The show still went on! My friends held it down! I heard nothing but great things! I want to talk about the importance in taking a break from the things you love to prevent yourself from numbing your pain. I know sometimes it’s best to keep that distraction, for your own sake! But I have learned that it can be just as damaging as completely ignoring your problems all together. I ran from it before... I can’t even lie. I learned that is not the way and I am still learning how to heal. Healing starts with addressing the problem for what it is. I’ve had friends help me come to that conclusion and I know I will be at my very best as soon as I let all of this suffering go. Thanks for listening.

I went to a retreat called, “The Pink Party” hosted by @gurltheretreat ! I know my purpose is to speak my pain to you to help us all heal together. I learned at the retreat that I must execute that plan and continue being BRAVE by being VULNERABLE. At first, I thought I was releasing too much, but the truth is... I’ve been silent for too long and I don’t care about how any other soul feels about it!!! “Freedom of speech” isn’t taken advantage of enough! I have the right to say what I want, post what I want and FEEL how I want, UNAPOLOGETICALLY! I decided that I’m the type of hero that will help save herself by not being afraid. I’ve always hated feeling limited to what I talk about because I have too much to say. Now, I know my specialty... I know what I have to do. Ride with me to tour the experience of what it looks like to come from being broken and confused, to learning how to be here for myself. It is an intense process... but I think it’s going to be worth it. #VoicesHavePower

As you know, life is not easy. Most of the time your friends can’t help you and other times you may feel like people don’t care enough. Well, that’s how I’ve felt. But I do care about myself enough to get the healing I deserve after so much hurt and pain in my life. I know I’m not the only one going through this, so I don’t mind sharing my process. I believe one day... my happiness will be genuine and no one’s going to steal that power from me, again. Regardless of how I feel about myself right now, I AM a triumphant woman and I am worthy of existing for myself. Thanks for listening and I’ll see you next year. Peace.

Should we wait for an apology to forgive? No... but I had to learn that. You asked why did I tell my story when it happened 4 years ago? Usually people heal when they talk about what hurt them and others learn from your personal experiences. If I don’t share something, when I am in the position to do it, then I am not doing my job. I say what I feel because I am not a plastic individual. I exercise all my rights on social media, in public, and in private—it is part of my freedom and definitely most of my peace.

He might be your friend. I don’t care. He might be your brother. I don’t care. He might be your grandson. I don’t care. He might be your cousin. I DON’T CARE! Be aware of the people you love and let them know that it is not okay to hurt anybody. Especially someone you planned to have a future with. I don’t care who is listening. I don’t care who doesn’t believe me. I don’t care if you’re mad that I am speaking out because I CARE about myself and I care about others who can learn from this. No silence!!! Cause nobody will know. No silence!!! If you’re ready to grow from all the hurt and pain this caused you. No silence!!!! Because your story matters, my story matters and how we made it out is important! Be encouraged, be courageous, be strong, be healthy and be free. Much love and peace to you.

https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/it’s-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month

Talk about a “fuck boi”... eh—that’s not very nice, Malay. That’s actually shady af. Nah. Real shyt... there was pros and cons to it. I guess you’ll have to listen to find out. This is the first time people sent in questions for me to answer. So, that means people care about what I have to say! I can’t apologize for this episode being so long... it’s worth it!!!! Peace.

Yerrrro—talk about bad blood. Like, how do things be so great one second and the next it’s like—uuuuh...? I spoke about ambivalent relationships and holding on to people that need you. But I changed my mind. Lol. It don’t always work out that way!!! You need you more than anybody else. I am slowly starting to realize that. I am a gem. I would be mad if I lost me. But what do you think? Should I have been more sensitive? Do you agree with Lorena Thomas in this article here: https://herway.net/love/im-slowly-learning-let-go-people-dont-value?sfns=mo

It’s always good for people to see things from a different perspective. Judge people all you want, as you should, but give them a chance to explain who they are. It’s not that we have to explain, but we choose to give you our reason. Do you know what a renoB is?

Can I be real with you? Can I tell you a secret? I honestly don’t care what anybody thinks about me after this. I am human... I’m a real person. Real people go through real things like depression and some people take the worst route. My routes haven’t always been straight and narrow. I fell a few times... got off track... ran out of gas while I drove down this lane... but I am the only one responsible to pump my gas. People can’t live for me. People can’t take my pain for me and vice versa. I need to be real with my own situations to let someone know that I have been where they are... my life is real and I need to understand self-worth. I can be loved, needed, used and receive all that back from myself. I can breathe. I will breathe. Nobody can stop me from being who I am. I am me. I love me. I will live for me. Peace. Link to poem https://nbsmalay.com/f/a-reason-to-exist

Where do we go from here? When do we put an end to our own pain? When is it okay to lean on somebody else? Is it possible to love and not lose? Don’t pity the single folks... we can be in a relationship if we wanted to. But I refuse to be in a relationship that isn’t worth it. I want someone to think about me all the time and call me. Text me good mornings and goodnights. I don’t want to be kicked down on social media because you don’t understand me. I don’t want to be misused or misunderstood... I want to be loved. I deserve love. I deserve peace.