We are all communicators. Sometimes it takes a little more attention to see it!

In this episode of Learn With Less, Ayelet discusses the importance of adult responsiveness to infant and toddler attempts at communication.

So much of our response shapes and informs our childrens’ communication with the world – the more we can reach into their world and pull out what we can, the more we shape their ability to be heard, their confidence in expressing themselves, and their desire to connect.

Below is the transcript of this episode’s “Developmental Thought,” an excerpt from the full episode.

For additional information, music, play ideas and the complete interactive family experience, please listen to the entire episode.

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All Behavior is Communication

When we talk about what we see our young children doing, we call attention to the fact that every behavior is inherently communicative in some way. If you say, “oh, I see you batting at the picture of the bear on the mat – are you interested in him? Look at his big ears!” – you read into what your child is doing, and create a sort of social narrative behind it.

As time goes on, your baby trusts that you’re paying attention, and that you’re making a good effort to read his actions and communication attempts! Even when we think we’re paying close attention, I can say with certainty and with experience that we often miss so much of what our children are learning!

Infants and Toddlers are Learners

Young children are learners: that’s what they do! We’ve talked a lot about the fact that their studying of an object, their movement in a particular way, their vocalization or gaze in a particular direction – this is what learning looks like. When we sit back, comment on what they’re doing, respond to their needs and desires, and give them physical and emotional support without bombarding them, both parties often feel more satisfied!

I want to talk for a moment about a term, “communicative intent.” As humans, we are all communicators – whether we are able to speak or not. When your young infant studies the bear on his play mat, and then looks up at you, is he not looking for a response with his gaze? It is our job to decide whether that gaze intended to tell us something specific – whether there was a specific message associated with it, and what that might be. 

My general practice, both in my work as a speech-language pathologist and as a mother of a young child, is that it is almost always safe to assume intentionality.

Honoring With a Response

Developmental research confirms that there is a relationship between the responsiveness of parents and caregivers of pre-verbal children (those with and without develop.mental delays) and acquisition of language. I

n other words, when we respond to our young children’s non-verbal communicative efforts (their gestures, their gaze, their vocalizations and even those we associate with negative behaviors such as grabbing or pulling), we honor that this is an effort to communicate, and our response to their communicated message has a positive effect on their growing ability to express themselves through language.

Decoding Their Messages

Of course, once they start to use language, the importance of our responsiveness doesn’t change!