Raising Teens with Collett Smart

Key Takeaways:

• Conflict as Growth: Conflict is not a sign of a broken relationship but rather an indication of growth and developing individuality in teens.
• Parental Influence: Parents play a crucial role in modeling healthy conflict resolution, setting the emotional precedent teens will carry into other relationships.
• Importance of Repair: Relationships are strengthened not by the absence of conflict but by how effectively repair and reconnection occur post-disagreement.
• Imperfect Repair: Repair does not need to be perfect or overly orchestrated; simple apologies and acknowledgments of emotions can suffice.
• Long-term Skills: Teaching teens to navigate conflict and repair equips them with essential skills for future relationships and life challenges.

Notable Quotes:

1. "What if conflict isn't evidence of a broken relationship? What if it is evidence that your relationship is simply growing?"
2. "The repair is where trust is built because repair gives us evidence that the relationship is resilient."
3. "Parents set the emotional tone; we're the ones modeling what adults do when relationships are strained."
4. "Just moving on is not the same as repair. That often just builds resentment or hurt in our young people."
5. "Apologising isn't weakness. Apologising is strength. Healthy relationships aren't built by perfect people."

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

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Head over to the win page of Hope1032 to snag a chance to win one of the two copies of Dr. Jenny Brown: The Parenting Paradox valued at $50 each. 

About the Guest:

Dr. Jenny Brown is an Australian family therapist, researcher, author, and educator whose work focuses on family systems theory, parenting, and child and adolescent mental health. She has worked in family therapy and child and family mental health since the 1980s and is the co-founder and Director Emeritus of the Family Systems Institute, as well as the founder of the Family Systems Practice and Parent Hope Project. She has authored and contributed to numerous professional publications and books, including Growing Yourself Up, Facilitating Parent Agency in Child and Adolescent Mental Health: Helplessness to Hope, and The Parenting Paradox, published by Bloomsbury. Drawing on more than 35 years of clinical, research, and teaching experience, Dr. Brown offers a family-systems perspective on parenting, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Key Takeaways:

• The trend of professionalized parenting has raised expectations, leading some parents to overextend in their roles.
• Emphasizing self-awareness, Dr. Brown advocates for parents to focus on their reactions rather than attempting to constantly fix their child's behavior.
• Implementing 'I' positions rather than 'you' directives helps establish clear boundaries and encourages children to develop problem-solving skills.
• Normal variations in children's moods and behaviors are often misdiagnosed; parents should be cautious about labeling.
• Over-regulating teenagers can inadvertently increase their anxiety; balanced boundaries and clear family values are crucial.

Notable Quotes:

• "When we stop trying to change our children, we start to see them start changing themselves gradually."
• "The first parenting manuals were published in the 1920s. That was the start of therapeutic approaches to parenting."
• "Ultimately, we will get caught in a futile power struggle if we're over-focusing on trying to get compliance."
• "Parents don't need to be led by every mood and behavioral trigger in their kids."
• "My hope is that parents will not love their children less. They'll just discover new ways to direct their love."

Resources

The Family Systems Practice: https://thefsp.com.au/

The Parent Hope Project: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/

The Family Systems Institute: https://www.thefsi.com.au/

 

Jenny's Book Releases:

https://www.amazon.com.au/stores/author/B00DVVQ5DG

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

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Key Takeaways:

• Adolescence is a naturally introspective time; however, guiding teens to look beyond themselves can enhance empathy.
• Getting involved in causes that matter to teens transforms community service from a chore into a meaningful activity.
• Small, local acts of kindness can significantly affect the community and foster empathy in teens.
• Integrating service as a family activity strengthens family bonds and emphasises the importance of community involvement.
• Raising compassionate adults involves encouraging teens to ask, "How can I help?" rather than just "What do I want?"

Notable Quotes:

• "Adolescence is a time of introspection, and it's normal to be focused on yourself as a teenager."
• "Helping others builds confidence, increases empathy, and gives our teens the sense that they can make a difference in the world."
• "Ask your teen, 'What problem in the world bothers you? Or who would you like to help if you could?'"
• "One of the biggest myths is that making a difference needs huge commitment and huge effort."
• "In a world that so often encourages our teens to focus on themselves… we're trying to raise compassionate adults."

Resources:

• Follow Collett Smart on Instagram and Facebook.
• Learn more on Collett Smart’s website: www.collettsmart.com

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• Encourage open discussions with teenagers about current global challenges without minimising their concerns.
• Promote critical thinking skills to help teens analyse and interpret the information they encounter online.
• Highlight the power of historical resilience and problem-solving to inspire hope in uncertain times.
• Empower teenagers by focusing on their ability to control certain aspects of their environment and decisions.
• Model resilience and optimism as parents to influence teens positively, ensuring they learn coping strategies through observation and guidance.

Notable Quotes:

• "Our role as parents and carers is to help our teens build confidence that they can handle uncertainty when it does come."
• "Hope isn't pretending that a problem doesn't exist. Hope is believing that challenges can be faced."
• "One of the greatest gifts we can give our teens is to teach them that not everything online deserves equal weight or attention."
• "Confidence grows when our young people experience that they actually have some choices and they have some agency."
• "I believe you'll be able to handle it. You're going to be able to handle what the world throws at you."

Resources:

• Follow Collett Smart on Instagram and Facebook.
• Learn more on Collett Smart’s website: www.collettsmart.com

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

About the Guests:

Aduk Dau is a resilient community leader born in Duk Payuel, South Sudan. Growing up amid civil war, she lived in a refugee camp in Kenya before resettling in Australia, where she became an advocate for refugee families. She is a nurse, interpreter, community leader, and storyteller, and the co-author of For Hope, Love & Life Itself, which narrates her journey from South Sudan to Australia.

Marion Knell is a UK-based expert who has devoted decades to working with refugee families across Europe. Her expertise spans trauma recovery, intercultural adjustment, and family support. She has authored books such as Families on the Move and consults with Refugee Highway Partnership and European Freedom Network on care for refugees and refugee workers, developing courses for churches on working with traumatised refugees and supporting those who care for them.

Key Takeaways:

• Empathy and Understanding: Recognising the pre- and post-trauma experienced by refugee children is essential for educators and communities to adequately support their growth and adaptation.
• Cultural Sensitivity: Creating inclusive educational environments requires teachers to be cognisant of the cultural background and specific needs of refugee students.
• Parental Role in Adolescence: Refugee parents often struggle with the cultural transition, needing support to guide their teens through identity formation and integration.
• Resilience and Growth: Stories of post-traumatic growth exemplify how crisis can forge stronger, more resilient individuals capable of contributing meaningfully to society.
• Community Involvement: Establishing connections through local initiatives and fostering genuine relationships with refugees can greatly enhance their sense of belonging and integration into the community.

Notable Quotes:

• "My hope for refugee families that come to Australia is that life will change." - Aduk Dau
• "Resilient, they've been through a lot and they have to be supported so they can fit in and adjust." - Aduk Dau
• "I think it's important to be affected by what we hear, but not infected." - Marion Knell
• "One of the best things we can do if we are on the outside of the community is to offer help and support for the children." - Marion Knell
• "For young people to heal, achieve autonomy and live interdependently in the community." - Marion Knell

Resources:

• Aduk Dau's Book: "For Hope, Love, and Life Itself"
• Marion Knell's Work with Welcome Churches: Welcome Churches

 

Resources:

• Follow Collett Smart on Instagram and Facebook.
• Learn more on Collett Smart’s website: www.collettsmart.com

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• Letting go of the "super parent" myth can alleviate feelings of guilt; focus on meaningful connections instead.
• Confirming through actions that your child knows they are loved and important is vital in parenting.
• Small touch points and personalized approaches to connection, such as texts or shared activities, are essential in building strong relationships.
• Community support and involving other trusted adults in your child's life bolster resilience and provide needed assistance.
• Understanding your teen's unique needs and responding with flexible, negotiated solutions can enhance your relational bond.

Notable Quotes:

• "Being stretched doesn't mean you're failing."
• "Connection matters much more than your constant presence."
• "A five minute meaningful conversation can be more important or have more impact than hours spent in the same room."
• "No teen is meant to be raised by one adult alone."
• "Your teen doesn't need a perfect parent… They need a parent who keeps showing up."

 

Resources:

• Follow Collett Smart on Instagram and Facebook.
• Learn more on Collett Smart’s website: www.collettsmart.com

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• Independence is Key: Teenagers naturally drift away from parents as they seek independence, making this a crucial but challenging time for both.
• Adaptability is Essential: Parents must adapt to their teen’s rapidly changing behaviors and needs, understanding their own frustrations.
• Balancing Control and Connection: It is important to maintain connection over controlling every aspect of a teen's life, emphasizing trust and openness.
• Acknowledging Grief and Growth: Parents can acknowledge their feelings of loss and foreboding while celebrating the new person their teen is becoming.
• Communication is Paramount: Establish a communication style that respects the evolving needs of teens, guiding them without dictating.

Notable Quotes:

• "It's hard because you care. It's hard because you love them."
• "The goal shifts from being involved in everything really just to thinking in your mind. I'm available for anything that they need."
• "If parenting your teen feels hard, it doesn't necessarily mean that something's wrong."
• "Give ourselves permission to feel those things that worry, that sadness, that excitement."
• "Influence comes through connection, conversations, trust."

 

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All views expressed in this episode are personal to Michelle Basson.

Michelle Basson is a dedicated school psychologist actively working in both public education systems and the academic sphere associated with university settings. Her role involves providing comprehensive support and counseling to students across multiple school environments, including both primary and high schools. Michelle's work extends to assessment and securing individual student support, making a significant impact on bridging student needs with available resources.

Key Takeaways

• Rising Mental Health Concerns: There is a notable increase in bullying and depressive symptoms amongst younger students, highlighting the urgent need for early intervention and mental health support in schools.

• Role of School Psychologists: School psychologists are instrumental in assessing students and securing additional support, effectively bridging the gap between student needs and school resources.

• Navigating Consent and Confidentiality: The process of obtaining consent and confidentiality in school counseling can vary significantly depending on the student's age and situation, necessitating sensitive navigation by school psychologists.

• Importance of School Systems: For parents, understanding the support systems available in schools and how to access them can be crucial in ensuring their child receives the necessary help.

• Demystifying Counseling: Open communication and breaking down the perceived complexities surrounding school counseling can foster a supportive environment for students, reducing the stigma around seeking help.

Notable Quotes:

1. "There's a real rise in kind of depressive symptoms in young people and anxiety... a really scary trend in schools."

2. "The more information we have, the more knowledge we have, the more the whole process becomes demystified."

3. "In the high school, definitely a lot of the referrals are counseling referrals... very open about what it might entail, the first session will just be getting to know you."

4. "If the student refuses to be seen by us... we have a person called the Student Support Officer."

5. "My hope is just that we continue to talk about mental health... students just know where they can find support."

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• The process of raising children aims to prepare them to thrive independently rather than keeping them at home.
• Transitioning to an "open nest" allows for relationships to evolve, fostering a friendship between parents and young adults.
• Parents have the opportunity to deeply appreciate who their children are becoming, while children gain newfound appreciation for their parents.
• Family interactions become more intentional and meaningful once children have left home, as time together is a choice rather than an expectation.
• The journey of parenthood doesn't end when children leave the house; it simply evolves into a new role of guidance and support.

Notable Quotes:

• "Our role wasn't to raise our children who stay, our role was to raise adults who can thrive on their own."
• "I think an open nest is a home where parents can shift their relationship to a friendship."
• "Leaving home doesn't end your role, it changes it. You're less of a director, you're more of a guide."
• "Remember, raising teens isn't about keeping them close forever. It's about helping them grow strong enough to fly."

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• Transition from Authority to Ally: Empowering parents to shift their roles from strict rule enforcers to supportive allies, improving the parent-teen relationship.
• Control and Instructions: Highlighting the risks of micromanaging older teens, emphasising that too much control can create distance instead of fostering growth and maturity.
• Effective Connection: Suggesting practical ways to nurture connection with teens through natural interactions, like shared activities and thoughtful conversations.
• Boundaries as Bridges: Encouraging open discussions about household chores, privacy, and personal space to enhance mutual respect and prevent resentment.
• Acceptance of Different Choices: Emphasising the importance of staying supportive and connected even if children make choices that differ from parental hopes, ensuring they feel safe.

Notable Quotes:

• "Instead of being a rule setter, you might now be more of a sounding board instead of being the manager Think of yourself as becoming an ally."
• "Mistakes are what help us and them to learn and to grow. And protection can just feel like pressure for them."
• "Boundaries aren't walls, they're bridges."
• "Connection doesn't mean we always have to agree. Support also doesn't always mean silence."
• "The good news is that this stage can bring some of the most meaningful, honest and rewarding relationships that you'll ever have with your kids."

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.