Reclaiming the Gentle Man

DISCLAIMER: There is so much more to say about this topic! But for now, I wanted to offer a perspective that I think is maybe misunderstood, underrepresented or too easily dismissed about sex... That maybe we should wait a little more. Let our bodies acclimate a little more before rushing into physical intimacy.

None of this is about shaming sex or masturbation. It’s an invitation to bring more consciousness—and less shame—to our desire, our bodies, and the ways we connect.

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What if the secret to being loved the way you want begins with how you love yourself?

When hurt turns into resentment, we can lose sight of the connection we're longing for. Learning to meet our own emotions with compassion can change how we show up for our partners—and how they show up for us.

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What happens when your partner becomes your best friend… and eventually, your only friend?

In this episode, we talk about why friendships outside our romantic relationships matter so much—not only for our own growth, but for the health of the relationship itself.

Because your partner cannot be your entire village. And building a bigger life around your relationship doesn’t take away from your love—it gives you more to bring back to it.

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Today on the podcast, I’m sharing a conversation with one of my teachers and mentors, Ryan Ginn—a man who has held deep space for me in men’s circles and helped me learn some of the most powerful tools I now use in my own coaching.

Ryan is a therapist, coach, and men’s work facilitator. I’ve watched him bring men into some of the most important work of their lives—and help them come back to the surface stronger, clearer, and more deeply connected to themselves. He’s certainly done that for me.

If you’re in the middle of meeting some old or newly surfaced wounds in yourself, I think Ryan’s perspective will give you something useful to work with.

Connect with Ryan

https://ryanginn.com/

Being Men / Tough Love for Men (https://www.beingmen.net/)

Tough Love for Men Podcast (https://www.beingmen.net/podcast) — hosted by Ryan Ginn and Luke Adler

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davelishansky.com

@dave_lishansky

If you’re in gridlock, it probably feels like you’ve tried everything. You’ve explained yourself. You’ve argued your point. Maybe you’ve even gone to therapy. And still, somehow, you end up right back in the same place.

This episode explores a way out you probably haven’t tried, because sometimes the thing keeping us stuck isn’t just the disagreement itself.

It’s the story we’ve built around it.

A new way to support Reclaiming the Gentle Man

I’m going to start writing more on Substack — expanding on many of the ideas I explore here on the podcast and sharing deeper reflections on love, relationships, masculinity, and becoming.

I produce Reclaiming the Gentle Man myself, and making this show is a significant investment of time, energy, and care.

If the podcast has been meaningful to you and you’d like to support the work, one of the best ways you can do that is by subscribing to my Substack — especially as a paid subscriber.

It helps me continue making the show and gives me another space to go deeper into these conversations.

Subscribe on Substack: https://substack.com/@davelishansky

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When your partner’s anger, sadness, anxiety, or frustration fills the room, it can be easy to decide that their emotions are the problem.

In this episode, we explore how our relationships expose the emotions we have the hardest time being with, why discomfort and toxicity aren’t necessarily the same thing, and how developing a healthier relationship with emotional intensity can create more freedom, presence, and intimacy.

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Instagram: @Dave_lishansky
Website: davelishansky.com

On my way to officiate the wedding of two dear friends and coaching clients, I found myself reflecting on what officiating weddings, coaching couples, and being in a committed relationship myself have taught me about sustaining love.

For more practical resources for having the hard conversations better and sustaining a passionate committed relationship, follow me on Instagram @dave_lishansky or visit davelishansky.com.

What happens when you deeply love your partner—but you’re not sure where your attraction to them has gone?

Or maybe you’re on the other side of that question: lying next to someone you love, wondering if they still desire you the way they once did.

We tend to treat attraction like a binary: chemistry or no chemistry, my type or not my type. But what if attraction isn’t only something another person either triggers in us or doesn’t? What if part of our capacity for desire is something that can deepen, mature, and become more embodied over time?

In this episode, we explore where our “types” come from, the hidden meanings we attach to the people and bodies we desire, and how evaluating our partner can sometimes keep us safely on the surface of intimacy. We also look at what happens as bodies inevitably change—and whether attraction itself can learn to age, grow, and become more sensitive alongside the people we love.

This isn’t an argument for forcing attraction, ignoring physical desire, or staying in a relationship where something essential is missing. It’s an invitation to ask a more interesting question than “Are they my type?”

What kind of lover have I trained myself to be?

Maybe mature attraction isn’t about learning to ignore the body. Maybe it’s about learning to experience more of the person through it.

May this episode invite you to become more curious about your desire, more sensitive to what lives beneath it, and more awake to the person unfolding in front of you.

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Maybe you've read the books and you've sat in the circles. Maybe you've done the ceremony, maybe more than one. And somewhere underneath all of it there's still a version of you running the show... the one who needs to be seen, who's still looking for a father figure in every teacher he finds, who's still trying to earn something. More tools didn't touch him.

Jose Alejandro guides men through wilderness rites of passage, and his read on this is uncomfortable: we've become very good at self-initiating without actually crossing the thresholds that matter most. There's no line, no severance, no moment where the old version of you that's holding you back actually falls away. In this interview, we talk about courage and capacity and conviction, and where compassion fits in to the work. 

Mentioned in this episode

Jose Alejandro on Instagram: @rjose_alejandro

Jose's work and rite of passage programs: https://josealejandro.co

Get in touch with me: davelishansky.com

Follow along on Instagram: @dave_lishansky

You've had the conversation. You named the pattern, you saw where it came from, and for a few days it felt like something moved. Then it happened again. Same fight, same shutdown, same apology that sounded right and changed nothing.

Somewhere along the way we started treating insight as the finish line. Know your attachment style, name the wound, understand why conflict felt dangerous in the house you grew up in... and something is supposed to shift. But knowing why you go quiet has never once stopped you from going quiet. This one's about what has to happen after the awareness — how to tell the difference between a pattern that's worth staying inside of and one that's slowly costing you yourself, and the one thing love can't run on forever.

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @dave_lishansky