Renovate

This week we wrapped up the series "How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship" with our final piece of advice for how to screw it all up: Spend Years Developing Unhealthy Sexual Habits

Step 1:
Have an unbiblical view of sex. Read Song of Solomon!

Step 2:
Choose pornography over intimacy, because it breeds comparison and discontentment. Your significant other will ultimately have to compete with YEARS of images and actions engrained in your mind.

Step 3:
Associate your desirability with physicality. Everyone wants to be wanted and valued, but we tend to believe that we're only wanted and desired in relation to our sexuality.

We hope this series has been enlightening to you. Stay tuned for a bonus podcast next week!

Hope - the belief that a future scenario has the power to fix what we don't like about our current reality. When we put our hope in a person, we are expecting our relationship with that person to accomplish something they don't have the power to accomplish.

When we place our hope in a relationship, we're likely going to be ...
1. Tempted to settle.
2. Consistently disappointed or frustrated.
3. Exhausting the person we're in a relationship with, and maybe even driving them away.

So what do we do to change? Develop realistic expectations for what a relationship can provide. Here's two things to look for:
1. Someone to be "on mission" with (companionship)
2. Someone who will "chisel" you (sanctification)

No one—but God—can handle the pressure to be your everything. So let Jesus do what only He can do. The solution to our weariness, dissatisfaction, loneliness, frustration, etc. IS a relationship ... but not with a guy or a girl or any other person ... it's with the God of the universe who can see us for exactly who we are and can satisfy us for eternity.

When we remove our lives and our relationships from community for an expended period of time, we dangerously isolate ourselves and set ourselves up perfectly for ruining our relationships. This isolation plays out in 2 big ways:

1. Romantic relationships
2. Relationships with our friends

The antithesis of isolation is NOT being an extrovert. (We need extroverts AND introverts!) It is knowing and being known—which is biblical community. How do we do this and not fall into either unhealthy community or toxic isolation?

Our culture sometimes treats singleness like garbage rather than a gift. But our perspective doesn't change the actual value of the gift as God designed it.

Single people, here are 3 things to develop while you wait for your future spouse:

1. Develop skills. Guys: Here are 7 of the top skills voted on by actual women who answered our online survey this week ... - Communicate with clarity - Handle conflict well - Listen well - Confident and assertive - Manage finances well - Can cook - Knows how to make bed 😆
2. Develop character. Although relationships naturally develop our character, we should not have to wait for a relationship to develop character in us.
3. Invest all you have in the kingdom of God.

Married people, here are 3 ways you can love your single friends well:

1. Celebrate friends who make their singleness count.
2. Invite people to be a part of your life no matter what season they’re in. If you don't, you can inadvertently communicate "you don't get it" to your friends.
3. Be careful playing matchmaker. You could offend your friend by revealing how little you actually know about them; Or, you communicate that their worth is found in their relationship status.

Remember that our hope cannot be in a person—a relationship or a relationship status. Our hope is in the only One who will never ever run out on us ... Jesus Christ!

You can't forgive and forget, but you can forgive. Why are we able to say this? Perhaps it's because we've been forgiven of infinitely more than we can even fathom! We asked you to consider what's keeping you from having the relationships that you desire. Could it be that you're being a bad friend?

How to be a bad friend in 3 easy steps:

1. Function as if people exist to serve you.
2. Put bitterness ahead of forgiveness.
3. Use your words carelessly.

Challenge: Ask your best friend what your blind spots are. (Pro tip: Listen with open ears and a closed mouth.)