Teresa inherited her workplace; The Katherine O'Mara Arts Residency, an artist’s retreat.

All Teresa wants is a baby-- but Gunter is more interested in pursuing his vows of eco-abstinence. Will Teresa have to settle for the old schoolyard bully Malachy McCourt? He tries to win Teresa's heart--and her significant inheritance-- by weaponizing his significant abs-of-steel.

Synopsis

Season 2 opens with a funeral, narrated by self-deluded radio celebrity DAMIEN.

TERESA , the newly discovered heiress of the Kathleen O'Mara Artist's Retreat, is devastated that Nora, the former chef, is dead. The residency continues to run on one leg with new residents arriving during the funeral.

Long-time resident MARY, (aka the drippy poet), has taken-over the cooking ever since Nora died.

AGNÉS, the haute-bohème artist, now lives at Una’s decrepit B&B.

GUNTER, the stoat-obsessed geek, now lives outdoors though it is starting to flood.

New comers MERCURY, a superstar DJ is on the run from her London haunts.

WENDELL, a celebrity Irish-American Dance Champion is taking a break from his manager/agent/mother.

JONATHAN, the vacuous boyfriend of a footballer gloats-on about his tell-all memoir about being a HAB.

SEAMUS, a shady priest lurks the premises.

All vie for attention along with JOCELYN, Wendell's Momager, who is staying at Una’s B & B.

The gardens start flooding and the house is under threat, and with it Teresa's future and her dreams of maternity.

(THE FUNERAL)

Welcome back to the Kathleen O'Mara Arts Residency. Sadly, we find ourselves at a funeral.

Irish celebrity DAMIEN MCKAGAN is back, narrating live at the funeral of NORA O'LEARY, the late cook of the residency.

A.R.S.E. rep & poet, resident MARY WARD steps up to the altar to read from her new poetry collection ... much to the groans and chagrin of all the mourners. Former resident artist AGNES DE LAMBALLE is unconsolable (but looks fab in her ironing board mourning hat).

New heiress/ director TERESA BLACK, (the former maid) is sad but clearly getting used to her new status.

During the funeral, Damien has no qualms about asking for retakes being an ambitious director-auteur now. The director-auteur demands excellence from the funeral attendees.

New resident WENDELL O'SHAUGHNESSY (a young American Irish dance champion) has been recruited to perform altar-boy duties. He takes genuflecting to a new dimension.

New resident, FATHER SEAMUS (writing his prison chaplaincy memoirs) has left his writing room and cigarettes to officiate the mass.

Unbeknownst to the others, except the priest... MALACHY MCCOURT is out of prison and up to no good again.

A late comer enters. Could it be? Yes. Bling-bling resident, superstar DJ MERCURY arrives and takes on the father, the son and the holy spirit. She's recovering from bad press and hot on the trail of LiIL PETE MOSS-- the mysterious, masked, bad-boy heartthrob Tiktokker to rebrand her sinking career.

Teresa fan girls DJ Mercury. And she's not the only one. But Father Seamus is having none of this.

New resident, HAB (Husband and Boyfriend) JONATHAN, is writing a self-help book on relationships and is here for all the juicy, celebrity gossip, diet and beauty tips.

Stage-Mom and entertainment agent/manager JOCELYN finds her son Wendell on the altar... much to his despair. She tries to get him back to the dance studio to finesse his triple-axel triple slip jigs. But Father Seamus is having none of this.

LATER IN THE GRAVEYARD... Mary has agreed to replace Nora in the kitchen much to the chagrin of the mourners.

UNA (the disheveled owner of the B & B who lives with Agnes) is found napping in Nora's new grave.

Audio artist, stoat ecologist, and former resident GUNTER warns of a flood swamping the grounds. Teresa is glad to see him again.

After the burial, Damien shows his rushes from the documentary and they discover Malachy in the background of the burial site grasping his ol' shovel once again. He's back from his time in prison for murdering Teresa's parents.

Gunter hits the jackpot when he zooms in to spot TWIN STOATS.

(CURRY CHIPS)

No one is paying heed to Teresa. The residency and everything is falling apart.

Beloved Nora is still dead. Mary has taken over the kitchen, trying to fill Nora's shoes but failing.

Gunter is rejected when he turns up with his sonic-polisher. He's ready for his bi-monthly silver-polishing sessions with Teresa. She's too busy. It's not easy being a new heiress.

After Mary's increasing demands upon her, Teresa trots off to fix the heating and gather some herbs. If only Nora was still here.

Malachy is in the boiler room. He's been waiting for Teresa. He is super sorry about killing her parents et al. It was a long time ago. He thought about her in prison. Prison changes a man.

Teresa reassesses. Allows him to atone for his sins by mowing the lawn. Meanwhile...

Jocelyn is cleaning and managing Una at Una's filthy B&B but Una convinces her to stop. Hoarder-Tourism® is still an untapped sector in adventure tourism. Una's B&B oozes with authenticity ...and black mold.

At dinner, Fr. Seamus exerts his menacing power.

Jonathan, the celebrity boyfriend of a football star, rattles on with vacuous chatter about his appearance..HABS (husbands & boyfriends) and WAGS (wives & girlfriends) in football.

DJ Mercury blusters, boasts and name-drops. Seamus senses her frailty.

Wendall handles his domineering Mother/Manager and the other.

Teresa is on the brink of hysterics.

Damien continues making his documentary.

Malachy's appearance lawn mowing sparks Mary's outrage. Gunter agrees because long grass is better for stoats. Teresa retorts that Malachy is, in fact, the only useful person amongst the whole lot.

She's had enough of their nonsense. She offers Malachy his old job back and runs off to the chipper with him on his ride. The artists are left behind. Stunned.

(TUPAC)

Mercury hits an all-time low when even L'il Pete Moss ghosts her. She is alone.

Jocelyn is worried about her son who is a resident dancer. She breaks into the residency by climbing through DJ Mercury's window. Jocelyn catches Mercury red-handed hiding an illicit weed stash and hiding an illicit cat named Tupac. Jocelyn blackmails Mercury to help her check up on her son Wendell. She's worried sick. Jocelyn agrees.

Mercury attends an unwanted confessional with Fr Seamus. Malachy interrupts their solace moment. Seamus throws her out. Malachy enters.

Agnes escapes from Jocelyn who is sharing Una's B & B. Agnes and Mary learn about Teresa's desire to have a baby. But with whom? And in that old frock?

Malachy confesses his progress on purposefully flooding the residency and the waters are rising. As planned. The two are plotting to cash in on EU land grants. Get rid of the artists. Kill Teresa. And live off Teresa's inheritance. But first Seamus needs to marry Teresa to Malachy.

Malachy has a rival. Teresa would never consider Malachy, (the man who killed her father and her childhood bully) as the father of her child. Teresa has her sights set on Gunter.

Seducing Gunter will be tricky. He is only interested in stoats. She needs help from her friends to do a head-to-toe makeover. Jonathan is just the man to help.

Even with Jonathan's custom make-over, Gunter proves hard to seduce. Gunter identifies as an eco-abstainer (i.e.he has forgone sex for the sake of the climate). He goes off to attend to his stoats leaving Teresa heartbroken, and not even a little bit pregnant.

Mercury is heartbroken. Her cat Tupac has gone missing. The waters are rising.

Teresa runs into Mercury in the swamp. She convinces Teresa to be outrageous. Make Gunter jealous by stepping out with Malachy. Mercury continues her frantic search.

Teresa borrows DJ Mercury's clothes and runs off to town with Malachy. (Her yellow latex jumpsuit is not just sexy-- but also waterproof & stain-resistant. Perfect for the local chipper. )

She fails to make Gunter jealous. Desperate, Teresa settles on Malachy and drags him to the shed. She wants a baby and Malachy wants her... dead.

(The Proposal)

Malachy reports to Seamus in the confessional that Teresa wants a baby and that they had sex on the fertilizer bag in the shed. Seamus is not interested in the details.

Malachy throws Teresa a surprise proposal party. Teresa is ambushed by a crowd of people at her door including the priest. Malachy lets them in. Jonathan and Mercury tidy up Teresa.

Malachy proposes to Teresa. There is a toast. Teresa finds herself engaged. Fr Seamus can marry them soon.

Seamus secretly sends Malachy to crank up the swamp. Mary's cooking is unpopular. They call for pizza.

The bridge is flooded. The pizza guy can't get through. Mercury wonders if L’il Pete Moss is coming for her. Agnes dares say what they were all keeping to themselves that L'il Pete Moss was never coming.

Mercury fears her career is truly over. Plus she is estranged from her family. Friends. Cat. Who can she turn to? She has nothing.

The swamp enters inside the house. The waters rise quickly. Everyone scrambles for safety, except for Gunter who braves the outdoors to save his beloved stoats from drowning. Mary dashes upstairs to save her draft poems.

Jocelyn comes to the rescue of Wendell, in a boat she crafted from Una's hoarded junk. Wendell won't come without his friends. They climb aboard to safety.

(THE PRE-MARRIAGE COURSE)

At Una's, Teresa is throwing up. She thinks she is pregnant. Gunter disagrees; he has been tracking her ovulation cycle.

Gunter has saved his stoats. The stoats are safe in the attic. Teresa plays the tin whistle to round them all up as she vomits.

Una is not out skip diving this time. She is free-diving in the swamp waters.Una is able to hold her breath for long periods.

Wendell's return to Jocelyn is not going well. Wendell's adolescent outbursts shock Jocelyn. Mercury is backing him up. Jocelyn is also treating Mercury like a teenager calling for her to grow up and return to the music studio.

Malachy and Seamus get Teresa to start the pre-marriage course. They overwhelm her with documents to sign including the EU forms . When she questions them they lie and say it stands for "Ecclesiastical Union". Malachy tries to confound her with legalese. He claims to have studied law in prison. She is in despair about the house flooding under her watch. Teresa is dubious but will sign if it is in the best interest of their baby.

Mary is upset about the swamp and suspects Malachy has something to do with it. She also questions Teresa's pregnancy. Seamus says God works in mysterious ways. Mary cannot get help to stop the wedding.

Agnes is happy living in the swamp on a raft with Una.

Mercury is divinely inspired by Una's and is back to songwriting.

Wendell is occupied with standing-up to his Jocelyn. She is coming to terms with her son's imminent independence.

Mercury notices Wendell's prodigious talents in the mixing studio.

At times, Jonathan appears much more intellectual than before, making pointed comments about the EU.

Teresa and Mary fall out. Mary is a bad cook. Everyone is losing weight .

Teresa is weaker and weaker. Damien continues his documentary. He films Jonathan dressing Teresa in white wellingtons and a bride's gown. As she deteriorates, Damien films her as she admits that Gunter was her first choice.

...Wedding Bells Ring.

(THE WEDDING)

Teresa is in a dire condition as Damien rolls the cameras.

Tupac's miraculous appearance leads to a divine moment for Wendell. Mercury regains a sliver of hope.

Mary fails to rally the troops to stop the wedding. Agnes is indifferent.. as per usual. The bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife. Teresa collapses. Malachy and Seamus count their blessings. Damien rolls the cameras as Teresa rolls down the hill --towards the swamp. They chase after Teresa's comatose body.

The grieving friends mourn their dearly departed. Malachy takes over. The whole lot of them are evicted from the house and Una's B&B. Forever. His plot with Seamus is in full swing.

Enter Gunter. He is late to the dramatic wake. The demise of his best friend Teresa and the eviction notice leave him unemotional. He produces a small vial of the antidote for the stoat saliva that Malachy used to poison Teresa.

Teresa is revived, relieved but devastated to learn she is not with child. Gunter offers her a second vial of his very own sperm. An eco-abstainer can be a father, but not a lover.

Jonathan changes registers and reveals his true identity. Interpol agent. He arrests Malachy for destruction of property, fraud, attempted murder, and the murder of Nora. The marriage is invalid. "Father" Seamus is not a man of the cloth but a known criminal and imposter. The two men flee.

DJ Mercury rejoices to be reunited with Tupac who leads her to a plug. She caps the plug and saves the land from full flooding.

Wendall reveals himself as L’il Pete Moss. His mother Jocelyn is shocked but ready to represent him and DJ Mercury.

Mercury announces she has dropped a rap of the classic song "Sally Gardens" with L’il Pete Moss himself. The proceeds will pay for any restoration to keep their creative haven going. Hooray.

Cue the beat. The series finishes with a song feat. Mercury and L'il Pete aka Wendell.

Retreat is the creation of

Andrea Ipaktchi &Aoibheann McCann

(RECAP) audio: Alan Preims, Galway

Season 1 audio: Yasaman Sarhangi

Welcome to Knocknahay, a small village on a stoat-infested lake, somewhere in Ireland, that is home to the Kathleen O'Mara Residential Centre for the Arts.

Here, BRIGIT, an unsuccessful writer/Celtic Healer meets for an artistic collaboration with SHANNON, her Goop-inspired, Irish-American.

The pair rattle the other residents: MARY (a diligent Irish poet), AGNÉS (an aristocratic French sculptor ), GUNTER (a steadfast, German soundscape artist), DAMIEN (an Irish radio celebrity turned auteur) and the staff: BARNEY (the bumbling English director) NORA (the chef), TERESA (the kitchen maid) and the new kitchen temp.

As the artist-residents and staff prepare for a group exhibition to inaugurate the controversial Megacorp Exhibition Hall forced onto them by a would-be heiress, her groundskeeper grunt. But a mysterious, celebrity Russian dissident artist and an army of stoats have other plans.

Audio-fiction. Themes: the arts, family ties, Irish history, turnips, globalization, stoats, sex, dissidents, healers, the 1%, Greta Thunberg, the creeping commercialization of the arts, and homeopathic underarm deodorant.

Starring:

Fred McCluskey as: Olivoff Smirnoff,

Damien McKegan & Malachy McCourt

Helen Gregg as: Teresa Black, Agnes (aka Marie-Therese France Marie-France DeLamballe) & Skye Jetjeski

Aoibheann McCann as: Nora O’Leary, Mary Ward

Gavin Morgan as: Barney Watson, Gunter Hermelin & Brigit Smith

Andi Ipaktchi as: Shannon Mastriano & AI voice

RETREAT, an audio fiction comedy. These are some takes from our workshopping. Please subscribe. 

RETREAT is an audio comedy series set in Knocknahay, a small village on a stoat-infested lake, somewhere in Ireland, home to the Kathleen O'Mara Residential Centre for the Arts.

Six 20-minute episodes, written by female comedy duo Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi. RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, Irish-Americans, ecology, DNA, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Also turnips.

Trailer sound production by Saoirse McCann-Callanan.

Knocknahay, IRELAND- The Kathleen O'Mara Residential Centre for the Arts. 

We meet the NORA, the cook and housekeeper who was hired by the late, beloved, Hollywood film star, KATHLEEN O'MARA herself--  and her younger assistant TERESA,  in the kitchen. The agency sent a new KITCHEN TEMP, who is silent but an ace at chopping turnips. Teresa strikes the gong calling residents to the dining room for dinner. 

SHANNON, an Irish-American textile-artist has just arrived in Ireland. She saves a seat and is ecstatic to soon be meeting her cousin BRIGIT, a Druidic poet and Celtic healer-- but Brigit is running late and dinner is being held-up by her. 

DAMIEN, a famous, radio personality turned historian-- wants to find out more about MARY's A.R.S.E. (Artist's Residency Society Exchange)status. ARSE is a clannish, worldwide artist’s organisation, founded by James Joyce himself and shrouded in secrecy. 

GUNTER is an audio soundscape artist and eco-warrior. His mission to collect audio samples of the king stoat's mating rituals is not going well. 

BARNEY, the British-born residency director is worried about funding to keep the place from ruin.  

AGNES, an aristocratic French artist who refuses to be categorized-- doesn't care about much unless.. it involves her hero: OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF, a famous Russian dissident artist-- whose location is unknown. 

MALACHY, the residency groundskeeper-- receives a call from his childhood playmate, SKYE JETJETSKI, a corporate image consultant, niece to the late, film star Kathleen O'Mara and thwarted heiress. The conversation doesn't bode well for the artists.

Barney announces that MEGACORP, a scandalous, worldwide corporation, is backing much-needed renovations and will build a new exhibition hall. With much opposition to the plan from Mary, the plans are debated. Dinner is waiting for Brigit to arrive. 

Brigit finally arrives, the cousins unite and dinner is served. The night is almost over but not until she delivers her Druidic blessings.

🍀

Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens

Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi

RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.