"How has Kel not been fired? Think about the food waste involved in swimming in a milkshake machine."

Rachael and Jordan finally get around to watching a Nickolodeon movie with Good Burger starring Kenan and Kel! Is Kel responsible for his actions? Is it better to burn out quickly or stay past your prime in the modeling profession? Did Sinbad spend time in the brig? These are all questions that Jordan frustrates Rachael with while they eat Honey Almond Mini-Cakes.

"You have to ride all the baby rides when you're poor, and watch everyone else have fun."

Rachael and Jordan delve into capitalism and its effect on masculinity while watching another bizarre pedo-fantasy: Blank Check. Rachael makes a chocolate tart, which sparks a debate about the different species of desserts, and the movie brings up discussions of childhood dreams. Jordan dreams of money, Rachael dreams of having always been a centaur, and everyone dreams of a world without Pauly Shore.

Chocolate Tart Recipe:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NuvGfZAlnUWUyexJEAJBcDcbrcqDaf017f10bOv3Ue8/edit?usp=sharing

"Did you hear about that dick-sucking machine down at the wharf? You give it a quarter and it grants wishes!"

Is Tom Hanks a manic pixie dream boy? Rachael and Jordan watch Big, a 1988 "comedy" that makes them discuss topics they'd rather not discuss after watching a family movie. Topics include whether or not this movie portrays pedophilia, whether or not Tom Hanks performs cunnilingus, and if he can be trusted. Bonus conversation about how you can't take Chris Kattan to a nice restaurant, or anywhere for that matter.

Recipe for Cinnamon Cookies with Maple Pecan Frosting:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BVxefxxd8ayDgkQHRTaQ2R_rdGNM0WLFbZYgdJvNbVc/edit?usp=sharing

"As you lay your head down to slumber, remember that Bob Hoskins has been watching you from the other side of the silver screen for decades."

Who Framed Roger Rabbit turns out to be a pleasant surprise in more ways than one while still being problematic. Rachael and Jordan get onto a tangent about how much they hated Annihilation starring Natalie Portman, but eventually get back on track and discuss policing in America. Indulge yourself with Cookie Cheesecake Bars while you bask in a societal problem that hasn't changed in over 30 years!

Recipe for Cookie Cheesecake Bars:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Mkw-wWg5o0m9_JaVGfWFXmpDhutsLJqW5B0n2cZr0sY/edit?usp=sharing

"Some people don't want Idris Elba to play James Bond because they don't want James Bond to be black, but I don't see why they don't care about James Bond being such a dick to women."

Oh boy. There's a lot to say about a character who is just straight up a "sexist, misogynist dinosaur", as Judi Dench so sternly puts it. Rachael and Jordan talk about the problems of James Bond, including the poor role model he is for young men and their emotional expression. Also, cinnamon rolls!

Recipe for Cinnamon Rolls:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12MwFBgdOljsGRVRFLg7PU7PnH06pVApQ5E0xJ0JoNQ0/edit?usp=sharing

"Other movies have something to say about life and the human condition. This movie says, 'buys something you fucking fool.'"

BONUS EPISODE TIME!!! We rented Ready Player One just as a normal weeknight thing to do and hated it so much that we decided to share it with you. We can't believe that this movie actually exists and that there were people that actually enjoyed it, and now it's difficult to go on living knowing that we've given money to this trash heap of "remember whens". At the very least, we enjoyed the Italian desserts from Angelo Brocato's and Rachael's Homemade Kombucha, but no beverage can wash away the shame of having wasted two hours and twenty minutes watching a neckbeard jerk off onto the audience.

"Everyone's a LITTLE BIT racist."

For the unlucky 13th episode, enjoy as two white people talk about what is an isn't racist or otherwise problematic in Mel Brooks' 1974 classic, Blazing Saddles. Jordan names his penis, and Rachael makes blueberry shortcake. It's a podcast for the ages!

Recipe for Sugarfree Blueberry Shortcake:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Op1dGv5n9wID7MblPrB78Y-wBEkbE2e4sqLecWZs644/edit?usp=sharing

"'That was a great game', the cutest Lost Boy says as he and his friends wave goodbye to Peter. Meanwhile, Rufio's body is getting devoured by crows on the poop deck."

TW: In this episode, we briefly discuss in detail the allegations against Dustin Hoffman. Our discussion occurs near the beginning of our intro segment for the movie and is a relatively short description of nonconsensual sex acts alleged to have been performed by Hoffman.

In this episode, Jordan and Rachael sit through two and a half hours of mediocre Spielberg. They discuss the awkward sexual and romantic tension for Granny Wendy and tonal inconsistencies that place fart jokes next to murdered pre-teens. There's also a more serious discussion related to separating the art from the artist and allegations of sexual assault. Plus, Rachael makes some amazing homemade sugarfree Nutter Butters.

Recipe for Nutter Butters:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HwQxPYBWtzujyY_V8XVZ2EvI-gAo7GJhA31yEvTDpuQ/edit?usp=sharin

"The message of this movie is 'Nice guys finish last, but they don't deserve to, bitch.'"

In this episode, Jordan and Rachael discuss some of their sexual awakenings from puberty, both of which involve Cameron Diaz. They determine that The Mask was made for a very specific audience and argue over whether Darth Vader could beat Saruman in a wizard battle. Yeah, this episode got a bit off track, but the Chocolate Lava Cakes bring everything home.

Sugarfree Chocolate Lava Cakes Recipe:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16vaCnOiTFlak07nUsq2ySUlfi64FYUF_6eXVvpvqqaI/edit?usp=sharing

"Fuck, Marry, Kill: I'd fuck Dan Aykroyd, marry Harold Ramis, and kill Bill Murray."

We made it to our 10th episode! In this episode, Jordan and Rachael watch a mediocre movie that has a real problem with women. Yes, they discuss the all-female cast reboot, and yes, they talk about whether or not it's OK to send death and rape threats to women (SPOILER ALERT: it's not). At least the sugarfree Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies are delicious!

Recipe for Sugarfree Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ChNoPGkhR_sLFOUMo3KfkB5p9MxrzK0BreuodHCRymM/edit?usp=sharing