s thoughts and message around guilt, specifically when it comes to bedtime (and after).

[19:14] - Lauren talks more about parenting into shame, which she and Dr. B both admit to having fallen into the trap of doing.

[24:46] - Dr. B shares his own thoughts and experiences with parenting into shame.

[26:32] - Mom shame and mom guilt can look different on many levels, Lauren points out.

[31:02] - Lauren shares a funny side-note related to what she and Dr. B have been talking about in terms of shame and guilt.

[32:51] - We hear about Lauren’s new book, Midnight Lullabies.

[39:58] - Where can we find Lauren, and when does her book come out?

[41:44] - Dr. B takes a moment to talk about where to find Lauren online, and shares a special offer with listeners! Leave a review on iTunes to be entered to win a copy. Leave a review, take a screenshot, and post it on Instagram or Facebook with the hashtag #midnightlullabies to enter to win.

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

From Blacktop to Dirt Road

From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook

Lauren Eberspacher on Instagram

Midnight Lullabies by Lauren Eberspacher

As you may have heard in last week’s episode, I’ve been doing parenting polls on Instagram lately. It’s a fantastic way to find new things to incorporate into my parenting or share with other parents! Last week, my wife and I went out on our first date since our new baby, Gloria, was born a few weeks ago. That inspired me to put out a poll on Instagram, and I learned that a lot of you aren’t getting date nights on a regular basis. That’s not acceptable!

Right now, get out your calendar. For the next six months, schedule in at least one date night a month. This way, you’re planning around those nights instead of hoping to be able to squeeze them in somewhere.

And now, onto the bulk of the episode. This one is going to be a little different. Instead of having a parent with a question on the show as a guest, I want to share something that I’ve started doing: taking cold showers. Believe it or not, it’s been bringing me a lot of unexpected benefits.

I started this as part of Exodus 90, which is a period of time focused on sacrifice, discipline, and self-improvement. The part I thought would be hardest for me was the cold showers, but this has actually been an incredibly powerful habit that I intend to maintain even after the 90 days are up. Tune into the episode to learn all about the many reasons that I intend to stick with them, but I’ll share one big takeaway right now.

It’s incredibly important to teach our children that suffering is OK, and that not everything can (or will) be fixed for them. In our household, we believe in the value of redemptive suffering. Sufferings big and small have value, and can be united with Christ’s passion. By allowing suffering to be OK (whether it’s a cold shower or a scraped knee), we learn and teach our children the power of endurance, and provide an opportunity for this redemptive suffering.

 

In This Episode:

[01:02] - Welcome to Parenting Matters! Dr. B talks about a recent question he asked on Instagram about date night.

[03:33] - Dr. B offers a suggestion for parents who have a hard time finding the chance to go on regular dates.

[04:11] - We learn that today’s episode will be a bit different than usual.

[05:10] - Dr. B explains that he’s been taking cold showers, and how it has impacted him as a parent.

[07:11] - Cold showers are the part that Dr. B thought would be the hardest of his Exodus 90 period, he explains.

[08:43] - Lately, Dr. B has also been doing intermittent fasting, he explains.

[09:17] - Cold showers are an opportunity to suffer, Dr. B points out.

[10:38] - Dr. B’s family believes in the value of redemptive suffering. He explores how this relates to cold showers.

[11:38] - We hear about another benefit that Dr. B has gained from taking cold showers.

[12:09] - Dr. B explains how his decision to take cold showers relates to his family.

[13:54] - Our response to our children’s problems often dictates how severely they interpret the experience, Dr. B points out.

[15:43] - Dr. B offers advice on how to demonstrate to your children that suffering is OK.

[16:38] - The big takeaway from this episode is that as a parent, you don’t need to make everything perfect for your child.

[17:54] - Dr. B hopes this episode was alright, and shares another benefit of taking cold showers.

[19:09] - Please take a moment to share this episode with a friend, on social media, or in an Instagram story or post!

 

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Exodus 90

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Four Tendencies Quiz from Gretchen Rubin

Lately, I’ve been doing parenting polls in my Instagram stories, and learning more about what other parents are doing! I recently did a parenting poll asking whether people pray as a family, and among my followers, 86% of respondents answered “yes.” Among those, almost half of parents said that it’s stressful to pray with their young kids. (Believe it or not, I thought it would be a higher number!)

 

That’s what I want to talk about today. Kelsey, today’s guest, has a question about prayer time. She wants her family to get in the habit of praying together, but is feeling frustrated with making it happen. If you can relate, don’t worry, you’re not alone! This is a familiar story in my practice. Lots of parents I speak to want to teach their children to pray and want to integrate family prayer into their lives, but aren’t sure how to get started.

 

I’ll share several quick tips in today’s episode to help you, and your family, stay on track and enjoy prayer time together. First, set the expectations, and set them low and go slow. (If you’re a fan of barbecue, as I am, this should sound familiar!) Tune into the episode to learn some of the strategies we use to apply this low-and-slow theory to family prayer time.

 

Next, decide what the purpose is. For my wife and I, the purpose is to have our kids see us praying and begin to imitate our behavior. Another important tip is to be flexible! Some evenings, when we go swimming after dinner, we put our kids in pajamas at the pool once they’re done, and say prayers in the car before going inside and heading to bed.

With young kids, prayer time isn’t going to be perfect. It definitely isn’t in our house! But we persist despite the imperfection, and that’s what I want to help you do too. So listen in, learn some tips on creating a meaningful family prayer habit, and check out the free post I’ve created about my best tips at this link.

 

In This Episode:

[01:02] - Dr. B welcomes listeners to today’s episode, and mentions something new that he’s been doing on Instagram.

[02:09] - Today’s topic is praying as a family, Dr. B mentions.

[02:37] - Kelsey explains her question and her issue, which is that family prayer time is frustrating rather than peaceful.

[03:52] - Dr. B responds to Kelsey’s question, explaining how important praying together is for his family.

[05:15] - Dr. B explains that he has three quick tips to share in today’s episode about how to implement regular family prayer time as a peaceful, rather than stressful, event.

[05:40] - We hear Dr. B’s first suggestion, which involves going low and slow and not having your heart set on perfection.

[07:18] - For Dr. B and his wife, the goal is to have their children see them praying and begin to imitate that behavior.

[08:36] - We hear more about Dr. B’s evening family prayer routine, and how he structures prayer time.

[10:03] - Dr. B talks about what he does if his older kids choose to pray for something silly.

[11:36] - The next tip that Dr. B wants to share today is to be flexible.

[13:18] - We learn that Dr. B’s family also begins their day with family prayer.

[15:35] - Dr B’s family prayer time isn’t perfect, he points out.

[16:41] - Does all of that work for Kelsey and make sense for her family?

[16:54] - Is there anything else that Dr. B can help Kelsey with today?

[16:58] - Dr. B would love to hear how you do family prayer time! Let him know on Instagram or in his Facebook group, Present and Productive Parents.

 

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

How to Pray as a Family by Dr. Phil Boucher

The Wild Robot by Peter Brown (audiobook)

My wife and I just had our beautiful fifth baby, Gloria Benedicta Boucher, two weeks ago! You can see her on Instagram. I might be just a little bit biased, but I think she’s one of the greatest babies of all time. Overall, everything with our other kids have gone well, too! Our two next youngest kids have struggled a little with the transition, but it’s gone better than we expected.

I was able to take two weeks off work, during which a real tragedy took place: our practice manager, and a key employee, passed away abruptly and unexpectedly. He was the rock of our office, and we’ll be missing him for a long time. Please keep this incredible father, grandfather, family man, and mentor, along with his family, in your prayers.

Now, onto today’s show! This episode is a little different than usual; it’s a discussion with my friend Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins. Her podcast is called All About Pregnancy & Birth, and I highly recommend that you go check it out and subscribe! I was a guest on her podcast, and enjoyed the conversation so much that I wanted to bring it to you here, too. In our chat today, Nicole asked me about choosing a pediatrician and what goes into that decision. This is something I get asked about all the time, and it’s an important topic to me!

We’ll talk about when to start thinking about a pediatrician, which I recommend doing in the late first or early second trimester. By being proactive in this way, you’ll have an easier time getting into a specific pediatrician’s practice, which may be pretty full. We’ll then move on to chatting about which questions you should ask a potential pediatrician, including philosophy, availability, and vaccines. Next, we’ll discuss breastfeeding, circumcisions, and much more. Don’t miss this information-packed episode, and your chance to hear me be interviewed for once!

In This Episode:

[01:02] - Welcome to Parenting Matters! Dr. B talks about his new daughter, and shares some tragic news from work.

[03:45] - We hear about today’s special episode, which will be a different format than usual and features Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins.

[06:41] - Dr. B talks a bit about himself, what he does, and his family, as well as the weather in Nebraska.

[08:26] - When should a family start thinking about choosing their pediatrician?

[09:46] - Dr. B walks listeners through the steps people should go through when going about choosing a pediatrician.

[12:17] - Nicole and Dr. B chat about the value of weekend and evening hours in a pediatrician.

[12:59] - What are Dr. B’s thoughts on prenatal consults with a pediatrician?

[14:04] - Dr. B shares some questions that he would recommend asking to determine if a pediatrician is a good fit.

[16:06] - Other than philosophy, what other questions or topics should parents ask a potential pediatrician about?

[19:04] - Dr. B explains that most of the parents he deals with are on the same page about vaccines, to his relief.

[19:47] - Will the pediatrician you choose automatically see the baby in the hospital after he or she is born?

[21:05] - How soon does Dr. B see the baby after they’re discharged home?

[24:18] - Nicole takes a bit of a detour and asks Dr. B about circumcision.

[26:04] - Dr. B explains that he does screening for postpartum depression at visits after birth for the first six months.

[28:14] - The most rewarding part of Dr. B’s work is getting to see parents over the first years of their babies’ lives.

[29:51] - What does Dr. B find most frustrating about his work?

[31:36] - Dr. B talks about what he’s particularly passionate about when it comes to caring for children.

[33:44] - What is the one piece of advice that Dr. B would give to soon-to-be parents?

[35:10] - Dr. B mentions the places where listeners can find him online.

[35:56] - With the interview portion over, Dr. B shares his thoughts on the conversation with Nicole.

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins

Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins on Instagram

Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins on Facebook

Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins on Twitter

All About Pregnancy & Birth Podcast with Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins

Questions to Ask BEFORE Choosing a Pediatrician

Tony, today’s guest, is a little worried about his upcoming baby. He’s concerned that there won’t be much for him to do in the first months, since he can’t feed the baby, and doesn’t know how best to help his wife during this time.

 

This is a really common question and source of concern for a lot of men. Dads, and men in general, tend to want to help, do things, and fix things. And, since we can’t nurse our babies, it ends up feeling like there’s nothing we can actively do to make things better for our wives when they’re exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed with a new baby. I recently got the inside scoop from moms in my Present and Productive Parents group on Facebook about what helped—and what would have helped more!

 

Resoundingly, women expressed how important it is to them for the dad to be wholeheartedly present and actively participating in the process. This doesn’t mean assembling a crib and painting the nursery; she needs you to engage with her by asking genuine, thoughtful questions and having open and supportive discussions.

 

Once baby arrives, the first and foremost thing you need to focus on is connecting with your wife. Instead of asking how her day was, ask her about the best (and hardest) parts of the day and her time with the baby. And don’t offer solutions unless she asks! Listen, hear her, acknowledge how tough it must have been, and then stop.

 

The biggest request I heard from moms in the group about what a dad can do is to give them time, and make sure it’s the right kind of time. Moms often feel completely beholden to the new baby, with her life revolving around his schedule, feeding needs, crying, and waking and sleeping cycle. A trip to the spa or lunch with a friend would be nice, of course, but even the opportunity to run errands by herself can be a much-needed break.

 

Tune into this episode for a deep dive into all of this. You’ll come away from the show with a solid understanding of how to best support your wife and be there for her in real ways, even when you can’t do everything.

 

In This Episode:

[01:15] - Dr. B welcomes listeners to this episode, and introduces Tony, who has today’s question.

[02:09] - Tony’s question is a great one because men can’t nurse their babies, Dr. B points out.

[03:10] - A common sentiment that Tony heard in response to his question about what helped (or would have helped) new moms is for the father to be fully present.

[03:48] - Dr. B goes into more depth about what he means by actively participating.

[05:47] - Don’t be afraid to share both your excitement and your nervousness, Dr. B advises.

[07:58] - Has everything that Dr. B said so far make sense to Tony, and has it been helpful?

[08:06] - Dr. B moves on to talking about what to do after baby arrives.

[09:10] - We learn about the power of intentionally connecting once the baby is here, and not offering solutions unless expressly asked.

[10:55] - Dr. B talks about an episode of Parks and Recreation that perfectly illustrates his point about listening rather than fixing.

[12:36] - The biggest request that Dr. B heard as a response to his question was for dads to provide new moms with time to themselves.

[14:22] - We learn about a perspective that it’s easy for working dads to fall into, which isn’t based in reality.

[15:02] - Dr. B offers some suggestions on how dads can give their partners mini-breaks in the days immediately following after delivery.

[16:45] - We learn more about what Dr. B means about giving your wife the “right” kind of time.

[17:47] - Finally, don’t forget to show your wife that you’re in this parenting thing with her! Dr. B offers some specific suggestions on how to do this.

[19:03] - Was this helpful to Tony?

[19:16] - Dr. B offers a final suggestion to Tony, recommending that he become a great swaddler.

[19:39] - If you’re a new dad (or know one), head to this link for some great recommendations!

[20:09] - Please take a moment to leave a rating and review on iTunes, so we can keep spreading this information out to other parents in need!

 

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Dr. B’s Super Simple Swaddling Technique

Dr. B’s New Dad Manual (free e-book!)

Natalie is expecting her first baby in about a month, and is concerned about the topic of sleep! She and her husband are both deep sleepers who value their rest, and they’ve heard and read a lot about the lack of sleep in the first year. People love to commiserate, especially on social media, so it’s no wonder that there’s so much talk about how hard it is to get sleep once baby arrives!

This might leave you feeling like there’s nothing to do but wait until baby figures out sleep on their own. But that doesn’t have to be the case! In today’s episode, I’ll take a deep dive into sleep in chronological order based on how old your baby is.

The first few days (listen at 04:53): babies usually sleep great the first night. The second and third nights usually involve a lot of cluster feeding. After the fourth night, baby sleeps a tiny bit more, because your milk starts to come in. In these days, the most important thing that helps is swaddling!

The first week or weeks (listen at 06:34): keep swaddling baby! At this stage, babies often sleep all day and stay up all night, so help him get his days and nights figured out by keeping him in a bright room with background noise during the day. At night, baby should be in a dark room with a white noise machine.

 

The first month (listen at 08:36): baby will want to eat a lot. Stay consistent about getting your days and nights figured out, and continue swaddling the baby.

The second and third months (listen at 09:13): during this time, babies tend to be able to go for longer stretches, maybe even overnight. He’ll usually want two or three overnight feedings during these months.

The fourth month (listen at 10:23): a lot of babies go through a sleep regression. This can be frustrating, but once you work through it, baby will usually end up sleeping for longer stretches. To learn more, tune into my webinar!

The six month (listen at 12:18): most babies either sleep through the night, or only wake up once. By this age, baby is busy! He’s crawling, moving, and eating, so he needs his rest.

The ninth month (listen at 13:54): at this point, almost all babies are able to sleep through the night. They drop to two naps a day, and around 12-15 months, they usually drop to one. Hang onto that last nap for as long as you can!

I hope that’s reassuring! If you want even more information and guidance on getting good sleep for your baby (and yourself!), check out my online program. As a podcast listener, you get a special 20% discount! Just go to this link, follow the program, and expect to see improvements to your baby’s sleep within a week.

In This Episode:

[01:17] - Welcome to the show! Dr. B lets listeners in on a secret: he’s recording this from a hotel while on a babymoon.

[02:17] - Today’s question comes from Natalie, who has concerns about sleep during a baby’s first year.

[02:50] - We hear a bit more about Natalie’s family.

[03:47] - Are there any family dynamics or special circumstances that Dr. B should keep in mind while addressing this topic?

[04:05] - Dr. B points out that you don’t have to wait for baby to figure sleep out, and you can help them.

[04:38] - We learn that Dr. B goes in chronological order when talking about sleep, and this episode will follow that format.

[04:53] - We learn about baby’s sleep in the first few days.

[06:34] - Dr. B talks about the first week (or weeks), offering recommendations on how to help baby to learn to sleep at night.

[08:36] - We hear about what baby wants during the first month, which can be difficult especially if you have other children at home.

[09:13] - Dr. B discusses baby’s sleep during the second and third months.

[10:23] - We learn about the common sleep regression that happens at around four months of age.

[12:18] - Dr. B digs into what you can expect of your baby’s sleep at around six months old.

[13:54] - At around nine months, almost all babies can sleep through the night.

[16:36] - Dr. B recommends going to a specific age in the episode if you want to learn about your baby’s specific point of development, which you can do using the time stamps in these show notes.

[17:14] - Is there anything else that Natalie needs help with?

[18:10] - If you’re looking for help getting your infant to sleep, check out Dr. B’s sleep program at this link! As a listener, you get a special discount by using the link provided.

[20:10] - If this episode helped you, please share it with your friends or other parents who you know! Dr. B would also appreciate a review, which helps this podcast reach more parents.

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Dr. B’s webinar on the four-month sleep regression

Mighty Sleepers

Parenting Matters Episode 1: How Do I Start Solid Foods?

Tina’s three-year-old daughter has become stubborn, showing tendencies of being what we call a three-nager. If you have a child around this age, you’re probably familiar with the struggles of this phase! Tina has three questions this day, the first of which revolves around sleep. By this age, it’s reasonable to think that a child should be able to sleep through the night. (You might be laughing, but it’s true!) With some strategies, you can make things better, even if your child is like Tina’s daughter and struggles with sleep.

 

The best strategy is to eliminate any gain for getting up after bedtime or during the night. Simply walk your child back to her room, put her back in bed, and say, “See you in the morning,” with minimal interaction.

 

Tina’s next question is about her daughter not wanting to continue with her swim lessons. Should she force it, or let it go? Honestly, at this age, it’s best not to push things that your child isn’t ready for (whether that’s swimming lessons or potty training). Letting your child approach things in their own time can be more productive in the long run than trying to force them into things that they don’t want to do.

 

Finally, Tina asks about eating. Her daughter doesn’t want to try new foods, and sometimes even the bribe of M&Ms afterward isn’t enough to convince her. As I explain to her today, the first thing to realize with food refusal is that there’s no reason to expect that children will ever be perfect eaters. Kids who are pathologically picky to the point of it becoming a nutritional issue are very rare in my practice, so that’s probably not something you’ll need to worry about.

 

My easiest advice is to have your kids eat what they’re given, or else experience a bit of hunger (in other words, don’t let them skip dinner and then have a fun snack later). Be as nonchalant as possible, cover the plate, and put it in the refrigerator. When your kid later comes back saying she’s hungry, remove it from the refrigerator, warm it back up, and give it to her. Repeat this cycle until she realizes that she’s not going to get pizza, chips, or other tasty treats if she says no.

 

In This Episode:

[01:19] - Dr. B welcomes listeners to the episode, and explains the format of the show.

[01:44] - Today’s question comes from Tina, who has three issues with her three-year-old daughter.

[03:38] - Dr. B explains that it’s reasonable to think a three-year-old can sleep through the night.

[04:00] - We learn about a useful strategy for dealing with children who have a tendency to get out of bed at night.

[06:46] - Tina’s next question revolves around her daughter not wanting to stay in her swimming lessons and suddenly saying she’s afraid of the water.

[07:03] - Dr. B responds to Tina’s question about her daughter’s swimming lessons.

[08:32] - We hear Tina’s third question, which is about eating.

[09:52] - This is the perfect age to get some food issues under control, Dr. B points out.

[11:24] - Kids are picky eaters by their nature. Dr. B offers an easy way to avoid food issues.

[12:34] - Dr. B offers advice for dealing with food rejection issues in kids starting as young as 15 months.

[15:22] - Cave-baby often didn’t get exactly the food she might have preferred, Dr. B points out, and missing the occasional meal won’t prevent her from continuing to grow.

[16:06] - Tina shares an update about her situation after implementing the advice that Dr. B has offered in this episode.

[16:56] - Dr. B responds to Tina’s report on her daughter’s progress.

[17:31] - If this episode helps you, please share it with someone else who also has a three-nager! And to learn more, join the Facebook group Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher.

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Mary has a stubborn four-year-old who wants things to be incredibly specific, or else he freaks out. For example, he wants the exact same breakfast every single day, with everything in the same order. Does that sound familiar? Do you want to help guide your child into becoming more flexible and accepting of change and new things? If so, this episode is for you!

 

It’s common for children to go through this phase. If you’re dealing with it, though, that might not be much consolation! This rigidity and inflexibility can cause a lot of stress and frustration for your family, because you never know whether a day will be great and joyful, or full of difficulty. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean parents are helpless. You can slowly introduce things that will make your child more willing to compromise or accept things that might otherwise cause a lot of agitation.

 

Today, I’ll give some tips and suggestions for how to deal with this phase. First, set the expectations, but remember to do it slowly. For example, aim to eliminate your child’s absolute need for an iPad with breakfast in six months. One strategy for this involves guiding your child in coming up with his own ideas for what to do if problems come up.

 

After these sorts of experiences, when your child handles a change or substitution well, it’s important to debrief. Don’t do this right away, though, instead waiting for a while. Later, gently and lightly remind them of how they used to throw a fit, but this time they accepted the change and had a good time anyway. Over time, you’ll see that your child gets more and more willing to accept inconvenience.

 

Remember that this takes time. None of this is going to happen overnight, but it will happen. It’s okay to take things slow, relax, and not constantly be pushing to make things better. As long as you’re making slow, steady progress in the right direction, you’ll end up in the right place.

In This Episode:

[01:15] - Today’s question comes from Mary, who has a question about her four-year-old child.

[01:39] - Dr. B responds to Mary’s question, and requests a specific example, which Mary provides.

[02:42] - Are there any family dynamics in play that make the situation more challenging?

[03:01] - We learn that this situation comes up frequently, with four-year-olds being rigid and inflexible.

[04:44] - Dr. B reassures listeners that rigidity at this age doesn’t indicate that a child is going to be inflexible forever.

[06:47] - Just because it’s normal for a child to be rigid doesn’t mean that we can’t make things better!

[07:08] - Dr. B points listeners to a recent blog post he wrote about worry and anxiety.

[07:29] - Dr. B’s first tip is to set the expectations, and to do it like barbecue instead of grill: low and slow!

[08:43] - We learn what Olympic athletes and parents dealing with a child’s rigidity have in common.

[09:51] - Roleplaying can be a really useful strategy for overcoming rigidity, Dr. B explains. [12:52] - Dr. B recommends debriefing with your child after exposing them to new things and options.

[14:04] - We hear about the importance of taking your time and doing things slowly when it comes to cultivating resilience in your child.

[15:17] - Dr. B offers some final words of advice and reassurance to Mary, who submitted today’s question.

[16:13] - To learn more and stay in touch, join the group Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher on Facebook!

 

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Blog post on worry and anxiety by Dr. B

Ready for a little tour of how things will go on the show? In each episode, I’ll bring in a real-life parent with a real, relatable question about parenting. I’ll find out a little bit about their family and unique situation, and then provide an answer to the question. My hope is that this will provide you with valuable information that you can use in your own parenting journey, even if your circumstances are different from the parent who originally asks.

Today’s multifaceted question comes from mom Kayla, who wants to know whether it’s time to start her four-month-old daughter on solid foods. She also wants to know which foods to start with, how often to introduce new foods, and whether it’s okay to start with peanuts before a year old. I love these questions because there’s so much conflicting information out there, and I get to help set the record straight!

As people share information about feeding, it often comes across as judgmental. But think back to the days of cavemen. If cave-mom and cave-dad find wild strawberries, they’re going to feed their baby wild strawberries regardless of whether they fed cave-baby squash yesterday. Cave-baby will survive and thrive on whatever cave-mom and cave-dad find.

I have some guidelines, but don’t like to think of these as “rules” because it all depends on you. As a general guideline, though, start feeding between 4 to 6 months. Introduce foods in any order. There’s no evidence to suggest that introducing foods in a certain order has any impact. Also, don’t feel guilty about what you feed your baby! Jarred baby food is totally fine.

There’s no need to stick to the same food for three days in a row. Would you want to eat pureed peas for three days straight? I definitely wouldn’t, and your baby probably doesn’t either. I’m all for letting your baby decide what, when, and how much they want to eat.

My one real rule for your baby is this: no honey until 12 months of age. Honey can contain botulism spores, which your baby’s stomach isn’t equipped to fight off until that age. After that, feel free to give honey without any worry.

 

In This Episode:

[01:10] - Dr. B welcomes listeners to the episode, and to the new show! He also explains how the format of each episode will work.

[01:35] - The very first question comes from Kayla, who wants to know how and when to start solid foods.

[01:49] - Kayla talks more about her family, and expands on her question.

[02:21] - Dr. B responds to Kayla, pointing out that there’s a lot of conflicting information out there.

[03:14] - A lot of advice about feeding your baby comes across as judgmental, Dr. B points out.

[03:51] - Dr. B offers listeners a handout that he created about feeding your baby, which you can get at this link.

[04:10] - Dr. B likes to think about feeding from an evolutionary standpoint.

[04:56] - We hear Dr. B’s general guidelines about feeding.

[06:32] - You can mix it up instead of sticking to the same food for three days in a row, Dr. B explains.

[08:17] - Dr. B talks about the quantity of food to feed your baby.

[08:59] - Dr.B has one actual rule when it comes to feeding your baby: no honey until 12 months of age.

[09:28] - We hear a quick summary of the advice that Dr. B has offered about feeding a baby during this episode.

[10:56] - Just feed the baby! And if you get a cute picture of your baby eating, all messy and adorable, tag Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram to help get the word out.

 

Links and Resources:

Dr. Phil Boucher on Instagram

@DrPhilBoucher on Twitter

@DrPhilBoucher on Facebook

Present and Productive Parents with Dr. Phil Boucher Group on Facebook

Dr. Phil Boucher

[email protected]

Feed the Baby handout from Dr. Phil Boucher