Resident Evil: Retribution carries on the proud tradition of these movies making no sense.

The Red Queen is back, and she's an even bigger bitch; Leon shows up with Barry Burton for reasons; and Wesker is alive — which we knew — but he's defected from Umbrella now.

Things happen, Alice wakes up naked — again — and does backflips — again! And we, the audience, are left to wonder what crime we committed to earn it the penance we're paying.

Now, sit back, sterilize that bite with a Kirkland Lager, and don't get stuck in that Moscow department store! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are commandeering Umbrella's submarine to get the hell out of this nightmare simulator.

This Week’s Segments:

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