Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb

DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to book a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce, recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, abuse and difficult circumstances.   

Joe Whitcomb is a Licensed Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapist.

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy partnerships.

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to book a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce,  recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, trauma and difficult circumstances. I am particularly suited to helping those who have cultivated their intellects and creativity but would now like to develop a greater awareness of their emotional world. (Neuroscience of Relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, CBT, DBT and EMDR).

Joe's approach, I'm far from being the silent, blank therapist. I think my approach provides the richest and most depth and exploration of how we love, work, and play. I consider myself more of a process consultant and co-journeyman. I am also a 12 year military veteran and treat PTSD and transition.

I have developed brief 12-24 session relationship programs and intensives for couples to breakthrough the upper limit barriers that block them from experiences the love and intimacy both crave. My couples sessions range from 90-120 minutes and offer several couples weekend intensives for those wanting to go through a deep dive and Reboot Your Relationship.

Joe Whitcomb is a US Military Veteran and Rescuer,  Relationship Coach/Trainer/Speaker, an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, and developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method which focuses on trauma (PTSD and Aversive Childhood Experiences ACE's) and the impact on relationships, mind, body, emotions, health in couple relations, families, blending step-families, military, veterans, first responders, and adult survivors of childhood abuse/trauma.

What Does it Mean to be Trauma Informed?

This Thing We Do…So Other’s May Live and Love Well and Thrive - Joe Whitcomb

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb, Licensed Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapist

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to book a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

"Raging against the dying of the light!"

Volatile couples are often passionate couples. "We love each other and have a good relationship, why we do end up in the same hurtful arguments?" The passion in your relationship is energizing but can also turn into fights accompanied by extreme anger. Often this results in one person withdrawing and both left feeling hurt and misunderstood. I help couples turn volatility into versatility. Volatility is explosive energy; versatility means having choices and tools to use at the right moment while keeping healthy passion alive. My couples are people who have strong relationships but need help breaking patterns that continue having them slip into a vicious cycle and vortex.

Some couples come committed to having their relationship thrive, others come with the intention of working out a divorce that is collaborative and respectful and includes a co-parenting plan that works for the whole family. I also work with couples to create and implement a healthy post-divorce family life.

When couples disagree, most repeat the following disruptive pattern: blame, criticize, defend, express contempt, distance, and emotionally or physically withdraw. Distress is not about how many fights you have or even if you resolve the fights. Distress is about how you fight, and whether you can retain some sort of emotional connection after the fight. While traditional types of marital counseling tend to be open-ended and seek to solve immediate problems, such as continual arguing, by focusing primarily on behavior change and communication skills, my approach hones in on increasing a couple's appreciation for how each partner feels in order to build trust and a secure base they can each rely on. In this approach, couples learn to recognize the negative (vicious) cycle and pattern 'complain-defend-complain-defe nd-complain-defend' they are stuck in, where one person criticizes and the other responds defensively or withdraws. Couples learn to identify the needs and fears that keep them in that cycle. They learn to identify and express their underlying emotions. Partners learn to empathize with each other and become more supportive of each other. Partners come together through the emotional needs they are each expressing, and can begin to comfort each other's needs.

Until a couple is able to identify, acknowledge and ultimately forgive injuries, an emotional gulf persists between them. No matter how dissatisfying things have become and how unhappy or angry partners may be, they each need to feel safe in coming together to work out their problems. Each partner needs to understand the emotions dictating their actions. The emotions behind perceived problems are the key to understanding each other.

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb - Click here to schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation - https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

Reboot Your Relationship:  Joe Whitcomb Licensed Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapist Author of Reboot Your Relationship available on Amazon Here’s What To Expect When You Work With Me What I Believe • Couples are seeking connection. We want to feel that connection with each other, that aliveness, that excitement, that sense of well being. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual connection. It is what we feel when we first come together with someone and “fall in love." Conflict is the motivating force for healing and growth in relationships. The conflicts are your greatest teachers. By design they are the very irritant that forms the pearl of your growth within and between. In any conflict, there are multiple dimensions occurring simultaneously. No one dimension can explain the entire conflict, so that is where I come in to help you interpret and have a deeper meaning and understanding. I believe the conflict couples experience after the “honeymoon period” of their relationship is actually necessary. Conflict points out where we don’t get our needs met. Unmet needs create a breakdown in connection, destroying passion and intimacy. Many couples don’t navigate this “power struggle” phase successfully and eventually break up or settle for a less than satisfying relationship. “To heal the war in the the world we have to heal the war between the sexes. To heal the war between the sexes we have the heal the war within ourselves. "Raging against the dying of the light!" Volatile couples are often passionate couples. "We love each other and have a good relationship, why we do end up in the same hurtful arguments?" The passion in your relationship is energizing but can also turn into fights accompanied by extreme anger. Often this results in one person withdrawing and both left feeling hurt and misunderstood. I help couples turn volatility into versatility. Volatility is explosive energy; versatility means having choices and tools to use at the right moment while keeping healthy passion alive. My couples are people who have strong relationships but need help breaking patterns that continue having them slip into a vicious cycle and vortex. Some couples come committed to having their relationship thrive, others come with the intention of working out a divorce that is collaborative and respectful and includes a co-parenting plan that works for the whole family. I also work with couples to create and implement a healthy post-divorce family life. When couples disagree, most repeat the following disruptive pattern: blame, criticize, defend, express contempt, distance, and emotionally or physically withdraw. Distress is not about how many fights you have or even if you resolve the fights. Distress is about how you fight, and whether you can retain some sort of emotional connection after the fight. While traditional types of marital counseling tend to be open-ended and seek to solve immediate problems, such as continual arguing, by focusing primarily on behavior change and communication skills, my approach hones in on increasing a couple's appreciation for how each partner feels in order to build trust and a secure base they can each rely on. In this approach, couples learn to recognize the negative (vicious) cycle and pattern 'complain-defend-complain-defe nd-complain-defend' they are stuck in, where one person criticizes and the other responds defensively or withdraws. Couples learn to identify the needs and fears that keep them in that cycle. They learn to identify and express their underlying emotions. Partners learn to empathize with each other and become more supportive of each other. Partners come together through the emotional needs they are each expressing, and can begin to comfort each other's needs.  

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to schedule a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy partnerships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce, recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, trauma and difficult circumstances. I am particularly suited to helping those who have cultivated their intellects and creativity but would now like to develop a greater awareness of their emotional world. (Neuroscience of Relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, CBT, DBT and EMDR). Joe's approach is far from being the silent, blank therapist. His approach provides the richest and most depth and exploration of how we love, work, and play.  He works less as a teacher and therapist but more of an awakener and revealing what is already inside all of us that has been repressed or suppressed, process consultant and co-journeyman on all our heroes journey. I am also a 12 year military veteran and treat PTSD and transition. My bias is the relationships need 3 major elements to thrive and not just survive. 1.  Shared Context 2. Shared Language and Tools 3. A Community and Tribe Joe's core belief is that we are all born into relationship for relationship, love, connection, belonging.  We learned relationships in the context of relationship.  We have all experienced aversive childhood experiences and trauma where we have  been hurt, wounded and betrayed in relationship by mental, psychological, emotional and sexual abuse, addictions, abandonment, violations of human connection and loss of sense of safety, security and protection.  So, relationship is the crucible to heal our past trauma we re-enact and sometimes feel we can never get beyond the X-Factor.  Relationship is the context we have been wounded in so it is only in the context of relationship that we can be healed, therefore, it is vehicle on the path and practice of love to resolve and repair. Joe has developed brief 12-24 session relationship programs and intensives for couples to breakthrough the upper limit barriers that block them from experiences the love and intimacy both crave. Joe Whitcomb is a US Military Veteran and Rescuer,  Relationship Coach/Trainer/Speaker, an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, and developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method which focuses on trauma (PTSD and Aversive Childhood Experiences ACE's) and the impact on relationships, mind, body, emotions, health in couple relations, families, blending step-families, military, veterans, first responders, and adult survivors of childhood abuse/trauma. What Does it Mean to be Trauma Informed? Noticing and embracing that trauma is the expectation, not the exception – all beings experience trauma, just different levels - it doesn't matter if you were or are drowning at 1 feet, 7 feet or 21 feet, you were drowning. Awareness of how trauma effects the brain, body, spirit, sense of safety and security in the world Asking “What happened to you?” versus “What’s wrong with you?” Minimize re-victimization and facilitate recovery for all clients in the most culturally sensitive  way we can, taking into account culture, race, gender, sexuality, spirituality, and other factors Behaviors are understood not merely as complaints but as attempts to cope and survive This Thing We Do…So Other’s May Live and Love Well and Thrive!

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to schedule a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships with history of aversive childhood experiences, trauma and PTSD.   Joe Whitcomb is a Licensed Relationship Psychotherapist, developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method, Author of Reboot Your Relationship, US Military Veteran/First Responder and a People's Champion. 

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy partnerships.

Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce, recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, trauma and difficult circumstances. I am particularly suited to helping those who have cultivated their intellects and creativity but would now like to develop a greater awareness of their emotional world. (Neuroscience of Relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, CBT, DBT and EMDR).

Joe's approach is far from being the silent, blank therapist. His approach provides the richest and most depth and exploration of how we love, work, and play.  He works less as a teacher and therapist but more of an awakener and revealing what is already inside all of us that has been repressed or suppressed, process consultant and co-journeyman on all our heroes journey. I am also a 12 year military veteran and treat PTSD and transition. My bias is the relationships need 3 major elements to thrive and not just survive.

1.  Shared Context

2. Shared Language and Tools

3. A Community and Tribe.

Joe's core belief is that we are all born into relationship for relationship, love, connection, belonging.  We learned relationships in the context of relationship.  We have all experienced aversive childhood experiences and trauma where we have  been hurt, wounded and betrayed in relationship by mental, psychological, emotional and sexual abuse, addictions, abandonment, violations of human connection and loss of sense of safety, security and protection.  So, relationship is the crucible to heal our past trauma we re-enact and sometimes feel we can never get beyond the X-Factor.  Relationship is the context we have been wounded in so it is only in the context of relationship that we can be healed, therefore, it is vehicle on the path and practice of love to resolve and repair.

Joe has developed brief 12-24 session relationship programs and intensives for couples to breakthrough the upper limit barriers that block them from experiences the love and intimacy both crave. My couples sessions range from 90-120 minutes and offer several couples weekend intensives for those wanting to go through a deep dive and Reboot Your Relationship.

Joe Whitcomb is a US Military Veteran and Rescuer,  Relationship Coach/Trainer/Speaker, an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, and developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method which focuses on trauma (PTSD and Aversive Childhood Experiences ACE's) and the impact on relationships, mind, body, emotions, health in couple relations, families, blending step-families, military, veterans, first responders, and adult survivors of childhood abuse/trauma.

What Does it Mean to be Trauma Informed?

This Thing We Do…So Other’s May Live and Love Well and Thrive

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy partnerships.

Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce, recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, trauma and difficult circumstances. I am particularly suited to helping those who have cultivated their intellects and creativity but would now like to develop a greater awareness of their emotional world. (Neuroscience of Relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, CBT, DBT and EMDR).

Joe's approach, I'm far from being the silent, blank therapist. I think my approach provides the richest and most depth and exploration of how we love, work, and play. I consider myself more of a process consultant and co-journeyman. I am also a 12 year military veteran and treat PTSD and transition.

I have developed brief 12-24 session relationship programs and intensives for couples to breakthrough the upper limit barriers that block them from experiences the love and intimacy both crave. My couples sessions range from 90-120 minutes and offer several couples weekend intensives for those wanting to go through a deep dive and Reboot Your Relationship.

Joe Whitcomb is a US Military Veteran and Rescuer,  Relationship Coach/Trainer/Speaker, an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, and developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method which focuses on trauma (PTSD and Aversive Childhood Experiences ACE's) and the impact on relationships, mind, body, emotions, health in couple relations, families, blending step-families, military, veterans, first responders, and adult survivors of childhood abuse/trauma.

What Does it Mean to be Trauma Informed?

This Thing We Do…So Other’s May Live and Love Well and Thrive

Reboot Your Relationship with Joe Whitcomb 310-560-0726 or click here to schedule a FREE 30 Minute Consultation: https://calendly.com/rebootyourrelationship

This podcast is best for couples, relationships, PTSD and those who "rage against the dying of the light." My area of expertise consists in helping with difficulties in relationships & social relationships. Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy partnerships.

Such difficulties include finding and sustaining healthy intimacy, healing from a painful break-up or divorce, recovering from major loss, and growing up in aversive childhood experiences, trauma and difficult circumstances. I am particularly suited to helping those who have cultivated their intellects and creativity but would now like to develop a greater awareness of their emotional world. (Neuroscience of Relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, CBT, DBT and EMDR).

Joe's approach, I'm far from being the silent, blank therapist. I think my approach provides the richest and most depth and exploration of how we love, work, and play. I consider myself more of a process consultant and co-journeyman. I am also a 12 year military veteran and treat PTSD and transition.

I have developed brief 12-24 session relationship programs and intensives for couples to breakthrough the upper limit barriers that block them from experiences the love and intimacy both crave. My couples sessions range from 90-120 minutes and offer several couples weekend intensives for those wanting to go through a deep dive and Reboot Your Relationship.

Joe Whitcomb is a US Military Veteran and Rescuer,  Relationship Coach/Trainer/Speaker, an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, and developer of the Trauma-Informed Relationship Psychotherapy Method which focuses on trauma (PTSD and Aversive Childhood Experiences ACE's) and the impact on relationships, mind, body, emotions, health in couple relations, families, blending step-families, military, veterans, first responders, and adult survivors of childhood abuse/trauma.

What Does it Mean to be Trauma Informed?

This Thing We Do…So Other’s May Live and Love Well and Thrive