In this episode of The Partnership Podcast, Lauren and Trey delve into the complexities of sexual desire, the nuances of arousal non-concordance, and the power of radical accountability in relationship repair. Moving beyond the clinical definitions of High Desire Partners (HDP) and Low Desire Partners (LDP), they share personal stories; from bucket-list moments in an Amtrak bathroom to the restorative power of gentle, non-genital touch.

Lauren, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, breaks down a fundamental biological difference that often causes friction in partnerships: the order of arousal and desire. While many people with penises experience spontaneous desire (the sudden "want" for sex) most people with vulvas experience responsive desire, where physiological arousal must happen before the mental desire to pursue sex kicks in. Understanding this "A before D" sequence (Arousal before Desire) is a game-changer for couples navigating mismatched sex drives.

Following their exploration of David Schnarch’s Intimacy & Desire, the duo discusses how these roles are not fixed and often flip depending on the context, whether it's travel, professional ambition, or the need for spaciousness. They tackle the "lonely feeling" of the LDP and the importance of the HDP "wooing" rather than demanding. By standing in the Four Points of Balance, Lauren and Trey demonstrate how to maintain a Solid Flexible Self while negotiating intimacy.

The conversation shifts to a vulnerable look at desire smuggling and brinksmanship. They explore how to make requests that are "true wants" rather than hidden agendas for sex. Trey shares his experience of providing "trustworthy touch"; exploring erogenous zones without the obligation of penetrative sex, and how that safety allowed Lauren’s body to "come online" naturally.

Is your relationship feeling like a "checklist item"? Whether you are navigating mismatched desire or looking to deepen your relational intelligence, Lauren offers embodied coaching to help you restore pleasure and respect in your partnership.

Request your free 15-minute consult at sexedforyou.com/freeconsult.

About Them

Lauren and Trey are partners living in Central Virginia, where Lauren owns and operates Sex Ed for You. She provides comprehensive sexuality education and embodied coaching to individuals, partners, and parents.

Through a biopsychosocial approach, Sex Ed for You works to restore positive and respectful approaches to sexuality and sexual relationships, while increasing the possibility of pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination, and violence (World Health Organization).

Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples, and families, as well as to the social and economic development of communities and countries (World Health Organization). When individuals are blocked from sexual health, they are often stunted in their ability to develop sensual play, embodied connection, and enjoyment.

Learn More & Connect

Learn more about Sex Ed for You: ⁠https://www.sexedforyou.com⁠

Schedule a FREE CONSULT with Lauren: ⁠https://www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult⁠

Learn more about partnered communication and relational education on Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/⁠

Subscribe to the YouTube channel for conversations about sex, partnership, communication, and love: ⁠https://youtube.com/@thepartnershippodcast⁠

Important Reminders

This is not a “how to” podcast, but rather a “how they” podcast. Lauren and Trey share personal experiences, perspectives, and reflections, inviting listeners to learn from what resonates, question what doesn’t, and decide what feels aligned for their own lives.

Lauren is not a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coach.