Roger's Rhymes

GRANDADS

Let’s talk about Grandads.
Is your Grandad like mine?
He has white hair, he’s very old
And he reads us nursery rhymes.

When he comes to mind us
My two brothers and me
He always asks,
“How do you turn on the T.V.?”

Then we flick through the channels
For his favourite show
We have to do it for him
‘Cause he doesn’t know.

Grandads know nothing
About computers and phones
I wonder what happens when
They’re at home on their own?

If Mummy’s computer won’t work
I ask Grandad, “How do I make it go?”
He looks at me and says,
“I’m sorry, I don’t know!”

Even my little brother
Can run his finger across the screen,
Turn on the computer
And watch cartoons with me.

You can’t play games on Grandad’s phone
It’s old and very small.
You can’t even take photos
But he doesn’t care at all.

Grandad said “I don’t want a new phone,
I don’t want one like that
I just want a phone so I can ring my friends
And they can ring me back.”

I also use Mummy’s small computer
To watch cartoons and play games
My baby brother watches me
One day he’ll do the same.

My big brother
Showed me what to do
So I’ll teach my baby brother
And I’ll teach my Grandad, too.

"Mummy, what does God look like?"
I don't know dear, what do you think he looks like?"

Is he a tall handsome man
With a bushy brown beard
And wavy long hair
That comes down to here?

Or a little old man
With no hair at all
Somebody like
The man next door?

Is he the man at the bar
Who's ordered two beers
Or a father at the airport
Fighting back tears?

Mummy, he might have green eyes
Or even one green and one blue
He might have a small nose
And wear glasses, like you

He could have girly hair
Straight, with curls on the end
With twistables and ribbons
That look funny on men

He wears a pink shirt
With a black bowtie
And a long blue scarf
To match his eyes

Or a yellow cape
That goes down to his knees
He'd look cool in that
I'd love one of these

Does he have black hair
That he sometimes dyes pink
Just to match his shirt
Mummy, what do you think?

He might wear flip-flops
When he walks on the sand
Or when he plays the guitar
On stage with his band

Is he a singer
who hits a tamborine
While singing to Jesus
That he believes?

He’s a man with a big heart
And he loves having fun
He has sticking out ears
And has a big bum

He might go to town
For burgers and chips
Get salt in his beard
And wipe sauce from his lips

I'm sure he likes pancakes
With syrup or jam
He will eat three or four
Just like my Dad!

Imagine if he came
To have dinner with us
I know he would help
With the washing up

Mummy, God could be a postman
Or the man who drives the bus
But, the more I think of it
He's just like us

It doesn't matter what God looks like
I don't care if he is big or small
All that matters is
He loves us all.

My name is Fergie. 
I'm a small gray tractor. 
I don't go very fast 
But that doesn't matter.

As I'm small
And don't have a cab over my head,
My owner's good to me,
He lets me sleep here in the shed. 

I do the light work on the farm, 
Towing small trailers 
with a few bales of hay on board. 
I can't tow balers. 

I have a friend 
whose name is John. 
He's a big green tractor 
with a cab over the top.

At night, just like me, 
He stays here in the shed. 
We don't like being left outside. 
Like you, we enjoy a warm bed. 

John does the big towing jobs. 
He's a very strong fellow,
And has four huge wheels 
That are painted yellow. 

Our best drivers are often girls. 
They are careful and drive slower. 
Some tractor drivers can be rough. 
We don't want to tip over.

During the summer 
Silage making tractors come on to our land. 
It's a pity I'm so small. 
I'd love to lend a hand. 

I like watching them work. 
It's an amazing sight. 
These monster tractors work long hours, 
often late into the night. 

The tractor pulled harvester cuts the grass 
Trailers filled to overflowing,
Tractors and trailers 
Coming and going. 

Tommy, our farmer's son, 
Loves to watch them too.
We can't sit here all day, though. 
We have our own work to do. 

“John, we're not working today. 
Let's race to the top of the field. 
You'll have to give me a start, though. 
You have a bigger engine and larger wheels.”

I start off first, 
Pushing the accelerator to the floor. 
Smoke shoots out the exhaust.
My engine roars. 

I'm going as fast as I can, 
but will it be enough?
I might have to slow down 
Where the road gets rough. 

A quick look back, 
John is on his way. 
He's coming up fast. 
He wants to win today.

As I round the bend, 
I can hear him coming. 
He's racing along 
Like a tiger running.

Getting close to the top field. 
The roadway is better, 
but the land up here 
Is so much wetter. 

Suddenly John is alongside me. 
Our wheel's nearly touching. 
I hold my steering wheel tight.
I don't want us crashing. 

I turn to look at John, 
But he's not there. 
Where has he gone? 
I can't see him anywhere!

Slowing down as I reach the top field,
I've time to look around. 
There's John back there. 
Two wheels stuck in soft ground. 

The road was so narrow 
When he tried to pass. 
Two wheels went off the road 
And on to the grass. 

I won. I won. I won.
I can't believe my luck. 
I must go back to work now 
And tow John out of the mud. 

Then I woke up. 
Things aren't what they seem. 
You must never race tractors. 
It was only a dream.

My sister Mary, and I
sleep in the same room
She has a teddy bear
And I have a teddy gorilla

Mary is only a baby
She’s not as big as me
I am nearly five years old
But Mary’s only three

Mary’s teddy bear is tiny
It really is quite small
He is always smiling
I don’t like teddy bears at all

I like big teddys
Mummy got me a gorilla
I wanted a nice name for her
So I called my teddy Cilla

Cilla has big brown eyes
And a little flat nose
She has lots of furry hair
From her head down to her toes

Do Teddys come alive at night
Running around having fun?
I don’t think Cilla would
She’d just sit there on her bum

No, I’ve changed my mind
That really wasn’t fair
I’m sure Cilla would love to play outside
With all the teddy bears

Imagine if they come alive
As soon as we fall asleep
They’d go racing down the stairs
To meet their friends from down the street

Laughing, talking, holding hands
Singing with all their might
Teddys having lots of fun
Dancing through the night

But now they’re getting tired
They’re running out of puff
Teddys must go home
Before the sun comes up

Maybe that’s why Cilla looks tired
Sitting on my bed
At night while everyone is sleeping
Cilla is out dancing instead

Once when it was raining
We went upstairs to play
I pretended to cook the dinner
And feed the teddys that day

Oh what a mess we made
It really was so funny
Everytime I fed Cilla
The food fell down over her tummy

Bits of popcorn in her hair
Sticky sweets stuck to her face
Mummy will be angry
There was food all over the place

Mummy called out to us
“What are you girls doing up there?”
“Its alright Mummy” I said
We’re playing with our teddy bears

Then Mummy crept up the stairs
And poked her head around the door
“Oh my goodness what have you done
Look at the food all over the floor!”

I know Mummy
Cilla is a messy eater
But I had so much fun
Trying to feed her

When my friends come to our house
They all want to play with Cilla
They want to take her home
But Cilla is my gorilla

Cilla loves to lie on my bed
And cuddle up with me
After Mummy reads us a story
We close our eyes and fall asleep

Once upon a time there was a farmer and his wife who lived in a cottage on their small farm.  In the field next to the cottage stood a big apple tree.

Every summer the farmer watched the apples grow until he knew it was time to pick them off the tree. It was now the end of summer, and he thought to himself “tomorrow I'll pick the  apples, they look perfect now!” The next morning he went out to the tree and he couldn't believe his eyes. All the apples were gone - someone had stolen them!

He was so angry, he called out to the animals who lived on the farm. 

Now the farmer had a strange mixture of animals. There were cows, sheep, donkeys, a lion, a hippo and a small puppy. He was so upset that someone had stolen all his apples, he couldn't stand still and jumped up and down as he spoke to the animals.

Where have my apples gone?
Where can they be?
Look, there's nothing left
Not one apple on my tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

Moo-moo-moo said the cow
Zee-zee-zee said the bee
It certainly wasn't us
Who stole the apples from the tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

Was it you Jo-jo Hippo?
Why do you look at me?
Have you ever seen a hippo
Slowly climbing up a tree?

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

He-he-haw said the donkey
Ba-ba-ba said the sheep
Who ever stole the apples
Has been really really mean.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

Never you cheeky puppy
I know it couldn't be
You're not strong enough
To shake the apples from the tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

Then a chirping noise came
From way above the field
Hello Mr. Farmer
Would you like to talk to me?

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

I'm only a tiny bird
You would be amazed what I can see
I know who it was
Who stole the apples from the tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Then who said the farmer
Stole the apples from the tree?

The lion Mr. Farmer
And his friend the tiny flea
They ate all the apples
That were hanging from the tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
It was us Mr. Farmer
Who stole the apples from the tree

I'm sorry said the lion
I'm sorry said the flea
We knew all along
Who stole the apples from the tree

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
Next year said the farmer
Share the apples on the tree.

Rah-rah-rah said the lion
He-he-he said the flea
And that was the story of
The farmer's apple tree.

Have I told you about my friend
Wussy-Wussy our pussy cat?
We love playing outside together
And running around out the back.
Mummy says I gave her that name
When I was small
When I was a baby
And Wussy-Wussy a fury ball.

She doesn’t say too much
She leaves the talking to me
But we’re best friends
Wussy-Wussy and me.
When I woke up this morning
It was a lovely sunny day
Wussy-Wussy was waiting
What was she trying to say?

She looked at me
With her head turned to one side
I know she was saying
“Come on, let’s play outside!”
I ran upstairs
And got dressed in a hurry
I put on my old clothes
In case I got muddy.

Then I hurried back down
Went out the front door
There was Wussy-Wussy
Running round the front lawn.
She ran over to me
And I stroked her head
You must always be gentle with animals
That’s what Mummy said.

I like to watch the birds
Flying from tree to tree
So I walked around to the back of our house
With Wussy following me.
We have trees in our back garden
And tall hedges around the sides
The grass is very high in here
It’s a great place to hide.

I climb onto a branch
I’m on a ship out at sea
We’re the baddest pirates
Wussy-Wussy and me.
The branch is swaying
The sea is getting rough
There’s a ship up ahead
They might have treasure and stuff!

The waves are getting higher now
I’m covered in spray
We race through the sea
Don’t let them get away
Bang!! Our mast breaks in half
Now we can only go slow
They were lucky this time
We’ll have to let them go.

The sea is calm now
The wind has died down
But our mast is broken
We have to turn around
Other pirates keep away
They don’t like us very much
We have to row ashore now
I think it’s time for lunch.

I wonder what pirates eat
When they’re resting on the sand
Do they drink milk from coconuts
And eat stale bread and jam?
I’ll eat my lunch really quick
And tell Mummy about out pirate game
Then I’ll run outside as fast as I can
And climb up the tree again.

“Don’t frighten the birds up in the trees”, Mummy said,
“They are much smaller than you”.
But I’m only having fun
And Wussy loves to chase them, too
Later a bird landed on the branch
Of a tree nearby
It flew so close to me
I got a big big fright.

Wussy wasn’t frightened, she crept up the tree
Oh no! She’s starting to fall!
But as she fell down she turned around
And landed on her paws
I know if I fell out of a tree
I wouldn’t land on my feet
I would fall through the air
And land in a heap.

I’d go crying to Mummy
Telling her my knee was sore
Wussy-Wussy didn’t cry
She wanted to climb some more.
So, digging her claws in deep
She tried again
Climbing up higher this time
But then…

The bird saw her and flew up to the sky
Then looked down at Wussy, saying
“If you want to catch me
You’ll have to learn to fly!”
Come down now Wussy
It’s time for a rest
We’ll leave the birds now
Leave them safe in their nests.

I can hear Mummy calling
It’s time to go inside
I’m feeling hungry now
I’m glad it’s dinner time.
Come on Wussy-Wussy
I’ll pour some milk for you
And put meat in your bowl
I know you like that too.

My dinner is on the table
I must wash my hands real quick
Pussy cats don’t like water
They just give their paws a lick.
After I ate all my dinner
I watched cartoons on T.V.
I didn’t see too many though
I was starting to fall asleep.

Mummy I’m tired now
Will you read me a story?
We’ve had great fun today
Wussy-Wussy and me
We ran around outside
Played pirates up a tree
I wonder if Wussy-Wussy is tired now
And feels sleepy, like me.

I am a little monkey
I live here in the zoo
With my Mummy and my Daddy
And my sister Mary-Lou.

Everyone enjoys
A day out at the Zoo
You like to look at us
And we like to look at you.

Boys and girls have funny hair
Coloured yellow, red or black
Sometimes we see girls with hair so long
It's falling down their backs.

Our hair is very short
We even have it on our feet
Mummy loves to clean our hair
To give herself a treat.

She searches slowly through the hairs
For tiny fleas and lice
Then puts them in her mouth
She says they're really really nice.

We are very lucky
To live here in the Zoo
Our keeper feeds us
And cleans our house out too.

Do children have keepers who feed them
And keep their houses clean
Or do they feed themselves
And live high up in the trees?

Why do children wear shoes
And all those funny clothes
How can they climb trees?
I've never seen their toes.

To us monkeys
Children are very strange
Watch them run inside
Anytime it starts to rain.

I think people are silly
They are always pointing at me
Why do children laugh and scream
Anytime I have to pee?

Children never stop eating
There is always something in their mouths
To eat lots of ice-cream
They need mouths as big as ours.

We eat good food
Like berries, leaves and nuts.
Not chocolate, crisps and sweets
We don't like them very much.

Sometimes we see a child
With food all over its face
If we ate our food like that
It would be a big disgrace.

Boys and girls are funny
They can't walk on their feet and hands
They always stand up straight
I just don't understand.

I can climb up branches
With my sister on my back
I don't think boys and girls
Could climb on a tree like that.

The visitors are going home now.
The boys and girls are tired
Mummy is calling out to us
It's time to go inside.

So remember the next time
You have a day out at the Zoo
Come and see the monkeys
We like to look at you.