There exists a dichotomy. The chasm betwixt the two sides of it grows wider and wider as time passes. On the one hand, some people completely give up on romance. On the other hand, some people use it as their drug of choice. I’m not sure which is worse, trudging through life jaded and romanceless or skipping along starry-eyed and breathless always desperately seeking that next dopamine hit.

If you’re single, what’s the proper role of romance?

Romance Novels and Rom-Coms

The problem is that most people get their ideas about romance from works of fiction. Be it a New York Times bestseller or a hot new Hollywood romcom, it sets our minds abuzz with the anticipation or dread that the next season will be blessed or cursed, depending on which side of the divide you make your stand, with a new opportunity for romance.

Side Note

A quick side-note here, this is especially the case around Christmas and Valentine’s Day. It seems those holidays, in particular, are largely driven by romanticism.

And as a side-side-note, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Valentine’s Day is not nearly as much about love as it is about romance.

And as a side-side-side-note, of course, it’s also about selling lots of chocolate, greeting cards, movie tickets, books, flowers, lingerie, and jewelry. Romance is very profitable. So, be aware that a lot of the romance you feel in the air is carefully crafted by manipulative advertisers specifically to separate you from your hard-earned money. But, anyway…

Back to the Post…

In most books and movies, it seems that love is driven by romance. If two people get thrust into the right circumstances and romantic situations, nature will take its course and they will fall in love and live happily ever after.

That is pure fiction.

Well, actually, in the right circumstances, yes, any two people will start to have feelings for each other. The problem is that circumstances change. Marriages never exist from just one romantic moment to another. There is always lots of dull, challenging, irritating, tedious, ordinary, real life filled with cooking, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, working, lawn mowing, putting out the garbage, head colds, shaving, and flatulence happening between those occasional romantic moments. You know, all the stuff they conveniently leave out of Hallmark Channel movies and jewelry ads.

Romance and Dating

But, perhaps the biggest problem with romance is when it comes to dating. People have the wrong-headed idea that dating should always be romantic. I would suggest to you that the majority of you dating should not be romantic.

If you were dating just to get affection or sex, I could understand going for romance. It’s what leads to those things. But, is that what you’re after? Is that why you’re dating? Or, are you dating, as I suggest, to have fun, and to get to know yourself and the people you might be interested in marrying better? If that is your goal, and I believe it should be, romantic dating is not the way to get there.

Related Article: How to Date Like a Christian Atheist

In fact, introducing romance into dating makes it more likely you end up having sex before you intend to and less likely you end up happily married to a suitable spouse. That’s because romance clouds your judgment. It impairs your ability to get to know what someone is like in real life and know if they are the kind of...