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In today's episode we talk about the kind of behaviours that indicate that your relationship is in trouble. Some of these red flags require more urgent action, others may require attention further down the line. All of the flags listed below should not be ignored in the long run as they are likely to erode or undermine you and/or the relationship. 

Pay close attention if your partner or the person you just met displays any of the following characteristics or behaviours:

• They are physically or verbally violent. -
• They express anger or other extreme emotional reactions (prolonged, silent treatment) in a way that makes you feel unsafe. -
• You are concerned about their excessive alcohol and/or substance abuse. -
• They exceed your physical boundaries even in small ways making you feel uncomfortable. - 
• They put you down regularly - even if done in a joking way. -
• They hold views that are abhorrent to you, e.g. racist, misogynistic, homophobic. - 
• They are excessively  jealous and can’t manage to control it - e.g. they tell you what to wear, who you can see or where you can go. -
• They love bomb you, i.e. they make grandiose, over-the- top, expressions of love too early on. This is common with narcissists and often goes together with other toxic traits including gaslighting and emotional abuse. -
• They are at a very different life stage, e.g. you want kids, they want to party. -
• They describe all their exes in a very negative light, always blaming the other and not taking on any responsibility for their own, contributing actions. -
• They are highly inconsistency or noncommittal. -
• You experience a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship. You can't really be open with each other. -
• They rely on you as the only person for emotional support for their serious mental health issues. -
• They don’t like it when you take time for yourself.  They require constant attention. -
• They ghost you frequently, early on in the relationship, disappearing and then popping up again. -
• They gaslight you, making you question your own judgements. -
• Your friends express an unusual dislike for your partner. -
• They are rude to other people who they perceive to have less power, e.g. people  in the service industry. -
• You feel unusually hesitant to introduce them to your friends. -
• Their dating profile differs significantly from the actual person in front of you. -
• They don’t listen to you. -
• They constantly require reassurance from you. -
• They are glued to social media all the time not paying much attention to you. -

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Contact us for information about individual counselling/psychotherapy, couples therapy, clinical supervision or CPD training.
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