Three "Who Said It" quotes to kick things off this week — one political, one philosophical, and one that involves a roadkill raccoon on the interstate. Good luck placing all three.

Tesla pops nearly 8% on news that, once you actually read it, is not good news — and we break down exactly why the math doesn't add up. Plus a cautionary tale about a shoe company that discovered the magic words "AI pivot" and briefly became worth 600% more before reality showed back up.

Russia is now publicly confirming foreign soldiers dying in Ukraine, which quietly says everything about where this war actually stands. Meanwhile Pete Hegseth held another Pentagon prayer service — and this time quoted scripture that turns out to have originated somewhere very different from the Bible. We'll let you figure out where.

The Trump-as-healer imagery made the rounds this week, which led to an impromptu press conference with a DoorDash grandmother from Arkansas that somehow touched on Iran, the Pope, trans athletes, and the Big Beautiful Bill — all while the woman at the center of it was quietly dealing with a situation that exposes exactly what the bill doesn't cover.

JD Vance had some theological advice for the Pope this week. We have thoughts. Sean Hannity had a follow-up question. We have more thoughts.

Paper Mario is back in the news with a sentencing update that has the internet doing some very dark math, and a Virginia governor quietly did something to a certain tax-exempt organization that's been a long time coming.

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