Robert is joined by Jayson Gaddis—author, relationship expert, and coach who teaches people the one class they didn’t get in school--“How To Do Relationships.” He is the founder of The Relationship School training programs and podcast. Robert and Jayson discuss the pros and cons of relationship practices and help uncover ways that we both set ourselves up for success and failure in our relationships. Together they will take you on a journey considering some of the mechanics of what goes on in our relationships that are most important to us, whether those are professional working relationships, intimate partnerships, or at home with our kids. Are there reliable ways to work towards more health and intimacy even in the face of conflict? Jayson has a well-developed toolkit for success.

1:14 - Introducing Jayson Gaddis

4:16 - What is relationship practice?

4:40 - Listening in a way people feel understood, and can receive you

5:26 - All different levels of relationship

5:45 - High stakes relationships

7:00 - “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend the holidays with your family”

7:34 - The first step is not talking, it’s learning how to become a better listener

9:11 - “Captive audience,” “Monologers,” and active listening

12:34 - The disaster of feeling seen in workshops vs. not feeling seen at home

13:48 - “the authentic alien imposter” and setting better context

15:52 - Feedback and feedback for leaders

18:00 - Diversity, equity, and inclusion

19:07 - Feedback conversations as a habit and the “plus/delta” practice

20:11 - Positive versus Constructive feedback - coach John Wooden versus Bill Belicheck

22:58 - Hyper-vigilance to feel safe

24:09 - Some of us look for what’s wrong

24:45 - The “narcissistic partnerships”

25:29 - How do we know when to speak up about what’s not working?

27:09 - People don’t know how to get to a baseline of “good” and “safe”

28:54 - The work never stops.

29:19 - A collaborative partner with a growth-oriented mindset is important

30:55 - Getting to zero, aka a regulated nervous system

31:25 - Four ways we disconnect: posture, collapse, seek, avoid

33:06 - Zero is possible!

34:45 - Mutual power relationships

35:08 - Interactive regulation: I can help you regulate your nervous system

35:55 - How can you set your kids up for success to contribute to the dynamic?

39:02 - It all boils down to secure attachment

41:22 - Is there a core capability we can foster for success here?

42:48 - Secure attachment is created by the repair process after disconnection happens

43:07 - The Still Face Experiment with Dr. Edward Tronick

43:50 - Mom can’t attune to baby’s needs

45:40 - Box breathing: Allow your nervous system to move from sympathetic to parasympathetic

46:19 - Simple meditation— NESTR: Number, Emotion, Sensation, Thoughts, Resource

48:57 - The difference between Attachment Science and Attachment Parenting and Styles

51:09 - Kids emotions should not run the household

53:22 - Pitfall: “relationships are supposed to make us feel good”

54:13 - Pitfall: “conflict is not good”

55:50 - Importance of higher purpose

56:39 - Personal responsibility

58:21 - Gaddis’ new book: Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

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