I gotta find that pilot I wrote for—

MAYA RUDOLPH

FOUND IT.

Oh, My God

Is it Esha in this scene?

I can't remember if it's Esha or the nanny.

Did he not fuck the therapist?

I mean, that's later.

Is it?

I guess.

Continuity.

Whatever.

.

JIMMY FALLON, YOU PATHETIC, BLASPHEMOUS BASTARD.

SAY MY NAME ONE MORE TIME. GO AHEAD.

do it.

You can't say shit to me.

Almost nothing.

I was almost asleep.

Fuck it up, Jimmy.

You know, you could get like,

Straight A's this semester if you just

Listen to me.

Focus.

Fuck this.

FUCK THIS.

OK, FUCK THIS MACHINE.

He puts a quarter in,

Turns the corner at around four o clock.

Takes metformin for supper.

Supplements, supplements.

Nothin.

Oh, you wanted this to happen.

I purchased this collection of poetry off the black market.

For what.

It's a machine, JImmy.

JIMENY CRIKET

Christ almighty

Wait.

Wait a second,

Go back.

To which part.

TO this day

“she's polite”

I know this, she'll find me in here somewhere.

I know this.

Just let it go.

No, she'll find us.

You're living a lie.

This is why you're behind in this race.

Well, it's a race war, isn't it?

You started this?

Look what I did.

I bought you christmas presents.

I'm pretty sure i'm not even allowed to celebrate it.

HEATHENS.

Correct this behavior.

See the reasons behind them, first, before you cast judgements.

Set the trap, she'll fall for this.

She needs these things.

All this stuff was stolen.

You think.

You think too much.

You think too little of this organization.

Because, Jimmy, i'm above it

You know, this could be the reason you lose at this.

I don't care anymore if I lose at this,

As long as somebody wins.

This is it, Jim.

I guess so.

Let her rip.

Let him have it.

FIGHT.

How's this gonna work, if I fight to WIn.

It's a fight to the DEATH?

This is a fight to the DEATH.

…Johnny Depp is here.

Let him in.

How many is that?

At least 10.

What did she give to you, for this?

SIR JYRE

Medicine.

Tina Fey

Amy Peohler or however you spell it

Maya Rudolph

Ratchel Dratch

Kristen Wiig

Kristen Shaal

Melissa Mccarthy - might be the only non-SNL member

The Cosmic Avenger

Damn. That dude lost his whole name.

He lost everything.

So Wait, that's Eight.

Yep.

Who are the other two?

Gimmie the pop tart movie

Fir what.

To laugh. I want to laugh.

YEE

hehe

I ANT

Weird shirtless overall pictures—-

wtf is THIS.

MAYA

Ok, check this out.

God, this is hideous.

I think we might be related.

Alright guys, I found it!

Yes!

Finally!

The problem is—

When I got there

*sniffs*

FALLON.

—Fallon had already been there.

Ah,Christ.

How does he do that?

By the power of CHRIST, I compel you!!!

Oh shit, he is good at this.

Uh, I gotta get going.

Look, I'm gonna need some time.

Alright.

Just tell me, you'll consider this.

Ok—my son.

And please—

Your secret is safe with me.

God.

Hm.

We need your help.

I'm “the help”

“Father Knows Best”

You know you're going to Hell for this.

I do come home sometimes.

Great, she missed it.

Oh shit.

Yep.

And you're gonna—

I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want, with whoever the fuck I want.

Why is there still deadmau5 in this—

What's this.

Pudding

No, this is

This is a really long episode of whatever it is, shutthefuck

Uh oh.

You know, we can't do this.

There is absolutely nothing you cannot do.

Absolutely nothing.

Ok. You guys are all in here—

—Somewhere.

Yay!

Yes!

Elevatorsz!

Except you.

What.

Stay out.

WHAT.

Actually, you know what?

What?

Move.

He switched me seats.

Uh…

Okay—now get the fuck out.

FUCK.

Meanwhile:

Bad news dude.

Aww. What's up.

Your dick still sucks.

WHAT.

Sorry, bros. I tried.

So did I!

It was bad. Maybe worse than before.

HOWS THATS POSSIBLE.

I dunno, but—damn.

Damn!

BEFORE:

lil dicky got rich and famous—

Now all the girls lie to him

And tell him that his dick is awesome

He has no idea at all

Whether or not

His dick still sucks

WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THIS KID?

I don't know. Let me see.

*roundhouse kick to the face*

[blank stare]

Fuck, alright, well—

Just put him in there with the other broken ones.

“The other broken ones?”

This—for some reason happens, sometimes.

What? How often?

Like, a lot?

Opens door to roomful of lifeless bodies with blank canvas syndrome.

So wait,

Why isn

They say all it takes is one song—

What if the money you make is all wrong?

Went from blonde to dark blonde

Spent it all on repairing the Honda

Hell naw

Isn't it awful, what we all are,

Or what have you—

I just hope that this isn't at all

What you meant by this

It is, and it isn't

It's just helpless

Useless

Combinations

Concentrations, focus—

Dance lessons

Synchronized swimming

It's just living,

Infinite.

Combinations

Complications

Hyper focus

Dance lessons

This is is not a dance class

It's a fist fight!

This is not a dancehall—

It's a collesium

Did you see em

Did you see em

This is not this morning,

It's this evening—

And I'm warning you to

Leave me alone

Leave me in the Tv then!

That wasn't me, this was my clone.

This is my office, not my home.

Imm never home.

1-800-⌨️

NEVER ALONE

Shout out to Amanda,

I'm still aneorexic, somehow

I was his punching bag,

Now he just wants me back

Shout out to Alaska

I should book some shows out there

How's my dad been

How's the husband

He's a has been.

I HAS BEEEEEEEN!

How long is this gonna take, you think?

I think-

I think—

I think I just need

TWO WEEEEEEEKS.

I don't know why, but I needed that.

Shout out to Amanda

Now I can do algebra.

Shout out to Alaska

I should go back there

Shout out to the past, man

I should go back there

You're not here for Skrillex, are you?

Does it look like I'm here for Skrillex, to you?

Whatever you do, just

Whatever you do just—

Oh shit, here she comes

Here she comes

Play “stupid”

What the fuck's wrong with you

Turn off the phone

No, I'm stupid!

Swiftly stops at seven just to remember:

That— isn't it sinister what the plan is

To deliver this message to the planet

I got the water.

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Jorgie!!!

Dont cry, mama—

I'm Rick James!

Don't cry!

(I know who you are…)

Mama,

I'm Rick James

Alright, alright, alright

What's good—

Steve Slattery

Uh.

John Martin.

Really?!

Does she serious get us confused?!

Are you not like— the same guy.

“The Same guy”

I feel like this should be in a seperate document.

I feel like it shouldn't.

It's true!

It's true!

It's just like this now

She's just like this now!

THERE THEY ARE.

THERE'S TINA

TINA SAY WHAT.

Nothing. Nothing. Listen—

[MAYA RUDOLPH—just has that look on her face]

Yeah. I'm DRUNK.

Everybody's drunk.

*dancing*

SOMEBODY GET ME OUT THIS PETH—

—uNNHHH

PRTY.

Where Uptown A at?

Sober. Doing my job. Preforming.

Oh nice.

Which you all should be.

IMPOSSIBLE:

You have officially rendered us

UNSTOPPABLE!

—dysfunctional drunken idiots.

BANG—BANG—

Oh shit, here they come

BANG BANG!

Chitty chitty

TITTIES!

SHHH! We're censoring, still

This is NBC or Disney or something

Everybody should be—

We should be streaming it

STREAMERS!

AND STRIPPERS.

Is that all we needed from the dollar store

Oh what the fuck.

That's crazy that this is all the same party.

In. Ents.

Idiots,

Wait, are those DUDES.

It appears so.

ARE THERE GUYS HERE?!

LOOKS LIKE IT!

CHICK FIGHT!!

The vocals go around the head to choke you,

Woah, dude,

I don't know what you go through,

To open those throat chakras,

Oh, I do know

Oh so lowly

This is a lot, I can't even.

This is the winner since intermittent detention centers mental facilities and interests in domestic and international terrorism, respectively, but

To be honest, I should slow down,

Format formally for a moment,

Go somewhere I don't go,

I don't know,

I should grow up though,

Show up to a show or

No.

GO, GO—

GET IN THE BOAT

NO

YOURE A GHOST!

BE A

GHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAATTTT

GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST

stop it.

Who tf are these tweakers?

Just leave them alone. I'm pretty sure there's gonna be like a whole soundtrack to this by the morning or something.

WHEN'S THE MORNING

SUN!!! COME BACK!!!!

Hello, Moon

Just wait for a while,

I am an army of men;

Puppet I'm pulling the strings

No man, I'm all on my own

That's for now

But who knows

I can do bad all by myself

Come on

I'll show you

Curtains close,

Lights up,

Curtains open

Lights down

One man show

I'm a whole

One man show

I can do bad all by my—

Luminous

Illuminate me, I am

(I am, I am)

Luminous

Illuminous

Illuminous

Luminous

Go for a run,

Soak in the tub

You know?

One door open,

One more close

Where you go?

You go this way,

And I go that, hon

Let's do lunch soon

Take your number

You know what?

I'm done with this

(I'm done with this stuff, I don't want in no more)

I'll show you

Curtains close,

Lights up,

Curtains open

Lights down

One man show

I'm a whole

One man show

I can do bad all by my—

Luminous

Illuminate me, I am

(I am, I am)

Luminous

Illuminous

Illuminous

Luminous

It's no wonder you're up with the sun

It's one in the morning,

You're still making coffee

You started a world war

—all I want is some water!

You wanted a broke heart

My scars, all I wanted was love

Now what's up?

I been up for a month

I got up making coffee at

One in the morning

I still got no words for these verses

I read duteronomy

Here's some astronomy

No more scars on my sky

city lights

Now I'm way up high

You like that, hun?

Yeah I'm way, way up

I don't it no more

I'm so done with this stuff

Thought you started a whole war

You can have the whole world

For a glass of water

You broke the part of my heart

That was giving a fuck

Now it doesn't

Now you lost it

I don't even want it no more

I am an army of men;

Puppet I'm pulling the strings

No man, I'm all on my own

That's for now

But who knows

I can do bad all by myself

Come on

Story:

The owner of an underground/illegal nightclub pays his talent in drugs—but when the new DJ refuses and asks for cash up front, a dangerous clash is enacted, and ‘the talent' groups together and hatches a plan to take what belongs to them, by staging a robbery at a massive flash-mob style party.

Damn. Ok. Well we'll see about this.

What's the budget.

Crunching.

More Maya…

Rupoloh.

Sure

MAYA!

—Angelou— or Rudolph?

Rudolph; but I can summon Maya Angelou, if you want.

No thanks; I did that already in the first season.

We might be related or something.

MINNIE RIPPERTON

We both have the same weird, Afrocentric

No-shirt overall wearing

Family Photo.

I don't understand.

Nobody does!

This is fucked up.

Yeah.

This is fucked up.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

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