Bob has a terrible time travelling during the World Cup, while Miles takes us back to a simpler time where a 10-year-old could see celebrities in Dallas on their own.

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Bob has a terrible time travelling during the World Cup, while Miles takes us back to a simpler time where a 10-year-old could see celebrities in Dallas on their own.

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How are you, young man? Which item do you identify with? The scotch tape? Ha ha! Bye. Hey, everyone. Miles with this podcast thing called Static Radio here. I love how you’re so enthusiastic. You really get people into the mood of the show. I’m just an average guy. I’m just an average man living an average life. I work from 9 to 5. Hey, hell, I’ve paid the price. I’ve never done good things. I’ve never done bad things. You know, sometimes in your life, it’s like feast or famine for stories. The night, it’s feast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rather than just run right into it, how are you doing tonight? I’m, I’m doing well. I’m all right are you Do you want to tell the story first? No, I just have a really short thing I want to talk about because I know you’re going to have a pretty long thing going on here. I’m a rambling man. Just because I had a request from one of our biggest fans. Oh, really? I wanted to honor that young man’s request. Who was requesting this? Are we privy? It is a loyal listener by the name of CB. Oh, CB. A good old CB. CB.
He’s battling psoriasis right now, so he’s like, Miles. Is he really? I’m just making that up. I don’t know. Psoriasis kind of has negative connotations. You might want to say he’s just got like pink eye or infantile. Yeah. Gingivitis. Gingivitis, yeah. I can see him having like fist disease or something weird, you know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not sure what he does, but anyway. We are brothers in arms. The disease of. but um no uh and unfortunately i’ve really through captions on tiktok and Facebook, I’ve actually told most of the story, but he wanted to hear a little bit more about, I’d posted some pictures, like they weren’t really postcards, but kind of headshots of a couple of people from an old, old, old show that was on nbc called real people, people, uh, which was kind of a feel good stories, I guess, a
lifting feel good stories that, uh, there was like, what about six people on the cast? Uh, various times. Yeah. There was Skip Stevenson. I’m going on a memory here. Yeah. Barbara. Yep. Uh, uh, who’s the Byron Allen. He was on later though. Oh, okay. Peter Billingsley was on Bill Rafferty as well. Bill Rafferty. That’s what I was trying to remember. Bill Rafferty. And, um, Everybody’s favorite porn house viewer. captain Willard, Fred Willard. Yeah. Yeah. And I think there was, I don’t think there was anybody else that i can recall. Oh, Mark Russell appeared early on in the earlier seasons. And I think they got rid of that guy. Remember he played the piano and like did political songs. Oh, that guy. Was he on there? Yeah. He was on real people for a while. He played i’m gonna tell you, I’ll tell you skip i’m gonna play a song
You know, Jimmy Carter, he likes peanuts. Wait, did you say peanuts? Yeah, it’s peanuts. Peanuts. And then I think they got rid of him, and that’s when Byron Allen came on. Oh. You know, I didn’t. Wow, man, this guy knows his real people. Let’s get rid of that stupid-ass white guy playing the piano, singing songs about, you know, Millard Fillmore. Yeah. Somebody hip in here, like Byron Allen. If you knew Susie like I knew Susie. What was the question? What was his question about it? You seem to be intrigued by it. Have you pleasured yourself to Sarah Pichelle? Not at that point. I was too young. Or was I? I was going to say, I didn’t think you were too young. I don’t know. I’ve probably been about 10 when that show came out. I know.
Uh, but anyway, they had done, I kind of looked this up a little bit, but they had kind of done like this promotional thing where they rode like a train around United States. They had different promotional stops in different cities and they had, this was, I think early on. Cause, uh, as fate would have it, I was actually at one of these stops, um, down in Dallas, Texas. Yeah. I was like, hey, hey, where’s the free stuff? My kid needs it. Interesting enough, I think I was there by myself. That’s the weird part. Yeah, I was like a young kid. This is before you knew kids could be kidnapped and murdered. Hey, kid, go run around Daly Plaza or whatever it was. Kennedy got shot in the head. See what it’s all about. There’s this weird phallic-like
building, uh, in dallas called like the reunion center or something called the book depository. No, it’s come on. It’s a, come on. You know, I’m talking about, it’s kind of a funky looking i’ve been to dallas actually. So, and i’m sure you have, I’m sure i’ve seen the area. Yeah. And, um, nap on the grassy knoll. No, I had, no, this has nothing to do with the grass. Get it Yeah. Get past that. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the book depository. The grass, you know, it has nothing, nothing. and uh so oddly and i don’t know, I don’t, I somehow happened upon this or i don’t know how i heard about it. I went out. I remember being by myself though, like in this crowd of people, which i can’t see sarah purcell i’ll show her, you know, that’s not the first time I, because my dad would win like this yearly trips for his company he worked for. And,
I remember like walking around like downtown Toronto by myself when I was a kid. I’m like, wow. I mean, I’m like, I’m even here to tell you the truth. I’m lucky. I’m just that, you know, it’s not like you’re like prime. pickens as a child you know what i’m saying i don’t know people are looking for you you’re like one of those kids in the uh far side comics that you know sticks his head in the trap and whatnot i look like uh when i was kind of look like peter billingsley like if he went on a bender as a kid five o’clock shadow peter billingsley at eight and Yeah, my hair’s all fucked up walking around. Kind of like Peter Billingsley mixed with W.C. Fields. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that’s me. Yeah. Okay. And so the train was there. And as I recall, this is a long time ago, I’m sure it was Skip Stevenson and Sarah Purcell. Wow. And they were waving to people. They weren’t really.
Fred Willard would have been the third A-lister. Bill Rafferty and John Barber, B-list at best. I don’t like to say this is like a million years ago, so I really don’t. This is like early, early 80s. You could just be making all this up is what you’re saying. Yeah, so this is called the false memory. I don’t know. It was implanted. But the odd part, if that wasn’t odd enough, is like some dude had like a stack of like these headshots and literally just put it in my hands and walked away. I’m like, Here you go, here. You look like Peter Billingsley’s drunk cousin. I’ll give this to you. Are you on a bender, Peter, or what’s going on? I don’t know. I must have cherry-picked the ones I want. I just threw the rest in the dumpster. You didn’t keep them all? No. You have no sense of history? No. At the time, you don’t really think about stuff. You’re like, oh, okay. I understand.
this just happens all the time. You know, I could just randomly walk around downtown Dallas by myself as a child and 10 years old. I don’t know how old I was. Yeah. Be honest. You’re like 25. Come on. Yeah, I wish. No, that is true though. Yes. I went to the red light district. Uh, you know, one night, we didn’t get to stay at the nice hotel. And I think we actually stayed very close to the red light district. That’s what your dad was. I, I only got two nights at the good hotel. Yeah. And I don’t know why, but cause I, the only thing I remember like out in front, there was like this huge rat and had been run over. Oh, great. And it had like dried out, like all of its juices were gone. So all it was like, just kind of a gross, you know, whatever it was, you know, like, Oh, a rapper, you know, like, Oh,
The things you remember on trips. So, yeah. So, but I know that I, I didn’t get to shake anyone’s hand or, you know, I was quite a, you know, a lot of people got to steal a stack of headshots. I didn’t steal. No, some dude, just some random dude. I have random people come into my life. You know, when I was younger, green gave the Jersey to the kid, this guy, big kid. Yeah. I mean, I wish it would have been like $100 bills or something. No, it’s like headshots of real people. Well, little did you know, those are worth $100 a piece now. I know. I know. I sent this to you privately. You’re like, where’s Sheriff Rousseau? I want to knock it off, man. Like, I don’t have it. I threw it away. I threw it away. No, they were…
How, in the end of the story, I guess, to conclude it is that, uh, my niece, my niece’s nephew, their dad passed earlier this year and they’re kind of cleaning out his house. And there was like this big thing of like postcards that, uh, my sister had. Right. And, uh, like it’s postcards upon postcards upon postcards of zoo animals and hotels, like. I said to my mom, I go, back in the day, didn’t hotels have like free postcards like they kept in the room of just like the picture of the hotel? Yeah, you could send the Holiday Inn to your friends. Oh, no. Have a great time with the Holiday Inn. No, no, no, no. Oh, no. Yes. No, I’m like, are you sure? Like they’d put like two or three. No, no, no, no. You get a pen, usually a little pad of paper and a couple of postcards. Yeah, right. I mean, it’s like a long time ago, but you know.
I don’t know. That concludes the story. Well, funnily enough, my adventure starts out in Dallas. Oh, really? Coink-a-dink. What a coink-a-dink. I went to California, Los Angeles, on a little trip recently, but we had a short layover in, well, it was supposed to be short, layover in dallas uh love field oh that’s where kennedy uh landed yeah which i have dubbed the gayest airport in the nation. Well, you felt right at home then. I did, exactly. So, we got there. So, apparently, if you’re trying to fly right now in the united States, Canada, or Mexico, you’re fucked. Okay. Because the World Cup is happening in North America, and all these people are on all these planes. Oh, shit. I didn’t think about that. Yeah, and they’re happening all over the North America. So our flight was delayed. We get to Dallas Love Field, again, the gayest airport in the nation. You did not go to Hobby? No.
This is where they took us, right? And so then we had to stay there longer than expected because our next flight was delayed. And so my wife was like, we’re sitting there, you know, we had like, we were supposed to have about 25 minutes. Yeah. And that turned into two hours. Sure. And so she’s like, I’m hungry. Go get me a pretzel over there at the pretzels. $16. Well, yeah. I don’t even want to talk about money. I’m so beat up. We’ll talk about it. Sorry. I go, okay. My wife’s got a bad foot right now. I’ll go get you. What do you want? Cinnamon sugar pretzel. Okay. Something to drink and what have you. I go, okay. She goes, you’re going to get something? I’m like, I’ll see what’s happening. I walk over into Aunt Annie’s
And I mean, it’s hopping. There’s a lot of people around, you know, because they’re all stuck like we were. All these Irish hooligans. Yeah. And so I go in and this guy, this guy, I go to the counter. I go, okay. I had gotten some drinks out of the drinks fridge. Yeah. And I said, I’ll take these drinks. And I got myself a bag of burritos. Right. And I need a cinnamon and sugar pretzel. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I go, what’s going on? No cinnamon and sugars. No cinnamon and sugar. No cinnamon and sugar. And I’m like, okay. I go, are you ever going to have… Oh, yeah, 35 minutes. We’ll have some cinnamon and sugar in 35 minutes. Now, this guy…
And he goes, he sounded like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop whenever he does the gay character. Yeah. If you remember that far back. Yes. And then he goes, except if you’d like to send the sugar nugs, those will be up in 10 minutes. Then I go, okay. He goes, but I can’t check you out until they’re ready. I’m like, fine. Can I just pay for this and I’ll come back in 10 minutes? And then he starts, he goes, I guess so. So he starts to check me out. And then this other guy brings up cinnamon and sugar nuggets. Here you go. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, they’re ready. You’re going to have to get back in line, though. No, I didn’t get checked out totally. So he did a good job of shuffling them into the mix there. Yeah. Yeah. No, you can’t plop in anywhere without spending like $25, $30. I mean, it’s ridiculous. But anyway, he sounded to me just like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop whenever he did kind of his gay voice. So then I go sit back. I tell my wife, I’m like, you almost didn’t get Son of Sugar.
And she’s like, what? So I sit down, and then behind us, because you know all the seats are weird at airports, this very flamboyant gay man is sitting behind us with the speakerphone on, having a very loud conversation with, I’m assuming, a person of interest about what they’re going to do. person of interest? That seems more criminal than No, no, I mean, this kind of relationship thing. Significant other, maybe, or something? No, I think this is a little less than significant other, but yeah okay that’s going on behind us, and we’re trying she’s trying to eat cinnamon sugar i’m trying to eat these Doritos, and then in front of us is the world cup game, which is the reason why we’re in this pondering
And so finally he takes this conversation elsewhere, which I was kind of glad it was really loud. And then this woman walks by who is incredibly pregnant. And she’s wearing a shirt that would be in your wardrobe. Oh, really? Okay. She has a t-shirt on that is in no way, shape, or form covering her pregnant belly at all. Oh, you’re seeing flesh, aren’t you? Flesh, stretch marks, scar. She had the black line from her belly button down to her. Yes. The belly button was poking out. She was right in front of me while I’m trying to eat my Doritos. Was her belly button sticking out? Yes. Oh, wow. It looked like a goddamn panic button. Did you touch it? No, I didn’t touch it. First of all, it reminded me of you because of the belly and the scar. Yeah. Because you have a scar. I do. It wasn’t a scar yet. It was obviously because of her belly. She was so pregnant. She was incredibly pregnant. That was Dallas Love Field. We had two hours of this weirdness going on. Finally get on the plane to head
California. And that flight was fairly innocuous other than the fact that it was too long and my back was killing me. But FIFA Mania was everywhere because there was a game that was played in Los Angeles. And we get to our hotel finally after we traveled basically from I think we left our house around three And then finally arrived at our hotel in Los Angeles at around 11. Which is great. It should have been basically about a four hour ish. We should have been there around seven 30 or something turned into this marathon travel thing. So we get there and the place is just going crazy. They got the world cup game going on in the bar. There’s women on roller skates. They’re just going everywhere. Oh wow. Yeah.
think they were the waitresses, honestly, but I, I don’t know. And so i was just trying to get up and get to sleep because i was really tired. And, um, and so we get onto the elevator and this australian guys is like, Oh, he’s like, hi, you here for the paper no off yeah so yeah he was, uh, We let him down tremendously, just so you know. Got yourself a nice little shiver there, don’t you? Exactly, yeah. That was another kind of weird encounter, and he just was going on and on about the football game, the soccer game, whatever you want to call it. Most of these are travel stories. I’m not going to get too much into… What we actually did, I sent you some things. We went and saw, you know, some things and whatnot. Yes. You went to Robert Rodriguez’s old apartment, I heard. That’s right. We went to Robert Rodriguez’s old apartment. And oddly enough, still on his refrigerator was the recipe for pulled pork. There you go. Okay. Yeah. You know, he’s a cooking guy, you know. Well, he’s dead, but yeah.
You mean Ramirez. Oh, Ramirez, yeah. Robert Rodriguez is the director who… Not the director. Weirdo. We did not stay at the Cecil Hotel, which is… My apologies. My apologies. Sorry. Ramirez. Ramirez. Excuse me, Ramirez. So we were in LA. We did some great things, had some fun. It is the… I’ll have to say, you know, no offense to anybody. There we go. It’s an interesting place, but it is so filthy. And there’s so many, you can hardly get anywhere. It’s like walking through molasses or something. It’s just so terrible. So the best thing for me was we rode in a way mode. You know what a way mode is? driverless car. Oh, I was wondering that. You made some comment. I’m like, he didn’t mean that, did he? Yeah. So, uh, we, we were there and, uh, there’s a bunch, there’s like, I looked it up. There’s 500 waymos in los Angeles, the city of los Angeles. Right. Not all running all the same time because they take, you know, charge and whatnot. But anyway, so you just with the it’s just like Uber, but with no driver. That’s weird.
It was great. And they autonomously drive around the city in this horrendous traffic. It is horrendous. No one stops. Yellow light is just a mere suggestion. It has to be solid red for a good minute and a half before they actually stop going through the intersection. Right. So how these cars navigate this kind of traffic is beyond me. But we took several of the Waymos and it was fantastic. It was a great experience. So if you want to sponsor the podcast, I’d be happy to talk wax poetically about how great you are forever. That was a nice looking car. I’m like, wow, he’s rented a nice car. But then I was like, that was a nice car. Like this guy does not up around man is a Jaguar. And, uh, and so, yeah, we took several of them because number one, they’re,
They’re actually a little cheaper, at least right now. I think they’re subsidizing them. But the other thing is you don’t have to tip anybody. Or listen to their stupid stories. Right. Well, yeah. Well, that’s a whole other thing. Hold on. Hold on. But the thing is they won’t let the Waymos go to the airport. Okay. So we went to the airport and we had to take an Uber, which is fine or whatever. We get this Uber driver. who looks, for lack of a better term, kind of thuggish. He’s got these big wraparound sunglasses. He was nice enough. He said, hey, and whatnot. I mean, you know, I’m not looking for… It’s not a date, for Christ’s sake. I just need a ride to the airport. So we’re driving to the… Trips to the airport in Los Angeles are like 50 bucks. Yeah. So…
He’s driving us to the airport. The whole time, he is talking to someone on the phone, which is, you know, he’s got his headphones on or whatever. Yeah. And he’s muttering. He’s like… Was it Louis Armstrong? No, it was just this dude. He’s just talking real low and muttering. He had, like, all the windows down. I don’t really, I would rather have air conditioning myself. Yeah. I mean, it’s really, it’s really nice, but it’s like, I sat behind him and then my wife sat on the other side in the back and apparently he was spitting something into a napkin the whole time. And so she was all skeeved out the whole, the whole way. Yeah. Unfortunate for him because she’s the one that controls the tipping and the rating. So you can tell where that didn’t go well for him. But it was just like, you’re an Uber driver. Did he offer you drinks and cookies? No, no. I haven’t gotten drinks and candy from Uber drivers in years now. They’ve all just given up.
Is that all just in movies now that you see that? Well, it used to be when it first started, you’d take an Uber. And yeah, they’d have drinks. They’d have like little candies. Yeah. I like the movie Stuber. I’ve watched that several times. Yeah, yeah. That was the early days. Now we’re in the days where they just mutter to their whoever. And my wife is like, when she gets out of the car, she’s like, I wouldn’t have got in that car if you weren’t with me. I’m like, why? I could see he’s trafficking women. I know it. Wow, really? How do you know that? That’s amazing. So, yeah, the Waymo experience was way better because there’s nobody in there. Yeah. There’s nobody driving. It’s just a seat. Yeah. In fact, they have a sticker. I took a picture of it because I thought it was so funny. It says, keep your hands off the steering wheel. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I was told this in the future.
And I want this for myself to drive me around so I don’t have to think about anything. Right. So, yeah. So that was our, you know, driving around town experience. We went out to breakfast one day. Very good breakfast. I don’t remember the name of the place. The Derby? No, it wasn’t the Derby. It was called Parties, I think, or Pardos or something like that. Anyway, this, so we went and had breakfast in the, Then we came back out, and we’re going to go to the next place. It’s near the Grove. It’s a popular place. Farmer’s Market and Grove. Anyway, this guy dressed fairly nicely with a nice hat. We’re getting into the car, and he’s walking by, and it looks like he’s going to get into the car next to us. He pulls on the door handle, and he just keeps walking. I’m like, that guy was just checking to see if it was unlocked.
I couldn’t believe that right in front of us. Son of a bitch. Well, he didn’t think you were a cop at least. Yeah, that’s true so we went and saw the sights and whatnot and so forth. But then of course we had to make the slog back home again, still during FIFA and so we get ready the next, we actually only got home today later this morning. We were supposed to go home yesterday. And so yesterday we, my wife notices because we had a connecting flight in Denver and she noticed that our flight was gotten delayed. And so we were going to miss the connecting flight. And so she calls up the airline and is like, you know, well, what do we do? And they’re like, oh, you have to go to the airport to get this taken care of.
I’m like, what? So we pay our 50 bucks, get to the airport and go to the desk. Yeah. And we’re standing in line, in a huge line. A lot of people have problems over this last weekend. Yeah. Keep this in mind for your future travel plans. Right. And we got behind this Chinese lady and looked like her father who had to be in his 90s. Yeah. I mean, he was he was really quite elderly. Yeah. But still getting around. And, uh, and so he was not happy about this whole situation. And he was getting mad at his daughter and they were fighting in front of us, you know, not fighting in the physical sense, but you could, they were bickering right in chinese
I mean, he shuffled when he walked. That’s how old he was, right? He couldn’t pick his feet up real good. But he’s getting around. So we wait in line and they’re arguing off and on. And we get up to the front and they only got two people working the whole help desk with all this chaos. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so he’s standing there and he’s like stomping his feet and talking to his daughter, I guess. And, you know, like, you know, pointing and he’s like, you know, like he’s got to get up there or whatever. There’s this lady at the counter who’s just lackadaisically on her phone trying to find out what she should do by basically pulling her whole neighborhood, I guess. She’s like, I got to call Sybil. Sybil, what should I do? Should I take the next flight? And then finally, this guy just shuffles up to the counter and pushes her out of the way. Oh my God.
did anything and then this daughter kind of comes up all embarrassed and then they got waited on. It was hilarious it’s like super grandpa. Anyway, everybody in line was like cheering him because this lady was really annoying. So anyway, that was kind of funny. Oh my god well just I’m glad I don’t travel. I’m going to be honest. I hear these stories. Luckily, I don’t have the capital to do these trips, but if I did. Just to sum it up, we were supposed to leave yesterday, Monday. We could not get out of town. We had to spend the night. Thankfully, we were there visiting my daughter. She lives there, so we had a place to stay. We didn’t stay there for most our stay, we stayed at a hotel, but for this like last minute emergency thing, we stayed. And, um, and so we flew back to St. Louis and we get off and and i mean i gotta take a big piss. Right. And so we go to find the bathroom here at lambert international airport in St. Louis. And there’s this custodian guy.
And he was the most aggressive mopper I’ve ever encountered. He would not let me get into the bathroom. I really had to go. No, he’s, like, slinging this mop back and forth, like, really hard. And, like, people are trying to get in to go take a piss. They just got off the plane, right? Yeah, yeah. You got to go piss. I had to look beside him with my suitcase and everything, right? Right. And get into a urinal. And then he’s, like, slapping my feet with the. trying to be. Oh, so then when i finally get, I mean, I had, it was like the longest piss i’ve taken. I can’t even remember the longest piss i’ve ever taken, but this is probably on par. Wow. So I piss and then he’s still working his way back to the door and then he won’t let me out. Oh, wow. What the fuck? He was. And the thing was, he was,
he was not paying any attention to anybody. He just was doing his job as if no one existed. Meanwhile, the bathroom is just teeming with people trying to get in and out and they all have to go really bad. So, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I mean, it’s like, he is like a water park. There was so much water on the floor for Christ’s sake. Oh my God. I’m trying not to pop my knee out of place. I’m trying to walk through this, trudge through this mop water. You got sling blade mopping around. Yeah. So the funniest thing was, so the first night we get there, my daughter picks us up at the airport in California and I’m, I’m chucking bags into the backseat of her car. Yeah. I,
Go ahead and get in the front. I’ll sit in the back. I get one leg in and she takes off. Oh, Jesus Christ. I’m yelling. I’m not in the car. Oh, God. The door’s open. My leg’s hanging out, dragging on the tarmac. Oh, my God. She’s ready to go. She’s acclimated. You know what I mean? I finally get into the car. She stops, lets me get in the car and shut the door. Then we take off. So the rest of the time I’m there, even in the Waymo, I go, I’m not in the car yet. I’m not in the car. So then we get back to St. Louis. My son picks us up at the airport. Again, I tell my wife, get in the front seat. I’ll sit in the back. I’m chucking things into the back of his car. Guess what? Shoots off. My legs hang out. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Then, of course, my wife has to tell my daughter that your brother did the same thing to your father. Your dad can’t walk now. Dragging a leg. Yeah. Luckily, you know, the weight ratio was that I was mostly in the car. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I just got left to get run over by the bus or something. Yeah. Both of my children are in such a hurry. I need that Uber, that driverless car thing. Waymo, yeah. God damn. But all in all, the horrible trip as far as flying is concerned. I would not fly until World Cup is done. And there were a lot of people who were literally flying around the country just to go see World Cup games. No kidding. Yeah. You talk about having disposable income, my friend. Yeah.
That’s something. I can tell you that right now. But I would wait till it’s all over with, honestly.

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