Fresh vacuumed carpet

Almond-milk lattes

Notes from my daughter

When the wine witch,

Comes a calling,

When I’m feeling off,

I simply remember my best AF things,And then I don’t feel so lost.

PJs and warm socks

Waking up early

Bright shiny eyes

Bright winter mornings

When the Blues Bite!

When I’m Lonely

When I‘m Feel-ling Sad

I simply remember I’m finally FREE

and then I don’t Feel Sooooo Bad!

When the wine witch,

Comes a calling,

When I’m feeling off,

I simply remember my best AF things, And then I don’t feel so lost.

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us.

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying

What kind of helpful, positive things CAN we do or reach for in those low-cycle times when we’re feeling depleted and vulnerable? These are the tools in your sober toolbox. Will you meditate for a few minutes? Hit the yoga mat? Do some breathing exercises? Pick up a fascinating book you can’t put down? Play a GREAT recovery or comedic podcast while you do some dinner prepping? Take a short walk and connect with nature? Jump on a trampoline, hit a punching bag, or throw some darts? The possibilities are endless and it’s going to be different for all of us.

TODAY, I’m making plan that takes me right through the early morning, high-energy good times, into the crash of late afternoon, and on to a peaceful alcohol-free bedtime. If are joining me on a sober journey through today’s beautiful hills and lovely valleys, holler YES!

“Toolbox” is the buzz word around recovery groups. Maybe you’ve read about people building their sober toolbox? It’s a common thing to do in early sobriety or even leading up to stopping drinking, but some folks in recovery for years say they need to dust off their toolbox and bring it back out now and then. A sober toolbox is anything and everything that we use to support our sobriety plan and goals. It is the power in Will Power.

My sober toolbox is an actual physical box filled with tools. It is also a virtual toolbox filled with mental and physical tools and ideas to support my sobriety.

Let’s get specific.

First, if you don’t have a toolbox have fun building or purchasing a big box. Decorate and write on it anything that supports your sobriety. Craft stores have great boxes ready to use with all sorts of coverings on them in all kinds of sizes.

This “sober journey” is about you. Your sober toolbox should reflect you!

My box started with all kinds of books about alcohol use and abuse and recovery. I had to move my box to a bookshelf because now over 2 years later I have 40 + books.   My books now relate to areas in my life I want to grow such as forgiveness, understanding codependent relationships, healing the inner child …. I buy most of my books “used “ to fit my budget. (Actually, this allows me to buy more books !)

You can find a comprehensive library post with lots of reading ideas on our Boozemusings blog- the introduction is written by me:) just search Boozemusings and lookup - Books to Help you Stop Drinking and Fuel Your Sober Momentum

This BOOM Rethink the Drink community is a huge tool in my virtual sober toolbox. There are so many ideas on our public Boozemusings blog and inside the private blog of the BOOM community  If you’re in here with us your toolbox will overflow with ideas and resources.

Trying to live a sober life with only one tool and that tool being “willpower“ will get old and rusty really quickly!

More for your Sober Tool Box :

HALT – 4 Triggers That Slip People Up When They Stop Drinking

Simple Solutions to Beat the Binge Drinking Routine

When I would tell myself that I needed to do something about my drinking I thought that I was aware of my problem, but I was only looking at the surface. It is easy to say “I drink too much” but quite another thing to fix that problem. To drop that dialogue of denial- “maybe I’m not that bad … one more drink can’t hurt…I’ll stop tomorrow” – I had to dig deep.

Make This the Week That Your Sobriety Takes Off

The way that I finally stopped drinking was based on developing self-awareness of my habit. What it took to stop drinking for me was really taking responsibility for what I was doing by looking at it honestly and openly in a safe space where I could talk it through with a group of people who understood the behavior because they had done it too. I joined an online community where I could post anonymously and privately to other people like me. 

The community system of posting and commenting, supporting each other from day one and before, to years and years alcohol-free, encourages you to reach back and help the next person coming along, which feels great to you but also keeps the community growing and working together. Everyone is invested in themselves and invested in each other. The definition of great teamwork!

It is hard to break the status quo in a world where alcohol is the only drug that people will question you for not using. It takes teamwork!

Getting your head around stopping drinking can take some time. This is simply because we are so well used to this method of dealing with problems and it feels easy and nice to simply drink the problems away. Stress will always trigger addictive behavior. When we’re stressed we experience ‘cognitive overload’ and feel overwhelmed. That’s when it’s hardest not to revert to tried and tested means to get away from those uncomfortable feelings. On top of that comfortable routine, buying booze, the decision to do so, the handing over of the money, releases dopamine in our brains so we get an immediate reward, release, relax sensation even before pouring the first drink.

So to STOP drinking or CHANGE  this chain reaction we really do need to pull out all the stops. You do have to dig deep now and for the foreseeable and there really is no wriggle room on that one.

Get excited; what you’re embarking on is hard work for sure and you’ll be digging deep time and again – BUT STOPPING DRINKING IS LIKELY TO BE IN YOUR TOP FIVE LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS. Start to grab back you, be able to trust you again. Commit to a lifetime of learning and personal development.

Make stopping your No 1 priority for the time being:

In the community post often and comment on other people’s posts mindfully. Read recovery books, films, blogs – everything.

Understand your drinking problem:

This is personal!

Identify your triggers. What emotions and physical feelings come with them, what time of the day, week, month, year do they appear. Which situations or people make you feel like a drink? Can you set up boundaries to protect yourself?

Start judging yourself less harshly;

Talk to yourself as you would do a friend in need. Being mean doesn’t really help…

Be responsible for yourself:

You drink because of you; so stop because of you – other people are influences for the good or bad – you have a choice so make it the right one.

With support you can do this; just accept it might be bumpy and difficult at times – but no one here who stopped regrets it and no one who said no to a drink ever regretted it.

Rethink the Drink… You are Worth it!

www.boomrethinkthedrink.com

Read the entire text of this talk here 

How to Stop Drinking – Make This the Week That Your Sobriety Takes Off

When I would tell myself that I needed to do something about my drinking I thought that I was aware of my problem, but I was only looking at the surface. It is easy to say “I drink too much” but quite another thing to fix that problem. To drop that dialogue of denial- “maybe I’m not that bad … one more drink can’t hurt…I’ll stop tomorrow” – I had to dig deep.

The way that I finally stopped was based on developing self-awareness of my habit. What it took to stop drinking for me was really taking responsibility for what I was doing by looking at it honestly and openly in a safe space where I could talk it through with a group of people who understood the behavior because they had done it too. I joined an online community called Hello Sunday Morning in the beginning, where I could post anonymously and privately to other people like me. People who were not comfortable joining the traditional programs, like AA and Smart Recovery, but were ready to stop drinking, at least for a while.

The community system of posting and commenting, supporting each other from day one and before, to years and years alcohol-free, encourages you to reach back and help the next person coming along, which feels great to you but also keeps the community growing and working together. Everyone is invested in themselves and invested in each other. The definition of great teamwork!

It is hard to break the status quo in a world where alcohol is the only drug that people will question you for not using. It takes teamwork!

Getting your head around stopping drinking can take some time. This is simply because we are so well used to this method of dealing with problems and it feels easy and nice to simply drink the problems away. Stress will always trigger addictive behavior. When we’re stressed we experience ‘cognitive overload’ and feel overwhelmed. That’s when it’s hardest not to revert to tried and tested means to get away from those uncomfortable feelings. On top of that comfortable routine, buying booze, the decision to do so, the handing over of the money, releases dopamine in our brains so we get an immediate reward, release, relax sensation even before pouring the first drink.

So to STOP drinking or CHANGE  this chain reaction we really do need to pull out all the stops. You do have to dig deep now and for the foreseeable and there really is no wriggle room on that one. 

Get excited; what you’re embarking on is hard work for sure and you’ll be digging deep time and again – BUT STOPPING DRINKING IS LIKELY TO BE IN YOUR TOP FIVE LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS. Start to grab back you, be able to trust you again. Commit to a lifetime of learning and personal development.

Make stopping your No 1 priority for the time being:

In the community post often and comment on other people’s posts mindfully. Read recovery books, films, blogs – everything.

Understand your drinking problem:

This is personal!

Identify your triggers. What emotions and physical feelings come with them, what time of the day, week, month, year do they appear. Which situations or people make you feel like a drink? Can you set up boundaries to protect yourself?

Start judging yourself less harshly;

Talk to yourself as you would do a friend in need. Being mean doesn’t really help…

Be responsible for yourself:

You drink because of you; so stop because of you – other people are influences for the good or bad – you have a choice so make it the right one.

With support you can do this; just accept it might be bumpy and difficult at times – but no one here who stopped regrets it and no one who said no to a drink ever regretted it.

www.boomrethinkthedrink.com

It is hard to stop drinking from a place of high functioning, or what is now commonly called Gray Area Drinking, for different reasons than it is hard to stop from a place of end – stage – alcoholism. No matter how dark and hopeless your secret drinking may feel to you, unless you hit a recognizable rock bottom, the world around you will encourage you to stay in that place of denial. Everywhere we look our culture encourages us to drink. To celebrate, to mourn, to relieve stress, to socialize, to achieve intimacy, to relax and enjoy everything that life has to offer. And our culture also tells us that the only people who really shouldn’t drink are those like Michael Clarke from The Byrds.

So for me the trick in early sobriety was partly to get past my own denial and also to look at my culture’s denial. I had to work through my feelings about what alcoholism meant to me and what it meant to my culture. And I had to eventually understand that sobriety for me is not about how anyone else sees me or needs me to be. It is about becoming myself. With no mask and no label.

And I rejected the WORD alcoholic and the stigma that goes along with it because for me getting sober and staying that way was all about finding MY truth and my EMPOWERMENT .

In Alcoholics Anonymous meetings it is traditional for people to introduce themselves with their name, followed by the statement “...and I’m an alcoholic.” That system works well for many people when they are trying to stop drinking and stay sober, but it was never a good fit for me. I am almost five years alcohol free.  I had to stop drinking, but I never attended an AA meeting and I do not call myself an alcoholic. Many people would say that I am in denial, but nothing could be further from the truth.

With the exception of fitting the classic mold of the High Functioning Alcoholic, I’ve never been a traditional Anything! I have broken every rule–every single rule that I was told I had to live by–not out of spite or rebelliousness but simply because the stuff that was supposed to work didn’t.  I had to find stuff that worked for me.

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

www.boomrethinkthedrink.com

Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying

The Siren song is a voice that I heard in my last few months of drinking. It was kind of magical and very seductive and beautiful, but it was dark and terrifying as well. That voice came near the end of the second bottle of wine drunk alone on an empty stomach and that voice said, “you are mine” “we are a team” “we are beautiful together” “we are powerful together” “everything is us” “nothing else matters” 

And that Siren Song will still be there if I drink again… I can quite literally feel her there on the tip of my tongue, waiting, waiting for a chance to sing again…. “nothing else matters” “nothing else matters” “nothing else….

I have to turn away from that song. I turn away by NOT drinking. And my reward for turning away from that beautiful, seductive voice? EVERYTHING My reward is everything! EVERYTHING except oblivion which is where the siren lives. She lives in oblivion and will try to lure me there if I drink again. She can have it. I prefer to be awake – alive- present!

I remember feeling that my bottle of wine was like a friend.

A calm harbor at the end of the day.

A lover who understood me and would sooth me.

I remember the feeling of loss when I left my friend behind.

The mourning for my lover.

I remember it being so hard to imagine NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.

I remember that very clearly even after two and a half years happily sober and I KNOW if I drink again I’ll be back to that place in a flash.

when I stopped

One day at a time I began to lose that fear.

I began to KNOW that I could hold on.

I began to trust myself.

I began to think for myself and write what I was thinking and read it and LEARN from myself.

I stopped Buying a lifestyle that was Killing my soul.

I stopped making excuses for behavior I despised.

I worked hard to hold onto my freedom and now I revel in that Freedom every day because Sober I OWN MYSELF!

The addiction will always be there.

But as long as I work my program a bit every day; write, read, listen, respond, feel, think, grow.

As long as I continue to feed my soul with pride and dignity I will never give in to the desire to drown my spirit again.

The Siren Song is gone for me now for the most part and I have got to tell you that sailing through life without the constant worry that I’m going to crash into the rocks because I acknowledged the “beauty ” of the siren’s voice – I S   F R E E D O M.

Freedom is good – I like freedom – I used to think that I drank to feel free and now I have learned that the only way for me to be free is to NOT drink  But at first – maybe in the first year and a bit AF – that Siren song can be relentless and it is frightening to think that it will never go away. I could not have shut her down without the community support to stop drinking all around me in the early days.

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us. You can read more about us Here And join  Here 

www.boomrethinkthedrink.com the private community that inspires the Boozemusings blog www.boozemusings.com

Don’t let the shame of the stigma of addiction keep you from saying

I have to stop drinking –

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Why can’t I be like everyone else?

I am so stupid, I am worried, I need help!

I am not that bad am I? I know lots of people worse than me.

I want these thoughts to stop. I can’t sleep, it’s so hot, I am so thirsty, I have to be up in another 4 hours.

I wonder if I am still over the legal limit to drive?

I want to stop drinking, I can’t keep living like this day after day, night after night. Making promises to myself in the night breaking them all by the following evening.

Broken promise after broken promise.

I am like a broken record.

The brain fog is awful, present in body but not in mind. Functioning on autopilot.

How do I stop drinking?

I can’t fix this in a public way. I can’t go to AA. I am too quiet, I would feel publicly shamed. I cannot face a room full of people and start to self berate, that would be humiliating. I have heard what happens in those meetings. I have seen the comedy clips and those scenes in the Movies

I can’t bear to do that. I just can’t. But I need help. How did I let this happen to me? I refuse to be called an “Alcoholic” but I do need help to stop.

I am smart. I know I can do this. I just need some guidance. My father stopped his smoking habit back in the day when no help was available. If he quit a habit so can I.

I wonder what google can come up with?

Okay, there seems to be a lot of advice out there. Lots of articles to read and sound advice. I keep coming across these articles that are suggesting they can provide the support I need. A community, I am not sure about this. There is probably some kind of catch. I am always very wary. Heck, what have I got to lose. I think I will join.

Over a year ago I joined the Boom Rethink the Drink online community. Boom provides information and opinion from all walks of life and really helpful articles. But more importantly, the Boom community provides empathy and support. I was not alone. I had found a place that I could be honest without judgment. It is not a one size fits all attitude. People have tried many avenues to Sobriety.  Secrecy and shame kept my habit alive but writing it out and sharing it weakened the power my habit had over me. I began to trust others and to share some of my secrets. This has been liberating and healing and the process of writing my thoughts rather than drinking them down has set me free. If you have connection through a community, you are never alone.

Today as I celebrate my alcohol-free birthday, what better way to celebrate than by sharing the gifts that my sobriety has brought to me, with you!

Find our private online community at www.boomrethinkthedrink.com 

This process when we finally quit drinking can be excruciating, but my body was relieved right away. If I just focused on my body and the rewards were immediate. Working through my emotions was hard, and some of the early physical symptoms with sleep and headaches were tough. But even still my body was cautiously happy.

After a month my anxiety went way down and continues to. My skin and eyes look much brighter; I look younger. My gut issues have disappeared. My sleep is downright glorious. I’m always well-hydrated now and I can’t wait to see my naturopath to see where my nutrient levels are. I got to a point while drinking where even though I was eating incredibly healthy, my body wasn’t absorbing the nutrients and I had a number of deficiencies. I have a feeling I am going to be saving money on supplements very soon!

Although I do still have guilt about how long it took me to quit drinking, how I have treated myself all of these years, I am focusing on a new vision and a new future for myself. I don’t have to continue to hurt my body willingly. I don’t have to feel sad all the time and I don’t have to live with crippling anxiety constantly. Now that I am not adding to my issues, I have a shot at fixing what might need some extra help and at the least not cause myself more issues. I have a shot at living out my values for real, and being a good example to my growing kids. My future self will still have problems, but I will be open-eyed and primed to deal with them as they arise. Someday the years that I abused myself and ignored all of the distress signals will be behind me, a distant memory. And the thought of that keeps pushing me forward.

Now that I have finally listened to that Mayday distress call I am present, aware, and connected.

I’m not looking back.

Will you join me?

You can read this post in its entirety here Hearing the Distress Call – How I Finally Quit Drinking

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

Don’t let the shame of the stigma of addiction keep you from saying

More reading :

Gray Area Drinking- The Truth About How Alcohol Damages Your Brain

What exactly is the gray in gray area drinking? It’s that place between obviously bad, and not that bad, that keeps us hanging on to a slow, spiraling addiction. But now that they are saying this ‘No safe amount’: All alcohol consumption ‘harmful to the brain’ any amount of alcohol would seem to be a bad idea. I don’t think it really matters how many headlines are thrown around proclaiming that any amount of alcohol is bad for you. People will still drink, holding onto hope that they aren’t – that bad.

I was in that gray area nobody likes talking about, but I took comfort knowing I was not that bad. I didn’t have the classic hallmarks of an alcoholic. I didn’t drink in the morning.  I didn’t neglect my children.  I had dinner on the table every night. Bills paid, commitments honored.  I didn’t drink and drive. I was a good little gray area drinker.  Sure I slurred my words now and then. And maybe fell down a few times.  There was that one little, awkward concussion. With stitches. Life in the gray area wasn’t all bad. But it sure wasn’t good.

Gray area drinking leads to a gray area life, and gray is not my color.  At age 62 my hair is gray, and I can’t dye it fast enough.  It’s not a beautiful silver some women are blessed with.  It’s that god-awful gray that’s god-awful drab. Mousy. Boring. The absence of color. Gray area drinking robbed my life of color.  And that absence of color made me want to drink more.  Crazy right? The gray veil of drinking was a creepy, constant thirst for something I could not quench. And it was blocking my joy, my passion, my spirit.  Like a dirty window, gray area drinking was preventing light from coming in.  I was not fully alive.  But I wasn’t that bad.

Maybe you’ll decide you no longer want a gray, good-enough existence — living a mediocre life, slave to the false thrill of numbing your precious brain. Maybe you want to embrace a life of presence, authenticity and brilliant color?   I am staying alcohol free today.  Because I want ruby red slippers and chartreuse pants that glow in the dark.  I want to wrap myself in a big, fluffy fuchsia coat.  I want to see, feel and BE color in this dark, dreary world.  Today I’m alcohol free, because I choose color … and I choose fabulous!  Will you join me?

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break… Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

Don’t let the shame of the stigma keep you from saying

More reading :

How I Escaped the Trap of Gray Area Drinking

Are You Maybe Sober Curious? An Invitation to Imagine The Life that Sobriety Cultivates

Addiction and alcohol – Alcohol addiction. No one wants those words strung together to describe their family routine. But it did describe mine. I’ve come to recognize that yes, there is life outside of the bottle.  

Once you say to yourself, “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired”, the freedom of sobriety is right around the corner.  To think about drinking all of the time –  the “Decision Fatigue”-   it’s exhausting.  I think this may be the obsessiveness that just tires you out, and to feel better, you need it removed from your life.  I think that AA calls this emotion surrendering.

I also have a saying. “Protect Your Quit”.  I think of my “Quit” is a younger, more youthful and innocent version of “me”.

I want to be sober to honor her.

I want to be sober to be a role model for my daughters.

I want to be sober so that my grandchildren remember me as a fun, enthusiastic Grandma… and this honors the younger version of me at the same time.

I know that one sip will transform and shift to one glass… to one bottle… to one night… to one weekend…. to one month…. to this summer…. and every time I fail, I hurt the real me that wants to be free of this vicious cycle.  And it’s my choice whether to take that one sip.

Today, I will not drink.  I will Protect My Quit.

It is scary to think of a world without booze, but be bold and believe:  It DOES exist!

You can read the full post read in this recording at this link https://boozemusings.com/un-drowning-rising-up-from-a-legacy-of-alcohol-addiction/

More By This Author :

I Was Afraid to Stop Drinking

Beyond the Bottle – Loving Living Without Alcohol

How I Stopped Drinking – Calling Out the Truth of What Alcohol Was to Me

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection

If you’re “sober curious” … If you are drinking too much too often and want to stop or take a break…or if you have stopped drinking and are trying to stick to sober! Talk to Us. 

We are an independent, anonymous and private community who share resources, support and talk it through every day. It helps to have a community behind you in a world where alcohol is the only addictive drug that people will question you for NOT using

You can read more about us Here And join  Here

community support 24-7 or sign up and sign in here

There has never been a better time to go alcohol- free.

Stopping drinking is not about giving something up as much as it is about getting something back. We are talking about taking back your freedom of choice. Breaking the status quo. Putting down the booze not because you are weak and cannot handle it, but because you have found that you are STRONGER without it.

Don’t let the shame of the stigma of addiction keep you from saying