RRP Episode 44.1: Toxic Relationships & Addiction: Finding Your Power Through Tarot with Ash
Presenters: Julie L. & Peter B.
https://mdcr1.com/listenhttps://mdcr1.com/bloghttps://www.facebook.com/AlwaysLearningAlwaysGrowing/https://msha.ke/ashphrodite13[00:01:51] Ash shares that they are excited to tell their story for the first time. The hosts, Julie and Peter, met Ash at a recovery event where Ash did tarot card readings.[00:02:24] Tarot is discussed as a communication tool to connect with higher powers or one's inner self. Ash explains that when doing a reading, it’s the person's soul or higher power speaking through the cards and that they are simply interpreting the messages.[00:06:05] Ash discusses their history with addictive tendencies, starting with a predisposition towards sugar and alcohol from a young age. Ash shares that if alcohol tasted sugary and sweet, they loved it.[00:11:32] Ash talks about their relationship with an older, abusive partner and the ways that substance abuse played into the abusive dynamic. Ash reveals that their partner encouraged excessive substance use, which led to Ash consenting to things they wouldn't have otherwise. They also share an instance of being coerced into sex in exchange for cocaine.[00:16:26] After ending up in the hospital with cyclical vomiting from heavy marijuana use, Ash continued to use, demonstrating the powerlessness associated with addiction. Despite being told their pancreas was being damaged from frequent vomiting, Ash continued to use marijuana immediately after leaving the hospital. [00:21:33] Ash shares about having a bipolar episode and ending up homeless, ultimately leading them to attend their first AA meeting. While experiencing homelessness, Ash had an encounter with a woman who was struggling with alcohol use. While the two were talking outside of a church, a man invited them to an AA meeting taking place inside.[00:26:03] Ash talks about the revolving door of recovery and relapse as they struggled to come to terms with their alcoholism and the abuse they endured. Ash shares about the toxic push and pull of their relationship with their abusive ex, stating that the relationship itself was an addiction. They reveal that even though they started attending AA meetings, their alcoholism didn't become unmanageable until two years later.[00:31:21] Ash describes their “moment of clarity” regarding their alcoholism and the powerlessness they experienced trying to moderate their drinking. While working as a door dash driver, Ash realized they were no longer able to moderate their alcohol use, even when they wanted to keep working.[00:45:53] After going no-contact with their abuser, Ash experiences a relapse triggered by a fight with their mother. This event emphasizes that relapse can happen even after extended periods of sobriety and that recovery is an ongoing process.[00:47:19] Ash discusses their latest stretch of sobriety and how thoroughly working the 12 Steps has impacted their recovery. Ash emphasizes the importance of finding a sponsor who understands your unique needs and helps you work the steps in a way that feels supportive.[00:56:42] Ash provides an alternate way to work the 4th Step, focusing on relationship patterns instead of the sex inventory for those who have experienced sexual trauma. Ash stresses that people in recovery don’t need to re-traumatize themselves while doing a 4th step and that a sponsor can help them address unhealthy relationship patterns in a way that feels safe.[01:01:05] Ash shares about returning to school, only to realize that it was negatively impacting their sobriety. They ultimately decided to drop out of school to focus on recovery and their business. Ash mentions that they were experiencing cravings as a result of stress from school. This emphasizes the importance of self-care and prioritizing recovery.[01:06:52] The importance of fellowship is discussed and Ash encourages listeners to connect with sober supports and find people to do step work with. Ash shares how connecting with other sober people at True Colors and Night Owls has helped them stay sober. [01:10:00] Ash gives the advice to “page a friend of Bill W.” when struggling in public spaces, emphasizing that anyone who hears the announcement on the intercom will come to help. This advice highlights the power of connection and support within the recovery community.[01:10:52] Ash invites listeners to connect with them on social media to learn more about their tarot business. Ash shares their business name and social media handles, inviting listeners to connect. Episode Summary: In this episode of the Real Recovery Podcast, Julie and Peter interview Ash about their journey with addiction, abuse, and recovery. Ash describes their experiences with various substances, the impact of a toxic relationship, and the challenges of navigating recovery while dealing with trauma and mental health issues. Ash emphasizes the importance of connecting with a supportive sponsor, finding a sober fellowship, and prioritizing recovery above all else. They also provide helpful advice for those struggling in public spaces, encouraging listeners to “page a friend of Bill W.” to access immediate support.
Conclusion: Ash's story is a testament to the transformative power of recovery. Their journey highlights the importance of self-awareness, honesty, and the willingness to reach out for help. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone seeking recovery, emphasizing that it's an ongoing process that requires commitment, support, and a deep connection to one's higher power.
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