What if smart leaders don't stop listening because they have a communication problem?
What if they stop listening because their ego has quietly replaced their curiosity?
In Episode 52 of the RAW Leadership Podcast, Steve Barker explores one of the less comfortable sides of leadership: what happens when our need to be right, respected, safe or in control starts influencing the way we lead.
And Steve doesn't just talk about someone else's mistakes.
He shares one of his own.
Drawing on a real experience from his Royal Air Force career, Steve tells the story of returning from a four-month deployment to discover that two acting sergeants had changed a programme he had spent three years developing.
Steve had left them with clear instructions: don't change anything.
They changed it anyway.
His reaction wasn't curiosity.
It was frustration, defensiveness and a bruised sense of ownership and authority.
His ego got involved.
And it resulted in a leadership response that Steve openly admits wasn't his finest hour — including comments on social media that ultimately led to his leadership addressing the situation and Steve having to formally apologise.
But once the emotional dust settled, something changed.
Steve stopped asking:
“Why have they done this to my team?”
And started asking:
“Why did they change things?”
That small shift from judgement to curiosity changed everything.
When Steve put himself in their shoes, he realised that the two acting sergeants weren't simply dismantling something he had built. They had been given an opportunity to demonstrate their leadership capability, make decisions and prove themselves for future career progression.
The lesson?
Ego replaces curiosity.
And when ego takes over, leaders can become defensive, stop listening, stop communicating and unintentionally create distance between themselves and their teams.
But there's another side to this.
When leaders bring curiosity instead of judgement, they create opportunities for better communication, stronger relationships, greater trust and increased psychological safety.
In this episode, Steve explores:
- Why leaders can become disconnected from their teams.
- How ego influences leadership behaviour and decision-making.
- Why the need to be right can become a leadership trap.
- How ego can act as a protective “suit of armour”.
- Why psychological safety matters to effective leadership and team performance.
- How stress can influence the way we react rather than respond.
- Why curiosity is such an important part of emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
- How to use simple questions such as “I wonder…”, “What if…?” and “How do they see it?”
- Why leaders should sometimes be the last person to speak in a meeting.
- How seeking first to understand can improve communication and conflict resolution.
- How leaders can re-engage with teams that have become disconnected.
Steve also challenges leaders to look at the small moments.
The moments when someone challenges your idea.
When your team does something differently.
When you feel your authority is being undermined.
When you are stressed, defensive or convinced you're right.
Those are often the moments when leadership is really being tested.
Because being emotionally intelligent isn't simply knowing that you can be wrong.
It's recognising what happens in the moment when your ego is revved up and you're reacting rather than responding.
The practical challenge from this episode is simple:
Bring more curiosity and less judgement.
Pause.
Ask why.
Ask what if.
Try to understand how the other person sees the situation.
And sometimes, simply listen before you lead.
Because:
Leadership begins the moment curiosity becomes more important than being right.If you're interested in leadership development, leadership coaching, executive coaching, emotional intelligence, human behaviour, self-awareness, leadership communication, active listening, psychological safety, workplace culture, team development, employee engagement, conflict resolution, leadership mindset, behavioural change, high-performing teams and effective leadership, this episode will give you plenty to think about.
And perhaps the most uncomfortable question of all:
Has your team stopped communicating with you because they've stopped caring — or because you've stopped making it safe for them to speak?
Listen to Episode 52 of the RAW Leadership Podcast and find out what your ego might be telling you that your curiosity isn't.
If this episode made you question your own leadership, take the next step.
Book a Leadership Health Check with Steve and discover where your leadership is working — and where a little more curiosity could make a big difference.
Because better leadership starts with better awareness.
Hello and welcome to the RAW Leadership Podcast with me Steve Barker….
As we get started today, I encourage you to also visit my Leadership Website… https://www.stevebarker.com.au and my Facebook Group - Audacious Leadership where you will find heaps more resources, insights and strategies that will help you grow your Leadership skills.
Steve
Thank you for joining me for this latest episode of the RAW Leadership Podcast and if you are enjoying the content that I am sharing and if you are curious about how you can reach the next Level in your Leadership quickly...
Contact me at [email protected] or go to my website stevebarker.com.au
I look forward to hearing from you very soon ….
Steve
To discover more about Steve Barker (host) and RAW Leadership, please check out the link below which is jam packed with free insights, hints, tips, hacks and Leadership Strategies that will help you Lead even more effectively and remove a lot of the stress from Leadership.
Steve Barker - RAW Leadership
