What happens when you deeply love your partner—but you’re not sure where your attraction to them has gone?

Or maybe you’re on the other side of that question: lying next to someone you love, wondering if they still desire you the way they once did.

We tend to treat attraction like a binary: chemistry or no chemistry, my type or not my type. But what if attraction isn’t only something another person either triggers in us or doesn’t? What if part of our capacity for desire is something that can deepen, mature, and become more embodied over time?

In this episode, we explore where our “types” come from, the hidden meanings we attach to the people and bodies we desire, and how evaluating our partner can sometimes keep us safely on the surface of intimacy. We also look at what happens as bodies inevitably change—and whether attraction itself can learn to age, grow, and become more sensitive alongside the people we love.

This isn’t an argument for forcing attraction, ignoring physical desire, or staying in a relationship where something essential is missing. It’s an invitation to ask a more interesting question than “Are they my type?”

What kind of lover have I trained myself to be?

Maybe mature attraction isn’t about learning to ignore the body. Maybe it’s about learning to experience more of the person through it.

May this episode invite you to become more curious about your desire, more sensitive to what lives beneath it, and more awake to the person unfolding in front of you.

Learn more about Dave’s work at davelishansky.com
Follow Dave on Instagram @dave_lishansky

Maybe you've read the books and you've sat in the circles. Maybe you've done the ceremony, maybe more than one. And somewhere underneath all of it there's still a version of you running the show... the one who needs to be seen, who's still looking for a father figure in every teacher he finds, who's still trying to earn something. More tools didn't touch him.

Jose Alejandro guides men through wilderness rites of passage, and his read on this is uncomfortable: we've become very good at self-initiating without actually crossing the thresholds that matter most. There's no line, no severance, no moment where the old version of you that's holding you back actually falls away. In this interview, we talk about courage and capacity and conviction, and where compassion fits in to the work. 

Mentioned in this episode

Jose Alejandro on Instagram: @rjose_alejandro

Jose's work and rite of passage programs: https://josealejandro.co

Get in touch with me: davelishansky.com

Follow along on Instagram: @dave_lishansky

You've had the conversation. You named the pattern, you saw where it came from, and for a few days it felt like something moved. Then it happened again. Same fight, same shutdown, same apology that sounded right and changed nothing.

Somewhere along the way we started treating insight as the finish line. Know your attachment style, name the wound, understand why conflict felt dangerous in the house you grew up in... and something is supposed to shift. But knowing why you go quiet has never once stopped you from going quiet. This one's about what has to happen after the awareness — how to tell the difference between a pattern that's worth staying inside of and one that's slowly costing you yourself, and the one thing love can't run on forever.

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @dave_lishansky

This is a re-air of a conversation I had with Tara on her podcast, Unblock Your BS. Thank you to Tara and her team for the permission to share it here in my feed.

I think this episode gives a lot more detail into my thoughts on a number of different topics — and into my own story as well.

Follow Tara at Unblock Your BS:

-Apple Podcasts

-Spotify

-Instagram

Connect with me:

- Instagram (@dave_lishansky)

-davelishansky.com

There's something just about everyone does in a relationship that feels totally innocent and fair, but which causes more harm to your connection than almost anything else. In this episode, we start with a couple stuck in a familiar pattern: he feels like he's carrying everything, and when she asks for one more small thing, he explodes. He's emotionally exhausted and doesn't know it. From there, we get to the one responsibility that determines whether you feel seen, heard, and loved in your relationship — what it asks of men and women both, and why everything changes when you decide to take it on.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Take the Reconnection Code assessment to find your disconnection pattern: https://your-reconnection-code.lovable.app
• Interested in coaching or joining a men's group? Email [email protected]
• Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dave_lishansky/

None of us come into relationships knowing how to love well, and the gap between not knowing and knowing feels existential when it's love on the line — which is exactly why tiny arguments blow up.

Drawing on Dr. Becky Kennedy's framing of resilience as tolerance for that gap, we get into why the best relationships aren't the ones without conflict — they're the ones where both people learn to sit in the hard stuff long enough to move forward as a team. 

If you've been convinced that struggling means something's broken, this one reframes what the struggle actually means.

Mentioned in this episode:

Dr. Becky on resilience: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DS27FyFCcus/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Take the free Reconnection Code assessment: https://your-reconnection-code.lovable.app

Follow along @dave_lishansky

New slots for women's relationship coaching are open — learn more by emailing: [email protected]

In this episode, we get into how the questions we often begin with when we start to do the work can lead us to dead ends, and how and why the mind hijacks your inner work by turning it into performance.

My guest Parm Bains is a brilliant coach. In this episode, he shares his own story about losing his father, his insights into getting free of the mind's traps, and what happens when we choose from a place of peace instead of fear.

The numbness you keep hitting isn't a malfunction. It's a strategy. You built it because it worked... and it's still doing its job.

Mentioned in this episode

• Connect with Parm: https://www.parmbains.com/ | Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parmbainsflow/
• Take the free Reconnection Code assessment: https://your-reconnection-code.lovable.app
• More from Dave: davelishansky.com

Most of us were taught that great communication is the foundation of a great relationship. But that idea has a shadow side nobody talks about — and it's  making your fights longer, harder, and more damaging than they need to be.

In this episode, we name the hidden expectation that turns a solvable moment of frustration into a full-blown conflict: your need for justice. The belief that before you listen, before you soften, before you show up — she needs to earn it. That expectation is an escape hatch. And every time you take it, you miss the moment that could have changed everything.

Mentioned in this episode:

Find out how you show up in conflict — take the free Reconnection Code assessment: your-reconnection-code.lovable.app

Learn more about Dave's work: davelishansky.com

Connect on Instagram: @dave_lishansky

We've all heard the old story about the honeymoon phase — the spark fades, the attraction cools, and what's left is companionship if you're lucky. This episode flips that. What if the end of the honeymoon phase isn't a slide into boredom, but an invitation into the relationship you've actually been looking for all along?

We get into what keeps two people attracted and alive together long after the newness wears off — and why so much of it comes down to letting the struggle in your relationship change you, instead of quietly building the case against her in your head. We also sit with the harder side of this: what happens when you're the one being resented, and how much agency you still have in that moment. It comes back to being seen in your wholeness — fallible, human, still growing — and why that, not freshness, is the stuff of long-lasting love.

If conflict keeps spiraling out of nowhere, the free assessment below will help you find the pattern underneath it. Don't go it alone.

Mentioned in this episode

• Reconnection Code assessment (free, 3 minutes): https://your-reconnection-code.lovable.app
• Pain-Free Conflict workshop: https://painfreeconflict.lovable.app
• Instagram: @dave_lishansky

Most of us were never taught that being nice could be the problem. In this episode, we get underneath one of the most common — and most invisible — patterns men carry into their closest relationships: the nice guy default. Not cruelty, not neglect, but something harder to see. A performance of goodness that functions as armor, keeping real presence, real emotion, and real accountability safely out of reach.

Links:

Find your disconnection pattern — take the free Reconnection Code assessment: https://your-reconnection-code.lovable.app

Ready to go deeper? Join the Pain-Free Conflict workshop: https://painfreeconflict.lovable.app

Connect with Dave on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dave_lishansky/