S6 Episode 12: Our Journey to Becoming Romancipated

Episode Summary

The journey to becoming Romancipated is one that is empowering and unique to each individual’s experience.  No one relationship type is the “right” relationship because every person has their own sets of wants, needs and expectations. We are all dynamic beings and every partnership is a work in progress. 

However, every person in a romantic partnership should feel respected and cherished. Self-preservation is key.  Never forget that everybody, no matter who you are, no matter who you love, the most important person is you. You've got to believe in yourself. You've got to protect yourself. You've got to understand that having any kind of romantic relationship happens on many different levels. It happens on an emotional level, but it also happens on an intellectual level and it has to happen on a practical level. 

Everyone deserves a relationship that is based on respect, trust, empathy, personal responsibility, accountability, communication, boundaries and acceptance.

Thank you to all of our loyal listeners.  Use Romancipation as a resource and pass it on to those you think can benefit from our perspective. We hope you have enjoyed listening and that you continue on your own journey to becoming Romancipated.

Show Notes

It’s been an incredible ride, but we’ve now come to the final episode of Romancipation. This podcast and the topics discussed throughout have been insightful, empowering, and even challenging at times as they’ve opened opportunities for self-reflection. It’s bittersweet that this show is coming to a close.

When this podcast concept first came to be, the concepts of boundaries, empathy, respect, trust, and acceptance were of the utmost importance. This isn’t just for the role they play in romantic relationships, but for all relationships. Being able to take these ideas and put them out into the universe has been amazing.

So many people struggle with romantic relationships. Yet, these relationships drive us forward in our lives, and as humanity. No one relationship is the “right” relationship—we all have our own wants, needs, and expectations. Furthermore, we’re all works-in-progress. Understanding what these are and checking in as they evolve can help us create healthy relationships.

At the end of the day, the most important person you’ll ever connect with is yourself. That’s why self-preservation is a pillar of Romancipation. You should always protect yourself on all levels. What’s great about these episodes is you can revisit them anytime as a reference or guide to help you through your relationships.

You are dynamic, and you do have the ability to change what happens in your life. You can’t change another person, but you always have control over your decisions every single day. And, every small decision you make adds up quickly and can change your life, including your romantic relationships. If you loved these episodes, pass them on to other people you know who will love them too.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 11: Science Says High Self-Esteem is the Greatest Predictor of a Stable Romantic Relationship

Episode Summary

High self-esteem is a key ingredient to a happy life. When you love yourself, you know your worth and are able to set healthy boundaries.  People with a strong sense of self-worth do not allow others to mistreat them.  They are comfortable communicating their wants and needs and are realistic about their expectations for a romantic relationship.

Moreover, self-esteem plays a large part in self-confidence.  Individuals who believe in themselves tend to be naturally confident which is a very attractive trait.  As a result, they have more options for romantic partners and are seen as more desirable mates. 

In many ways, robust self-esteem is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you believe you deserve to be treated with respect, you will behave in a manner that demands respect.  As a result, you will receive respect from other people, which only reinforces the idea that you deserved it in the first place.  When you love yourself, it is easier for others to love you.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the insulting situation when one partner tells the other to “calm down” when they are angry or upset. 

Show Notes

High self-esteem isn’t emphasized as much as it should be in a healthy relationship. When you have a good sense of self-worth and you recognize your value, you’re confident in what you offer your partner. It also makes you clear about your expectations and what you deserve. People with high self-esteem are typically accurate and truthful about who they are.

A person who likes themselves sets healthy boundaries. They are also often immediately liked and respected by others. They don’t require a lot of reassurance or handholding. A person with high self-esteem never settles and can typically find more opportunities for romantic partnerships. 

On the other hand, if you have low self-esteem, you may let people treat you poorly. Your expectations and standards may be low because that’s how you view yourself. A Romancipated person cares about self-preservation and doesn’t settle for anything less than they deserve. You are in charge of your life, so you owe it to yourself to value your worth.

Most people who have strong self-esteem are very well rounded. They have lots of elements and layers to who they are. They’re comfortable being alone, and they can exist in conflict without shutting down. They’re engaging and communicative. These qualities tend to make them ideal partners in romantic relationships.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner tells you to calm down when you are angry or upset. Never has telling someone to “chill out” or “calm down” actually worked. It’s just another way of telling someone to shut up. It’s a phrase often used against women to reduce them to irrational hysterics. It’s infuriating, disrespectful, and counterproductive.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 10: Be a Relationship Superhero: The Power of an Apology

Episode Summary

We all have a super-power that we can choose to use for good; the ability to sincerely apologize.  There are no three words more powerful than “I am sorry”.  This is especially true when you accept responsibility and are sincere. 

It is natural to have conflict with your partner.  Every person has said something they regret, made a mistake or used poor judgement in the course of a romantic relationship. The important thing is what you do after the fact.  The ability to acknowledge that you wronged your partner and be willing to take responsibility is the only way to move forward.  Recognize that, by not apologizing, you are weakening your bond and destroying intimacy.  

A sincere apology makes your partner feel validated and respected.  It also fosters an environment of vulnerability and empathy.  Couples that are able to apologize to one another and not repeat the behavior are much more likely to be able to work through difficult situations and not cast blame.  However, if you do not believe you owe your partner an apology, don’t fake it, because disingenuous behavior plants the seed of resentment.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the unhealthy situation when one partner controls the finances in the relationship. 

Show Notes

Apologies are so important, which is why they truly need their own episode. Apologizing is one of the most powerful things you can do in a relationship. A sincere apology has three parts: An acknowledgement of wrongdoing, taking personal responsibility for causing it, and offering a sincere statement.

Another part of apologizing is not intentionally repeating the harmful action again. You should actively work to not repeat the behavior, and this respect should go both ways in a relationship. When your partner communicates that they feel wronged, you should be able to own up to it and apologize.

If you don’t apologize with sincerity, it can hold the hurt person back from being able to move on. If you can’t admit what you did wrong, you’re essentially denying the person’s feelings. Not apologizing because you don’t believe you will be granted forgiveness right away is dismissive and destructive.

If you truly don’t think you’re in the wrong, don’t apologize. The only thing worse than no apology is an insincere one. But here’s the thing: Just because you didn’t see the behavior as insulting doesn’t mean everyone agrees with your worldview. You have to be willing to accept another person’s perspective, show empathy, and apologize accordingly.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people allow their partner to control what they spend their money on. This is a common issue in relationships, but it’s also a very disturbing behavior. The person controlling the finances is usually trying to control their partner. It’s a violation of healthy boundaries and signals a power imbalance. Healthy communication about money is crucial in a relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 9: School is in: Learn from Other’s Relationship Mistakes and Failures

Episode Summary

Relationships can be tricky.  To make them work, you have to be willing to learn from past mistakes and missteps. We all slip up.  It’s what we do after the fact that can help improve the relationship. Use your own prior romantic blunders, as well as those of your partner, as sources of knowledge on what not to repeat.  Moreover, look to other people’s relationships to gain valuable insight about the strengths and weaknesses in your own partnership. 

No person or relationship is perfect or unique.  Do not fall into the trap of believing that there is no value in comparing your own relationship experiences with those of your family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.  Use your observations of others’ relationship pitfalls as an opportunity to open discussions with your partner about infidelity, boundaries, finances, communication styles and expectations.   

It is often easier to see problems with others’ behavior that you are blind to in your own life.  If you are open to seeing similarities between your relationship and those of people with issues in their relationship, it may end up saving you from a lot of heartache.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is to be the one who is always in charge of being the disciplinarian of children or pets. 

Show Notes

So many people miss out on the value of learning from another’s relationship mistakes. It’s important to reflect on your past relationships to move forward in a more productive way. But it’s also just as important to look to others and learn from the choices they’ve made—particularly the bad choices.

There’s so much valuable information you can glean and apply to your own life through the wisdom and experience of others. If you meet a person who hasn’t learned anything from their past relationship or from others, that’s a red flag. You can decide that your relationship is so unique so you can’t learn from others, but that’s a perspective that may come back to bite you.

The truth is that humans tend to behave in predictable patterns. Looking at and learning from your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and even celebrities can help you understand greater perspectives. You can use the outside examples within your own relationship and even communicate about how you might tackle similar circumstances together.

You and your relationship can benefit from another person's poor choices, but it doesn’t have to come from a place of judgment. Rather, you’re reflecting your relationship through another’s in an effort to make your relationship better. Other people’s mistakes can be preventative medicine for your romantic relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner refuses to discipline the children or pet. When you’re the main enforcer, it can lead to tension in the household and between you and your partner. No one wants all of the responsibility of being the person who says no. The person who refuses to discipline is being immature.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 8: What is the Real Value of the Role You Play in a Relationship?

Episode Summary

When most people enter into a romantic relationship, they expect to take on the role of lover, companion and friend.  However, they are often surprised that there are many other hats they may end up wearing in the partnership, such as caregiver, therapist, parent, banker, housekeeper, teacher and police officer. Problems arise when the unexpected role assigned is either a poor fit or rejected by the person expected to fulfill that function. 

Resentment can take root in the relationship if one member of the couple feels pressured to perform tasks that were never explicitly discussed. Even when individuals are willing to shoulder additional responsibilities, there is always the possibility that their position can change over time due to necessity such as illness, children or economic pressures.

This is why it is critical to communicate with your partner about expectations and boundaries.  Every role should be valued and appreciated.  It is also important that both partners take on multiple roles in the partnership so that the physical, emotional or economic burden is shared in some capacity.  When both members of the couple carry the weight of the relationship, trust is built and empathy is reinforced.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how toxic it can be when your partner does not prioritize your partnership over their family’s needs.

Show Notes

When we enter into relationships, we don’t always consider the multiple roles we will end up taking on. It’s important to assess your part in the relationship, and if you haven’t yet, now is better than never. Are you the caregiver? Are you the bank? Are you the therapist? These are all roles people commonly take on in a relationship.

If this topic makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. But knowing and acknowledging the roles you’ve taken on is the first step to deciding if it’s fulfilling for you. For example, if you’re naturally nurturing, taking on the caregiver role might feel just fine for you. But if you’ve been thrusted into the role unwillingly, issues and resentment can arise.

We also have to acknowledge that over time, roles can change. The role you took on when one person fell in love with you might not match with the person you are today. It’s also easy to get wrapped up in the roles society expects us to play, whether you’re comfortable with that role or not.

Your partner may appreciate all the roles you’ve taken on, but they could also resent it. If you become the primary nurturer and caregiver to your children, they may feel a greater financial burden. Or perhaps your partner was happy in their role as financial provider, but you started making more. No matter what roles you play, it’s important to share roles when possible and communicate effectively throughout your relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner does not realize our relationship comes before his family’s needs. Some partners bow down to domineering parents, but it’s completely unfair to expect you to do the same. Unless there is an emergency, non-primary family members need to realize they come after your romantic partner and children.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 7: You Must Be Comfortable Being Lonesome Before Becoming a Twosome

Episode Summary

The truth is, when you feel lonesome it often stems from a lack of something in your current interpersonal relationships.  Instead of letting these feelings get you down, embrace the opportunity to prove to yourself that you can do it on your own. Knowing that you can satisfy your own physical, emotional and financial needs before becoming part of a couple will allow you to set healthy boundaries and reasonable expectations.

When people are comfortable being on their own, they have higher standards and are not willing to fall prey to manipulation and abuse.  They are more likely to appreciate what another person can bring into their lives without becoming dependent.  Being self-sufficient is empowering.  Moreover, it makes you a desirable mate.

A Romancipated individual is comfortable being on their own because they believe in their capabilities.  They do not feel the need to settle for anything less than what they deserve in a partner.  They cure loneliness with strong friendships, familial ties and hobbies and never let fear of being alone dictate romantic decisions.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how foolish it is to go over your budget to pay for a wedding.

Show Notes

Feeling comfortable while you’re alone is important, and it’s important to find this place for yourself before you get into a relationship. Society pushes people to be in a relationship because it’s seen as the highest level of happiness. In reality, being able to make yourself happy should come first. In many ways, feeling comfortable being alone is a lost art form.

There’s a difference between feeling lonely and being lonesome. When you’re lonesome, you’re on your own but at ease with it. When you’re lonely, you’re uncomfortable and in need of desire for human connection. Many people have a fear of being lonely, especially long-term. This is a valid concern in today’s virtual world.

Being comfortable in your own skin, being able to take care of yourself, and meeting your own wants and needs is a part of being Romancipated. You should never seek a relationship out of a fear of loneliness. You should be in a relationship because you want the other person for who they are and what they bring to the relationship.

Co-dependency is never a good thing. It robs you of your identity, and it robs your partner of their identity. Independence is sexy. Partners who can do things together as well as enjoy separate interests promote a healthy relationship. Friends, family, and hobbies can be avenues used to cure loneliness—not your romantic relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on a wedding. The idea of going into debt for your wedding is a serious red flag. You shouldn’t spend money you don’t have just for a party. It’s a poor financial decision and doesn’t guarantee a long-term relationship. 

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 6: Opposites May Attract but They Eventually Repel

Episode Summary

It is natural to be attracted to a person with views, behaviors and personality traits that are different than our own.  However, there is a difference between attraction and the ability to sustain a long-term relationship.  Initially it will be exciting and new, until the differences create tension in the relationship.

Humans tend to be drawn to those that look like them and share their belief systems and behaviors.  While it is possible to be in a successful relationship with a partner who is dissimilar, there will be challenges that will need to be overcome.  Empathy becomes a critical aspect of these types of relationships because it helps each person see the other’s perspective.

As we age, we want harmony in a relationship.  Conflict will only lead to resentment and a loss of intimacy. The more two people share in common, the easier it will be to work together in a partnership, especially during difficult times. Being on the same page aids in the building of trust, respect and acceptance.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how offensive is when a partner tells you “no offense” before they insult you. 

Show Notes

Do opposites really attract in romantic relationships? Initially they might, but eventually they repel. For that reason, opposites should avoid getting together. When you’re opposites in many ways or have different world views based on your life experiences, it can cause unnecessary tension in your relationship.

In the beginning, when you connect with a person who’s the opposite of you, it can feel exciting and interesting. But as time goes on, the things you were attracted to can become exhausting to you. You should look for someone aligned with you on spending habits, social habits, sexual habits, and more.

When you enter into a relationship, find someone who has the same values and lifestyle as you if you’re thinking long term. With the rise of social media and dating apps, it’s become even easier to find more like-minded people. This can help you avoid future irritation and discomfort that opposites have a higher potential to confront in their relationship.

In our society, we romanticize the idea that opposites attract. We’re fascinated by finding qualities in others we may not see in ourselves. However, you can be drawn to something initially and recognize later down the line that these qualities set you apart more than they tie you together.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner says “no offense” after insulting something. Why do people think saying “no offense” mitigates their insensitive insults? It means they know you’ll be offended, so what’s the point? If you mask your honesty with this tactic, it can hurt your relationship. It’s better to keep it to yourself or speak more directly.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 5: "I Love Him or Her" is Never a Defense or Excuse for Bad Behavior

Episode Summary

We all know that love is not enough to sustain a relationship.  It should also never be used as a justification to stay with a partner who treats you poorly.  Relationships that are worth fighting for are based on respect, empathy, trust and communication.  If your relationship is missing the foundational pieces, it will not last.

Moreover, love needs to be reciprocated in a partnership.  You chose this person for a reason.  They are supposed to be your support system, not a destructive force in your life. When you allow your partner to behave in a counter-productive manner, you are enabling the unhealthy behavior.  Do not tolerate a partner whom you have to constantly excuse because of blind love.

The unconditional love you should display is for yourself!  Grant yourself acceptance and forgiveness.  You deserve to be appreciated, cherished and protected. You deserve a partner that will not violate your boundaries or expose you to danger.  Never justify your partner’s bad choices with love, the consequences could be life-altering. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the dangers of leading on a man with whom you are not interested in having a relationship.

Show Notes

Is your partner behaving badly? Stating that you love them does not excuse them. Love comes from trust, respect, empathy, and acceptance. So, if you are being mistreated, the love isn’t being returned. You deserve to be treated right and not have your boundaries violated.

The second you start excusing your partner’s behavior is the moment you start enabling them. You should encourage your partner’s healthy behavior, and never their bad behavior. Without a mutual benefit to both people, saying you love them is just an excuse to stay in a relationship that’s not working.

If this sounds like you, you might be lying to yourself because you have low self-esteem or you don’t feel worthy. Because of this, you settle for being unhappy. Love is supposed to make you feel light, enriched, and happy—not miserable. Why would you want to stay in a negative situation that doesn’t serve you?

When you’re drowning in your relationship, you may use the word “love” to help you keep your head above water. However, this is a sign of toxicity and abuse. It emphasizes that certain behaviors, bad behaviors, are equated with love. If you catch yourself rationalizing what your partner does, take it as a warning sign.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When women refuse to understand that leading men on makes them a jerk to the next woman. Consciously and purposefully misleading someone is wrong, especially when you could have just been honest. Women do not owe men anything—never feel guilted into being kind and giving attention. You can be straightforward while still being kind.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 4: Do Your Partner Expectations Live Up to Reality?

Episode Summary

We all want the “ideal” partner when it comes to romantic relationships.  The concepts of Prince Charming, a soul mate, or the perfect woman has been thrust down our throats since childhood.  These archetypes influence our desires and help shape our expectations.  As a result, we often search for a partner that meets a long list of characteristics we want in a mate.

The reality is, most people will never find their perfect match, because that person does not exist.  If you want to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you must be honest with yourself about what you really need in a partner, as well as what you offer in return.  Placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or another person will leave you disappointed and alone.  Appreciate the person you have instead of wishing they were someone else.

Instead, figure out your motivations for valuing specific traits over others.  Is it more important to have a partner who is a financial success than one who treats you with respect?  Is physical attractiveness more important than communication style or trustworthiness?  Only you can answer those questions.  If your partner treats you well, that should mean more than if they can last all night.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how dangerous it can be to go over your agreed upon budget when purchasing a home.

Show Notes

When two people get together, each person comes with their own sense of what the relationship is going to be. This includes who your partner is and what they will bring to the partnership. The question is: Have your expectations met your reality? We all have our laundry lists when it comes to romantic relationships, but often they are not very realistic.

Doing a thoughtful deep dive periodically on whether your partner has met your expectations is important. But it’s just as important to reflect on whether or not you are meeting your partner’s expectations, too. Each of you should honor the commitments you made, from financial security to fidelity.

Ask yourself this: Are you seeing your partner for who they really are, or what you desperately want them to be? They may not be able to deliver on your expectations, and it’s not always because they’re a bad person. It depends on what your expectations are and if your partner’s personality and priorities are aligned.

On one hand, the more your partner meets or even exceeds your expectations, your expectations may increase. You may learn their level of competency in certain areas and know they are capable of more. On the other hand, longer partnerships tend to leave room for you to be more realistic about what your partner is capable of, simply because you know them so well.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to go above your agreed-upon budget to purchase a home. Before a couple purchases a home, they need to be realistic about their financial situation. It’s foolish and shortsighted to overspend on something that significantly impacts your daily existence. It’s not just a budget, it’s a blueprint of your future together.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 3: Sacrifice is Not the Same as Compromise

Episode Summary

You sacrifice for your children, not your relationship.  Why?  Because sacrifice creates resentment in romantic relationships. Instead, couples should focus on compromise to make sure both people are having their wants and needs met in the relationship.  An environment of reciprocity is created when each person gives a little in order to get something in return.

To be in a successful partnership, both people must be willing to work towards mutual interests that benefit each person. There will be times when one partner’s needs are a priority over the other’s. That is to be expected. The issue arises when there is a repeated pattern of one partner disproportionally gaining advantages in the relationship at the expense of the other.

Compromise signals empathy, mutual respect and accountability.  It allows each person to have agency in the relationship without creating conflict and feelings of deprivation.  No relationship is worth sacrificing your physical and emotional well-being. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people are blind to their partner’s bad behavior.

Show Notes

In relationships, a lot of people confuse sacrificing with compromising. The reality is these are two very distinct concepts. A sacrifice comes at the expense of one party, whereas a compromise requires both parties to give up a little something to get something. Know this: No relationship is ever worth sacrificing for unless you gain in another way. 

One person always giving into the other doesn’t make for a healthy relationship. Compromise supports trust, respect, and communication, whereas sacrifice leads to a power imbalance and resentment. Both people have to be willing to put the other person’s needs ahead of their own, even in small ways.

Never sacrifice your worth, dignity, or self-respect in order to maintain a relationship. It’s a huge red flag, and it’s never worth it. You can’t disproportionately give things up to make your partner happy. Deciding to compromise out of love or compassion is totally different than allowing yourself to become a martyr. 

The key to compromise is being able to communicate in an effective way. You have to be able to articulate your needs in a relationship before you can meet in the middle. Keep in mind many of us have a tendency to think selfishly and focus on what we’re giving up without considering what the other person is giving up too.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people are blind to their partner’s bad behavior. It indicates a lack of self-awareness and social maturity. They may be blind because they condone the behavior, are used to bad behavior, or are simply in denial. Ignorance is not bliss. Bad behaviors only magnify over time.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com