Relationship University

In today's episode you'll get a raw and personal inside look into what it's like to be in a relationship with a therapist. I will be talking to my therapist-friend Leora, and explore her journey of what it was like to become a therapist and how that changed her relationship dynamics with her husband. We will also talk about what makes a great relationship great, how to have difficult conversations with our partners and the role of expectations in our relationship.

Leora Lerba is an Australian and a therapist working in the San Francisco Bay Area and seeing clients all over California. Her specialties include working with couples, harm reduction for folks wanting to change their relationships with substances and Adult ADHD.

Humor is a huge part of who she is, and therapy with Leora definitely involves some laughing. Outside of being a therapist, she loves nature and getting outdoors. If she wasn't a therapist she'd be a sculptor, and she loves to cook. 

If you’d like to connect with Leora, you can find her at www.leoralerba.com. Her email is [email protected]. If you’re interested in working with her, she offers a free therapy consultation.

Thanks so much for listening to Relationship University and being a part of this conversation! Feel free to follow us on Instagram @relationshippodcast for more inspiration and content!

If you’re someone who loves psychology, therapy or personality tests, you’re going to LOVE today’s show. Today we will be talking about the personality system: The Enneagram! The Enneagram is made up of 9 personality types that looks at our internal motivations as the catalyst for what drives our behavior. The Enneagram is a powerful tool for helping us to understand ourselves and others better.

Our guest is Ayla Miller, who is a professional educator and has been studying and teaching personality systems like the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs for over 20 years. Ayla loves to help people better understand their personality patterns.

If you’d like to connect with Ayla, you can find her at www.truesystems.com and follow her on Instagram @trueyousystems. If you’d like to reach her directly, feel free email Ayla directly at [email protected].

Here is a sneak peak into the 9 Personality Types:

1.The Perfectionist : Ones believe that to be worthy they must be right and good. Ones are responsible, conscientious, highly concerned with ethics, and oriented toward self-control and self-improvement; they can also be judgmental, self-critical, and resentful.They try to maintain high standards for themselves and others, and to avoid error.

2. The Helper: Twos believe that to be loved they must give fully to others. Twos are supportive, nurturing, generous, and relationship-oriented; they can also be intrusive, possessive, and prideful. At times flattering and people-pleasing, they may do things for others in order to feel needed.

3. The Achiever: Threes believe that to be lovable they must excel, accomplish, and succeed. Threes are competent, efficient, charming, and goal-oriented; they can also be impatient, image-focused, and inattentive to feelings. Perpetually comparing themselves to others, Threes can be excessively competitive. 

4. The Individualist: Fours believe that to feel complete and significant they must cultivate a unique and special identity. Fours are sensitive, authentic, self-aware, and deeply feeling; they can also be self- conscious, melancholy, and self-pitying. They often feel that something is missing and experience longing. They can be inspired and highly creative. Fours seek intense experiences and emotional depth.

5. The Observer: Fives believe that to feel comfortable in the world they must learn more and avoid intrusions from others. Fives are independent, autodidactic, analytical, and innovative; they can also be detached, withholding, and excessively private. They are drawn to complex ideas and driven to master new skills. They often veer toward eccentricity and isolation.

6. The Loyal Skeptic: Sixes believe that to be secure in the world they must create bonds with others to protect themselves from its hazards.

Sixes are reliable, trustworthy, realistic, and inquisitive; they can also be anxious, suspicious, and prone to self-doubt. They are adept at solving problems—even before they arise. They can be cautious and indecisive, or at times reactive and rebellious.

7. The Enthusiast: Sevens believe that to have a fulfilled life they must stay upbeat and keep possibilities open. Sevens are optimistic, adventurous, versatile, spontaneous, and high-spirited; they can also be scattered, impatient, and impulsive. They try to seek fulfillment from external experiences, avoid pain and boredom, and to maximize pleasure. They are accepting and non-judgmental, but can be uncommitted and self-serving.

8. The Protector: Eights believe that to avoid being taken advantage of by others they must assert their independence from the people and environment around them. Eights are strong, assertive, self-confident, and decisive; they can also be domineering, confrontational, and excessive. They see the world as a tough place and seek justice within it—for themselves and others. They often have trouble with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

9. The Peacemaker: Nines believe that to have harmony and belonging they must blend in and go along with others. Nines are amiable, easygoing, inclusive, and receptive; they can also be indecisive, conflict-avoidant, and stubborn. They are able to appreciate and empathize with competing perspectives. They are inclined to ignore and avoid conflict and can fall into patterns of inertia. 

Thanks so much for listening to Relationship University and being a part of this conversation! Feel free to follow us on Instagram @relationshippodcast for more inspiration and content!

If you’re someone who loves psychology, therapy or personality tests, you’re going to LOVE today’s show. Today we will be talking about the personality system: The Enneagram! The Enneagram is made up of 9 personality types that looks at our internal motivations as the catalyst for what drives our behavior. The Enneagram is a powerful tool for helping us to understand ourselves and others better.

Our guest is Ayla Miller, who is a professional educator and has been studying and teaching personality systems like the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs for over 20 years. Ayla loves to help people better understand their personality patterns.

If you’d like to connect with Ayla, you can find her at www.truesystems.com and follow her on Instagram @trueyousystems. If you’d like to reach her directly, feel free email Ayla directly at [email protected].

Here is a sneak peak into the 9 Personality Types:

1.The Perfectionist : Ones believe that to be worthy they must be right and good. Ones are responsible, conscientious, highly concerned with ethics, and oriented toward self-control and self-improvement; they can also be judgmental, self-critical, and resentful.They try to maintain high standards for themselves and others, and to avoid error.

2. The Helper: Twos believe that to be loved they must give fully to others. Twos are supportive, nurturing, generous, and relationship-oriented; they can also be intrusive, possessive, and prideful. At times flattering and people-pleasing, they may do things for others in order to feel needed.

3. The Achiever: Threes believe that to be lovable they must excel, accomplish, and succeed. Threes are competent, efficient, charming, and goal-oriented; they can also be impatient, image-focused, and inattentive to feelings. Perpetually comparing themselves to others, Threes can be excessively competitive. 

4. The Individualist: Fours believe that to feel complete and significant they must cultivate a unique and special identity. Fours are sensitive, authentic, self-aware, and deeply feeling; they can also be self- conscious, melancholy, and self-pitying. They often feel that something is missing and experience longing. They can be inspired and highly creative. Fours seek intense experiences and emotional depth.

5. The Observer: Fives believe that to feel comfortable in the world they must learn more and avoid intrusions from others. Fives are independent, autodidactic, analytical, and innovative; they can also be detached, withholding, and excessively private. They are drawn to complex ideas and driven to master new skills. They often veer toward eccentricity and isolation.

6. The Loyal Skeptic: Sixes believe that to be secure in the world they must create bonds with others to protect themselves from its hazards.

Sixes are reliable, trustworthy, realistic, and inquisitive; they can also be anxious, suspicious, and prone to self-doubt. They are adept at solving problems—even before they arise. They can be cautious and indecisive, or at times reactive and rebellious.

7. The Enthusiast: Sevens believe that to have a fulfilled life they must stay upbeat and keep possibilities open. Sevens are optimistic, adventurous, versatile, spontaneous, and high-spirited; they can also be scattered, impatient, and impulsive. They try to seek fulfillment from external experiences, avoid pain and boredom, and to maximize pleasure. They are accepting and non-judgmental, but can be uncommitted and self-serving.

8. The Protector: Eights believe that to avoid being taken advantage of by others they must assert their independence from the people and environment around them. Eights are strong, assertive, self-confident, and decisive; they can also be domineering, confrontational, and excessive. They see the world as a tough place and seek justice within it—for themselves and others. They often have trouble with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

9. The Peacemaker: Nines believe that to have harmony and belonging they must blend in and go along with others. Nines are amiable, easygoing, inclusive, and receptive; they can also be indecisive, conflict-avoidant, and stubborn. They are able to appreciate and empathize with competing perspectives. They are inclined to ignore and avoid conflict and can fall into patterns of inertia. 

Thanks so much for listening to Relationship University and being a part of this conversation! Feel free to follow us on Instagram @relationshippodcast for more inspiration and content!

Feel stuck in dating? Are the same dating patterns happening over and over again? Do you wish you felt better about your dating experience? This episode explores how to feel more confident and valued while you are searching for a great relationship. I will talk about how 'Hard-to-Get' (with a twist) can be a powerful tool in making dating more positive, equitable and rewarding. I'll also cover why this dating strategy creates more excitement and sparks while you navigate the world of dating.

Thanks so much for listening to Relationship University and being a part of this conversation! Feel free to follow us on Instagram @relationshippodcast for more inspiration and content!

Lastly, I don't endorse the following book or recommend it for dating skills, however, I did mention on my episode that I would include it in the show notes, so here it is: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss. INSTEAD I would recommend this dating book for everyone, not only people who identify as girls/women: Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey. I found this book to be intelligent, compassionate, creative and on-point for dating skills across the board.

In this episode we will talk about simple and specific ways that you can immediately improve your likability and connection to others. We will cover: why we don't have to fear rejection, how to use "positive body language," the power of compliments, why curiosity is one of the most likable qualities and so so so much more!

Our guest is Lindy Gullet. Lindy got her PhD in Social Psychology from New York University, where her research focused on how gender and race affect interactions among new acquaintances. She's the former CEO of a winery in Amador County, California and is currently writing a children’s fantasy book. Lindy spends her free time playing beach volleyball, reading books, going on Covid-friendly adventures, and doing yoga. She has so many valuable social skill tricks to share- enjoy the show!

Thanks so much for listening to Relationship University and being a part of this conversation! Feel free to follow us on Instagram @relationshippodcast for more inspiration and content!