What happens to your sexuality when the person you trusted most betrays you?

Betrayal doesn't just affect your emotions. It can change how you experience your body, your sexuality, intimacy, desire, trust, and even your sense of yourself as a sexual person.

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Dr. Stefanie Carnes, one of the most recognized voices in the field of sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and relational recovery.

Dr. Carnes and MaryAnn take an honest look at sex after betrayal—including why sexual intimacy can feel impossible even when a betrayed partner desperately wants connection, why rebuilding trust has to come before sexual reintegration, and how betrayal can leave partners questioning their bodies, their desirability, and their own sexuality.

They also explore the difficult territory that often goes unspoken: What happens when you don't feel safe enough to have sex, but you still feel like you should? What happens when you feel angry about the sexuality that was taken from you? And how do you begin reclaiming your sexuality without abandoning yourself in the process?

Dr. Carnes shares insights from her work with betrayed partners, including the Partner Sexuality Survey and the updated edition of Facing Heartbreak, which gives partners a framework for exploring the many ways betrayal can affect sexuality.

Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Carnes discuss:

Dr. Carnes also discusses her books Facing Heartbreak and Courageous Love, and why recovery is possible—even after profound betrayal. Facing Heartbreak is specifically designed to help partners work through the devastation of betrayal and move toward healing and hope.

If you are struggling with sex after betrayal, you are not broken. Your response may be telling you something important about safety, trust, and what your nervous system has experienced.

This conversation gives language to an aspect of betrayal trauma that is often overlooked: the betrayed partner's sexuality matters, too.

Facing Heartbreak — Dr. Stefanie Carnes (newly updated)

Sex after betrayal • betrayal trauma • sexual intimacy after infidelity • sexuality after betrayal • sex addiction • pornography betrayal • rebuilding trust • rebuilding intimacy • sexual reintegration • body image after betrayal • sexual boundaries • Partner Sexuality Survey • Facing Heartbreak • Stefanie Carnes • Patrick Carnes • betrayed partners • couples recovery

After sexual betrayal, one of the most painful questions can become: Should I stay, or should I leave?

What if there is no obvious right answer?

And when divorce enters the conversation, the decision can feel overwhelming. Children, finances, family, faith, fear, hope, anger, trauma, and the possibility of your partner changing can all pull you in different directions.

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, take a compassionate, honest look at divorce after sexual betrayal—and how to make an informed decision about whether leaving is right for you.

They explore why this decision is rarely as simple as “stay” or “go,” and why no one else can make it for you.

One of the most powerful themes in this conversation is that you don't have to make your decision based solely on someone else's opinion.

You may have people telling you to leave.

You may have people telling you to stay.

You may have a partner who promises to change.

You may have children who make the decision feel impossible.

You may have financial concerns that make leaving feel terrifying.

And you may simply not know.

Dr. Skinner emphasizes the importance of gathering information, seeking support, and paying attention to what is actually happening—not just what you hope will happen.

Because ultimately, this is your life, your relationship, and your decision.

This episode is for you if you've found yourself asking:

“Should I stay?”

“Should I leave?”

“Can I trust that my partner is really changing?”

“What if I regret leaving?”

“What if I regret staying?”

“How do I know I'm making the right decision?”

There may not be an easy answer. But there can be a more informed one.

And wherever you are in that process, you deserve support—not judgment.

Whether you stay or leave, your worth does not change.

Sexual betrayal may profoundly affect your relationship, your sense of safety, your identity, and your future—but it does not define your value as a person.

You don't have to have everything figured out today.

You can gather information. You can seek support. You can listen to yourself. And you can make the decision that is right for you.

Related Resources

Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - Online Course with Personalized Feedback and Assessments

For additional support during the process of divorce and recovery, visit HumanIntimacy.com to access the Rise Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Course, our Course on Boundaries, Communication, and resources to help repair and enhance your relationship.

If you are newly discovering sexual betrayal, be sure to explore Season 1 of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, created specifically for those early days and weeks after discovery. 

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be walking through sexual betrayal or considering divorce. No one should have to walk this path alone.

Can trust really be rebuilt after sexual betrayal?

When you've been betrayed, everyone seems to have an opinion. Some people tell you to leave immediately. Others encourage you to forgive and move on. But the question that often gets overlooked is this:

What does real recovery actually look like?

Before you decide whether to stay in your relationship, it's essential to know what you're looking for.

In Part 3 of this series, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT,  unpack the characteristics of authentic recovery—not the kind that is fueled by guilt, fear of consequences, or a desperate attempt to save a relationship, but the kind that reflects genuine transformation from the inside out.

Recovery is more than attending therapy, joining a support group, or saying the right words. It is a gradual process of becoming emotionally mature, learning to regulate emotions instead of escaping them, embracing humility over defensiveness, choosing transparency over secrecy, and developing the capacity to create emotional safety for the person you've hurt.

Whether you're asking, "Can my relationship heal?" or "How do I know if my partner is really changing?" this episode will help you move beyond hope alone and begin looking for evidence of lasting change.

One apology doesn't rebuild trust.

Neither does perfect attendance at therapy, saying all the right things, or simply avoiding old behaviors.

Lasting recovery is revealed through consistent patterns of humility, accountability, emotional growth, and a willingness to remain teachable. It's seen in how someone responds when they're uncomfortable, how they handle feedback, how they regulate difficult emotions, and whether they continue choosing honesty even when it's costly.

Healing isn't about waiting for perfection.

It's about learning to recognize genuine transformation.

Part 1: The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving

Part 2: Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal: How to Decide

Part 3: Signs of Recovery: What to Look for Before You Decide to Stay

If you've been wrestling with whether your relationship can survive sexual betrayal, this three-part series will help you move from fear to clarity—first by reclaiming yourself, then by learning how to make wise decisions, and finally by recognizing the signs that real healing is, or isn't, taking place.

Because the decision to stay shouldn't be based on promises. It should be based on patterns.

The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving

How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship after sexual betrayal? It may seem like the most important question—but what if it's not the first one you need to answer?

In Part 2 of this conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the deeper battle many betrayed partners face: the struggle to find themselves again after betrayal. While it's natural to become consumed with deciding whether to stay or leave, true healing often begins by reclaiming your identity, your voice, and your sense of worth—regardless of what happens to the relationship.

Drawing from Michelle Mays' powerful reflections in her book, "The Betrayal Bind," MaryAnn and Karen discuss how betrayal trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, caught in self-doubt, and trapped by old beliefs about your value. They explore why healing isn't about fixing your partner or earning a particular outcome, but about untangling yourself from the lies betrayal has reinforced and becoming whole again.

Whether your relationship survives or ends, the journey of recovery is ultimately about rescuing yourself.

The greatest healing after betrayal isn't always found in leaving—or staying. It's found in becoming the kind of person who no longer has to abandon themselves to keep a relationship. When you reclaim your identity, your worth, and your voice, you're finally able to make decisions from a place of truth instead of fear.

If you're struggling to decide whether to stay or leave after sexual betrayal, remember this: before you can know what's right for your relationship, you deserve the opportunity to rediscover the person who gets to make that decision.

Resources Mentioned

Connect with Us

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need hope today. Your support helps us reach more individuals navigating the pain of betrayal trauma and searching for healing.

Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal? How to Decide

One of the most painful questions after discovering sexual betrayal is:

"Do I stay, or is it time to leave?"

If you're considering ending your relationship after infidelity, pornography addiction, or another form of sexual betrayal, you're not alone—and you don't have to rush your decision.

In this episode, betrayal trauma therapists MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore how to thoughtfully navigate one of the hardest decisions you'll ever face. Rather than telling you what to do, they discuss the questions, relationship patterns, and signs to evaluate so you can make a decision that aligns with your values, safety, and long-term healing.

You'll learn why emotional clarity often comes after your nervous system begins to heal, how therapeutic separation can create space for discernment, and what healthy relationships have in common when genuine repair is possible.

Whether you're newly navigating discovery or have been wrestling with this decision for months—or even years—this conversation offers compassionate guidance without pressure or judgment.

In This Episode

Why you don't have to decide immediately after discovering betrayal

The difference between therapeutic separation and divorce

How betrayal trauma affects decision-making and emotional clarity

Why patterns of behavior matter more than promises or apologies

The importance of safety, respect, honesty, and accountability

How healthy boundaries reveal the health of a relationship

Questions to ask when evaluating whether your relationship can heal

The role of hope, genuine recovery, and consistent change

Common fears that make leaving feel impossible, including finances, children, faith, and starting over

How to make a decision you can live with—without regret

Key Takeaways

Give yourself permission to slow down before making permanent decisions whenever safety allows.

Look for consistent actions, not just sincere words.

A healthy relationship is built on respect, emotional and physical safety, honesty, friendship, and mutual effort.

Healing your nervous system often brings the clarity that trauma initially obscures.

No one can decide for you—but you can learn what to look for as you discern your next steps.

Resources Mentioned

Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft

Gottman's Four Horsemen of Relationship Breakdown

Human Intimacy recovery resources

Connect

If you're healing from sexual betrayal and looking for additional support, visit HumanIntimacy.com for courses, resources, and educational content designed to help individuals and couples navigate recovery.

Can a relationship truly heal after sexual betrayal?

After nearly 20 years of helping couples recover from betrayal trauma, renowned therapist, author, and creator of the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM), Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, CSAT-S, CCPS, joins MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT to answer one of the most difficult questions couples face: What does real healing actually require?

In this powerful conversation, Carol shares the lessons she's learned from working with thousands of individuals and couples navigating sexual addiction, infidelity, pornography addiction, and betrayal trauma. She explains why healing isn't about "getting back to normal," but about creating something stronger through safety, empathy, grief work, and intentional recovery.

You'll also learn why grief is often the missing piece in betrayal recovery, why trust takes years—not months—to rebuild, and what healthy recovery actually sounds like.

Whether you're a betrayed partner, someone in recovery seeking to rebuild trust, or a therapist working with couples, this episode offers practical guidance, realistic hope, and a clear roadmap for lasting healing.

Carol is a licensed social worker and personal life coach. She is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist –

Contact us at [email protected] with questions or podcast topics you would like us to address.

When betrayal shatters your reality, it's natural to look outward for safety. But safety can be difficult to find when you feel disconnected from yourself, questioning your instincts, doubting your reality, and struggling to regulate overwhelming emotions.

What if healing begins by learning to trust yourself again?

Healing doesn't begin by controlling your emotions—it begins by changing your relationship with them.

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW, CSAT, CPTT, welcomes mindfulness expert and therapist Dallin Bruun, AMFT, MBSR, for an inspiring conversation about using mindfulness to recover from betrayal trauma.

Together they explore why mindfulness isn't simply meditation—it's learning to meet your pain with curiosity, compassion, and presence instead of fear or avoidance. Dallin explains how betrayal activates survival responses like fight, flight, and dissociation, and how mindfulness gently teaches the nervous system that safety can begin from within.

You'll also hear practical ways to begin reconnecting with yourself through breath, body awareness, self-compassion, and simple grounding practices that anyone can begin today.

Whether you're newly navigating discovery or further along your healing journey, this episode offers hope that trusting yourself again is possible.

"You can become the source of the safety, compassion, and trust you've been searching for."

If this episode encouraged you, subscribe to Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, leave a review, and share this episode with someone navigating betrayal trauma.

For additional resources, courses, and support for betrayal trauma recovery, visit www.humanintimacy.com. 

Healing after betrayal isn't simply about stopping unwanted behaviors—it's about rebuilding safety, restoring attachment, and learning an entirely new way of relating.

In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, sits down with Dan Oakes, LPC, CSAT, and Certified Sex Offender Treatment Specialist, founder of the Arizona Family Institute, for a thoughtful conversation on what true recovery looks like after sexual betrayal. Through the lens of attachment theory, Dan explains why compulsive sexual behaviors are best understood as disruptions in the attachment system, why couples counseling should never begin too early, and how both partners can begin rebuilding trust.

Together they explore why healing isn't about "getting over it," but about creating a relationship where fear can be spoken, received, and soothed.

Dan explains that compulsive sexual behaviors are often attempts to regulate distress through artificial sources of dopamine rather than healthy human connection. Lasting recovery requires rebuilding the attachment system—not simply relying on willpower.

Healing together begins only after meaningful safety has been established. This includes honesty, accountability, stabilization of compulsive behaviors, and the betrayed partner feeling ready to begin reconnecting.

After betrayal, many partners experience fearful-avoidant attachment. They deeply desire closeness while simultaneously experiencing intense fear and nervous system activation around the very person they love.

Hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, sleep disruption, emotional flooding, and avoidance are not signs of weakness—they are adaptive responses designed to keep someone safe after profound relational injury.

One of Dan's most memorable insights is that long-term healing depends on creating conditions where the betrayed partner feels safe enough to express fear—and where the offending partner actively seeks out that fear with curiosity, compassion, and accountability rather than defensiveness.

The goal isn't reaching a point where betrayal is never discussed again. Instead, healthy relationships become places where fears, insecurities, and emotional needs can always be expressed and lovingly received.

"Secure attachment isn't the absence of fear. It's knowing that when fear shows up, someone will respond."

"Healing isn't about never talking about betrayal again. It's about creating a relationship where you always can."

"Recovery isn't just solving a problem. It's learning how to build a life together."

Dan Oakes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Sex Offender Treatment Specialist. He is the founder and Clinical Director of the Arizona Family Institute in Mesa, Arizona, where he specializes in attachment-based treatment for betrayal trauma, compulsive sexual behaviors, couples healing, and family therapy.

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone navigating healing after betrayal.

For individual and couple online resources, courses, and support, visit www.humanintimacy.com

Financial infidelity is a hidden but powerful dimension of betrayal that can significantly intensify the emotional, relational, and financial impact of sexual betrayal. Drawing on her unique background in both Wall Street finance and clinical therapy, guest Debra L. Kaplan, MA, MBA, LPC, PACT-II, CSAT-S joins MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT as they explore the often overlooked intersection of financial infidelity and sexual betrayal.

Together, they examine how financial betrayal impacts not only trust and emotional safety, but also financial security, stability, and long-term planning, often leaving betrayed partners overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin.

This episode also offers practical, grounded guidance for early discovery—how to begin identifying financial information, what steps to take first, and how to rebuild both emotional and financial self-trust after betrayal.

How financial infidelity often co-occurs with sexual betrayal, creating compounded trauma and a deeper sense of destabilization.

The impact of financial infidelity on safety, security, housing stability, and long-term financial planning.

From small undisclosed purchases to major financial abuse including hidden accounts, debt accumulation, and misuse of shared assets.

Understanding the difference between healthy financial autonomy and harmful secrecy within relationships.

How financial abuse may involve restricting access to funds, manipulating accounts, or covertly shifting financial responsibility or debt.

Practical initial steps for betrayed partners including accessing bank records, gathering financial documentation, and seeking legal or financial consultation when appropriate.

How individuals begin restoring confidence, agency, and clarity after financial betrayal and relational destabilization.

Debra L. Kaplan, MA, MBA, LPC, PACT-II, CSAT-S, is an author, speaker, and licensed therapist specializing in sexual addiction/compulsivity, sexual and financial infidelity, and relational trauma.

After a career on Wall Street, Ms. Kaplan transitioned into psychology, integrating her financial expertise with clinical practice. She is the author of:

She facilitates workshops, trainings, and intensives focused on emotional, sexual, and financial intimacy, helping clients and couples rebuild trust after betrayal.

Debra L. Kaplan (she/her/hers)

MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is the host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction recovery, and relational healing using trauma-informed, attachment-based approaches to support individuals and couples rebuilding trust after betrayal.

In this episode of Rise, MaryAnn Michaelis sits down with Michelle Mays for a deeply grounded conversation on BRAVING, attachment injury, identity, belonging, self-trust, and the Betrayal Bind.

Michelle Mays is a licensed clinician, betrayal trauma specialist, and the creator of the BRAVING Hope® framework, an attachment-based model for healing after sexual betrayal and relational trauma. Her work helps individuals and couples understand how betrayal impacts the nervous system, attachment systems, identity, and the capacity for self-trust.

Together, MaryAnn and Michelle explore how betrayal disrupts not only relationships, but also internal identity structures, emotional safety, and the sense of belonging to self and others. They discuss how the nervous system organizes around attachment injury and why healing requires both relational understanding and internal reconnection.

This conversation draws from Michelle’s clinical work, her Braving Hope® immersive program and training model, and her book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst, which offers an attachment-based framework for understanding betrayal trauma and the path toward recovery.

Attachment trauma • Betrayal trauma • Identity reconstruction • Nervous system regulation • Self-trust • Belonging • BRAVING Hope® framework • The Betrayal Bind • Emotional safety • Relational healing

Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S, is a clinician, educator, and author specializing in betrayal trauma and attachment injury. She is the creator of the BRAVING Hope® treatment model and immersive program, and the author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst.

Her work integrates attachment theory, nervous system science, and clinical experience to help individuals rebuild safety, identity, and self-trust after betrayal.

Learn more about her work, programs, and resources at: michellemays.com

MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is a licensed clinical social worker and trauma therapist specializing in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, and attachment injury. She is the founder of the HART Recovery Institute and host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, where she explores the lived experience of betrayal trauma and the process of rebuilding identity, self-trust, and relational safety.

Her clinical work integrates attachment theory, nervous system science, EMDR, and trauma-informed approaches to support individuals and couples in deep relational healing.

The Betrayal Bind is Michelle Mays’ foundational book on betrayal trauma and attachment injury. It explores the relational paradox at the heart of betrayal: when the person you depend on for safety is also the source of harm. The book offers an attachment-based framework for understanding trauma responses and provides a pathway toward rebuilding self-trust, emotional regulation, and relational clarity.

The Braving Hope® immersive experience is Michelle Mays’ signature program for betrayed partners. It provides structured education and experiential work focused on attachment healing, nervous system regulation, and identity restoration after betrayal trauma.

Rise is a podcast exploring betrayal trauma, attachment injury, and the process of rebuilding identity, self-trust, and connection after relational rupture.

Season 2, Episode 23