Real Men Feel: Men's Mental Health, Masculinity & Personal Growth

A couple of days ago, I came across an Instagram post from an account called awake_spiritual, and it was a picture of Dwayne Johnson - The Rock, and it was called Things I Know at Age 45 That I Wish I Knew at 22.

It had a list of 14 such things. I don't believe this is anything The Rock said, but maybe it is.

It got me thinking about what I would tell my 22-year-old self. I had a few items right away and let my brain simmer with them for a bit.

I've got five, and then I'll also share all 14 that the IG post mentioned too.

What I would tell my 22-year-old self:

Maybe you agreed with most, maybe with none. I don't care. I do care that you take a few minutes to think about this for yourself.

What would you tell 22-year-old you? Or if you are a young man, what would you tell your 16-year-old self?

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts.

If you are in crisis, do not listen to this episode. Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors that are part of the National  Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. https://988lifeline.org

If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country.

Last November - 2021 - I stopped doing all the positive things in my life. I chose to dive straight into depression, solitude, and misery. I stopped doing this podcast. I stopped leading men's groups. I stopped being open to new coaching clients. I stopped exercising. I stopped every positive daily ritual I've developed over the years.

The exact circumstances of what started this dark period aren't important because there is always something we can focus on to our detriment. This life can be heaven or hell; it comes down to us; our outlook, perception, thinking, judgment, and actions.

I took minimal action for months.

I wanted to remind you and myself where I was a year ago because of the rapid change, resilience, support, and positive energy that is available to all of us - but not until we are willing to accept it.

Whenever you feel like shit, if you are under siege by your own thoughts saying you should check out of life early - do something for somebody. Make some effort of service for another human being. I find that always changes my mood and outlook.

Life is good. You are good. Please allow yourself to feel that truth.

If you need daily reminders to be of service, to share yourself, and better your mood - I recently discovered Do Good December - a monthly calendar of simple things you can do to spread more love and kindness. I've posted it to Real Men Feel Facebook and IG pages, and I'll make sure it is part of this episode's post on RealMenFeel.org if you want to track it down.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

My returning guest today is Dr. Avrum Weiss. Dr. Weiss is a psychotherapist, award-winning author, speaker, and teacher. His decade-long work on understanding the inner lives of men culminated with his recently published bestseller "Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships."

We talk about what a man's lack of sexual desire means for a relationship and the root causes of that low desire. Learn what men are taught about sex that harms our relationships and how not to see sex as a performance.

"Think of foreplay as starting the minute you open your eyes in the morning" ~Dr. Avrum Weiss

Too many men ignore their sexual desires and use sex as validation and reassurance. Sex is about more than orgasm. Men often get a bad rap as being selfish lovers, but your pleasure does matter.

Topics and Questions

Links

Avrum Weiss PhD -- https://www.avrumweissphd.com/

Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships -- On Amazon

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

For the first time, Real Men Feel is on location. This week's show checks in from Covenant House's Sleep Out in Boxboro, Massachusetts.

Andy took part in a fundraising event for Covenant House that involved giving up his bed for one night to raise funds to get more young people off the streets. People choose to spend a night outside to help those who don't have a choice.

We talk with Jill Vorndran, Covenant House's Chief Development Officer.

Topics and Questions

2:59 - What is going on tonight?

You can create a Sleep Out event at any time by visiting CovenantHouse.org.

Andy shares his immense gratitude for all his blessing. You can contribute to the cause until the end of the year. Please visit https://www.sleepout.org/participant/andygrant

"I attempted to treat Friday like a typical day, but it wasn't possible. I knew I'd get less sleep at the Sleep Out, but I didn't expect how little I got. My thinking and energy were a struggle. I fell asleep twice in my office chair while attempting to work. I couldn't hit the gym, conversations were a challenge, and editing this week's show took much longer than it would normally. I fell asleep around 9 pm Friday and slept straight till 7 am Saturday.

This was all from only one night on the streets. Many homeless people have full-time jobs, are full-time students, or even both, and can't afford a safe place to live. They deal with the daily battle of never having enough sleep and struggling to think clearly. If you are not in that situation, please give some compassion to those who are."

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel hosts conversations that most men aren't having but that all men can benefit from. My favorite sort of guest is someone who shares their journey and how they are now serving people. That's what we have for you today.

My guest is healer, coach, and men's group facilitator Justin Gagne. We talk about seeking more depth, being called to your purpose, loss, grief, anger, and recovery from alcoholism. Justin's experience in the darkness made him want to help others through that faster.

We explore being an empathetic child, the gifts of Covid isolation, and doing the inner work to become a better version of yourself. Justin expresses his anger over losing his mother and the resulting spiritual awakening. Including powerful experiences and lucid dreams with his guides.

We discuss the importance of embracing your masculine and feminine energy. Justin shares how his father was a role model for service to others, showing him what soft, kind, gentle men could look like.

Topics and Questions

1:04 - What prompted you to want to lead men's groups?

1:52 - Have you always been seeking more depth?

2:22 - What experiences let you know you were being called to something?

4:04 - What were you angry about?

6:40 - What was the turning point for you?

7:45 - Could you work on yourself while drinking or only after?

11:57 - The healing power of being of service.

13:00 - What were your experiences as a kid?

15:52 - What first got you into healing?

19:31 - What does divine masculine mean to you?

21:53 - What man had the most significant impact on you?

23:36 - Does he know how much he means to you?

24:37 -What are you proud of?

26:10 - What are you looking forward to?

26:45 - How does someone know the right direction?

29:45 - Is there anything you wish you had learned at a younger age?

31:08 -What is one thing you wish more men knew?

33:02 - How can people learn more or connect with you?

Connect with Justin at

Grab some gear at realmenfeel.org/swag.

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Right now, I should be volunteering at a New Warrior Training Adventure, a weekend event run worldwide by the ManKind Project. But a couple of weeks ago, Oct 11 to be exact, it was canceled by MKP USA. All the planned New Warrior Training Adventures, NWTAs, were canceled in the US for the rest of 2022. The cancellations were due to charges of cultural appropriation from a group of Native American elders called Spirit.

First off, let me clarify that I am a middle-aged white American man. I have no insight into what it means to be Native American, or any other race or culture for that matter. I am sharing my opinions and asking questions. I am not representing any other individual or group.

And I'm willing to be wrong about everything I think I know.

When I discovered that all NWTAs were canceled, I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. My NWTA was back in October 2016. There was a lot of Native American ritual and ceremony, and it was presented very respectfully, honoring where they came from and giving full acknowledgment. It was stressed how much training ManKindProject (MKP) men had with the Lakota people to learn what we would be doing.

I thought cultural appropriation meant taking something from another culture and claiming it as your own. MKP never did that in anything I was involved in. Nobody in MKP claimed to have invented the sweat lodge or any other rituals I took part in. The sweat lodge seems to be the main point of contention, but it is just one of many different events that make up the NWTA weekend.

My brief research found that many cultures have used sweat lodges for purification, healing, and relaxation. Most commonly known are Native Americans, but also the Mayans, Aztecs, and across Europe as early as the 5th century. https://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Sweat_lodge

MKP Statement included: "A public campaign against the ManKind Project over concerns about cultural appropriation launched in the evening of Oct 6, 2022. One aspect of the campaign encourages public protests at NWTA locations across the country. The locations of our events were published.

After assessing the content on the website, it became apparent that to proceed would put MKP participants and volunteers at risk."

America is a melting pot of hundreds of cultures. Borrowing from other cultures is inevitable; it can be positive. To me, it is the evolution of society.

Centuries ago, people came to North America and saw natives as less than.

The letter from Spirit (https://www.spiritprotection.org/letter-to-mkp) makes it clear that native people are still hurting.

To me, MKP has been trying to honor the native practices they use, but it is not seen that way by all native leaders.

You can do the right thing and still have it be the wrong thing.

Earlier this year, the ManKind Project USA published a statement, “Acknowledging and Evolving Our Relationship with Indigenous Peoples and Practices.”

Note: NWTA  events continue to happen outside of the US.

Connect with Andy and RMF

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

#RealMenFeel ep 276 Gender Role Socialization | How Men Learn To Be Men

Real Men Feel hosts conversations that most men aren't having but that all men can benefit from. Today we explore the ways we learn how to be men. Much of that comes from a life-long socialization process, specifically gender role socialization.

My guest Dr. Bill DeFranc is a licensed psychologist who has worked in schools, hospitals, group practices, and college counseling centers and had a parenting consulting business. He was an Instructor at Harvard Medical School and has published research on men's gender role socialization.

We discuss the positive and negative outcomes of gender role socialization and why men often hold themselves to a more rigid definition of manliness. Bill shares how his research impacted his being a father and the one thing he wishes more men knew.

"If you can't see shades of grey, it's going to be a problem." Dr. Bill DeFranc

Listen in to discover the most common issues Dr. DeFranc sees in clients related to men's gender role conflict and the shame it can create.

Topics and Questions

Grab some men's gear at realmenfeel.org/swag.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

Men are told it isn't good to fear things, but you can't be brave or courageous without first recognizing fear. And I've repeatedly found that great things happen when I walk boldly into my fear and do what I'm afraid of.

I put out the call in the private Real Men Feel Facebook group for anyone interested in doing a regular guy chat - that means no agenda, nothing to sell or promote- an average dude who has something to share.

I said, "If you are interested but terrified, that's a great sign to say, Yes!"

My guest for this Regular Guy Chat is husband, father, brother, retired IT professional, and present-day wellness warrior, Ken MacKeen. We talk about trauma, shame, selfishness, and also the incredible personal growth possible on the other side of fear.

Ken shares how childhood abuse and abandonment affected his entire life and what happened when he stopped covering up his feelings with alcohol. Thankfully, he realized that solitude, isolation, and loneliness are not good places to be.

Ken shares his "one asshole at a time" rule too.

Topics and Questions

Grab some gear at realmenfeel.org/swag

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel

At one point in my youth, I left a mental hospital against medical advice because I had tickets to see Motley Crue. I figured if I was alive, I was going to that show. There's a longer tale about how I got home and the reaction of family and friends, but the net result is that I was kicked out of my house. I was homeless.

Thankfully, I had neighbors who gave me a couch for a few days while I figured shit out, so I never had to live on the streets, but I thought that might be what happened. Through college and beyond, friends and I sometimes slept in city parks or hotel stairwells while traveling because we were broke. But that had a sense of adventure and playfulness, nothing like actual homelessness. 

I share this because I want to talk about homelessness, specifically Youth Homelessness. And I don't just want to talk about it. I'm going to do something about it and let you know how easily you can as well.

In the United States, 4.2 million young people will face homelessness this year alone.

Kids can end up on the streets because their home isn't safe or they are battling addiction, depression, or any mental health challenge. Living on the streets doesn't help any of it. Homelessness can lead to worse addictions, sex trafficking, and suicide.

Covenant House, is a charitable organization that I've donated to for years. They empower young people to overcome homelessness by providing them safe housing, food and clothing, and relentless support. 

No one is ever turned away without support of some kind. And their services and programs are available at no cost. https://www.covenanthouse.org

Perhaps you are wondering. Why is he talking about Covenant House so much? Because, for the first time, I'm an active participant in their annual fundraiser, the Sleep Out. The Sleep Out happens on November 17 around the world. People give up their beds for one night to raise money to get more kids off the streets for good.

Please consider donating to my Sleep Out at https://www.sleepout.org/participant/andygrant

By searching for my name, you can also find me on the sleepout.org home page.

I'm talking about this because a planned guest had to cancel at the last minute. Today is October 7, and moments ago, I discovered that October 10 is World Homeless Day, so this is very synchronistic.

Sleep Out is our chance to shine a light on the youth homelessness crisis and raise critical funds that help Covenant House provide young people with around-the-clock support. The awareness and funds raised translate to things like new sheets, computers, meals, and best-in-class care for youth overcoming homelessness.

visit https://www.sleepout.org

Donate to me at

By searching for my name, you can also find me on the sleepout.org home page.

I need your help to smash through my 5K goal.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | youtube.com/realmenfeel

Real Men Feel ep273 No Lucks Given | Mental Health In The Kitchen

Today Real Men Feel ventures into the kitchen to talk with Chef Brother Luck. Brother is an award-winning chef, entrepreneur, and advocate for the pursuit of self-discovery. He is on a mission to prove to others that while our past is forever a part of who we are, it does not determine the people we become.

Brother has appeared on Chopped, Beat Bobby Flay, and Top Chef. He also owns two restaurants, Four by Brother Luck, and Lucky Dumpling, located in his home, Colorado Springs. And he has just released his memoir, No Lucks Given.

We discuss courage, vulnerability, mentorship, and the freedom of tears. TRIGGER WARNING: We also talk about suicide attempts and the death of Anthony Bordain.

Sometimes the bravest thing a man can do is ask for help.

Topics and Questions

Links

Brother Luck -- https://chefbrotherluck.com/

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel